Q&A: Should I buy my daughter a sex toy?

My daughter has been asking about getting her first dildo or vibrator. She is 13 and very mature intellectually, and I guess she is physically developing now as well. What would you advise? I'm happy that she came to me but I'm not sure what I think about this. I know I started experimenting around 13 and had certainly had my first orgasm by then. What do you think is an appropriate age for a first sex toy? Thanks!

Hi there,

Many thanks for your email!

It is fantastic that you talk to your daughter about sex and that she feels comfortable coming to you with her questions. An open conversation is much better than her consulting the internet and coming across dubious websites.

Pleasure, body image and sex toys

Sex-positive pleasure education helps counteract any negative messages teenagers may be picking up from watching porn. Youngsters need to be aware of the clitoris and what it can do, so we suggest focusing on pleasure when she asks about sex.

Looking at the Great Wall of Vagina together is fantastic for keeping the conversation going. This body of work shows the difference between vulvae and ensures she knows the nipped & tucked look of porn actresses isn't a prerequisite to pleasure.

a part of the Great Wall of vagina, a selectin of plastercast vulvae — From the Great Wall of Vagina

Teenagers & sex

One of our most memorable customers was a mother who brought her teenage daughter to the Sh! shop. Some may well find this shocking, but her supportive parenting shone through. She left her curious daughter to browse and ask questions and then stepped up to pay. Her daughter had chosen her first toys with thoughtfulness, and we felt honoured to be trusted with this young woman's blossoming sexuality.

Getting some fun lubes for her to try out in private will encourage her to explore her own body without deciding on a sex toy just yet. The Sh! Lube Sample Kit contains several lube samples, perfect for exploration with fingers.

If you decide to go down the sex toy route, how about a small finger vibrator or vibrating bullet? These are for exploration and play but aren't designed to go inside the vagina.

There is no right age for a first sex toy, but if you feel comfortable with the idea, we'd say to go for it. We've heard stories of young girls using candles, pencils or deodorant cans, and with this in mind, a sex toy is far safer.