Q&A: Painful Sex / Intercourse

Dear Sh!

After having a laproscapy and finding out that I have problems with my ovaries, sex is obviously painful.

I’m trying to find a gel that numbs internally.

The only thing that is slightly close is the gel inside Durex special condoms (but can’t use them as allergic to latex), I’m only 23 and it’s stressing me and my partner of 3 years out – I want my sex life back! Any advice or products you can suggest would be great. Thanks!

Hi there,

Painful sex can, of course, be a problem both for yourself and for your relationship – but please don’t get too stressed about it as this can turn into a vicious cycle

Once it has become an issue, you will tense up your muscles as a negative physical response of “stressing out”, which is not conducive to “getting in the mood.”

We understand it’s difficult to get over the pain, or fear of pain, of intercourse.

Women sometimes get prescribed a steroid cream (by their doctor) for vulval pain/pain during intercourse, where there is actual irritation of the skin, which can numb the pain.

This is slightly more on the more extreme end of things.

And would your husband be happy for you just to be numb during intercourse?

Lush Pure Lubricant £10
Lush Pure Lubricant £10

Perhaps the first thing to try is a good lubricant as well-lubricated sex is the first stage to pleasurable sex.

We’d recommend a good water- based lubricant. As you are allergic to latex, we’d advise better to stick to simple formulas, such as Probe lube.  (Avoid silicone-based lubes in case you are also sensitive to that).

Lubricant will not numb any pain

…but it will completely reduce any friction and therefore will help make intercouse as smooth as possible.

Lush Pure Lube is very slick and soft feeling, and doesn’t get sticky when it dries out. Just use as much as you like! It’s not a messy lube, so you can be very generous. Probe is also very good. Mostly natural ingredients, it’s designed to  closely match your own vaginal fluids.

Whilst there are commercial products available to numb, (mostly marketed for anal sex) we don’t stock them because numbing pain during sex, especially anal sex, can be dangerous.

If you try some lube, but still feel you want something to “numb pain”, then the next stage is to consult your doctor.

But, before you do, maybe it would be good to talk to your partner about expanding your sexual repertoire?

Rather than just numbing pain, perhaps looks to alternatives to intercourse?

Long term couples can get stuck in a sexual rut and so finding other ways to enjoy each other/give each other orgasms outside of intercourse could actually enhance your relationship.

Check out sex guides for ideas: some sexy erotica too is great for inspiration, as well being a great way to turn yourself or each other on.

Playing a sexy couple’s game together or exploring the sensual side of sex is a great way enjoy one another without jumping straight into the penetrative side of sex.

We hope this helps. if you need any more advice or ideas, please get in touch.

Best Wishes

Team Sh!

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