Q&A: I Want Better Orgasms!

Dear Sh!
I'm so disappointed with my orgasms - they are nothing like the earth-shaking orgasms I keep reading about... Mine are merely little blips - nothing that would register on the Richter-scale. I want to come harder!

Hi there,

Many thanks for your email. This is something we hear regularly - women wanting better orgasms - stronger and longer. Here are our tips on how to go about amping up the intensity of your orgasms:

For better orgasms, think BBC!

No, we're not talking about the national treasure that is telly without the adverts, but Build-up, Breathing & Continuity.

Focusing on these three should help you learn how to take your orgasms from little blips to 'blimey O'Riley!' - but the key word here is 'learn.' There is no fast track, and tackling the process with grim determination won't do you any favours.

Learning about our sexual responses is a lifelong journey. Our bodies, our confidence, and our responses to both change over time. For many women, responses can differ throughout the month in relation to menstrual cycles. What works around your period may be a total turn-off mid-cycle or vice versa!

Think of it as a journey of discovery rather than being results-driven, and you won't go far wrong.

Build up to orgasmic bliss

Quickies can deliver instant gratification, just like a fast-food burger can quell the hunger. For a real feast, you need several courses!

The longer the build-up, the better, more intense and more long-lasting the orgasm.

Don't dive for your clitoris with a vibrator on high power or your fingers in 'this is how I always do it' mode. Instead, build arousal by indulging in your hottest fantasies and enjoying lots of warm-up play.

You could start your better orgasm build-up by wearing love balls during the day.

Love balls help strengthen your PC Muscle. Having a strong pelvic floor and learning to control it is a sex flex and the mother of all multiple orgasm techniques.

Breathing life into your orgasm

Holding your breath or taking shallow breaths can impede orgasm.

Concentrate on breathing deep down into your body instead. This increases oxygen, blood flow and lubrication, which increases sensations, receptiveness, relaxation and your ability to 'let go'.

As you inhale, focus on taking your breath right down to your vagina and exhale the same way... This will make you take long, deep breaths and has the added benefit of making you hone in on vaginal sensations.

Continuity - uninterrupted stimulation for powerful orgasms

This doesn't just mean physical stimulation.

MRI studies on the female brain have shown what women have known forever: All the right buttons can be pressed but if a worry or distraction pops up in our head ("Can the neighbours hear?" "Is that the kids?" "Damn! I didn't pay the gas bill!"), it can be an orgasmic off-switch.

Fill your head with sex so there's less room for distractions

Here's where sexy fantasies, stories or visuals come in!

Porn can be arousing, and a fantastic orgasm trigger for women who find climax near-impossible, but finding the right sort of feel-good porn isn't always easy. We have a couple of tips on ethical female-focused sites here:

Once on the home run, don't deviate from the sensations that are doing it for you

There are no hard & fast rules in pleasure, but this seems to be shared by many women: A change of touch or intensity at the wrong moment can be a hand-brake turn that breaks the spell.

Most of us need continuous stimulation of our clitoris to orgasm. Fingers can tire, especially if you need a lot of stroking and rubbing.

Best vibrators for orgasm

We have a couple of fabulous sex toys we recommend in any quest for a better orgasm.

Rabbit vibrators are famous for 'blended orgasms' - powerful climaxes that erupt from both the vagina and the clit and out simultaneously.

Rabbit vibes and dual-stimulation sex toys deliver so many delicious sensations and will definitely help take you out of an orgasmic rut!

Clit suction vibrators are unlike anything else we've experienced.

These fantastic orgasm-givers use air pressure to "draw" an orgasm out of you! Amazing!

Suction toys also seem to deliver a totally different kind of orgasm. Using strong suction to pull in the clitoris and make it super-receptive to pleasure in a short time.