We have read thousands and thousands of vibrator instructions over the years and regularly come across bangers. We thought we'd share a few with you.
Common Vibrator Warnings
'Do not use the product while asleep'
Apart from being funny, we're also intrigued by this one. What kind of vibrator is so dull it sends you to sleep?
But - there's a logic behind not falling asleep with a vibrator still switched on - and we're guessing someone has, or the warning wouldn't be in the instructions.
If a vibrator is left running for an unreasonably long time, it can get hot. This could be dangerous. Plus, it'll run down on power, and you'll be disappointed next time you're in the mood...
Always switch off your vibe before going to sleep. You know it makes sense.
'Do not use on unexplained calf pain'
This seems like a strange use for a vibrator, but we could see someone trying to use a wand massager to vibrate away an ache.
The reasoning behind this vibrator instruction is to avoid the risk of causing a blood clot (deep vein thrombosis) to move around the body. This could be very dangerous.
After extensive googling, we can't find any instances of this actually happening. We're guessing a lawyer sat down to conceive of every possible way someone could cause accidental harm with a vibrator and came up with this instruction.
'Sold as a novelty item only'
So, what's a "novelty item"?
Well... In the USA, sex toys can be legally sold if they carry the label "novelty." This puts them in the same category as blow-up sheep and other joke-shop stuff, which we reckon is a bit cheeky. Vibrators are important!
Using the "novelty" label means manufacturers don't have to take legal responsibility for the vibrator as a usable toy, just as a joke for a hen-night. We've got our standards, and only the very best toys make their way onto our shelves, but vibrators instructions still come with that warning.
'To avoid injury or aggravation of pre-existing conditions, this device should not be used on swollen or inflamed areas of skin'
Many customers have asked about this one. What does "swollen" mean? Does an excited clitoris count? Or an erect penis?
This is more legal-speak designed to cover the manufacturer's back. Your clit or penis can safely enjoy the vibrations
'Warning - intense ejaculation!'
This is our favourite warning - this is something we can work with! Funnily enough, we have never had anyone query this one :p
