Q&A: Should I buy my daughter a sex toy?

My daughter has been asking about getting her first dildo or vibrator. She is 13 and very mature intellectually, and I guess she is physically developing now as well. What would you advise? I’m happy that she came to me but I’m not sure what I think about this.  I know I started experimenting  around 13, and had certainly had my first orgasm by then. What do you think is an appropriate age for a first sex toy?



Hi Natalie

Many thanks for your email. It’s great to hear that you and daughter can speak so openly about sex, and that you are considering her request. We wish more parents felt able to speak openly about sex with their children (age-appropriately, of course).

There is no “right” age to buy a sex toy

It depends on the individual person, their maturity and their interest in self-exploration.

In this day and age, children mature far earlier, and with access to the internet and all it has to offer (good and bad), they are far more aware of sex at a younger age. It is great that you are talking to her about sex and that she has someone she feels comfortable coming to with her questions rather than relying on the internet.

You know yourself how young sexual awakening can be and ultimately we believe it’s best that responsible parents acknowledge this, rather than sweeping the idea under the carpet and leaving  their  teenagers to experiment away from home, with all the risk of abuse, pregnancy and STI’s that can bring.

There’s incredible pressure, these days, specifically on girls to perhaps go down routes they are not ready for…

If your daughter is telling you she’s ready to experiment with pleasure for herself, this has to be better than her feeling like she has to complete a sexual tick-list at school, doesn’t it?

One of our most memorable customers was a mother who brought her teenage daughter to Sh! Some may find this shocking but her responsible and loving parenting shone through. She left her mature, curious daughter to browse and ask us any questions and then stepped up to pay.  Her daughter had chosen ideal first toys with thoughtfulness and maturity and we felt honoured to be trusted with her blossoming sexuality.

Talking  about female pleasure, body-image and toys with your teenage daughter


Lube Sample Kit - 6 Different Lubricant Sachets £4As you are both open to the conversation, and if you haven’t already, it would be great to talk to your daughter about female pleasure.

It’s important for girls to know about their clitoris and the pleasure it’s designed to give them, to counteract the wrong messages about female pleasure they maybe getting from porn.

Ensuring your daughter has great body-image is also part of her education to set her in good stead for her sexual future; Perhaps look at The Great Wall of Vagina and other images of real women’s bodies, together ( rather than nipped and tucked porn stars that are awash on the net) so that she knows that all female bodies are different and equally beautiful, including her own..

Getting some fun lubes for her to try out could be a good way to start. Our sample kit offers six different lubes in sachets, and they can be used for exploration with fingers. This might be a way for her to start exploring that puts off decisions about sex toys.

If you do decide to buy her a toy, perhaps a small finger vibrator or vibrating bullet might be suitable? These can be used for exploration, but are not designed to go inside.

It’s a tricky one, deciding whether or not to buy your daughter a vibrator. Ultimately only you can decide if that is something she is ready for and that you are comfortable with.

If you have any other questions please contact us at advice@sh-womenstore, include the subject line ‘Ask Sarah’ if you’d like your advice from our new sex and relationship expert.

All names have been changed for the purposes of anonymity.

Best of luck!

Team Sh! xx

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