During a recent class, a guest put their hand up and asked us if we ‘agree’ with mutual masturbation.
This is an interesting question, for several reasons.
- What you and beau do during “private time” is none of our business, but for the record: as long as it’s safe, consensual and hella fun for both of you, we approve!
- We’re not sure why the guest asked; maybe they want to try it but their partner feels shy about it, or vice versa. Maybe the guest enjoys masturbation but feels guilty about it. Maybe they have a voyeuristic streak and dreams of watching their partner rub one out, or maybe they’d like the opportunity to show off their own finger-tingling skills…
Whatever the reason for the question, it got us thinking.
Masturbation is often done in private, something we don’t share with others. Many feel guilty about masturbating, especially if they’re in a relationship. Others take it personally if they realise that their partner enjoys a bit of solo play in the shower first thing in the morning…
Masturbation is the best way of getting to know your own body, and how it reacts to certain types of stimulation. Some people masturbate for stress relief, others masturbate themselves to sleep, but it’s fair to say most of us do it because if feels bloomin’ great!
Mutual masturbation is the term for when you invite another person to the party and you masturbate in front of each other.
The great thing about mutual masturbation is you’re giving your partner some real ‘hands-on’ tips on how to turn you on and showing them what works for you in the bedroom (or kitchen, car, garden shed – pretty much anywhere you fancy!) and they do the same in return.
Nobody knows your own body quite like you do, so these mutual masturbation sessions can help give your partner a fantastic insight into what gets you off and helps elevate your sex life to a whole new level.
Mutual masturbation has many advantages, not least when you feel horny but have no real energy to go all out (happens to all of us!).
Get to Know Your Own Body
Stroking, touching and playing with your own vulva or peen helps teach you more about your own body and what works for you, so you can share these personal tips with your partner.
Many peeps, particularly women, find it near-impossible to orgasm when a partner is touching or licking them. This is often due to a fear of taking too long, or an inability to stay in the moment and enjoy the play for what it is. Owning your own orgasms and taking control of how they happen will ensure you get yours. It’s empowering and liberating to shed layers and layers of societal BS and get right down to it with a fired-up partner panting heavily right next to you! Go Team Orgasm!
Once you’ve shown your partner what you want and the methods of masturbation that really make you weak at the knees, you’ll be amazed at how much better sex will be for the both of you.
Get them to share the same experience with you, and you’ll know exactly which buttons to press to make your partner wild-eyed with excitement.
Watching a partner bring themselves off is an incredible turn-on for many of us. You’ll get to see exactly how they touch themselves, if they like it gentle or more intense, which parts they pay more attention to, and whether they like to slow down just before coming or whether they like to speed up and go for an explosive finish. You can learn a whole lot by just paying attention to what they do when they’re about to have an orgasm.
Sharing the Sensation
Knowing what really works for your other half can resolve issues with sexual frustration, as you’ll know exactly what to do to make sure that your partner is totally satisfied with the experience.
The ability to share sensations and talking about your preferred masturbation methods without feeling embarrassed really helps your partner tune into your sexuality and gives them an excellent ‘how-to’ guide on what you want out of your liaisons.
Mutual masturbation can also bring you much closer as a couple, so it’s definitely worth a try the next time sex is on the cards.
Once you know what methods are personal favourites, you can start to introduce new techniques, try new lubricants or add a few sex toys into the mix to really heat things up.
Play games to see who can hold out the longest. The person who comes first has to cook dinner/take out the bins/clean the bathroom (delete as applicable) as “punishment.”
Watch and Be Watched
Treating your lover to a private show can be super-hot for both of you. It’s fun to play with this and there are a few different ways you can go:
- Shy and demure, touching yourself slowly. This builds anticipation for the viewer as they’ll want you to get to the ‘good bits’ now!
- Direct and to the point. A fast, focused blink-and-you-miss-it moment is a horny treat for you both. This version amps up the heat and the viewer usually can’t wait to get stuck in and help out!
- Treat them to a show they’ll never forget: lay out toys and lube, before playing with each in turn. Take yourself to the point of orgasm before a backing off. This will build the pressure in your genitals as well as in theirs…
If you feel shy or you’re worried it’s going to get awkward to rub one out in front of another person, we have another fun game to help break the ice. Rather than watching each other, you could turn off the lights and masturbate whilst laying down next to each other. Rather than watching each other, focus on the aural pleasure of it. Sighs and moans and wet sounds soon turn up the heat to boiling point!