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Free Erotica - Hot Poem by Jane Fae.



A hot poem by Jane Fae.

Now Jane, she had an itch to scratch That she with no-one shared She'd die of sheer embarrassment Before she ever dared.

Until the day a sex expert Gave Jane opinion frank If you don't give it one more try You'll die without a wank

But how, asked Jane its never worked I fear its taken ill Relax the expert smoothly said Relax, lie back and chill

So Jane, good Jane, obedient girl Did just as Gloria* said She shooed her cats and shushed the child And took herself to bed.

And there, amidst her panoply Of low light, candles, scent She spread her legs, gave up a prayer And for orgasm went.

She took a tube of lubricant Squeezed out a careful drop And then with “fuck it” and a sigh She squelched the rest on top!

She rubbed, and rubbed and pulled and stroked And then she rubbed some more She kept on rubbing half the night She woke the next day sore

Night after night did gentle Jane With gritted teeth essay Pulling, pushing, shoving, shushing Til the break of day

It doesn't work she sadly said Before she asked herself: “That chill the expert told me of, Perhaps its something else?”

So next up she tried freezing lube Which left her feeling cold And altogether out of sorts If truly truth be told

First frost, then tingle, fruit and cloves Will tiger balm fulfill me? It didn’t. So this foolish girl Tried one more time - with chilli

The screams, the howls the fuss that followed Were witness to her pain. I won’t be trying that she sobbed, No never not again

Next up, excuse me for the pun, She put inside a dildo Twas pleasant hard and not too bad But cumming?  Oh no.  Still no.

The answer her best friend advised Was different sensation And so her quest then took a turn In search of good vibration

The bullet almost did the trick The pink non-doctor too But she got shot of both of them for what they didn’t do

Which was of course, persist enough As batteries proved quite useless And left her lying sadly wanting Steaming in her juices

Mains-power it really had to be She found an Ebay bargain A hi-speed dibber, nothing less To work her lady garden

And so it might had not disaster Struck our sleepy jane Who dozing off quite pleasantly Woke to a fail again

She guessed at first, the poor thing had Buzzed just the way it should Then coughed and spluttered, over-heated: Singeing!  This ain’t good!

“For 20 mins, no longer, use”, She read upon the side Oh dear! The clock said many more And now the thing has died.

Was this the end, it seemed to be Until she found a store In Hoxton square she chanced on it She passed on thru the door

And there inside her mind was boggled By such a wealth of gadgets That buzzed and tingled, even pumped Oh my! she said.  Its magic

And shyly testing, teasing trying She found herself a wand Twas purple and it had ten speeds She took it in her hand

Then gift-wrapped, paid for, hurry home, She scarce believed her luck But back inside, upon her bed Twas time to.. . run amuck

And here a veil, I think we must On what came next now draw Except to say what came was Jane Not once, not twice, but more

She’s grateful for her magic wand Pleased she made one last push But over all she’d like to thank The girls who work at Sh!

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The poem that Jane Fae wrote for the Sh! Erotic Poetry and Reading slam commemorates a certain amount of help given her by the women of Sh!.  Some of it is true.  :)

* - Gloria, here is Gloria Brame, PhD, a US-based writer, board certified sexologist, and sex therapist in private practice. Gloria has been described by some as the "Albert Einstein of kinky sex". For more about Gloria or her publications, go to


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Thank you Jane! We can't wait to see you again!

One thought on “Free Erotica - Hot Poem by Jane Fae.”

  • Natalie Crossan
    Natalie Crossan 20/09/2013 at 02:58

    Brilliant :) Very good read x

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