We all have that one friend who is obsessed with star signs, horoscopes and possibly chakras too. This article is perfect for them. Or you, if you’re looking to buy them a birthday present or are simply trying to find out what they’re on about.

To start with the basics, we have a thing called the zodiac. This refers to the space encompassing the ecliptic and approximately nine degrees around it. The ecliptic is the looped “pathway” that the Earth makes when orbiting the sun and passing certain star-groups on its way. This journey is split into twelve equal segments of thirty degrees (because 12 x 30 is 360; almost the number of days in the year). These 12 sections correlate to what we know as the star signs. So, the date and time you were born are assigned a zodiac or star sign according to the position of the planets, the moon and the sun at the time of birth. The position of the sun at the time of birth supposedly determines one’s personality whereas the position of the moon governs one’s emotions or inner mood. So, now you know the actual logistics of why you’re so incredibly turned on by sexy Scorpios...

Gemstones have been thought to have a relationship with the zodiac signs since practically forever. The first recording of their seemingly solid relationship was back in the first century as Josephus wrote up the first Latin transcription of the Bible. Since then, the ancient Egyptians went wild for them, as did the Greeks and Romans. It was believed that if you wore the appropriate gemstone for your sign, you would receive good fortune. This theory wasn’t enough for some and so, if you were rich enough, you’d get a talisman with all twelve stones in.

In fact, our love for horoscopes and birthstones remains undying. Vice has recently released an app providing daily horoscopes. One of our team member’s mothers actually reads hers via the human translator of a psychic horse in her favourite weekly magazine. Meanwhile, we have just got a whole range of horoscope-specific gift sets in from the luxurious sex accessory brand; Bijoux Indiscrets. These gift sets include a birthstone, a vibrator, and a clitoral balm. Wow. Astro-holy cow. Personalisation at it’s finest.

The gemstone

So, star signs are determined by planetary behaviours, i.e. their movement and interaction with the sun and moon. Dependant on the stones’ believed properties and star sign traits, certain gemstones are assigned to the zodiac to bring good luck to the signs. For instance, if you’re a Gemini and you’re sauntering around with a Tiger’s Eye pendant on (like the one in this set); this can only be a good thing. This is because Tiger’s Eye has been assigned to the sign Gemini. Why? Geminis are meant to be flighty social butterflies with a split personality whilst Tiger’s Eye is believed to be deliberately grounding. It makes sense. It clears the mind somewhat of unrest and uneasiness. It is believed to make the wearer happier. In a funny kind of way, so do sex toys. They bring you orgasmic pleasure. They remind you that you are only human. They look after your mental and physical wellbeing. Why not combine these two powers into an unholy force and create a set that includes both your birthstone and a sex toy inside?! …wait a second…

The vibrator

Straight outta heaven, we give you the Bijoux Indiscrets Horoscope finger vibrator. That may sound like a mouthful but we figure that the longer a title is, the more important it sounds. This vibe slips onto your finger like Cinderella's life-changing glass slipper. With seven settings and irresistibly smooth silicone, this intense buzz will send shivers through its owner’s body at just the thought of it.

The clitoral balm

Last up, we have a clit stimulating balm, which funnily enough looks like any ordinary lip balm. This comes in four varieties depending on the element of your star sign. The four elements are as follows, fire, air, earth, and water. These elements are designated star signs in accordance with certain personality traits. The idea is that because these four elements make up the world, they’re all kind of dependent on each other - nice, hey?

Fire signs are Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius. Air signs are Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius. Earth signs are Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn. Water signs are Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces.

Bijoux Indiscrets has assigned each element an appropriate scent, to make your clitoral balm that bit fancier. Fire is assigned spiced ginger, earth is vetiver, air is star anise and water is sandalwood. Apply it to your clit and feel the tingles start to rush.

Altogether now

Mercury may be in retrograde, but with this gorgeous little gift set in hand, your woes will be no more. It's TLC for both your spirit and your clit. Priced at a modest £39.00, Bijoux Indiscrets is making magic happen for crystal-healing-lovers in more ways than one!