Oral pleasure for both partners: tips, toys and tricks for ‘coming together’

Get Down, Deeper and Down

Is there anything better than having a kiss on your lips or a smooch on your Johnson?

It’s oral, it’s orgasmic and it’s an opportunity to connect with your partner in an immensely intimate way. It can also be a source of frustration or dare we say it – boredom – if, as the giver, you feel overworked, under-appreciated or under-stimulated.


We decided to share a few tips and tricks to ensure that both of you are getting the best of this delightfully sensual situation.

Sharing is Caring

What you don’t want in a situation like this is an unequal relationship. If you love handing out oral left, right, and centre but cannot understand why your partner won’t reciprocate, then you need to have an open, non-judgemental chat with each other to find out what’s going wrong. If it’s something that’s out of their boundaries, then you need to respect that. If it’s sheer laziness, then you’re probably better off going solo with a lubed-up Fun Factory Volta vibrator or a Vertical Attack Vibrating Masturbator – depending on your genitalia.


This brings us onto our next point – you have to know what you want and how to get it. Without good communication, sending your partner on a trip to your southern star without any instructions is like watching a Houdini impersonator wrestle themselves free out of a straight jacket, whilst in a fish tank. It doesn’t have to be a step-by-step manual you are giving them, but rather the occasional encouraging gasp, groan or affirmation, or the invitation to move to the left, or right, harder or softer… If you find yourselves coming from completely different continents on this, then have an honest, yet careful, conversation afterward. Remember, it’s a sensitive subject to comment on someone’s sexual skills or tendencies and you don’t want to cause any lingering insecurities. Keep your words positive, with phrases like “I would love you to focus on my perineum more” or “Wouldn’t it be hot if you used your fingers too?”, rather than “I don’t like that you don’t ever do this”. This way, everyone is happy – and keen to experiment with their newly discovered hints and tricks.

Switch It Up

This should be needless to say but there’s more than one position to be experiencing oral in. Make like Freddie Mercury and have a go at Queen-ing (aka face-sitting). It’s powerful and crazy sexy for both parties, not to mention it’s a fab alternative if the giver has bad knees.

Another option is the ever-famous 69 position to ensure simultaneous pleasure for both parties. We could go on with these suggestions but you might as well look up a Kama Sutra instead.


Likewise, there’s not only one element to oral sex. You don’t need to go straight in with the tongue. Be creative and create a build up – you want your partner to really want it. Perhaps you could do an all over body massage and slowly work your way down. The more turned on they are, the more exciting it will be for you.

The award-winning Orgie have a number of products to take both oral sex and sensuous massages to the next level. Their Wow Warming Spray adds a minty flavour and a warming sensation to your usual oral experience, whilst their aphrodisiac massage set includes oil and a feather to tickle and tease. Yet another option could be their pearls lust massage set, which includes a massage gel, a thread of pearls and an instructions manual to show you how to get the most out of your sexy massaging beads.

The bigger the build up, the more impressive the crescendo will be.

Introduce Toys

One of the sexiest things about giving oral sex is that one person is in complete control of another person’s pleasure. This doesn’t mean however that only one person needs to be stimulated. We have a range of toys online and in our shop that are controlled by a remote device. Give your partner the remote whilst your mouth does the work, giving you some of the action at the same time…


For instance, the luxury sex-toy brand Lelo listened to the fact that male-bodies persons who experience prostate orgasm find them way more intense than the penis-kind, and created the remote-controlled Lelo Hugo. The prostate portion of the toy reaches up into their tush with perfectly formed proportions designed to radiate precise stimulation. Meanwhile, there is a second motor within the long base that tilts upwards to tantalize their perineum.

Similarly, the IJOY Remote Control Egg Vibrator is a great option for someone who owns a vagina. The silky, textured shell buzzes with over 10 functions and can be used clitorally or when inserted into the vagina. Again, this is controlled remotely so you can hand the reigns over to your partner for an extra thrill.

The We-Vibe Ditto is another option from a world-renowned brand and can be used by either gender. This silicone butt plug provides deep, rumbly waves of a blissfully anal utopia. It’s controlled by a we-connect app in a smartphone so the oral receiver can tap into 10 vibration modes for their lucky giver.

Finally, the last vibrating butt plug that is controlled remotely is suitable only for those more experienced in anal play (due to it’s larger size). This unique silicone toy contains rotating beads and, when lathered in lube, mimics the sensation of being rimmed…



5 Oral Sex positions To Try Now

It’s pretty much the truth universally acknowledged that oral sex is seriously hot; most of us love receiving it and just as many also jump at the opportunity to give it.

For women especially, oral sex is a great way to get the soft but constant clitoral stimulation that many need to achieve orgasm. Fingers can be a little too firm and not everyone is into vibration, but most of us can get onboard with a moist, agile and patient tongue… Le sigh.

Just like other sex play, oral sex can be enjoyed in ways too many to count, but we have our list of top 5 oral sex positions below – read on for inspiration!

Face Sitting

Also known as “queening” or “kinging” (depending on who is sitting on your face and how they identify), this is an ace position for some seriously sensual genital or anal lickery.

This is a particularly great position for female-bodied persons who find it difficult to climax laying down. Ths position gives freedom to move in ways that feel great for the face-sitter, rocking and rolling their hips rhythmically.

As the sitter, you want to avoid sitting directly on your partner’s face – however much they beg –  and opt for a more hovering position. Make sure that the partner on the bottom can breathe comfortably and isn’t straining their neck.

If you fancy being a tease, you could raise yourself so that your lush bits are just out of reach, which also happens to be an excellent workout for your thighs…

Sex tip: Sit facing the headboard or wall – this gives you something to lean against when pleasure becomes almost too intense. 😉

Oral Doggy

Wirly-Girly 2Got a kink for doggy style sex? We have great news for you: oral sex is great fun from behind too!

This position is fantastic because you can rock back and forth to control the angle and pressure of the stimulation that you are receiving. Lowering yourself by spreading your thighs wider ensures your partner can get at you better, plus the tempting view will have them hungry for more…

Rimming (anal licking) tends to happen naturally in this position – you’re in an optimum position for all-over attention.

Sex tip: a dildo can easily be added to this position, whether for vaginal or anal play. 

The Cliffhanger

Feeling dominant? Great! The Cliffhanger is the position for you.

Sit yo’self on the edge of the bed, spreading your legs wide apart. Have your partner on their knees in front of you. Your partner’s head will likely be angled downwards in this position (unless you have a particularly high bed frame), meaning that they have direct and easy access to your clit or peen. Invite them to use their hands to splay you open, before dipping a finger or two inside to ramp up the pleasure.

From the sitting position, you can easily lay back and get lost in a favorite sex fantasy, whilst they feast for hours.

Sex tip: let your submissive sit on a cushion to protect their knees. After all, you might be in this position for a while…

Standing Up

Standing up whilst your partner is kneeling in front of you is a seriously hot position – for both of you. This can be enjoyed in the bedroom, kitchen or office – anywhere that takes your fancy, really. We recommend trying it in the shower; leaning against cool tiles with hot steam rising around you both is incredibly erotic and a super-sexy start to any day…

Standing up oral sex is great for when you want to feel powerful and ensure that your partner has easy access to all your juicy bits. If they have a submissive streak, this position can easily play into that.

We’re going to slip in a little note here: if you have a penis or a dildo attached to you, you want to check with your partner before engaging in any facef*cking. It isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and shouldn’t be thrust upon anyone without prior discussion.

Sex tip: place your hands on their head so that you can gently guide their mouth to where it needs to be.

Raising the Bar

Feelztoys Tongue ToysSome people prefer to receive a tongue lashing whilst on their backs and we have a good position for that too. You can enjoy this on a bed, but the floor (and a soft rug or blanket) may offer a little bit more support for your back; lay down flat and lift your bum and legs off the floor, pulling your knees close to your body. This leaves you wide open for easy access and your partner has a couple of options depending on what’s most comfortable for them.

Your partner can rest on their elbows and knees, placing their mouth on you. Or, they can lie flat on their front and prop themselves up on their elbows and lower arms, maybe cupping your bum to help hold you up from below.

Sex tip: a tongue vibrator is a great addition to this position; gentle licks with the bonus of gentle buzzing is likely to tip you over the edge in no time!


Sex Position Blog Post

The best sex positions for truly mind-blowing orgasms

When it comes to reaching one of those toe-curling, sheet-grabbing orgasms, some positions work better than others. These sex positions usually vary from person to person, depending on which muscles you need to tense in order to get off.

If you want to heat things up and ensure that your next climax is truly mind-blowing, read on for our top tips for best orgasmic sex positions:

Face Sitting

Oral sex is great for those who love nothing better than one intense orgasm after another. Straddling your partner’s face is good because it gives you more control; you can move your body so that all of your sensitive spots are being touched at the right time, bringing you to dizzying highs.

This is an excellent way for you to experiment with dominance too – you’ll feel like a Queen, rocking and rolling against your lover’s willing face.

Expect fireworks between your thighs!

Doggy Style

Whether your partner is male-bodied or you are using a strap-on, doggy style is great because it allows for deeper penetration that will stimulate your G-spot, delivering intense pleasure.

If you want to really ramp things up, ensure that your clitoris is seen to as well with our Satisfyer Pro Penguin Clitoral Toy. It has 11 settings to explore, making it perfect for building up pleasure. Start off slow and increase the suction as you near your peak.


If you are also in a loving relationship with your play-partner, feeling closer to them can often help you reach more intense orgasms.

Feeling intimate and knowing that you are loved can be a powerfully pleasurable experience for some, and what elicits closeness more than a good spoon? It allows your partner to put their arms around you and hold you close while the entire length of each of your bodies touches. Amp up the experience by asking them to stretch their arm around you and stroke your clitoris while they thrust slowly.

Legs in the air

It’s a favourite for many, and it’s easy to understand why. When your legs are in the air and swung over your partner’s shoulders, it allows for the deepest penetration possible, perfect for when you are trying to achieve a screaming oh-ooh-oooh!

Reach down and rub and play with yourself while your partner penetrates you deeply. This not only ensures your clit is teased in the way you like best, but it also offers a super-hot visual for your partner.

Here’s another blog post on exciting ways to spice up sex positions.

Don’t be A Dick!

Don’t be A Dick!

As sexuality educators, we spend our days talking about sex & sexuality and there really is very little that has the potential to embarrass or shock us. Body fluids, kinks and fetishes come up on a daily basis and we don’t bat an eyelid. But during a recent workshop in our Hoxton store, we encountered something that left us lost for words.

We always start off our popular erotic classes with a short ice breaker, a fun way of getting guests relaxed and ready for whatever the evening may bring. The class in question was our Blow His Mind class, and after having assigned each guest their “penis-name” we asked why they’d decided to come along to a class on fellatio.

As one lovely guest bravely shared her reason, our jaws dropped open. She told us she’d only ever given one blow job in her entire life – which wasn’t the reason for our stunned silence, by the way. Many people choose to not give blow jobs, nothing new there. No, what had our knickers all bunched up was the comment she’d received from her lover afterwards: he’d said that the blow job was “shit.”

Naturally this raised a discussion in the Sh! camp after class, and we are all in agreement: the condescending comment says more about the man receiving the blow job than it does about the woman performing it.

For the sake of fairness, we’ll add that damaging comments can as easily come from the mouths of a women. Negative attitudes aren’t gendered, after all. But we digress, this particular piece is about men and blow jobs.

Dudes – if someone does you the honour of taking your penis into their mouth, you need to be respectful.

First Time Nerves

The fact that two people like each other well enough to want to get naked together does little to settle first-time nerves; heading into uncharted territory is always scary. Taking a penis into your mouth for the first time is scary: it feels big, it’s warm and it smells & tastes unfamiliar. Never mind that firm hand you may have on the back of your head, pushing your inexperienced mouth further down on a proud erection – not helpful, guys.

At this point, gentle encouragement is much appreciated. Consider the possibility that this person has never been up close and personal with a peen before – they have dived in head first, as it were. It’s your job to help them swim.


Communication is on anyone and everyone who gets into a consensual sexual situation with another person. A nudge in the right direction, a soft “I like it there” will ensure you both get what you want from the encounter: mutual pleasure. You may want it slower, or harder, or lots of tongue in a certain spot – so ask for it… Don’t assume that the person working on your pleasure is a mind-reader.

Dissing someone for being rubbish in bed is unlikely to make them want to see you again, let alone have sex with you. Shaming someone for having the balls (pun intended) to try something new is never ok. Perhaps they are from a culture where sex is not discussed, perhaps they have never seen a naked body before… Hard-earned sexual empowerment and confidence will be shattered in mere seconds.

Telling someone they are ‘shit’ in bed does not make you a great lover, it makes you a dick. Don’t be a dick.

Many men assume that deep throating, the act of taking a penis as deep into the mouth and throat as possible, is a given. It is not.

Deep throating is not for everyone and certainly not for someone who have never performed fellatio before. It’s advanced-level, and just because it looks easy in porn doesn’t mean it is as easy in reality. Deep throating is about intimacy and trust, and if you don’t do your darnedest to create a safe atmosphere in which your partner feels supported enough to try it, you don’t deserve it.

Taking Responsibility for Your Orgasms

Going back to the guest at our class, we bet the encounter wasn’t great for her either, yet the male partner wouldn’t assume it’s because he is “shit” in bed. It is easier to point fingers at others than it is to take responsibility for ones own actions. He deemed her sexually inadequate, when in fact all she needed was encouragement and a few handy hints about his likes. Instead, he chose to undermine her confidence by not taking responsibility for his own pleasure.

It is not another person’s job to “give” you earth-shattering orgasms – you are in charge of your own satisfaction. If you don’t know how to have an orgasm, it would be hugely unfair to expect someone else to just make it happen.

Great sex is much like anything else, it requires practice and patience.

Top Tips for Being a Great Lover

  • Take your time
  • Be encouraging
  • Listen actively
  • Communicate clearly
  • Pay attention to body language
  • Have basic knowledge of anatomy and hot spots

We hope our guest goes on to have a loving, fulfilling sex life with someone who deserves her time and attention, once her confidence has been restored – we are here to cheer her on!

Love, Team Sh! xx




Q&A: I always get thrush after oral sex?

Q&A: I always get thrush after oral sex?

 Hi! I always get vaginal thrush after oral sex. Do you have
anything to prevent it? Thanks!


Hello there,

Many thanks for your email.

This is an interesting question, and we think many will be surprised to hear that yes, oral sex can bring on an unpleasant bout of thrush. Thrush is a yeast infection caused by a tiny micro-organism and is transmittable, i.e can be passed from one person to another.

Thrush likes warm, moist places and therefore grows quite happily in the vagina, under the foreskin of an uncircumcised penis, and also in the mouth and throat.

If thrush has been passed on during oral sex (mouth and tongue licking and kissing the genitals of a partner), it may indicate that the giver has oral thrush. This can be a sign on an underlying medical condition and recommend that both partners get tested and treated to avoid reinfecting each other. Also, it’s important to practice good oral hygiene to prevent further infections, and make sure any vaginal yeast infections are treated early. It can also just be that saliva upsets the balance of the vagina and can lead to issues.

Another thing to consider is lubricant. Do you usually use a lube which contains glycerine? If so, we recommend switching to a glycerine-free lubricant.

Flavoured lubes are great fun for oral sex, but they often contain glycerine to help create a sweet-tasting fluid which isn’t great for the vaginal PH.

Sliquid Natural Swirl flavoured lubes swirl-flavoured-lubesare vegan and glycerine-free, making an excellent choice for tasty fun.

Probe Lube is flavour-free, if you’re not keen on having a banana-flavoured muff. This PH-neutral lube contains grapefruit-seed extract which helps counteract thrush. Something to bear in mind too!

A personal tip from a member of Team Sh! is to rinse the outside of the vagina with salty water if you begin to feel a little itchy. Lukewarm water with a pinch or two of table salt in it often does the trick. 🙂

We recommend using condoms when performing oral sex on a male partner or dental dams when performing oral sex on a female partner.latex-dam

Or if analingus/rimming is on the cards, whatever the gender of the partner. This will also help prevent other STD’s that can be transmitted through oral sex, like chlamydia, gonorrhea and herpes.

We hope this helps! If you have any other questions send them to us at advice@sh-womenstore.com. If you would like advice from Psychosexual Therapist Sarah Berry include the subject line ‘Ask Sarah’

Best Wishes, Team Sh! xx

 All names have been changed for the purposes of anonymity. 

How to Give Blow Job Advice

How to Give a Great Blow Job

Giving a great blow job requires a little bit of know-how on male anatomy and lots of enthusiasm.

A woman enjoying herself is very sexy indeed; treating his member like the most delicious treat you’ve ever had is going to ramp up his pleasure no end.

blow his mind erotic class
Blow His Mind Erotic Class £25

Many women feel unsure about going down on their men but with these easy-to-do blow job tricks, you’ll feel more confident about giving great oral sex whilst making it fun and pleasurable for you, too.


7 Little Blow Job Tricks

  • Using a blindfold on him  enhances every sensation. He’ll feel every lick, nibble and kiss you give in your blow job much more intensely. This can also work in your favour – especially if you feel shy about him watching your every move.
  • Lush Flavoured Lube £7
    Lush Flavoured Lube £7

    Flavoured lubricant makes a yummy treat taste even better. Our own Lush Lube comes in two popular flavours, Forest Fruits and Strawberry.

  • Temperature play is a great blow job trick Take a sip of a hot drink to get your mouth nice and warm and go down on him. Then take a sip of a cold drink and go down on him again. Alternating hot and cold will keep his interest up (amongst other things) and offer sensual sensations.
  • Saliva is your friend when it comes to great fellatio so don’t worry about dribbling or making a mess.
  • Try humming whilst giving him a blow job – the “hum” vibrates around his penis, making for exciting new sensations.
  • Many men complain that their partners forget about their testicles (or “party bag” as we like to call it). Gentle kissing or light tugging usually goes down well. You could try a stroking a warming lube over his entire package (shaft and scrotum).
  • If your man is game for trying a little light anal play, a fellatio session is the perfect time to explore. Cover your fingers with a latex glove, drizzle some thick lube over your hand and slowly stroke and explore the area. The anus is very rich in nerve-endings, so when done slowly and carefully this can offer intense pleasure.  (Hop on over to our anal advice and prostate advice sections to learn more!).


Learn More About Blow Jobs at Our Popular Classes

  • If you want to learn more, why not come along to one of our Blow His Mind classes. The classes are informative and fun, and take place in our Hoxton Square shop. Tickets sell out fast so advance booking is essential!

Different Types of Safe Sex Supplies

We are always being told to rubber up before jumping in the sack, but many people are still in the dark about the different types of protection there are available protect you and your partner(s) from STI’s ( sexual transmitted infections).

Safe-sex advice often focuses on keeping safe during intercourse and anal sex and certainly these are the more riskier types of sex,   but sexual health is also important for lesbians, which is why we stock a range of safe sex supplies; not just condoms, but also  dams and gloves – to keep you covered, whatever your sexuality or preferred sexual activity.


Condoms are the cornerstone of safer-sex play and are the most widely used form of protection.

Use a fresh, new condom and lots of water-based lube every time you have penetrative sex (whether vaginal or anal), anytime going from back to front ( ie going from anal to vaginal) and anytime you share a sex toy.

Using a condom will protect both you and your partner against the majority of sexually transmitted infections.

Condoms, such as Pasante Extra condoms are  designed especially for anal play as they are thicker than your average condom and more resistant to breaking or tearing.

Using lube enhances glide ( and sensitivity!) - protecting safe-sex supplies from splitting or tearing
Using lube enhances glide ( and sensitivity!) – protecting safe-sex supplies from splitting or tearing

Many condoms are already lubricated but using extra lube on the outside further protects the condom from splitting as well as enhancing glide.

Putting a little lube inside the teat of the condom also enhances sensation for him but you only need a tiny drop to do the trick ( going overboard can mean the condom can slide off him altogether!)

Make sure you use proper lube and never( ever!) any moisturizers you have to hand, such as massage, baby oils or body lotions. Not only are they likely to  contain perfumes and chemicals that are irritating to delicate genital tissue, they are likely to contain mineral oils, which can degrade latex quickly, causing the condom to split.


Condoms can spice-up sex, as well as keep it safe…

Condoms can spice up sex added textures or stimulating sensations
Condoms can spice up sex added textures or stimulating sensations

As well as regular condoms, which come in Trim / Narrow-Fit , Large & Extra thin for added sensitivity, there’s also some great condoms to not just protect but also to add extra thrills to rubbering-up;

  • For extra stimulation, there’s Ribs & Dots Condoms which are textured on the outside to deliver extra stimulation
  • Heat things up  with stimulating condoms such as Pasante’s Climax Condoms . These specially ribbed condoms are coated in warming or cooling lubricants to enhance sensation.
  • Durex Mutual Climax Condoms are lubricated with a delay-infused ingredient to slow him down whilst the textured surface delivers more stimulation for you…
  • Flavoured condoms are best used for blow-jobs and make a tasty treat of oral sex.


A Dam is a safer-sex shield used for oral sex

Using a dam, when going down on her, aka cunnilingus ( oral-vaginal play) or for rimming aka anilingus (oral-anal play)

Don’t go down on someone who has an obvious outbreak of Herpes, or if you have a cold sore.  And visa versa…

The Herpes virus can cross between mouth and genitals, so unprotected oral play with a person carrying the virus could potentially result in a cold sore, or genital herpes outbreak.


Dental Dam Lube up the side of the dam that will come into contact with your lover’s vulva  or anus to enhance sensation and glide..
Our dams come in latex-free or flavoured varieties.


Latex Gloves are great multi-purpose safer sex accessories.

Gloves are great safe-sex supplies, transforming hands into super-sleek playthings...
Gloves are great safe-sex supplies, transforming hands into super-sleek playthings…

Small cuts on the hands, hang nails, those who bite their nails – there’s lots of reasons why to cover-up hands and protect yourself and your lover against possible transmission routes for viruses or bacteria.

Gloves are perfect for all manual sex play, and especially for fisting and anal play, where they turn hands into sleek playthings.

And there’s another benefit to using gloves; unlike skin, they don’t absorb lubricant so maintaining a sensual glide is easier with glove-covered mitts. Adding lots of water-based lubricant, transforms your hands and fingers  into incredibly slippery tools of pleasure!

Gloves are also great if you have particularly long nails, which might hurt or cut your partner. TIP:  Pop little balls of cotton wool into the fingertips of the glove, to protect the glove from tearing and give a cushioned effect for the receiver.

I’m allergic to latex – can I still have safer-sex?

Yes you can! We carry latex-free dams, latex-free gloves and non-latex condoms  for those with latex allergies. Latex allergy can range from mild to severe and even life-threatening.


Having the ‘safe sex’ talk

Pasante Single CondomSavvy women don’t expect a partner to sort out the safe-sex stuff, but do it themselves, by carrying a dam or condom, along with a sachet of lube, in their bags, just in case!

But safe-sex isn’t just about having and using the right supplies.

Talking about safer sex will help you make choices together and open up the conversation about sex; your likes, dislikes and like-to-try’s, which is a great basis for a GREAT relationship.

It’s best to start the conversation before you hit the bedroom, as once you’ve got to the heat of the moment, it can be really difficult to put the brakes one and bring up the condom-convo.

You might feel a bit awkward at first, but you’ll feel much more at ease knowing you’ve got the right type of protection.

It would be so disappointing (and potentially very painful) to find out your new partner has a latex allergy, when all you have is latex condoms and dams.

We aren’t going to show you lots of pictures of infected genitalia – they are not pleasant, and many images are plastered over the internet anyway…a quick search will show you all you need to know!

What we do want to share is that all unprotected sex can be risky, albeit there are different risk levels for different types of play.

Although the risk of HIV infection is lower in lesbian sex than heterosexual or gay male partners, there is still the possibility of contracting a STI so always be sure to practice safer sex, whatever your sexuality.

We urge everyone to get tested regularly and rubber up with new partners, because taking control of your sexual heath and well-being is really sexy.