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Beginners Guide to Buying Your First Strap On

Buying your first strap on, especially when both partners are total beginners and have never tried strap-on play before,  can be mind-boggling, we know.

Just like buying your first anything, when you're making your first steps into strap-on sex, you have NO IDEA what to look for in the first model! ( to research browse through our strap on advice & dildo advice sections)

More importantly, whilst the thought of trying strap-on sex for very first time may make you beyond excited, it probably will also feel a bit scary and alien. Will you like it? Will you're partner like it? Will you be able to operate it? Will you feel silly or miss your target?

Choosing the right strap-on is key to ensuring your first time is a hot experience for both of you.

Fused Strap Ons are not recommendedWe  Don't Recommend All-In-One Strap-Ons

... and because we don't rate them, we don't sell them. An All-in-One Strap-On, where the dildo is permanently fused with the harness,  may seem so appealing for a for a first buy -open the box and Hey Presto off you go... Fused together strap-ons are cheaper than buying quality separates, but often buying an all-in-one can end up a total waste of money.

  • They're impossible to keep clean, especially around the base of dildo, where it joins the harness.
  • The quality is usually poor
  • The one-size-fits-all harness mostly means they don't fit well.
  •  Harnesses using elastic results in unwieldy  'twang-back'/ buckles dig in / straps are impossible to work out.
  • You're stuck with one size of dildo.
  • The dildo is often too large which can kill off any strap-on desire of the receptive partner
  • The dildo is often dick-shaped, whether totally 'realistic' or more suggestively so. This might be the stuff of porn strap on sex, but for many women (and men) it can be off-putting.

One-size Doesn't Fit All!

That's why we produce over 40 different sizes and shape of silicone dildos, in a range of lovely colours and unique marbling effect. Plus 9 types of  strap-on harness, most in a range of different colour leathers. Giving you a fully bespoke choice, as well as the opportunity to show  individuality in your strap on style... But we know, faced with such a wide choice,  strap-on newbies can feel overwhelmed, which is why we created strap on kits

Strap On Kits Make Choosing Easy

Best Strap-On Kit (£99) Best Strap-On Kit (£99)

We've advised thousands of first-time strap-on buyers at our London Sex Shop. From that experience, we've created strap on kits, which are ideal for beginners as they contain everything you need for your first adventures in strap-on sex

  • Each kit contains a best-selling silicone dildo and strap-on harness, plus lube & toy cleaner
  • Strap On kits save money on buying separately.
  • Because you are buying separates, rather than something fused together, it means that if/when you want to up-size, or down-size, the dildo , you can still wear it with the harness.

If you prefer to buy separately, here's our advice to getting it right and making your first forays into strap-on sex a total success.

Don't be a 'Size-Queen' When Buying Your First Strap-On. 

  • The biggest mistake peeps make when buying a first strap-on is buying a dildo that is too big.
  • If anything puts a lover off strap-on sex, its having an enormous dildo making its way towards them...
  • If the receptive partner is a strap-on virgin, whether for vaginal or anal sex, don't be afraid to think small!

Do You Choose the Dildo, or the Harness, First?

  • For most dildos, it doesn't matter which way round you choose your first strap on; chose the harness first & add a dildo .. or choose the dildo first and add your harness.
  • If you do want your harness to hold, (now or in the future) a large or  extra large dildo,  choose the dildo first and then choose a compatible harness as some harnesses hold bigger/heavier dildos more securely.

Buying Your First Dildo

Cupid 3 Curved Dildo £44 Cupid 3 Curved Dildo £44

Duchess Dildo £45 Duchess Dildo £45

Wirly Girly 2 Slim Dildo £34 Wirly Girly 2 Slim Dildo £34

In store, where customers can see our full range of dildos and try them in a harness, the top 3 selling dildos are:

Cupid 3 Curved Dildo, Wirly Girly 2 and Duchess Dildo

  • Width is the most important measurement to get right. If you've been having sex with your fingers, use a tape measure to assess the right girth.
  • When a dildo is in a strap on harness, you can always control how deep it goes, but one that is too wide is likely to be uncomfortable.
  • Depending on your size, once you slip a dildo into a harness upto  a couple of inches of 'useable' dildo-length can be lost so it's better to opt for a longer dildo than you may imagine
  • If you and/or your partner are curvy, your tummies can get in the way, so definately opt for a longer dildo...
  • Use the filters in the dildo section to narrow down dildo choice for length / width.
  • Whilst the turn-on for the strap on operator is mostly mental & visual rather than physical, using a vibrating dildo will buzz on her crotch, which can make her orgasm whilst wearing a harness.


For lots more advice on choosing your first dildo, please read our How to Choose Your First Dildo Guide.

Choosing Your First Harness

Corset Strap On £62 Corset Strap On £62

2-Strap Harness £45 2-Strap Harness £45

Super StrapOn £56 Super StrapOn £56

 

  • Dividing straps means there's no passion-killing pause whilst the the strap-on operator takes off the harness to receive some action herself.
  • This style means the strap-on operator can enjoy a 2nd dildo in the harness, using dual dildo adaptor
  • Most of our harnesses have a wide amount of size adjustability in each size which means even partners who are quite different in size can often share the same harness.
  • If you are in doubt about sizes, opt for the smaller.
  • Harnesses with wide backs , like the Corset & Super, are most supportive or larger, heavier dildos.

For lots more advice on choosing your first harness, please read How to Choose & Put on a Strap On Harness

Strap On Essentials ... and Extras

  • Lube enhances all strap-on sex. Even if the recipient is as wet as Niagara Falls, adding water-based lube ( don't use silicone lube with a silicone dildo as it can degrade the surface over time) ensures that there will never be any unsexy 'drag'...

    Sh! Pure Lube £10 Sh! Pure Lube £10

 

  • Lube is essential in anal / pegging play and we recommend a thicker anal lube for this, as it has the staying power that is required for the slow pace that is the key to enjoyable, pain-free anal sex

    Sh! Pure Plus £10 Sh! Pure Plus £10 - Paraben-Free Thick Anal Lubricant
  • Toy cleaner makes for quick and easy dildo clean-up. Getting an itch in the ditch, due to a dusty dildo, is no-ones idea of sexy!

Sh! Sex Toy Cleaner £5 Sh! Sex Toy Cleaner £5
  • Wearing a strap on for the first time, or seeing your partner wearing one, can make for surprising reactions.  Be prepared for anything from awkward shyness to a fit of giggles...
  • If you are very shy, and think this may inhibit you, a blindfold ( worn by the receiving partner) is a good way to keep both of you 'in the moment'

Leather Blindfold £15 Leather Blindfold £15

Strap On Tips for Beginners

  • Warm-up with some manual and oral action before getting it down with a strap-on. Movie-sex is wrong - most women like lots of build-up before moving onto penetration.
  • Leave some lights on! You kind of need to see what you're doing... and especially where you're aiming!
  • Even so, use your hand to guide the dildo into the right place - don't expect it to find where it's going, just with your hips.
  • Keep checking that your dildo is still where it should be. When you're excited and thrusting, it's easy for the dildo to slip out and you find yourself thrusting into thin air! ( this happens to everybody) A newbie recipient may not have the confidence to tell you you're missing the mark, so it's up to you to check.
  • Try lots of different positions and places ( the stairs, kitchen table, up against a wall..?) Mixing it up is hot.
  • Strap-on sex can be simply ALL  about fulfilling the penetrative appetite of your partner... or it can be about role-play. It's important to know the difference and be mindful of what's appropriate. It maybe your fantasy but is it theirs? Only you know if asking your partner to 'suck my c**k' is going to go down well.
  • Most women need clitoral stimulation during penetration in order to orgasm. Don't ignore her clit. Use your hands or guide her hands down.. Or add a vibrator to the mix.
  • Most of all - have fun!


2 thoughts on “Beginners Guide to Buying Your First Strap On”

  • Ania

    Hi,

    Why dont you have any harnesses catering for the more plus sized lady? And by plus sized I mean up to a size 30, or is it that you think that it all ends at a certain size?!!

    Seriously annoyed!

    Ania

    • Team Sh!

      Hi Aina,
      Sorry for late reply - we missed seeing your comment until now ( we get such a lot, you slipped through - apologies)

      Please don't be annoyed - we should be able to make you a 2-strap harness.

      If you would like to email mailorder@sh-womenstore.com or if London-based / visiting, call in at our store ( 12-8pnm everyday 57 Hoxton Square. London N1) to enquire

      Many thanks
      x

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