We recently came across a statistic that stated 54% of 1000 women surveyed hid their sex toy use from their partners. This rings true for us. Many customers prefer discreet toys that can be easily hidden or explained away.
'It looks like a facial massager! Great, I'll take it!'
Often, the problem is the partner. The customer knows that their partner won't approve of an electric bedmate, and many even go as far as saying using a sex toy is similar to cheating (it's not). Some customers are worried that their partner will end their relationship based on this 'cheating' habit.
So, can sex toys ruin relationships?
The sex toy itself won't ruin a relationship, but feelings around the use of it might.
Does your partner hate your sex toys?
If your partner feels that they alone should be enough to satisfy you, you are dealing with a fragile ego. This is tricky, as your partner may not be willing to unpack their baggage - they may demand that you stop using the 'offensive' sex toy instead.
The real question is: What does the sex toy represent for them? They feel threatened, and you need to find out why.
A common cause is that a partner wants to be the only one who makes you orgasm. If they know that you struggle with this or suspect you have faked orgasms in the past, seeing a sex toy making it easier for you to climax can be a trigger point for them.
It's time for an open and honest conversation. Talk to your partner about how you experience pleasure. If they are unwilling to hear you, maybe agree to use the sex toy during solo pleasure rather than when you play together? Don't give it up, though - you deserve all the orgasms!
Is your penetrative sex toy causing a rift in your relationship?
It's common for a penis-owning partner to worry that their equipment isn't enough, especially if the dildo or vibrator is longer or thicker than their penis. Porn has taught men that dicks must be huge to provide pleasure. While vulva-owning folks know this isn't true (75% need clitoral stimulation to orgasm), it takes work to unlearn deep-rooted beliefs. Watching you get intense pleasure from using a pentrative sex toy can be seen as an insult to manhood - the sex toy becomes a competitor for your orgasm.
If your partner is female-bodied, they may worry that their vulva isn't 'providing the goods' - it cannot offer penetration. Again, the sex toy becomes an unwanted suitor, able to provide a different type of pleasure.
The penetration disagreement is usually due to insecurity. Partners can worry that the dildo or vibrator provides more pleasure and is a better lover.
Again, it's time to talk.
It is ok to say that the sex toy makes you feel good and hits spots in areas you like to have stimulated - and this doesn't diminish the pleasure you experience with your partner.
You can agree to use the toy during masturbation only. Or, how about suggesting you buy a new toy together? Perhaps your partner will feel less insecure with a smaller or external-only sex toy? A couple's sex toy could be fun! Involve them in the search for the perfect toy for you to play with together.
Red flag sex toy scenario
'If you really love me, you will throw the toy away.'
Red flag, babes! You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. Throw away the manipulative partner and buy a few new sex toys to cheer yourself up!
Sex toys are pleasure tools
What the partners in these scenarios miss is that you deserve pleasure. You deserve orgasms, goddammit!
We adore partners who can put egos and sexual insecurities aside and support you on your journey to clit-throbbin' climaxes!
Sex toys are tools - just like a baker needs a whisk and a chef needs a knife, a pleasure seeker needs tools to hit the high notes. Needing or wanting to use sex toys is not 'bad' or shameful.
We know folks who can only orgasm with the help of a trusted vibrator, and we know others who can orgasm without vibration - but prefer it because their vibe-orgasms are more intense (raises hand!).
Sex toys let you play and explore erogenous zones solo or with a partner. You can try rimming on your own terms or peg your partner until they go weak with pleasure...
Sexs toys from previous relationships
Actually... There is one scenario where your partner may have a point.
If the sex toy is a leftover from an old relationship and has emotional baggage tied to it, chuck it out... Knowing that you shared the toy with a previous lover may just be a tad too much to swallow. Head to the nearest sex toy website and choose a new one for you to enjoy together!
