Q&A: How to Talk Sexy?

Dear Sh!

I’m looking for some advice on how to talk sexy to my long-distance partner over the phone. I’d love to try it but I’m a bit nervous about sounding fake or silly! Any advice/tips gratefully received.

Thanks in advance.


Hi there,

Talking sexy is great fun, and part of the thrill is that it feels quite taboo and out-of-bounds

…but that can make it trickier to warm up to.

To start with, we’d suggest practicing talking dirty alone – it’s worth using an erotic book or film to get you turned on and give you a few ideas.

Nice Girl's Guide to Talking Dirty £9.99
Nice Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty £9.99

Anna Span’s films have stars whose hot and explicit language to build the tension, and anthologies like Best Women’s Erotica can also give plenty of ideas. Nice Girl’s Guide to Talking Dirty is a fun guide for sexy talk, so do check it out!

Try talking to the mirror or whispering a fantasy to your pillow

This can be a good way to get used to verbalizing desire. It can also help to write down a few phrases you find sexy and practice them.

You can also start by ‘sexting’ with your partner to build up your confidence.

Sending hot text messages can be lots of fun, and it allows you to use sexy words and phrases without worrying about how you sound. We’d suggest sending an ordinary text first to make sure they are alone and free to text back, though – the potential for embarrassment with sexts reaching the wrong person or arriving at a bad moment is high!

For talking dirty over the phone, we’d advise making sure you won’t be disturbed and getting into a relaxed state of mind.

Have a hot bath, a nice glass of wine, or whatever helps you to feel relaxed and confident. It may sound daft, but it can also help to wear something that makes you feel good – even if your partner can’t see you. If you feel sexy, you will sound sexy. We recommend using lots of descriptive words to create the atmosphere, and reacting to what your partner says – pick up a word they use and incorporate it in the next sentence, for example.

Above all, enjoy it – it can be a great thrill to talk out a fantasy with a partner, and we’re sure you’ll find it lots of fun!

Hope all this helps – please do give us a shout with any more questions.

Best Wishes

Team Sh!


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