Everybody says anal sex hurts right? And yet if you watch pretty much any porn film, both gay and straight, you’ll see actors apparently happy to receive some eye-watering attention in that area.
Whilst in many a porn film, pleasure is often clearly ‘acted’, totally camouflaging pain is a much more difficult, near impossible, acting ability to achieve. The body will naturally flinch and flex away from pain and no amount of acting skill can over-ride this instinctive reaction to pain.
And yet, everybody says anal sex hurts! So, are porn stars simply a completely different a breed, employed for their love of anal? Why do they apparently feel all pleasure and no pain, when for the rest of us sometimes/always do.
Only when you are relaxed, both physically AND psychologically, will anal sex be pain-free.
The thing to remember is that anal may not be for everybody. It’s not a tick-list but simply another part of your body that may give you pleasure.
Physiologically, there is still quite a taboo and fear around anal sex and if we’ve internalized these feeling, we’ll have done it through our bums! Ignorance around anal sex and how our body’s work and respond is another factor.
Even if our head says yes to anal sex, we’re enjoying anal play and feeling relaxed, our body can sometimes refuse to co-operate.
Inside the bum the anal sphincter muscles are actually a double set of muscles that surround the anus.
The first set, called the external sphincter, is the anal muscle at the entrance – the one we are most aware of. This is the anal muscle we have the power to control and relax.
It’s the internal anal sphincter, about 2.5 – 4cm inside, that we have no conscious control over.
This is the muscle that controls continence and, apart from when we go to the loo, it’s always in a state of continuous maximal contraction, unless coaxed out of that state with lots of pleasurable attention.
Relaxing this muscle is key to enjoyable anal sex – If you feel pain, your body is telling you to stop.
But relaxing the internal spincture is not a simple case of mind over matter. We have no conscious control over it and it’s this anal muscle that can involuntarily tense up and say no to anal sex.
It can do this even when we think we feel relaxed, turned-on and ready for more. If the internal anal sphincter muscle involuntary constricts, forcing the issue WILL result in pain.
Relaxing the internal sphincter will only happen by lavishing lots more time, patience and anal lubricant on your tense tushie.
In time, the anal muscles will usually relax and open up to pleasure again.
But, as we said earlier, pleasurable anal play is as much about how you feel about it in your head as how you’re feeling in your body.
Physiologically, if you expect pain, your body will tense-up which will cause a viscous cycle. This is why it is never a good idea for you to ‘push through the pain’ Understanding how your body works; what you do and do not have control over is an important step to achieving pleasurable anal play.