Q&A: I’ve only had an orgasm once in my life: what toys should I try to change this?

All Names Have Been Changed for the Purposes of Anonymity


I’d like to ask for your help in a serious matter: I’ve been married for 20 years and have only ever had one orgasm when I was much younger. I’m desperate to put things right and think that I need help by buying a vibrator and any books on the subject that might help me. I had one once before but didn’t get on well with it, it was noisy and although pleasant never helped me reach orgasm. I might need something like the Lelo Ina but I was really hoping to get some advice!

Many thanks


Hi Anna,

Thanks for getting in touch!

First of all, we’d like to say that this is a very common question. We meet so many (so many!) women who find it near-impossible to have an orgasm. 

For a woman, having an orgasm is very much a learned thing. It involves the whole woman, body & mind. We recommend taking some “me-time”, learning how to have an orgasm is easier done without a partner present.

Clitoral Pleasure GelYou need to be properly aroused – a sexy book or dvd can help get the juices flowing. And talking about juices – a good bottle of lube is essential. Lube makes everything nice and slick, and heightens sensitivity. A clitoral enhancer can make also make a huge difference – this gel increase blood flow to your bits, plumping everything up.

Next on the tick-list for orgasmic pleasures are vibrators. Vibes oscillate at around 200 oscillations per minute, and this prolonged stimulation can work wonders when it comes to  tipping a woman over the orgasmic edge.

Lelo do produce some fantastic and beautiful products, like Ina. Lelo Ina is a rabbit-style vibrator, which means there is a shaft for internal pleasure and an extra “prong” for clitoral stimulation. For a first time buyer, we might suggest starting of with something a bit more purse-friendly, like our popular Jessica Rabbit vibrator. That way, you can find out if vibrators are for you without spending £££. 

If you live in or around London, you may be able to visit our shop in person? This can sometimes make the process of choosing a toy a little easier – you’re able to test the different type of vibrations.

Additionally, having good control of the pc muscle can help – learn more about kegel exercises here.

We really hope this helps the start of your sexual journey!

If you have any further questions or queries, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

Love Team Sh! Xxx

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