Woman-Gold-Glitter

My vagina is a penetration-free zone – here’s why…

Non-penetrative sex.

Yes, it exists. And it can be better than what you might think of as “normal” sex.

Your largest organ is your skin and that skin is packed with erogenous zones all over your body. From your armpit to your knee, arousal can be experienced through different types of stimulation, yet many of us grow up believing that getting busy centers around one action… We’re talking about penis in vagina sex, P-i-V.

The hetero-patriarchal society that typically grooms us has cultivated the belief that sex in its most basic sense involves penetration. Whether that be anal or vaginal, other forms of sexual activity are traditionally regarded as mere precursors to the grande finale. Like the Superhero blockbuster sequel you never asked for, this sequential narrative of a beginning, a middle and an end is anything but penetrating. We find it rather predictable.

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It’s not newsworthy that the majority of women struggle to orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, and without a toy. But who says that you have to have penetrative sex to seal the deal? Often, clitoral simulation provides a sure-fire way to reaching orgasmic peaks. This being the case as long as your mood, the ambiance in the room you’re in, and your overall state of relaxation are all cooperating.

There are many other ways to enjoy yourself once you drop these ideas of sex as a screenplay. Sexual activity is a whole playground of sensation that you can start, end or continue with at any lubed-up point you desire. Placing end goals on sex can do way more harm than good. It can prove exasperating for individuals who experience Vaginisimus or orgasmic/erectile difficulties, for example.

We like to call sexual activity “play” for a reason, and namely, that’s because it doesn’t need a lesson plan. “Play” doesn’t require an erect penis or a moist vaginal canal for it to be erotic and more-ish. “Play” is pleasure-focused and it doesn’t end just because someone had an orgasm – in fact,  sex lasts much longer because typically, everyone involved enjoys as many orgasms as they can handle.

For uterus owners – your vagina may be the most powerful thing you own, but don’t overlook your vulva. Your vulva is important. It deserves unwavering attention in the form of Caring, Loving, Intimate Tenderness (C-L-I-T).

Now, let’s be real. There is no better way to worship your clit than with a suction toy. In a new era of sexual pleasure, these toys are designed to simulate a sucking sensation. Add in a splash of lube and it’ll feel like someone’s lips are tending to your luscious front-garden. Whether you prefer the ultra deluxe Womanizer variety or the more affordable Satisfyer range, suction toys have the critics raving in a matter of minutes.

Zero penetration required.

A common myth we’ve noticed circulating is that penetrative sex is more intimate than other types of sex.

Who decided this?

How exactly did they measure it?

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Our sexperts have never personally whacked out measuring tapes to decipher this. Surely, someone who is keen and willing to smother your backdoor in smooches deserves some credit? A gold star, perhaps! Anything less and it’s surely a slap in the face?

But what is non-penetrative play and how do I do it with a partner?

Good question.

­Non-penetrative play can involve sensual massages, teasing touches and, of course, hours of oral play. You can spend days and days exploring each other’s bodies and getting to know what exactly makes your partner(s) tick. You can rub and grind on each other, kissing deeply, and don’t forget to go to town on breasts and nipples – those are awesome for playing with!

Turn it into a game with the help of one of ours, such as the Tease & Please Kinky Heart game. Take turns to pick out tasks that will leave you begging for more! Use your imagination and embrace exploration. Why not leave the bedroom and fool around in the bathroom, the kitchen, the hall? Buy an O Wand and you’ll forget penetration is even a thing!

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Plus, if you are a vagina-owner and you are self-conscious around the sheets when on your period, you can simply pop in a menstrual cup (see Mooncup or Fun Factory’s Fun Cup) and enjoy yourself stress-free. This is the perfect chance to introduce new, fun games into the mix. Focus your attentions on skin and sensitive areas, take turns to enact sexy activities on each other or role-play saucy fantasies. Invest in some handcuffs and restrain your partner to the bed or explore the art of rope-play…

Removing the pressure of putting one body part into another opens up a world of possibilities. It’s hot and erotic, and it’s likely to boost sexual satisfaction. Whether the reasons for saying ‘no, ta’  to penetration are long-term or short-term, there is only one thing to remember:

There are so many ways to explore your sexuality without ramming a plug in the socket.