Q&A: I Can’t Orgasm

Dear Sh!

I have never been in a sex shop and I have no experience about sex toys. I started few days ago looking for some information about them in internet and I found your nice website.

Actually I’d like to buy a rabbit vibrator, because I read many reviews written by very satisfied women. I’d prefer not made up of jelly, because I would like not to use condom on it, but not too expensive.

Anyway, before giving me any suggestion, you must know my “story”.

I am 28 years old, I have a boyfriend for more than 4 years and, unfortunately I have never been able to reach orgasm with a man (only 2 or 3 clitoral orgasms). This is why I changed some partners before my actual one, with whom I started to have fake orgasms. I know, I would like to tell him the truth, but after so many years it’s very difficult and I’m afraid to loose him! He is lovely and he pays much attention on my pleasure but… I don’t know what’s wrong.

Furthermore I must admit that I can’t reach orgasm with masturbation too. I have pleasure, but I don’t come.
I know that till now my story is quite common but…the most surprising fact is that, even if I can’t have orgasm during sex or masturbation, I have them when I feel very scared or in a hurry, and without any stimulation at all!

It’s long time that I’m thinking to try with a vibe, but I’ve always postponed. You are the first person to whom I have ever told these things. Thank you for your listening to me and for any suggestions you can give me.


Hi there,

Thanks for getting in touch and thank you for sharing your story with us.

Can’t Orgasm?

Sh! Rabbit Vibrator £25
Sh! Rabbit Vibrator £25

We must admit we’re sightly baffled when you say you have easy orgasms when ‘scared, in a hurry or without any stimulation at all’ and wonder if the feeling you get is actually a climax?

It’s difficult to say, as obviously we can’t feel what you are experiencing…

Learning to orgasm is a process and it’s usually all about being able to relax and get and stay ‘in the moment’ so we would recommend you start here and explore the feelings you get from relaxed, uninterrupted self-pleasure.

Perhaps fantasising would also help your mind focussed on sex and being turn-on. My Secret Garden is a wonderful book of women’s fantasies that we highly recommend to women learning to orgasm.

For many women, learning to orgasm with a partner is also about learning not worry about ‘taking too long’.

Whether alone or with a partner, once  ‘elusive orgasms’ become more ‘definite orgasms’ the worry and tension that is stopping you from letting go will disappear and thus make orgasming easier! It’s all about breaking the vicious cycle.

The rabbit  has certainly given given more women, more orgasms than any other vibrator so it’s definitely a good choice for breaking the cycle and learning to have more guaranteed orgasms.

We’d recommend taking time out to try your toy out by yourself – maybe switch off the phone, and have a nice bath or a glass of wine, or whatever helps you to relax, before play. It’s generally much easier for women to reach an orgasm if they’re not thinking and stressing about it.

Lubricant Designed to Increase Blood Flow

ID Pleasure £9
ID Pleasure £9

We would also recommend using lubricant, not just when playing solo but also with your lovely boyfriend. Lube simply adds sensuality and enhances sensations which means you’ll feel more. A stimulating lubricant like ID Pleasure Lubricant is designed to help increase blood flow which will help increase sensitivity.

We’d also suggest paying attention to how you breathe when you’re turned on.

Many women hold their breath as they get close to coming, which sometimes helps and sometimes doesn’t. Instead, we’d suggest taking short rapid breaths as you become aroused – much like the way you breathe when you’re nervous or in a hurry (perhaps this is the magic key to your orgasms?)

It may take a bit longer to build up to an orgasm while breathing this way, but we’d recommend trying it and seeing what works best for you.

Hope all this helps – please do give us a shout with any more questions.

Best wishes

Team Sh!

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