Q&A: I’d Love To Have Anal Sex With My Wife

Dear Sh!

I’d love to have anal sex with my wife but I don’t know how to bring the subject up.

She’s enjoyed one or two fingers used anally, but I’m not sure how to move on to the next stage! Have you got any suggestions?


Hi there,

Thanks for getting in touch. There’s a couple of things we can suggest which might help.

Communication is key in all anal play

First – do talk to her about it. If you’d love to have anal sex with her – tell her!

(But don’t pressure her).

Whisper to her that just the idea of having anal sex with your wife is a huge turn on for you, and then gauge her reaction. As she likes fingers, she may well be very open to the idea of going further.

Read all about Anal Pleasures

There’s a very good book available that covers every topic around anal sex you can think of – and a lot more besides!

Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women £11.99
Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women £11.99

The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino provides a starting point for the conversation, plus stacks of helpful info and tips.

We’ve also have lots of advice on anal play and pleasures, gathered for over 20 years talking to and advising our customers in store.

Lube is an anal-essential

Lush Pure Plus Lubricant £10
Lush Pure Plus
Thick, sensual and long lasting lubricant – £10

An essential  ingredient for sensual and pleasurable anal play is lubricant – choose one specially formulated for anal play, because it will be thick, water-based and long-lasting.

Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t produce its own lubrication, so penetration without lube is too dry,  and thus too sore, to be fun.

Anal pleasure is a slow, sensual journey of opening-up, not a race to break the barrier

Anal sex can have a bad reputation because there is an assumption that it will hurt.

In actual fact anal sex should never hurt but if it does, it means things are progressing too fast for the anal muscles to fully relax and things aren’t wet enough.

The best way  for anal newbies is to be fully in charge of pace and depth.  A good idea maybe to invest in a dildo – maybe something a little bigger than your fingers – so she can try out it out without any pressure. 

Our customers love the Wirly Girly 2 as a beginner’s toy for anal play. It’s sensually ribbed and gives a pleasant sensation, and it’s slim enough to be unintimidating

But the key to good anal sex is great communication – so before you break out the toys, it’s important to discuss the idea of exploring anal sex together.

Hope all this helps – please do give us a shout if you have any more questions – and if your wife has anything she’d like to ask us, feel free to put us in touch!

Best Wishes

Team Sh!

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