Anal play is one of those things that most people don’t talk about but have a quiet desire to try. It’s sort of taboo, which is a huge turn on, but it’s also something that many people love, making it curious for those who have never tried it. Is in not just painful and messy?
Well, it can be but it shouldn’t be, if that makes sense. Anal play, when done right, is intensely pleasurable and you can orgasm from it.
The trick is to take it slow and steady – it’s not a swimming pool. Don’t throw yourself into it.
Anal play requires preparation, time and lube. Lots of lube.
A common concern about anal sex is the potential for mess, so let’s start there.
The anus and rectum are designed to expel, so if you are going to play in the area, you and your partner need to be prepared for coming into contact with faeces. This is the reality of anal play.
However, there are a few ways of ensuring you get as few surprises as possible:
- Make sure the person on the receiving end has been to the loo; this is essential and will allow you both to relax.
- Showering together will start the erotic build-up. Soap up their bottom and rinse off – shower jets over the anus feel very sexy. Dry off gently, and kiss their buttocks.
- Some people prefer to use douches to feel extra clean. Douches are bulbs that you fill with water and insert into the anus, before expelling the lukewarm water into your body. Using cold water will be painful, and using hot water will scald; body temperature is perfect. The water will flow out in its own time so if you are going to douche, make sure to do this a few hours before play begins.
Lube for Anal Play
A silicone-based lube is great for skin-on-skin anal play. It’s long-lasting and won’t dry up, and typically doesn’t have any scent or taste. Add a drizzle to your fingers before stroking onto your partner’s butt.
If you’re planning on using silicone toys, or toys with a soft surface, you’ll need to stock up on water-based lube. Water-based lube will sink into the skin so you will need to re-apply, or add some saliva to reactivate lube that’s already been applied.
For extra hygiene, as well as safer sex with or without toys, you might want to get some condoms for anal sex too. If you have long or sharp nails, get some latex gloves to make them smoother – tushies are delicate and you don’t want to snag the thin membranes.
Just like a session at the gym, you need to warm up properly or you could do yourselves an injury.
Take the time to massage your partner’s buttocks, lower back, and upper thighs; the skin is one large erogenous zone, and kneading, touching and stroking will help get you both in the mood for more.
Using your thumbs, glide along the crease from the inner thigh to the outer side and repeat. Next, put your hands in a prayer position on your partner’s tailbone and glide up and down between the buttocks for a sensual and relaxing start to anal play.
Add a little lube to your fingertips and stroke gently around the anal rim. Explore the anal opening without penetrating it.
If you both feel comfortable with it, rimming is a fantastic way to get the anus ready and waiting. Licking, kissing and sucking on all the nerve-endings in the area may make your play partner feel like their brains are melting… Just saying.
When your partner starts pushing back for more attention, it’s time to ramp it up a bit.
The Happy Hiney Anal Comfort Cream gently relaxes the area, which is perfect for first-timers. Containing no numbing agents, Happy Hiney delivers a tingling sensation, which helps relax tense, nervous muscles and reduce sensations of extra friction.
Note: We don’t recommend using numbing creams for any kind of sexual activity, especially not anal play. Pain is the body’s way of telling you that something is wrong, and overriding this function can have dire consequences.
If you’re totally new to any type of anal adventure, it’s best to start small. Our Vibrating Silicone Anal Beads are an ideal beginner’s toy as the beads start off small and gradually increase in size, so you can go at your own pace and just enjoy the delicate vibrations.
A butt plug is a small toy that gets inserted for a sensual ‘full’ feeling. Leave the plug in place so they have something to squeeze against. You can wiggle it a little, or slowly move it in and out so the anus pops open and closes again; many peeps enjoy this sensation.
Any toy used for anal sex needs to be safe for this type of play; i.e. they must have a flared base or a handle. Using unsafe toys for anal play often ends badly and we don’t want this to happen to you.
This might be as far as you go on this first occasion, but it’s plenty. You want to leave the brain thinking of anal play as something pleasurable, as that’ll make it easier for it to relax the next time.
Many couples who are embarking on anal sex for the first time are keen on getting ‘stuck in’ as soon as possible, but this is often a mistake. Rushing it makes for an uncomfortable or painful experience.
If you’ve decided to go for full penetration, you’ll still need to start as above; building it up slowly helps the body relax and welcome the penis or dildo.
The inside of the anus is a lazy S-shape, so make sure you’re familiar with your partner’s internal curves before dipping in. Visualize their insides and move to accommodate this; this is especially important if you’re using a dildo as you won’t be able to feel resistance or any dry areas.
Keep checking in with your partner. Make sure they’re having a great time, and keep the bond going by kissing and touching.
We tend to recommend the receiving partner is on top when anal play is new for you both. This gives them the freedom to rock, wiggle or just sit still if that’s what feels best. You can get all adventurous and try out different positions later when you both feel more confident.
The butts of male-bodied peeps have an additional part that enjoys gentle stimulation: the prostate.
The back-door area has long been shrouded in shame and denial, especially for straight men, but we’re delighted to say that the P-spot and its pleasure potential is finally out in the open (about bloomin’ time!).
The prostate has the ability to make its owner multi-orgasmic, and this is well worth exploring. The best book on the subject, in our opinion, is The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Play by Charlie Glickman & Aislinn Emirzian. It covers everything from hygiene to maintaining prostate health to illustrated tips and techniques about achieving supercharged orgasms.
The rules for stimulating a butt with a prostate are the same as the rules for stimulating a butt without a P-spot: Take your time, use lashings of lube, ensure your nails are short & smooth and make sure the person on the receiving end is having the time of their lives!
By following our advice, your bum-fun should be nothing but(t) a good time!