Pain during penis-in-vagina (p-i-v) sex has only received research attention in the last two decades. Within heterosexual relationships, most of this research has focused on women and whilst understanding women’s experiences is hugely important, sex is an interpersonal experience and much less is known about the experience of the male partners.
The aims of this research are to better understand how men make sense of and respond to their partner’s sexual pain; and to increase our knowledge of how men view pain during penetrative sex, how it influences the sexual relationship, the relationship in general and themselves individually.
The research will be used to inform therapeutic practice for both individuals and the couple and enhance support for anyone seeking help.
In order to collect as many and varied opinions, thoughts and experiences as possible, the survey allows participants to answer the questions in their own words rather than ticking boxes.
To take part in this study, you must be:
18 or over
Be in or have been in, a relationship with a woman suffering from pain during penetration (or pain that prevented penetration). The relationship can be current or in the past. The pain must have been present for 6 months or more.
The survey takes about 30 minutes to complete, depending on how long your replies are. At the end of the survey, you’ll be invited to request more information about a potential follow up interview if you’d like to talk more about your replies.
Confidentiality of all data will of course be rigorously maintained.
Who is the researcher?
Debbie Lovell is a psychology postgraduate student in the Department of Health and Social Sciences, University of the West of England, Bristol. She is completing this research for her Professional Doctorate in Counselling Psychology dissertation project, and the research is supervised by Dr Nikki Hayfield and Dr Zoe Thomas.
Join me, Dr Lori Beth Bisbey for a workshop on how to stay fully present during sex.
Mindfulness is the term often used to refer to being present. I prefer being present. The practice is spoken about in Buddhism and the term used is Sati.
Sati in plain speak means remembrance or recollection. However, when used in relation to meditation, it refers to an ‘a mental state in which one/recollects/remembers the activity that one is engaged in, in the present moment’ as John Peacock says.
For me, mindfulness is about staying fully present in the moment. When I say fully, I am speaking of thought, feeling, body, spirit. All awareness in the moment. In this way, to talk about being mindful doesn’t really sit well as the word seems to forgo emotion, physical sensation, and spirit.
I prefer to speak of staying fully present or becoming fully present. For many people, staying present is incredibly difficult. The mind wanders off or is triggered into some memory or other. The emotions are triggered and you begin to think/feel the past or think/feel about the future.
When mindfulness is first taught, people are often taught to focus on breath. Though many teachers find this the easiest access point, I do not. I prefer to have my clients learn to observe using their senses first. I prefer to talk about becoming grounded into the present.
In this workshop, we will practice a variety of methods of becoming and staying present in relationships, during conflict or difficult discussions and during sex.
Book Your Ticket For ‘Being Present During Sex’ Here
Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is a psychologist, sex & intimacy coach with over 30 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups helping them to create and maintain their ideal intimate relationships. She has special expertise in working with the aftermath of trauma, working in the areas of gender and sexual diversity, and is kink and polyamory knowledgeable.
Lori Beth hosts a weekly podcast (the A to Z of Sex) and a weekly radio show: The A to Z of Sex ® with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey on the Sexy Lifestyle Network, one vlog on YouTube, has two blogs and writes for a variety of websites and media.
Lori Beth speaks regularly in the UK and USA on topics relating to relationships with sex. She can be found on http://drloribethbisbey.com where both her podcast and radio show can be accessed. She has consulting rooms in central London and sees clients from all over the world via Zoom.
Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is a polyamorous CIS gendered queer leather woman, married and in a 24/7 power exchange relationship with her husband. She can be emailed at firstname.lastname@example.org
Ky Hoyle, founder & MD of Sh! Erotic Emporium, the first female-focused sex shop in the UK, curates a rousing conversation around sex and the politics of pleasure with other sex-positive pioneers looking to inspire and empower women to find their true sexual selves.
Ky Hoyle, Founder & MD of Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium
Creator, founder, all round head girl and sexual retail pioneer of Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium; the UK’s first and only multi-award winning sex shop for women. Regularly invited to speak at events including International Women’s Day, Women of the World (Spotlight Debate Special exploring sex and sexuality), GenPol and the Cambridge Centre for Social Innovation conference ‘Can education stop abuse?’. Currently working on her memoir.
Author, broadcaster, and journalist living in London. She regularly contributes to the Guardian, the BBC, and Sky News on civil liberties and censorship issues, gender politic, and love & dating. From court-reporting obscenity trials to interrogating the adult industry, Nichi makes frequent appearances in radio and TV documentaries and debates on sexuality and society, and recent documentaries for the BBC include ‘Being Bisexual’ for the BBC World Service, and ‘Can Porn Be Ethical?’ for BBC Radio 4.
Her first book, ‘Bound To You’ is a real-life 50 Shades memoir, and her latest book, ‘The Curious History of Dating, from Jane Austen to Tinder’ is out now in hardback and on Audible.
Stephanie Theobald, Author & Journalist for Guardian, Elle, Sunday Times
Novelist, journalist and broadcaster known for her playful and thoughtful work around sexuality and feminism. She writes regularly for the Guardian, the Sunday Times, and Elle and is the author of four novels. Her new memoir is called Sex Drive: On The Road To A Pleasure Revolution. Oscar-winning actress and writer, Emma Thompson has urged the curious to, “Read it and quiver.” She lives between London and Los Angeles.
Reeta Loi, Writer, Musician & DJ, Columnist at Diva Magazine, CEO Gaysians
Musician and DJ aka LOIAL. She is CEO of Gaysians (gaysians.org), the UK alliance of LGBT+ organisations supporting the South Asian community. She is a DIVA columnist, is writing her debut novel and has been selected by Penguin Random House as one of fifty writers to watch. She’s part of the UK Black Pride team, a Forbes 100 woman founder and in 2018 ranked in the Guardian Pride Power List.
A feminist, anti-FGM campaigner and professional over-sharer. She has spoken at events, including Women of the World, The Girl Summit, and the UN Commission on the Status of Women. She has also won numerous awards, including being named one of the Cosmopolitan’s Woman of the Year 2010, BBC’s 100 Women of 2013, Red magazine Woman of the Year 2014 and 6th on the Woman’s Hour Power List 2014. Most recently she was named by The Sunday Times as one of Debrett’s 500 most influential people in Britain. She continues to campaign against the practice of FGM and for women’s issues and currently works for the Women’s Equality Party and as an independent adviser on a number of government and non-government bodies.
I would like some advice if you can.
I do not have orgasm by penetration, but I do by clitoral stimulation. The strength and pleasure of the orgasm is vastly increased by penetration. Is there anything I can do to improve vaginal sex? Can you help me?
Many thanks for your email – and we’ll certainly try! 🙂
This is one of the most common questions we get asked, and the good news is that there are several ways to increase pleasure and orgasm-potential during penetrative sex.
Around 75% of women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. This means most of us need our magic beans rubbed in just the right way, or the climax won’t happen.
Having orgasms during penetration is absolutely possible, but takes a bit of work. It makes sense that your orgasms are more intense when the vagina has something to clench around – this is often the case.
Try positions that offer more clitoral contact. This could be the woman-on-top position, which lets your bump and grind in ways that feel good for you.
Another great position for this is the CAT-aligned, which is sensual and sexy. Your partner positions themselves on top (missionary position) but lifts themselves a bit higher on your body, making sure that they pubic bone grinds against your clitoris. Instead of thrusting, they then go on to treat you to a grinding, rubbing rollercoaster of pleasure, and you might find this takes you all the way to orgasm.
A small, non-intrusive vibrator can make all the difference. A small bullet or finger tip vibe can be a fun addition, but if you prefer something hands-free, we recommend giving Satisfyer Partner a go.
This clever vibe has been designed to fit against the G-spot and the clitoris, whilst still allowing space for a penis or dildo to slip in too. It’s a bestseller in our shop, and we can see why: Satisfyer Partnet won the Red Dot Design Award last year!
At only £45, it won’t break the bank and as it’s fully waterproof, you can enjoy it in the bath or shower too.
A strong pelvic floor helps increase both the number and intensity of orgasms so make sure to practice your kegel exercises regularly. If (like us) you find kegels too boring or you forget to do them, we have a great idea for making it more fun: do them whilst you masturbate!
Doing your squeezes whilst playing with your clit at the same time will likely result in an orgasm (win!) and a stronger pelvic floor too (double win!).
Using a pair of love balls adds to your exercise regime as well as adding pleasure for your G-spot. Which brings us neatly to…
The G-spot often plays a big part for those who enjoy vaginal orgasms. Located at the front wall of the inside of the vagina, it’s a rough-feeling area that grows in tandem with arousal.
By stimulating the clitoris and the G-spot simultaneously, you can go on to enjoy what is known as ‘blended orgasms’. Rabbit vibrators do this job marvellously, but you can use fingers too. Or fingers on the clitoris, and a penis or dildo internally – there are many variations, so pick whichever suits you best.
Over time, you cut down on the clitoral stimulation, a couple of seconds at a time. As you are about to climax, you stop stimulating the clitoris earlier and earlier but still carry on stimulating the G-spot firmly. Over time, you’ll learn how to have G-spot orgasms, or vaginal orgasms this way.
With the wedding of Prince Harry and his fiancée Meghan Markle set to take place on the 19th May, spirits are high among royalists and anyone who’s a sucker for romance, including us.
Being newlyweds is an aphrodisiac in itself and couples tend to live in their happy, loved-up bubble for weeks or even months after the honeymoon has ended. But eventually, the daily grind comes knocking and the after-wedding come-down sets in. It’s not unusual for one or both parties to feel a little low and wonder what happens ‘next’.
Luckily for newlyweds everywhere, we have some experience with this. Check out our top tips for remaining steamy between the sheets long after saying ‘I do’.
Have open discussions about what you want
Hopefully you’ve already done this, but needs & desires evolve and change over time and it’s important to keep conversations about sex ongoing. Being open to trying new things and instilling a sense of togetherness in everything that you do works to strengthen the bond between you.
Whether it’s attending a sex class or shopping for toys, you’re in a partnership now, so play and enjoy as a pair. Sex classes are not only liberating and great fun, but also the perfect place for couples to learn new ways of giving and receiving pleasure.
Up the ante when it comes to erotic connection
We’re conditioned to think that “real” sex is p-i-v (penis in vagina) but it’s time to put the kaboosh on this old fashioned thinking. Sex is whatever you want it to be! It can certainly involve a penis or dildo in a vagina if that’s how you and your beau roll, but it can also mean that nothing is inserted into any orifices. Like, ever. And it’s still sex!
Focusing heavily on penetration leaves out a long list of other delicious activities such as mutual masturbation (watching your partner bring themselves to orgasm is super-hot), tickling (yep, some peeps get off on that) and phone sex to name a few.
Make it your mission to grow the erotic side of your play. A strong erotic connection increases sexual tension and excitement, it builds feelings of intimacy, and this should never be overlooked.
‘Erotic’ means different things to different people, but usually includes lots of eye contact, gentle touching, lips travelling slowly over naked skin, and words whispered in the dark… Take your time and savour each experience.
Long make-out sessions keep the panty-fires on full blast, so leave the wham-bam-thank-you-mam’s for the occasions you really are short on time.
Make great sex a priority
There are gazillions of articles telling us how many times per week or month we “should” be having sex, but we think quality tops quantity every time. Isn’t having really great sex once or twice a month much better than having three or four lukewarm shags per week? Sex isn’t a competition so forget about keeping up with the Jones’s.
Juggling jobs, families and other commitments can mean that sex has to take a backseat from time to time and that’s ok, but don’t let it get stuck back there. Scheduling sex-dates might seem like a passion-killer, but clearing a couple of hours in your calendar for carnal pleasures is actually great fun.
Take it in turns to think up new scenarios, buy some sex toys or try seemingly impossible positions so the element of surprise is still there.
Stop counting how many times per week you have sex, and focus on the amount of pleasure you’re getting instead.
It may sound obvious, but it’s important to remain tactile with your partner when you aren’t having sex. Focus on kissing and stroking each other, both of which will make you feel closer, more connected, and ensure that you enjoy a fiery sex life when you do get down to it.
Holding hands is romantic and sweet, and chaste pecks in public can be crazy hot if you’re both looking forward to a long night in private later on.
Cheeky little gropes when no one is watching is sexy and keeps you both hungry for more. A sly snog in the kitchen whilst you are checking on the Sunday roast is a classic, as is gentle nibbles of the neck whilst your new spouse is on the phone to their boss…
Grab the moment when it comes, and make it count!
Marriage is about more than sex – obviously – but you’d be amazed how much ‘playing’ together in other areas will spice things up.
Camping, or glamping if hot water and hair dryer are on the must-have list, is in season and a night out under the stars offers plenty of opportunity for togetherness and turn-ons. Bring a bottle of fizz in a cooler and play never-have-I-ever had sex outdoors.
Long-haul flights are great for mile-high fun and a night on a ferry will rock you both in more ways that one. You could play one-for-one (one orgasm for you, one orgasm for me) on long car journeys, or book a night in a hotel and live out a 24-hour sex fantasy.
There is a fine line between pleasure and pain and for many that line is blurred entirely when it comes to spanking.
Whether performed as simply a playful pat on the behind, to pep up another sexual act or as a BDSM scene, there is no denying that some people just can’t get enough of spanking and / or being spanked!
So, just what is it about spanking that’s so irresistible?
It feels really good!
Lets start with the with the obvious; Spanking feels really good! The buttock area is a fairly well-protected muscular region and also home to fair few nerve endings, so it’s no surprise most of us respond with pleasure when our partner slaps our rear during a sex-sesh.
Although they may seem jiggly, our buttocks are actually where we hold a lot of tension. Spanking, as the slap or paddle vibrates through the muscle, is actually just another form of buttock massage and a great way of releasing tension.
Considering we often sit on them all day, the bum-cheeks are actually very sensitive and responsive to a whole range of sensations; from the lightest tickle, through to warming smacks and onto teeth-clenching whacks… Contrasting sensations really builds-up arousal and is a sure-fire way to have your partner begging you for more.
Add even more sensation to your spanking session by bringing this Body Feather Tickler Pom into the mix and gently caressing their butocks and inner thighs between smacks.
And finally, whilst we’re on the physical feel-good factor of spanking, there are the Endorphins that are released as the body reacts to the ‘pain’ and sends in the natural pain-killers to help ( the name “endorphin” comes from “endogenous morphine”)
Spanking allows us to relinquish control …. or gain it.
For those in high-powered or taxing jobs, where it’s wall-to-wall decisions and/or stress all day, the chance to relinquish control, bend over and be on the receiving end of a good, old spanking is an opportunity to cease the usual top-dog position or stressed-out situation and give into the commands and actions of somebody else.
Similarly, those who perhaps feel that they don’t have much control over circumstances in day to day life may relish in the opportunity to ask their beau’s to bend-over.
Getting down with some hanky-spanky allows players to perform in a way they may not get the chance to, in everyday life, and this switching or exploring of new roles can be huge turn on.
Want to explore the physiological pleasures of spanking without any real physical pain? This buttock-shaped Leather Heart Spanking Paddle with contrasting sides of silky leather and soft-fur is ideal for delivering a perfectly soft spanking, along with that all-important ‘thwack’-sound!
Spanking can increase intimacy
Whether light and playful or more impactful on the body and mind, negotiating a spanking session is all about communication and good communication increases intimacy.
One study revealed that couples who engage in power-play together will experience an increase in relationship closeness and a reduction in physiological stress.
Even if it’s just a playful bout, consent should always be sought and it’s easy enough to do. Simply ask the question ‘Do you like that?’
For more intense playtime, it’s time to talk about safe-words. The bottom is well-padded and so long as you stay clear away from bony areas like hip joints or base of the spine and your spanking implement is traditional paddle-shaped ( ie wide and flat) then you can’t do lasting physical damage. But it can still hurt, so the spankee needs a safe word to ensure they are in full control of the intensity they receive.
To ramp things up this Fifty Shades of Grey Spanking Paddle is delivers firm
It feels naughty!
Madonna’s ‘Hanky Spanky’, movie moments – elements of popular culture have meant that spanking has gained traction and is more acceptable as quite a commonplace sexual behaviour, but there’s still something about a spanking session that feels ever so naughty….
Spanking is synonymous with chastisement, which comes from the old French word ‘chastiier‘ meaning “to warn, advise, instruct, admonish, punish dominate or tame’
There’s something incredibly hot about performing an act that you feel departs from the ordinary and perhaps even better when there is a hint of play-acting about it.
A crop, with it’s bendy stem and equestrian connotations is perfect for posturing and threatening to ‘tame’ a partner, but it’s a toy to use cautiously as the hard, narrow stem doesn’t diffuse sensation like a flat, wide paddle.
For anyone other than experienced BDSMers, the leather tip on the end of the crop is the place to focus your aim with. Flicked quickly, rhythmically, across the buttocks and between thighs the tip can provide a sensational chastisement that is light but effective.
Slap & Tickle Crop and Feather Kit couples a crop with a long ostrich feather for a double whammy of contrasting sensation sticks that can be used to deliver alternating sensations to send nerve-endings into over-drive.
There’s no denying that spanking is really enjoyable, and that’s really all any sex act should be. To keep it this way, make sure that you discuss your boundaries with your partner and are both clear about what you want to gain from the experience.
To learn more about the fine art of spanking, how to introduce it or how to perfect it, come to our next Spanking Erotic Class and get the low-down on spank-down!
There are different types of orgasms and bodies have the fantastic ability to experience different ones during a sexual lifetime. There are the great ones; you might know the kind – you can’t stay still, you’re wriggling and squirming, your legs are shaking until finally, an explosion erupts between your thighs and you’re left quivering and panting… We like those ones!
There are long & strong ones, there are short & sharp ones, cresting ones, wet ones, fast ones, multiple ones and also, the kind we like the least: the ones that are so weak you wonder why you even bothered. The last kind is pitiful little vaginal sneezes that leave you frustrated and disappointed rather than sleepy and satisfied. Blips on the orgasmic radar.
Luckily, there are a number of things that can be done in order to amp up the intensity and pleasure of orgasms, and we’ve got five of our top tips listed below.
Turn up the heat
Did you know that heat helps to increase the blood flow to the vulva, which in turn is great for stronger orgasms?
Relaxing in a hot, steamy bath before play is an excellent way of getting warmed up and ready for fun. A gentle stroke and feel of your labia lips whilst bathing will help kickstart blood flow to the area. You’ll know it’s working when warmth starts building from the inside, the labia lips darkens and feels “puffier”.
Lube sometimes gets a bad rap; there are actually folks out there who still believe that lube is something “for old women”.
Lube can certainly be helpful if your muffkin is feeling dehydrated or uncomfortable for some reason, but actually, lube is very sexy and we recommend having a bottle handy.
Certain lubes, like ID Pleasure, can help increase the frequency and power of female orgasms as it contains a naturally occurring amino acid which encourages blood flow to the area, heightening sensations. ID Pleasure combines natural sensation-enhancing ingredients like Ginko Biloba, Red Clover, and Menthol to ensure blood flow to genitals is at peak performance. For penises, this means firmer erections and for vaginas, it means tingly sensations.
Add a vibrator into the mix
For about 75% of those with clitorises, the clit plays a major part in orgasmic pleasure.
As much fun as fingers, tongues, and toes can be, it’s not uncommon for the person focused on pleasuring said clit to run out of steam or develop jaw ache at a crucial moment.
For the majority, the key to strong, long-lasting orgasms is sustained clitoral stimulation. Pair this with the vibrations of a sex toy and you’re in for a thrilling ride. We like the Rocks Off Twister Vibrator, which comes with 7 different vibration settings, is fully waterproof and suits all bodies.
For a truly toe-curling time, start on the lowest setting and work your way up. As the strength of the vibrations builds, so will your pleasure… Which neatly brings us on to the next tip:
‘Edging’ is a fancy word for ‘holding back your orgasm for as long as you can’ and you should add it to your sex dictionary sharpish.
This is a tried & tested method that may take a while to perfect but once you’ve got the hang of it, you’ll be able to ‘edge’ your way to orgasm over and over until you have no other option but to let the orgasm rock your body before leaving you spent and grinning. Good times!
As you get to know your body and how it reacts to the right kind of stimulation, you’ll know when an orgasm is near. At this point, stop the rubbing/patting/touching that feels so good and focus on another body part for a while. (We know, frustrating, right?!)
Once you feel in control after having reversed back down the hump of pleasure, start edging yourself closer to the top again. And stop just before climax again.
Carry this on for as long as you can stand it and when you eventually let go, you’ll be able to enjoy what’ll seem like a neverending, thunderous orgasm!
If you’re really keen to enhance your sex life and make your orgasms as strong as can be, you need to focus on finding out what it is that really gets you off. Before you get down to it with a partner, try experimenting with different techniques on yourself with your fingers or toys.
Having some uninterrupted time will help you relax into your body and allow it to enjoy your touches. If you’re into erotic stories or films, you might like to get your brain aroused by reading or watching something – after all, our brains are our biggest sex organs. If you want to try porn without having to trawl through the many free-but-oh-so-unsexy clips on the web, we recommend giving Erika Lust a go. Lust is an award-winning, ethical, adult film-maker and you can check out her website here.
Knowing your own body and working out your pleasure points is a sure fire way of experiencing more pleasurable orgasms.
It’s pretty much the truth universally acknowledged that oral sex is seriously hot; most of us love receiving it and just as many also jump at the opportunity to give it.
For women especially, oral sex is a great way to get the soft but constant clitoral stimulation that many need to achieve orgasm. Fingers can be a little too firm and not everyone is into vibration, but most of us can get onboard with a moist, agile and patient tongue… Le sigh.
Just like other sex play, oral sex can be enjoyed in ways too many to count, but we have our list of top 5 oral sex positions below – read on for inspiration!
Also known as “queening” or “kinging” (depending on who is sitting on your face and how they identify), this is an ace position for some seriously sensual genital or anal lickery.
This is a particularly great position for female-bodied persons who find it difficult to climax laying down. Ths position gives freedom to move in ways that feel great for the face-sitter, rocking and rolling their hips rhythmically.
As the sitter, you want to avoid sitting directly on your partner’s face – however much they beg – and opt for a more hovering position. Make sure that the partner on the bottom can breathe comfortably and isn’t straining their neck.
If you fancy being a tease, you could raise yourself so that your lush bits are just out of reach, which also happens to be an excellent workout for your thighs…
Sex tip: Sit facing the headboard or wall – this gives you something to lean against when pleasure becomes almost too intense. 😉
Got a kink for doggy style sex? We have great news for you: oral sex is great fun from behind too!
This position is fantastic because you can rock back and forth to control the angle and pressure of the stimulation that you are receiving. Lowering yourself by spreading your thighs wider ensures your partner can get at you better, plus the tempting view will have them hungry for more…
Rimming (anal licking) tends to happen naturally in this position – you’re in an optimum position for all-over attention.
Sex tip: a dildo can easily be added to this position, whether for vaginal or anal play.
Feeling dominant? Great! The Cliffhanger is the position for you.
Sit yo’self on the edge of the bed, spreading your legs wide apart. Have your partner on their knees in front of you. Your partner’s head will likely be angled downwards in this position (unless you have a particularly high bed frame), meaning that they have direct and easy access to your clit or peen. Invite them to use their hands to splay you open, before dipping a finger or two inside to ramp up the pleasure.
From the sitting position, you can easily lay back and get lost in a favorite sex fantasy, whilst they feast for hours.
Sex tip: let your submissive sit on a cushion to protect their knees. After all, you might be in this position for a while…
Standing up whilst your partner is kneeling in front of you is a seriously hot position – for both of you. This can be enjoyed in the bedroom, kitchen or office – anywhere that takes your fancy, really. We recommend trying it in the shower; leaning against cool tiles with hot steam rising around you both is incredibly erotic and a super-sexy start to any day…
Standing up oral sex is great for when you want to feel powerful and ensure that your partner has easy access to all your juicy bits. If they have a submissive streak, this position can easily play into that.
We’re going to slip in a little note here: if you have a penis or a dildo attached to you, you want to check with your partner before engaging in any facef*cking. It isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and shouldn’t be thrust upon anyone without prior discussion.
Sex tip: place your hands on their head so that you can gently guide their mouth to where it needs to be.
Raising the Bar
Some people prefer to receive a tongue lashing whilst on their backs and we have a good position for that too. You can enjoy this on a bed, but the floor (and a soft rug or blanket) may offer a little bit more support for your back; lay down flat and lift your bum and legs off the floor, pulling your knees close to your body. This leaves you wide open for easy access and your partner has a couple of options depending on what’s most comfortable for them.
Your partner can rest on their elbows and knees, placing their mouth on you. Or, they can lie flat on their front and prop themselves up on their elbows and lower arms, maybe cupping your bum to help hold you up from below.
Sex tip: a tongue vibrator is a great addition to this position; gentle licks with the bonus of gentle buzzing is likely to tip you over the edge in no time!
Anyone who’s ever experienced an orgasm knows just how ruddy marvelous they are: Your heart races, toes curls and breathing speeds up while the feeling builds in waves all over your body until you reach the point of climax and a feeling of intense pleasure and relief washes over you…
Yes, orgasms are pretty fantastic, but have you ever wondered how it might feel to have more than one?
You might be keen to learn about how you can increase your chances of experiencing one (or more, coz let’s be honest, once you’ve had one you’ll want to do it again).
Either way, this short guide to multiple orgasms should give you all of the information that you need to know about multiple orgasms.
What are multiple orgasms?
Bodies are amazing in that there is almost no limit to how much pleasure they can experience and the female body, in particular, is amazing in the sense that it can produce numerous orgasms in any one session (provided it gets the right stimulation).
A multiple is effectively when a woman experiences more than one orgasm during a sex play, either on her own or with a partner.
Can everyone experience them?
Like most things, multiple orgasms are different for everybody and some people are finding hard to have one orgasm, never mind several. Don’t beat yourself up over it – learning more about what your particular hots spots are, and spending a lot of time playing & teasing them, will help you closer to the first orgasm and after that, the world is your oyster!
It is common for the clitoris to become too sensitive for touch after the first climax, but we hear there are women (or female-bodied persons) who have experienced multiple orgasms after working through the period of uncomfortable over-stimulation. If you reckon you can handle it, you may have more than one treat waiting for you on the other side…
A different approach is to work with your G-spot, as this tends to be far more comfortable for continued stimulation. Women who enjoy G-spot play are often in a far better position to become multiple orgasm:ers, as their G-spot doesn’t become overstimulated in the same way the clitoris does. In fact, the G-spot enjoys attention so much, it becomes bigger and firmer, the more you stimulate it!
How to become multi-orgasmic
We’re focusing on the female body in this blog post, but men can also become multi-orgasmic if they are into prostate play.
Once you have mastered the art of one orgasm – or maybe two – you can kick it up a notch and try for a third.
Having the first orgasms by clitoral stimulation (any way you like it: tongue, fingers or toys), before moving on to a blended orgasm is a good middle. A blended orgasm is clitoral & G-spot stimulation at the same time (you’ll need fingers, G-spot toys or a penis for the internal stimulation).
Once you have mastered the blended orgasm, it’s time to practice G-spot orgasms only. For this, you need to be super-turned on, and tease yourself for up to an hour without allowing an orgasm to happen, Take yourself almost there, and then back off, go back up the peak, and then back off… This technique is called edging and works wonders if you want to increase the intensity of your orgasm.
Once you have mastered this (we know, it’s a lot of “homework” involved!), it’s time for the multiple…
After the first G-spot or blended orgasm, give yourself a few seconds before resuming firm stimulation of your G-spot area. Glass toys or steel dildos are particularly good for this, but any G-spot toy should be able to provide the stimulation needed. Once you’ve had a second orgasm, give yourself another few seconds to rest and then carry on…
Ah, the G-spot. The rare and unrivalled superstar of female orgasms. So special and precious that some even doubt its very existence! But after all our years of experience in advising women on the discovery of their ‘happy place’, at Sh! we definitely know better!
So, maybe you’ve been fantasising about the ultimate in penetrative sensation, or you’ve just heard your friends talking about how amazing G-spot stimulation and orgasms are, but you’re still struggling to hit your peak or maybe even find your G-spot!
Never fear! We’ve put together a short guide to shed some light on the ins and out of your G-spot, how you find it and the moves you need to be making for maximum satisfaction. Maybe you’ll discover it’s not so elusive after all…
How to find your G-spot
Finding your G-spot takes a lil’ bit of time and exploration, but baby the journey is the destination! Don’t put pressure on yourself if you can’t find the Holy Grail straight away, relax and enjoy the sensations of exploring. Getting to know your own body and being comfortable is key to understanding your own ‘process’ when it comes to reaching orgasm. There are no wrong answers here so feel free to move along as quick or as achingly slow as you desire! The beauty is, the G-spot ‘wakes up’ with arousal and will become easier to find the more you’re enjoying yourself.
It’s often best to begin your exploration simple, with fingers and lube. This can be fun with a partner you trust and communicate with well, but it’s often best to start your research alone and at your own pace. This way you’ll have some idea of the sensations, how they make you feel and what to expect – meaning you’ll have a more confident and fulfilling time with a partner and your G-spot further down the line! Make sure your fingers are clean and your nails are free from dirt and snags for a far more pleasant experience.
The G-spot area is located on the front wall of the vagina, about half-a-finger inside and up. You’ll find your fingers will naturally follow the inner slope of your body, but as a guide curving them upwards towards your belly button will give you a better angle. Often, new explorers make the mistake of delving a little too deeply – blame mainstream porn and the idea that ‘bigger/deeper is better’ – the sacred pearl of the G-spot is often not as far within as you’d expect! We wish we could draw you a map to the exact spot, but here every woman is unique, and like we said you’re bound to have fun figuring out what works best for you!
The G-spot is actually erectile tissue that swells and becomes firm as you become aroused, ready for stimulation. As you feel around, try and find a cluster of tissue that is slightly more hard and bumpy than the typically smooth surface of your vaginal walls. You should notice a gently significant change in sensation. Feeling that? Bingo! You’ve just found your G-spot!
Remember as we mentioned, we are all different and unique goddesses! Your G-spot may be higher up inside or could be larger in size (easier to find! Lucky you!). G-spots can vary from the size of pea to a walnut – all are completely normal, natural and loaded with the potential to send you into orbit!
Can’t quite find it? Don’t give up hope! Orgasms take time to build and the G-spot itself can take a while to respond. Up your chances by seeing to it that you’re nicely relaxed and incredibly aroused. Give yourself lots of attention and you’re sure to have a great time practising. Still no luck? Just try again another time. Women of all ages frequently visit Sh! to tell us they’ve just discovered their new super power! It’s really never too late.
All this being said, it’s true that G-spot stimulation just doesn’t cut it for some ladies. This is completely fine! There are plenty of other types of stimulation out there. But you’d be doing your wonderful body a disservice if you didn’t at least give it a try.
Increasing sensation alone or with a partner
So now you’ve found your special spot, it’s time to experiment with it and find out how it likes to be stimulated. Oh yes, now the fun REALLY begins! You might choose to do this alone or with a partner, but either way there is a special technique that you can use that has been shown to work for a lot of lucky G-spot owners:
Work your finger (or fingers if you prefer more than one) in bit by bit and massage the G-spot firmly. Remember to use plenty of lube in order to keep your movements smooth and deliciously swooping. You want to get your fingers into a curled position and use them to massage the wall of your vagina in a ‘come-hither’ motion (also known as your ‘new favourite’). It can be tiring to do this on your own, so a G-spot toy can be helpful. Yes, this technique is so legendary that toys have been crafted to replicate its exact movement. For ease, it’ll have a handle to hold and a tip that curves upwards towards your hot-spot.
If you’re experimenting with a partner, try lifting your knees towards your chest, which will give them better access for finding your G-spot and allow you to simply lie back and enjoy. Rather than having them thrust their fingers in and out vigorously, ask them to firmly massage the area instead – we call this ‘juicing the G-spot’, and from here the view is so spectacular that your partner might enjoy it just as much as you do. (Almost!)
Best positions for G-spot stimulation
Now you’ve got to grips with things and know whereabouts your G-spot is located, it’s time to ramp things up and work on using different positions to keep hitting your pleasure spot and maybe even achieve some toe-curling orgasms!
Doggy style is a great position for G-spot stimulation and is also perfect if you enjoy the feeling of being dominated. Being on all fours with your back arched ensures your G-spot is receiving maximum attention. A lot of women also find that riding ‘on-top’, cowgirl style is key to a penetrative orgasm, as from here you control the pace and the spot that gets hit! For that intensely intimate eye-contact with your partner, try lying on your back with your legs in the air as they penetrate you. Ride that rocket ship into orbit baby!