So- you think you’ve got what it takes to be a Sh! Girl? You like sex (doh!), you own a sex toy and your friends all ask for best bedroom–advice – in short, you are The Sex Guru!

Now, that’s all well and good, but ask those of us who work at Sh! and you’ll soon find there’s quite a bit more to being a Sh! Girl that just having a healthy interest in sex!

We can easily get 250 CV’s for one vacancy, and if you do the maths you’ll work out that we’ve read 1000’s CV’s over the years! Whilst all CV’s get looked at, we’re unable to respond to the avalanche of applications - hence why we sometimes get harassed by angry applicants, demanding to know whey they haven’t been short listed for an interview (at this point we’re probably quite relived you weren’t picked – start as you mean to go on and all that..!)

As our lovely Saturday Girl Michelle is leaving at the end of this month, I thought I’d give you some useful hints and tips when it comes to applying for a job at Sh!

First of all, don’t send us pictures of your erect cock. Or flaccid, for that matter – no matter how proud you are of your virile manhood, it ain’t gonna get you the job! (*In line with the intimate nature and female focus of the business, shop posts are exempt under section 7 (2)(b) of the Sex Discrimination Act 1975. Applications are sought from females only)

Don’t send us pictures of your bare boobers. Whilst the naked body is undoubtedly beautiful, we don’t want to see you perky – or not-so-perky - body parts. Pictures you believe to be ‘fun and casual’ may well come across as ‘completely mental’ to a prospective employer.

Don’t send your mobile number with the immortal line: I need a job, like, now. That’s guaranteed to end up in the NO pile.

Don’t underestimate the importance of your cover letter. Wanting to be a baker is all fine n’ dandy – but why apply for this job? Call Gregg’s!

Using your spell-checker is basic; ‘mopping’ easily becomes ‘moping’ – we don’t want any mopers in here, ta very much! (By the way, ‘clock’ becomes ‘cock’ – pointing out that you are no cock-watcher is not guaranteed to secure an interview. An an equal opportunities employer, we have a number of staff who avoids cock as a way of life, so no brownie points for you. And anyhow, being skilled at dodging dicks is a necessity in this business!)

During the interview; when I ask why I should employ you (well, I do have another 249 eager applicants!), replying: ‘Coz I like sex innit’ ensures the interview is over.

Now, we’ve avoided the most common pit-falls and we can move on to how to boost your application: you need to be able to answer a confident YES to the following questions:

Do you wear pink with pride?

Can you make a decent cup of tea? Yup, VERY important!

Do you enjoy the simpler things in life? Cup cakes, soap bubbles and festive ribbons are little silver-linings that make our day.

Can you cope with synchronised team-periods? We all come on together, so once a month the shop becomes muffin-gobbling hormone-fuelled place full of synced women. (God help any perv that lands on our door step during this time – he’ll be lucky to get away with his balls still attached to his body!)

Would you agree to being spanked (with clothes on, of course) in front of a nervous group of adults? Very important that Sh! Girlz take part in the classes, either as the host or the demo model.

Do you do your research? We were particularly impressed with the clever applicant who snuck in the day before her interview to scope the shop (yeah, we spotted ya!). It helped her speak confidently about the job on offer, and as we liked her ballsy research technique, she was offered a job before the day was over!

Last but not least: a trick question: Ethos – what we stand for, or the best Greek island for a stag do?

Congratulations! You’ve made it this far - I welcome you to go look at our jobs page where new vacancies are posted: