Traditionally a night for lovers to spend hours and hours sweating it out between the sheets, Valentine’s can be a little sore for those who find themselves without someone to bump & grind with.
You could organise a night out with other singletons, or set up a Tinder account specifically for hooking up on this one night of the year where the pressure to be part of a couple is on…
But what if you don’t want to? What if you want to take off your rose-tinted glasses and close the door on all the bouquets and teddy bears smugly making their way across town on public transport?
There’s no good reason why you should miss out on orgasms just because you are single. In fact, celebrating Valentine’s Day is the perfect way to show yourself some tender loving care.
There are a couple of different ways of going about this.
- Romance yourself. Buy your own flowers, order in a meal and pop the cork on your favourite tipple. Queue up a series on Netflix and settle down in your finest lingerie. Make sure your sheets are fresh for what’s to come (you).
- Sod the romance. Get a bag of nachos, find some good porn, and settle down in all your naked glory. Who cares about fresh sheets – the sofa is perfectly fine for a hot wank every other night of the year so it’ll do for V-Day too.
Next: line up everything you need for a menage a moi.
- Lube – check!
- Sex toys – hmmm…
- Toy cleaner – what?
Sex toys might not feature on your list of must-haves, but if you’re going to give it a go, we reckon one of the toys below will make a mighty fine lover on Valentine’s night.
First on our highly-recommended-list is Zalo Queen, an innovative and luxury toy that marries throbbing pulsation, a delicious sucking sensation and temperature-play technology to create a must-have that’s simply too good to share with anyone else (you might not get it back!).
Whoever said there can be too much of a good thing has never enjoyed the pleasures of Zalo Queen; heat it up to keep you nice n’ warm; keep your clit on full alert by switching between the 8 different vibration modes; add a slick of lube and tease your G-spot, add a bit more lube and slide the detachable hood over the shaft to create a suction toy… There’s very little this marvel can’t do in terms of offering pleasure!
Zalo Queen had our toy tester busy for several days (Hey gal – where’d you go?) and cross-eyed with pleasure. Check out her review of Zalo Queen here.
Treat yourself to a Zalo Queen in Wine Red before Valentine’s Day and as an extra treat, we’ll throw in a bottle of ON Arousal Oil (£15) for FREE!
ON Arousal Oil is a clever blend of essential oils and just a drop or two of this stuff will start a warm, tingly build-up, leading to an incredible buzzing sensation that lasts up to 45 minutes. Many women (including us) swear by this oil and say that the buzzing sensation increases their arousal and make them extra wet.
(Sch)longing for Love
Next on our recommended-list is something for those with penises.
Vertical Attack has a name that makes us wince, but the toy itself is dreamy. A soft, textured masturbation cup with a small vibrator at the tip offers plenty of thrills as you simply glide or twist the sleeve over your long schlong. Its stretchy, body-safe material means Vertical Attack guarantees a smooth ride – especially if you add a little water-based lube beforehand.
Not only are masturbators great fun, but they can also help you last longer if you find yourself popping your cork like it’s 1999. The trick lies in regular practice. As soon as you feel that rumbling sensation in your party-bag, slip off the cup and give the base of your peen a firm squeeze as that’ll help it calm down. Once you have the naughty bugger under control, slip the cup back down over it and work that shaft until the rumbling starts again… Remove the cup and give your Johnson a firm squeeze. Repeat as many times as you can stand it.
When you eventually let go, it’ll be an explosion to remember *wink*
The Sex Toy That Sucks
Now, some of us have to work on Valentine’s Day – that can’t be helped. Perhaps you’re travelling for work even? Make the most of your hotel stay by inviting a li’l buddy to keep you company.
The Satisfyer Pro Traveller is perfect for anyone who lives out of a suitcase or needs to have their go-bag ready at a moment’s notice; it takes up next to no space and comes in a discreet travel case.
Well-known for its lapping sensations, Satisfyer Pro Traveller is ideal for those who love-love-love oral sex during partnered play. The ‘mouth’ of Satisfyer Pro Traveller has been refined for maximum satisfaction; it cups your lust-button and enables contact-free stimulation, which you can increase or decrease thanks to two intuitive buttons. Using pressure waves rather than traditional vibration, Pro Traveller creates the feeling of gentle sucking that feels orgasmic when placed around the clitoris.
All you need to do is add a lick of lube, then lie back and experience 11 settings all the way from a gentle ‘lick’ to a super-powered ‘suck’ that will take your breath away!
We mentioned toy cleaner earlier, and you should definitely get yourself a bottle of that stuff too. It might be only you using your toy, but it still needs to be cleaned. Spritz on, rinse off, and your fave toy will be ready for round two!