Well where to start on this hugely controversial, media saturated book?
If you havent heard of 50 Shades of Grey you must have been living in a bin liner for the last couple of months. After reading plenty of scathing reviews, criticism, and an absolute Twitter furore, I decided that I need my own opinion on this piece of writing.
I soon got down to the task at hand; after all theres a mammoth 514 pages to get through.
<p>I will warn you all by saying, the first 4 chapters are awful. Terrible. The only thing that kept me from tossing it across the room in disgust, for it to lie there gathering dust for evermore, was the fact that I really wanted to be able to give my own, full and honest critique. To have an opinion, one must first be in possession of all the facts.
Overly descriptive, scene setting, boring even
the opening chapters of this book does not herald the next best thing in a vanillas introduction to BDSM.
<p>Then there are the characters names. Anastasia Rose Steele. Katherine Kavanagh. Christian Trevelyan Grey (CEO, no less). Where are we, on the set of Dynasty?
<p>You have to do an awful lot of reality suspension with 50 Shades. Anastacia (Ana) is a young English Literature student at a University in America who has a gorgeous journalist student friend. Her friend is so beautiful shes envious but not too envious. She loves her, despite knowing for a fact that Katherine is oh-so-much-more-pretty than she is. ~yawn~ All this despite the fact that Ana herself seems to have a stream of suitors falling at her feet wherever she goes. Is she completely blind and stupid?
<p>Ana has such insecurities and self confidence issues I was frankly amazed she even signed up for a university course never mind has not only embarked upon one but also ends up meeting and interviewing Christian Grey. Not before falling through his office door that is. Seriously, how nervous do you have to be to literally fall through a doorway and land (cue kinky connotations here) on your hands and knees, only to gaze up at the most beautiful man you ever did see?
<p>For a literature student, Ana seems terribly shallow. Her entire attraction to Christian seems based on physical appearances. Sure, a guy may be, to use one of Anas favourite adjectives, hot; does this mean youll want to do everything they say, instantly upon meeting them? Also, for one so interested in the English language, isnt the word hot ever so slightly lacking in imagination?
<p>Throughout the first four chapters I wanted to repeatedly punch Ana in the face. That would stop her chewing that damn lip. Its not sexy, it just brings to mind the image of a scared teenager possibly with a coldsore problem. Christian wasnt much better with his lips, for all the ghosts of smiles upon them. Can the man just have an all-out honest facial expression? Hes either smiling, or hes not. No ghost of a smile, no corner twitched into a smirk for goodness sake, Christian, either smile or frown or do
<p>A lot of focus seemed to be placed on Christians appearance like Ive stated, which has an inexplicably profound effect on Ana and her knickers. Oh, sorry someplace down there. Back to being vague. The reader is quite evidently 12 years old and couldnt bear to read such words as pussy, clitoris, or even that her filthy slut of a vulva was throbbing with intense passion at the thought of his elusive manhood plundering her virgin territory. Quite.
Oh yes I forgot Ana is a virgin, that hasnt even masturbated. At the age of 21. What the hell has she been doing?
<p>Despite her inexperience with men, sex and to be honest, the outside world and the use of her feet without falling over them, we somehow make it to chapter 5 together. There is a sudden shift in gears.
Romance blossoms. Its quite sweet actually. I hated myself for starting to like the book at this point, having so correctly hated it for the first 4 drawn out chapters.
<p>Ana and Christian finally communicate with one another and the scenes that follow are quite delightful. Sure, they are still cliched, flawed and could be a lot better, but still enjoyable.
Throughout the rest of the book the reader is drawn more into Anas attraction towards Christian and the slowly unfolding world of his sexual desires and depravity. I say depravity: for a Dom, I wouldnt expect his hard limits to include watersports and breathplay. I found that personally disappointing. He is also really against drug use, despite the fact that he keeps tipping wine down Anas throat even during and around BDSM sessions something frowned upon in the actual Fetish scene.
<p>From a vanilla point of view, this book is sweet, romantic, trundles along with a nice pace (from Chapter 5). It introduces ~gasp~ spanking and ~shock~ a dungeon room, plus other accoutrements such as a flogger ~oh-my-I-just-fainted~.
<p>If youre in any way, shape or form interested in actual BDSM, power exchange or Fetish, this book will at most amuse you in that sense. Dont expect actual kink, its a vanilla love story with a couple of light spankings. Nothing new at all.
<p>I was also hugely disappointed to learn that the author chose to give Christian a disturbed background, as if to explain why he is the way he is. As if anyone with such predilections to Fetish and BDSM must be psychologically damaged in some way.
I say damaged his past as a submissive to a Domme. Emotionally damaging to him or just part of his growth as a person? Seeing as this book is about maledom and female submission, I found it hypocritical to cast FemDom in such a negative light. YKINMK, and in BDSM each and every Fetish should be equally respected.
<p>Notes about the sex scenes. It is difficult to believe that Ana, a 21 year old virgin who hasnt even touched herself, has abso-fucking-lutely amazing sex on her first ever time. Orgasming through nipple stimulation alone. Not only that but managing somehow to take Christian ramming fully into her virgin vagina without leaping up, screaming, and punching him square in the face.
<p>Oh yes, she orgasms through vaginal penetration too. As all women do, of course. Dont we ladies? Hmmph. I cant remember much mention made of her clitoris, I assume she has one, but it was somewhat forgotten in 50 Shades.
<p>Luckily, all the sex scenes end as soon as Christian has cum in her. Such a lovely man. Because we all know that a man cumming inside a woman signals the end of sex. Hmmmph again.
However, lucky Ana! For she always, without fail, orgasms through penetration before Christian does. Hurrah!
<p>In my opinion, 50 Shades of Grey should have been heavily edited and be a quarter of the length it actually is. For example, from even my veteran Fetish standpoint (never mind a vanilla one) there was really no need to dedicate an entire chapter to the Dominant/submissive contract as well as appendices. Irrelevant and unnecessary. Made for boring reading.
<p>I feel like I should really dislike this book. The repetitive adjectives and metaphors. The unlikely sex. The fact I want Ana to tell Christian Grey exactly what shes thinking and for him to stop being an arrogant twat - and if he is going to tie her up and punish her, fucking get on with it or shell find someone who isnt afraid to let rip in a dungeon.
<p>So why do I have the second and third book on the way? There is something addictive about the 50 Shades trilogy. The innocence? The good motives of the author, on a mission to bring BDSM to the masses? The fact that you have to keep going just in case Ana does finally tell Christian where he can stick his flogger? Im not sure, but I was surprisingly sad to finish the first book.
<p>Perhaps Im an incurable romantic at heart. Ill be here, biting my lip, chewing my nails (at the same time) and falling through doorways to ghosts of smiles until the next instalments arrive.
A note to you all out there: dont let the media hype, other peoples opinions and the mountain of reviews out there sway your opinion without even reading a copy (in entirety) yourself. If you want to have an opinion about 50 Shades of Grey, youll just have to read it. Or I may be inclined to hunt you down and give you a proper spanking. (Posted on 15/11/2012)