Hi Sh!
I've been with my male partner for 12 years - we're married and have two tweenies. Our sex life is so-so. After two kids, I don't fancy it as much as I used to. I rarely initiate and rarely orgasm.
I have recently started a new job, and sex toys were discussed after a few glasses of wine at an after-work event. It seems many of my female colleagues use sex toys, despite being in relationships. Is this normal? They seemed very happy about it and said I should get myself a 'rose.'
I didn't think I was such a prude, but I assumed vibrators were for single women? Is it okay for married women to have sex toys? I guess what I'm really asking is, should I get one?
Hey there,
Thanks for getting in touch!
Can married women have sex toys?
An emphatic YES, babes! Single women, coupled-up women and married women can have sex toys. Someone's relationship status has no bearing on whether or not they can or should use a sex toy.
A sex toy is a fun tool to help you explore and experience pleasure. This can be by yourself or with your lover. Some couples have toys they use for solo pleasure; others have toys to enjoy together. There are no rules to sexual pleasure - you can choose how you want to play with your toy.
Sex toys for building arousal
Reading between the lines, we think that life and kids may have put the kibosh on your desire for sex. This is very common.
Desire and arousal can take a bit of work. We usually say, use it or lose it. A sex toy can help kick-start your interest in sex and pleasure again, especially if it helps you have regular orgasms.
Sex toys give reliable orgasms
Hetero couples often see penis-in-vagina as 'sex,' but this means you miss out on a tempting smorgasbord of sensual activities.
P-i-V can be delicious if you're in the mood, but it's only a small part of a much bigger menu. Massages, role play, oral sex, and playing with sex toys are some other sexy activities you can enjoy together. In fact, taking P-i-V off the table and focusing on alternate ways to bring each other to orgasm can drastically up your quota!
Sex toys can generally be relied upon for igniting desires and delivering orgasms. Vibrators, in particular, offer the kind of sustained thrills that the clitoris needs to climax.
Rose clit suction sex toy
Your new colleagues are not wrong - treating yourself to a sex toy can be beneficial for many reasons.
You'll experience more orgasms, which is good for your overall health. Orgasms get the blood pumping, release oxytocin, and lowers stress. You might find your appetite for sex with your partner returns (with a bang!), and your patience for dealing with tweenies (no mean feat!) increases.
The Rose clit suction toy is one of the most popular sex toys on the market. This little marvel creates gentle suction on the tip of the clitoris and has proven orgasm-reliable. the Rose offers 7 powerful modes to explore, including continuous suction, quick pulsing and a cheeky little cha-cha.
Here's what one customer had to say:
My husband bought me this for Valentine’s Day and wow did it hit the spot. I followed the advice and charged it fully and then let her do her thing. It is exceptionally powerful and very quickly one orgasm became three! This little beauty is now permanently sat on my bedside cabinet ready for action.
The Rose is a bestseller, but there are many different toys and vibrators.
The Beatrix Mini Wand is another cute clit toy suitable for newbies. Beatrix delivers 10 exciting modes, including steady vibration and pulse patterns, controlled by a single button. A sex toy with variable settings offers plenty to explore, and chances are you'll find a mode that creates fireworks in your panties!
It's also worth taking a closer look at the Wheel of Pleasure, especially if you are a fan of cunnilingus. Oral sex is one of the most reliable ways for women & vulva-owners to orgasm. Fingers can be too rough and a penis often doesn't deliver the friction needed for orgasm, but a soft, wet tongue is a treat for sensitive clits. This soft wheel of tongues offers 9 pleasure modes coupled with vibration - totes fab, babes!
Playing solo or with a partner?
Whether you enjoy your toy during private moments or in bed with your husband is up to you. We recommend trying it out solo first to figure out how it works. Once you have mastered the toy and figured out how it works best for you, you can show hubz if you want to. However, if you prefer to keep your new BFF to yourself... That's absolutely fine too :)
We also have a fine selection of sex toys designed for couples. A vibrating cock ring delivers clitoral thrills during P-i-V (like we said: penetration can be great if you fancy it) and increase your chances of an orgasm. You could put out feelers to see how your partner reacts to the suggestion of trying a sex toy together. He may be up for a bit of playfulness!
Sex toy extras
Before we go, we have a couple of recommendations to make the most of your new sex toy.
- Lube enhances all sex play, with or without toys. A slick of slipperiness enhances sensations and can make it easier to build arousal and orgasm.
- Pleasure gels are fun additions to both manual and toy play. Add a small amount of pleasure gel to your clitoris and enjoy the warmth, tingling sensations.
- Sex toy cleaner ensures you can keep your toy clean and germ-free - and always ready for play!
We have a couple of online pleasure courses that may be of interest to you. Becoming Orgasmic is a great course for women & vulva owners who struggle to reach climax. This course features 7 sessions with fun 'homework' in between.
Light My Fire is a superb course for couples who have lost their mojo. Over 8 sessions, you'll be guided through communicating desires, building sexual chemistry and creating a perfect night of passion with a toolbox full of sensual tricks...
Best Wishes,
Team Sh! xx
