Sex Shop Diary: The Monday Morning Dildo Rush!

MONDAY: DILDO RUSH

We love Monday mornings - women & couples who’ve had a frustrating or boring weekend stop by to buy a li’l something to ensure their week starts on a more positive, pleasurable beat... and/or with a bang! ;)

First up: a lady rings our doorbell before we're even open. She’s on her way to Bristol and wants a Sh! dildo to take along to ensure a lush and loving west country adventure.

Her train departs in an hour, so, of course, we let her in and conduct a speedy tour of the dildo corner - no easy feat, as there's over 40 different sizes and styles in our silicone dildo range. Best-sellers are pointed out ( always a good starting point for customers overwhelmed by choice) and the fastest dildo-sale in history is made before she harries out, Sh! bag in one hand, ticket in the other, to hot-foot it to the station.

We hope she made her train!

TUESDAY: COLUMBIAN VIBES

A Columbian couple just landed in the UK and their first stop was, of course, Sh! (We like it when people have got their priorities straight.)

They bought enough sex toys to keep themselves busy for their week-long stay; we're guessing this couple don't want to waste valuable time standing around outside 'Buck House' or Big Ben!

WEDNESDAY: KENYAN MOON(CUP;)

A woman over on business from Kenya is thrilled to find the shop. She stocks up, and is absolutely *delighted* to find the Moon cup.

THURSDAY: M&S BRA

In the middle of a conversation about the length of our rubber whips, our customer pulls down her top to reveal her bra.

Black silk, AA-cup, M&S, she informs us.

We weren't wondering about her undergarments, but feel it would be rude to point this out. Instead we admire her bra and say we could do with new ones too. We all look at her fancy bra until she eventually decides to put it away.

Just as well – it's easier to talk to strangers when they are fully dressed.

FRIDAY: 'MMM' CUSTOMERS

A couple comes in. We find them rather fascinating, because they communicate only by saying ‘hmm’, ‘mmm’ and ‘aah’ in varying tones. A lighter ‘hmm’ is obviously better than a darker ‘aah’. Words are not necessary and we deduce they must have been together for a very long time.

Eventually she tells me (in words) that whilst they have a great time in the bedroom, they would like something ‘fun’. We show them the cock-rings. Lots of ‘aahing’ in lighter tones (they like the idea of those).

We show them some vibes. Lots of ‘mmm’ in darker tones. Not those, then (we're getting the hang of it).

We work our way around to anal toys, at which point his humming is off the scale. He clearly likes the idea of some bum-fun!

He starts smacking her bottom. He simply can’t stop himself; there are lots of smacks and lots of ‘mmhmm’. As his arousal mounts, we leave them to it and go stand behind the counter (our safe area). He smacks her towards the remote vibrators and by the positive sounds, we gauge that we’re adding one of those too :)

As he pays, he utters a whole sentence; it’s time to take her home for some fun and games.

With straight faces, we nod in agreement. Yep – we think so!