My vagina is a penetration-free zone – here’s why…

Non-penetrative sex.

Yes, it exists. And it can be better than what you might think of as “normal” sex.

Your largest organ is your skin and that skin is packed with erogenous zones all over your body. From your armpit to your knee, arousal can be experienced through different types of stimulation, yet many of us grow up believing that getting busy centers around one action… We’re talking about penis in vagina sex, P-i-V.

The hetero-patriarchal society that typically grooms us has cultivated the belief that sex in its most basic sense involves penetration. Whether that be anal or vaginal, other forms of sexual activity are traditionally regarded as mere precursors to the grande finale. Like the Superhero blockbuster sequel you never asked for, this sequential narrative of a beginning, a middle and an end is anything but penetrating. We find it rather predictable.


It’s not newsworthy that the majority of women struggle to orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, and without a toy. But who says that you have to have penetrative sex to seal the deal? Often, clitoral simulation provides a sure-fire way to reaching orgasmic peaks. This being the case as long as your mood, the ambiance in the room you’re in, and your overall state of relaxation are all cooperating.

There are many other ways to enjoy yourself once you drop these ideas of sex as a screenplay. Sexual activity is a whole playground of sensation that you can start, end or continue with at any lubed-up point you desire. Placing end goals on sex can do way more harm than good. It can prove exasperating for individuals who experience Vaginisimus or orgasmic/erectile difficulties, for example.

We like to call sexual activity “play” for a reason, and namely, that’s because it doesn’t need a lesson plan. “Play” doesn’t require an erect penis or a moist vaginal canal for it to be erotic and more-ish. “Play” is pleasure-focused and it doesn’t end just because someone had an orgasm – in fact,  sex lasts much longer because typically, everyone involved enjoys as many orgasms as they can handle.

For uterus owners – your vagina may be the most powerful thing you own, but don’t overlook your vulva. Your vulva is important. It deserves unwavering attention in the form of Caring, Loving, Intimate Tenderness (C-L-I-T).

Now, let’s be real. There is no better way to worship your clit than with a suction toy. In a new era of sexual pleasure, these toys are designed to simulate a sucking sensation. Add in a splash of lube and it’ll feel like someone’s lips are tending to your luscious front-garden. Whether you prefer the ultra deluxe Womanizer variety or the more affordable Satisfyer range, suction toys have the critics raving in a matter of minutes.

Zero penetration required.

A common myth we’ve noticed circulating is that penetrative sex is more intimate than other types of sex.

Who decided this?

How exactly did they measure it?


Our sexperts have never personally whacked out measuring tapes to decipher this. Surely, someone who is keen and willing to smother your backdoor in smooches deserves some credit? A gold star, perhaps! Anything less and it’s surely a slap in the face?

But what is non-penetrative play and how do I do it with a partner?

Good question.

­Non-penetrative play can involve sensual massages, teasing touches and, of course, hours of oral play. You can spend days and days exploring each other’s bodies and getting to know what exactly makes your partner(s) tick. You can rub and grind on each other, kissing deeply, and don’t forget to go to town on breasts and nipples – those are awesome for playing with!

Turn it into a game with the help of one of ours, such as the Tease & Please Kinky Heart game. Take turns to pick out tasks that will leave you begging for more! Use your imagination and embrace exploration. Why not leave the bedroom and fool around in the bathroom, the kitchen, the hall? Buy an O Wand and you’ll forget penetration is even a thing!


Plus, if you are a vagina-owner and you are self-conscious around the sheets when on your period, you can simply pop in a menstrual cup (see Mooncup or Fun Factory’s Fun Cup) and enjoy yourself stress-free. This is the perfect chance to introduce new, fun games into the mix. Focus your attentions on skin and sensitive areas, take turns to enact sexy activities on each other or role-play saucy fantasies. Invest in some handcuffs and restrain your partner to the bed or explore the art of rope-play…

Removing the pressure of putting one body part into another opens up a world of possibilities. It’s hot and erotic, and it’s likely to boost sexual satisfaction. Whether the reasons for saying ‘no, ta’  to penetration are long-term or short-term, there is only one thing to remember:

There are so many ways to explore your sexuality without ramming a plug in the socket.

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The pleasure points you might not know about

We all know about the power of the clitoris when it comes to sexual pleasure for female-bodied peeps and the fact that most penis-owners get all tingly when you fondle with their balls, but what about the pleasure points that some of us are still in the dark about?

The human body is full of nerve endings, so naturally there are a lot of spots that respond well to touch.

Want to learn more about some of the pleasure points that you might not know about? Read on.

The Ears

Ever experienced someone nibbling on your ear and thought, that actually felt really good? That’s because the ears are crammed full of nerve endings, making them super sensitive to touch.

If you’re keen to get your partner off with some ear action, try kissing, licking and nibbling. You could even whisper some hot words into their ear and tell them what you’re planning to do to them later, trust us, they’ll appreciate this one!

The Mouth and Lips

We all know how important kissing is during the early stages of a relationship. Locking lips with your partner can help you to develop feelings of mutual trust and it doesn’t hurt that the lips are also a really sensitive part of the body for all genders.

To enhance the experience for both of you, get inventive and try sucking, licking and gently biting. Varying the pressure and feeling is a great way to build excitement, making it a great form of foreplay guaranteed to get you both in the mood.

The Neck

Fan of both giving and receiving love bites? If the answer’s yes, you’ll be glad to learn that the neck is one of the sexiest erogenous zones for most people, and any type of touching here tends to elicit positive responses.

Kissing the neck during sex is a great way to heighten intimacy, especially for women.

ostrich-featherIf you fancy upping the ante and getting a bit more inventive, invest in one of these Ostrich Feathers, which can help to increase excitement and feeling. Try tickling and stroking your partner’s neck with the feather and slowly make your way down the length of their body. End at the feet, which are also known to be extremely sensitive when it comes to touch…




Wow Yourself For V-Day

Valentine’s Day can feel gruesome and daunting if you aren’t coupled up for this luvvy time of year: shops are filled with teddy bears, flower arrangements and cards so sweet your teeth hurt just looking at them.

There are plenty of things you can do with equally single friends on V-Day, like going for drinks and watch overly refreshed couples tongue-kissing each other. That’s always fun. Or go to a restaurant and count how many couples are staring meaningfully into each others eyes over bowls of freshly-made pasta. Also great fun.

Or you can heed our advice and spend the day in the best company of all: you own! No one to make polite small talk with, no one to look disapprovingly at your third martini and best of all, the only needs to be satisfied are your own!

It’s time to embrace Valentine’s Day as a Singleton.

Booking a massage is an excellent way of relaxing tense muscles and forgetting about the massive bouquet of roses Ruth in Reception received before lunch. We recommend trying a hot stone massage – utter bliss in the hands of a stranger. No need to worry about shaving, plucking or waxing – just let those experienced hands take care of you… Check GroupOn for good deals and book yourself in!

Having nails done is another great way of feeling pampered. We don’t necessarily mean pink polish – cuticle oil on chewed nails and a quick trim of tootsies feel amazing. Don’t worry if your feet have been hidden in boots all winter – just leave a decent tip before floating away on your newly-soft soles.

Treating yourself to some new undies is a quick and easy way of getting your wiggle on – the best kind of knickers are the ones you feel fabulous in. We love these rose lace and keyhole panties. They are well-cut and see-through, which can be fun even if you have no plans of showing them to anyone but yourself.

Wearing a Bracli classic pearl thong under your work wear is a pleasurable way of ensuring you feel juicy and in the mood all day long. The pearls glide and rub in all the right paces, and you might find yourself crossing your legs far more often that usual. Handmade in Spain with soft stretch lace and 46 body-safe genuine Manacor pearls, the Bracli pearl thong looks and feels incredibly luxurious. Perfect!

Bracli Pearl Thong £59

Investing in Your Pleasure

Getting ready for a night of ‘menage a moi’ starts with an empowering visit to your local female-friendly sex shop, where you can browse body-safe sex toys and erotica. The staff are used to nervous first-time visitors, so don’t waste time feeling awkward – just enjoy the fun atmosphere! Ask questions and touch the demo products on display; it’s all about finding goodies that catch your eye and your curiosity…

Our Top Three vibrator picks for a sexy, solo Valentine’s Day:

Satisfyer Pro Penguin – this super-cute and discreet toy offers clitoral suction with 11 levels of intensity.  Satisfyer Pro has changed the way women look at sex toys designed for clitoral use – instead of vibration, this toy uses air suction technology to create incredible orgasms in the shortest possible time.

Flicker, with its roll of soft silicone tongues lapping at the clitoris, is a fantastic choice if you enjoy dual stimulation but is looking for something different to standard Rabbit vibes. The firm shaft slides easily inside, and the smooth tongue movements can go forwards, backwards or – oooh – alternate back-and-forth, depending on preferences.

The Twizzler with its beret-style clitoral simulator is another exciting vibrator. Strong vibration coupled with constant twirling pressure on the clitoris is likely to have a woman seeing stars in no time… The shaft is a little longer, so a buzzing dream come true for anyone who adore deeper penetration.

Enhancing pleasure gels and a good bottle of waterbased lube are must-haves for a night of passion, with or without company. A pleasure gel helps bring blood to the area, increasing wetness and arousal. The lube makes play smoother and more comfortable, and together they add lots of fun to the experience!

Setting the Scene

Scented candles not only smell nice, they also offer soft, seductive lighting which can feel comfortable if you are unused to seducing yourself. Dona candles are indulgence at a purse-friendly price. Infused with safe, chemical-free aphrodisiacs and pheromones, the tantalising aromas of Dona candles will help put you in the mood for more.

Massage Candle

A good book will help build desire and getting your mind tuned into what’s about to happen (why, pleasure of course!). The Sexual Life of Catherine M is an autobiography of one woman’s journey towards sexual fulfillment and comes highly recommended. Another great Valentine’s Day read is Orgasmic, edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel. 25 hot stories all on the theme of female orgasms…

Just like any other scene of seduction, clean sheets and a few treats are necessary. A glass of fine fizz and a plate of chocolate-covered strawberries are yummy treats to enjoy. Whoever said that gluttony is a sin has clearly never enjoyed one breathtaking orgasm after another…