Q&A: How do I have a prostate orgasm?

Q&A: How do I have a prostate orgasm?

Hey,

I know you’re female focused but I thought you might be able to help me. I’m interested in ‘exploring’ if that’s the right word, my prostate. It’s not something I’ve done before but the idea is growing on my I guess. I’d just like some advice on where to start and what to expect?

J.

Hey J!

This week is Men’s Health Week so we’re really happy to be able to answer one for the boys.

You sound a bit hesitant but it’s great that you’re looking to explore new things and prostate play can add a new dimension to your sex life. It can make your orgasms more intense and some men can orgasm from prostate stimulation alone.

The prostate is sometimes compared to the male G-Spot and it does have quite a lot in common with the G-Spot. Like the G-Spot it swells and hardens as you become aroused which makes it easier to find.

It can be stimulated by inserting a finger or toy two or three inches inside the anus, it’s important to go slowly, use lots of lube and stop and warm up some more if you feel any pain. You should also try using a specialist anal lubricant which will be thicker and longer lasting than regular lube.

You should make sure you are already aroused before going for the prostate, and again, if it hurts you’re doing it wrong. Add more stimulation and lubrication.

It might take quite a lot of time and stimulation (and a lot of lube, remember the anus isn’t self lubricating) to get you there so be patient.

Here’s a handy guide to show you where to find your prostate:

His Prostate

 

It might be a good idea to try a specially designed prostate toys such as Rocks-Off Naughty Boy Prostate Massager. Which is slim, almost silent and perfect for beginners, it also stimulates your perineum for even more pleasure. If you’re playing with a partner you might want to try using latex gloves or finger guards, they can prevent nails from snagging and help if you’re worried about cleanliness.

Rocks Off Prostate Massager

If you’d like to find our more you might want to look at the Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, which is a veritable compendium of useful information.

If you have any questions please send them to advice@sh-womenstore.com, if you’d like advice from our sex and relationship expert Sarah Berry please include the subject line ‘Ask Sarah’.

Best Wishes,

Team Sh! xx

All names have been changed for the purposes of anonymity.

prostate massage & pleasure

How to Use a Prostate Massager

Guys have their own erotic pleasure spot called the prostate – a gland that is comparable to the female G-Spot. This spot is often referred to as the ‘male G-spot’ – although we like to call it P-spot, as this better refers to the prostate.

We meet many men & couples in-store, who are interested in exploring  prostate massage & pleasure.

Gone are the days when playing with his bum was taboo – these days it’s widely acknowledged that the entire anal area is one big pleasure zone.

And for men, the orgasmic rewards of prostate play are apparently mind-blowing. They describe it a totally different sensation, and often report their orgasm to be much more intense than the solely penis-inspired kind. Some men need / enjoy their front bits stimulating too whilst others can get off just with prostate massage.

It can be very tricky for a man to stimulate his own P-spot internally, and partners may have short fingers – leaving only one solution: get a prostate massager.

But, before you go in swinging, remember that rectal tissue is very delicate and does not self-lubricate.

 

Sh! Pure Plus £10
Sh! Pure Plus £10 – Paraben-Free Thick Anal Lubricant

Lots of lube and lots of foreplay is essential to pleasurable prostate massage.

Make sure your partner is properly turned on before going anywhere near his bum. There’s a widely-accepted believe that anal sex essentially hurts, but this simply isn’t the case. Not using lube will hurt. Going too fast and not giving anal muscles time to relax into the sensations will hurt. Not letting your partner be fully in charge of the pace will make him tense up and that may hurt too. But, by following our advice on first time anal play, you’ll both be prepared and his body will be ready to accept pleasurable prostate play.

 

How to use a Prostate Massager

Prostate massagers have been designed to reach in and connect with the P-spot.

Keep stimulating his front parts (shaft and party bag) whilst slowly inserting the prostate massager. Go gently; a slow pace and communication is key.

Prostate massagers have a curve, which needs to be inserted very gently. A good trick is to point the curved tip towards his belly button (on the inside). This means that if he is laying on his back, you insert the prostate massager in a gently upwards curve, but if your man is on all fours, you’ll want to point it downwards…

This will ensure you follow the natural curve of the anal canal, thus eliminating any accidental pain.

Rock the massager gently back and forth – this will stimulate his P-spot. The prostate will swell and harden, and become more receptive to firmer stimulation.

If the massager offers vibration, this is the time to turn the buzz on. Start off gently – the bum is very sensitive so vibration will feel far more intense in his tush, compared to how it feels in your hand. At the point of orgasm, your man will likely feel that he’s climaxing from both ends – explosive!

 

Top 3 most popular prostate massagers, as chosen by male customers:

Naughty Boy Prostate Massager
Naughty Boy £49

Naughty Boy by British toy designers Rocks Off is our most popular prostate massager. Slimmest out of the prostate toy collection, the tip isn’t much wider than a finger. Suitable for newbies, Naughty Boy gently increases in girth, offering a slightly fuller feeling when it’s in place. The flatter part sits comfortably in the “taint” – the area between the balls and the anus. Naughty Boy comes with an upgraded 7-speed version of the popular RO-Bullet, meaning you have several speeds and patterns to experiment with.

 

 

Njoy Fun Wand
Njoy Fun Wand £72

The Njoy Fun Wand is a heavy stainless steel massager with a  long handle for easy use. You have the option of using either end, making this prostate toy very versatile. Weighty toys are incredibly sexy and usually work very well for both P-spots and G-spots and because Fun Wand is made from high-grade steel, it can be sterilized.

Use the slimmer end with three bulbs for warm-up and teasing – the opening and closing of the sphincter muscle feels so good – and try the larger bulb when you feel ready for more.

 

 

Lelo Bob Prostate Massager
Lelo Bob Prostate Massager £29

Lelo Bob is a non-vibrating prostate massager. Super-stylish and so smooth in silicone, Lelo Bob has a strong curve to ensure a full feeling and accurate P-spot pleasure. Lelo Bob is for the more advanced player; the girth can be a little intimidating if you are new to anal play.

When massaging the prostate with a toy, explore different sensations

You can slowly and gently twist the toy around, or try a rocking back and forth motion, or why not give a gently sliding in and out motion a go? Let the partner on the receiving end dictate the pace – it’s their bum, after all!

 Learn More about Prostate Pleasure

The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, is THE go-to guide on learning all about the incredible orgasmic potential of this very special male pleasure spot, with advice on massage, pegging, positions, toys, building trust, communicating desires, plus illustrated tips and techniques about achieving supercharged orgasms…

Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure £11.99
Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure £11.99
advice men

The Male G-Spot & Erotic Prostate Massage

Men have their own erotic pleasure spot, called the Prostate – a gland that is comparable to the female G-Spot

…which is why it is sometimes referred to as the male G-spot.

Erotic prostate massage is highly pleasurable for lots men. Their orgasms are often more explosive when prostate stimulation is combined with sex. Some lucky chaps can orgasm through erotic prostate massage alone!

How to find and stimulate your man’s erotic hot spot – The Prostate Gland.

The Prostate Gland / Male G-Spot
The Prostate Gland / Male G-Spot

 

Massage the male G-spot /prostate by inserting a finger covered in anal lube or special prostate massager two to three inches into his anus and stroking towards the front of his body using a ‘come here’ gesturing motion, exactly like a G-Spot stroke.

Exactly like the female G-Spot, the prostate swells and hardens as it becomes aroused, making it easier to feel.

The more turned-on your man, the more his prostate will be receptive firmer stimulation.

If you are going to add erotic prostate / male G-Spot massage to your repertoire, you’ll need to understand how sensitive & slowly the journey to prostate pleasure should be.

anal sphincter muscles
anal sphincter muscles

Inside the anus are two sets of sphincter muscles; the first can be tensed at will, but the second set constrict involuntarily.

So even he wants erotic prostate / male G-Spot massage and is trying to relax, his anus might initially appear to resist.

Patience, a slow pace and communication are essential to relaxing both sets of anal muscles and enjoying prostate / male G-Spot stimulation.

Rectal tissue is very delicate and does not self-lubricate, so always be gentle when performing erotic prostate massage.

Lots of lube is essential in every kind of anal play, including, of course prostate play!

Make sure you don’t skimp – coat his anus, fingers and toys liberally and keep reapplying.

 

Many prostate massagers are ergonomically shaped for hands-free pleasure
Many prostate massagers are ergonomically shaped for male G-Spot  pleasure

Special Prostate Massagers like the Rude Boy and the Naughty Boy are specially shaped to take in the curves of the anus and find his erotic hot spot.

Probing with a prostate massager is a great way to give you man a great erotic prostate massage without using your fingers.

 

 

Using latex gloves for erotic prostate massage is also a great way to deal with any squeamishness or nerves. They are also brilliant if you have long nails and need to protect his delicate tush from your talons.

Go Forth! Give him the erotic prostate massage of his life!

Advice Anal Play & Pleasure

Anal Sex Toys & Pleasure

The closest erogenous zone to the genitals, the anus is richly endowed with highly responsive nerve-endings which become even more sensitive during arousal and throb pleasurably during orgasm.

Apart from simply being a super-sensitive pleasure area in itself, anal sex stimulates specific erogenous zones for both men and women.

Anal Sexual Pleasure For Women:

  • Anal sex also stimulates the clitoral legs: the two shafts of erectile tissue that extend inside from the clitoris, which contain lots of sensitive nerve-endings. 
  • The wall between vagina and rectum is thin enough to pleasure your G-Spot though your back-door.

Anal Sexual Pleasure For Men:

  •  Half of your penis is actually inside your body, continuing back almost to the anus, so anal sex can pleasure you from the inside, out!
  • Most importantly, you have your own special spot called the prostate which is capable of giving you mind-blowing orgasms.

It sometimes has a bad reputation about being painful, but in fact anal sex should never hurt.

If it does, you are taking things too quickly or not using enough lubricant.

Patience and a slow, teasing pace are essential to relaxing anal muscles and enjoying anal sex / anal sex toys.

Inside the anus are two sets of sphincter muscles; the first can be tensed at will, whilst the second constricts involuntarily.

anal sphincter muscles
anal sphincter muscles

This is why, even if you are trying to relax into the delights of anal pleasure, your body might resist. This is when anal sex can hurt and forcing the issue will only result in the muscles resisting further!

Only by taking as much time as the body needs to open up to anal pleasure, and by using plenty of lube, will delicate tushies be kept safe, happy and relaxed enough to enjoy anal sex/toys to the full.

All toys destined for anal play need to be ‘anal-safe

There’s 3 things to check for before introducing your tush to a sex toy

  1. Anal -Safe Design. Just as – ahem – it’s an exit from the body, it can also be an entrance. Putting it bluntly, toys can get lost up there. So, make sure your anal sex toy has  either:
  • a wide or flared base, which as a ‘stop’ no matter how excited you get
  • a long handle that you are sure you can keep a firm grip upon – (keep it and your fingers  free of lube)
  • a ring in which to slip your finger and hold tight!

2. Smooth, Non-Porous Surface: Your bum is a delicate flower with thin, ‘nickable’ skin ( much more so that the vajay) so any sex toy for anal play needs to be smooth and seamless.  For peace of mind, it should also be non-porous, so it can easily be cleaned/sterilized.

3. Flexible enough to bend with the natural curves of the anus. Around 4 inches inside, the anal canal bends, so any toy longer than this should be flexible, in order not to ‘bump’ and feel uncomfortable.

Anal Sex Toy Materials

Silicone:  We believe this is the very best material for anal sex toys as it’s sensually smooth, soft, flexible, non-porous and super easy to keep clean. If the toy is non-vibrating, or contains a removable bullet, you can even sterilize it.  Use water-based lube with silicone toys as silicone lube, over time, can start to degrade the smooth surface of your toy.

Glass: Smooth , cool and firm,  glass delivers sensually sleek sensations like no other sex toy material. You can use any type of lubricant with glass and a little goes a long way. Glass toys can be warmed by running under that hot tap before you play. Can be sterilized.

Steel: Very similar to glass but has an added weightiness that can feel sensational anally. The weight also makes for incredible prostate massage.

All these materials are body-safe, which means they wont disclose any substances ( is chemicals) into you body as well as non-porous which means they won’t absorb anything from your body either.

Hygiene is clearly an important factor when we’re talking bum-fun, which is why the best anal sex toys are non-porous toys that you can clean/ sterilize thoroughly. Condoms can be used on any toys and make for quick, easy peace-of-mind clean up.

So, safety message over.

Now let’s take off into the wonderful world of anal sex toys.


 

There are essentially 5 types of anal sex toys

Understanding the different sensations delivered by different anal toys is key to choosing the right anal toy for you.

Each provide a very different kind of anal pleasure.

Choosing your first anal toy can be mind-boggling and intimidating, especially if you’re going in blind, so here we’ll briefly describe the different sensations they deliver.

A Butt Plug has a sphincter-stop at its base and is designed to be 'worn' providing a feeling of fullness
A Butt Plug has a snarrow neck at its base and is designed to be ‘worn’ providing a feeling of fullness

Butt Plug is a stay-put anal sex toy, designed to be ‘worn’.

The narrow neck of a butt-plug prompts sphincter muscles to squeeze around where it’s slimmest, thus holding it in place.

Butt plugs are not designed to be moved in-and-out, but eased inside where they stay put ( thou they will often need a hand to keep them in place as it’s the body’s natural reflex to ‘expel’ from this area! ) providing a pleasurable feeling of fullness and pressure.

Butt plugs are available in both vibrating and non-vibrating options, from the tiny-sized and up.

Read More: How to use a Butt Plug


 

An anal dildo has a regular shaft ( that maybe ribbed for pleasure) designed to be moved in and out
An anal dildo has a regular shaft ( that maybe ribbed for pleasure) designed to be moved in and out…

A dildo used as anal sex toy  will give smoother penetrative sensations.

A dildo is best for a sliding-in-and-out feeling or for anal sex with a strap-on, whether with your female partner or ‘pegging’ your male partner.

Whether worn in a harness or used hand-held, a dildo ( rather than a butt-plug) is best for delivering smooth, penetrative sensations as there’s no sphincter-stop for the anal muscles to close in around.

In our anal dildo section, we list our most popular dildos bought at our store specifically for anal pleasure but feel free to choose any Sh! silicone dildo – their wide bases make every one totally safe for anal play.

Read More:

 

 

 

Anal beads are a string of graduated beads, with sphincter-stops after each bead.
Anal beads are a string of graduated beads, with sphincter-stops after each bead.

Anal Beads deliver the repeated feeling of anal muscles opening and closing.

One of the easiest, most accessible anal sex toys for beginners, anal beads are a flexible string of molded beads, with a sphincture stop after each one. They gently graduate in size.

These are great anal toys if you enjoy the feeling of anal muscles repeatedly opening and contracting, as you get to experience this sensation with each new bead.

Some people experience more intense orgasms if anal beads are pulled out during climax.

Read More: Beginners Guide to Anal Beads


 

An anal vibrator is usually for plug, bead penetrative or prostate sensations but with the added vibration too
An anal vibrator is usually for plug, bead, penetrative or prostate sensations but with the added vibration too

An anal vibrator can help relax anal muscles.

The shape of an anal vibrator will give you a clue as to the kind of pleasure it will deliver; stay-put plug; ‘popping’ beads; in-and-out penetration; specific prostate massage but it will also vibrate.

The sensation of vibration around the super sensitive anal area can feel mind-blowingly intense. Plus the vibrations themselves can distract your body away any reflexes of resistance, ie the buzz physically helps relax tense anal muscles.

Read More: Anal Vibrator Best Sellers


 

 

Many Prostate massagers have a 'stay-put' shape that's specially curved to stimulate the prostate and  his perineum too...
Many Prostate massagers have a ‘stay-put’ shape that’s specially curved to stimulate the prostate and  his perineum too…

A prostate massager is an anal sex toy specially for the male g-spot.

It is designed to stimulate the prostate located a couple of inches inside his bum. Many men report amazing orgasms through prostate massage and some can even climax through this alone.

All prostate massagers will be curved, to a slighter or greater degree, as inside, his prostate  is towards the front of his body.

Many are c-shaped with a perineum-stimulating base – these are designed for hands-free, stay-in-place pleasure, whether solo or with a partner.


 

These are the main types of anal sex toys and briefly what pleasures they deliver.

We give more in-depth advice on each of the different toys; how to choose and use them on each of their pages.  If you would like to know more, simply head over to each section.


 

Looking for a toy for double penetration; ie vaginal and anal sex at the same time?

DP  is something many couples, both straight and lesbian,  would like to try.

Double Diver £28 - A cock ring with addached anal dildo for double penetration
Double Diver £28 – A cock ring with attached anal dildo for double penetration

The Double Diver is the best toy we have found for this.

Essentially a cock-ring, designed for a man to wear on his penis, with the clitoral stimulator buzzing away on his female partner’s clit (in missionary and woman-on-top positions) whilst the lower dildo provides her with anal/double penetration.

It can be used in the same way, slipped onto a dildo during strap-on sex, too.


 

 

Anal Lubricant is simply thicker & longer-lasting than regular lube. Lubricant is essential for the delicate anal area and slow pace of anal pleasure...
Anal Lubricant is simply thicker & longer-lasting than regular lube. Lube is essential for the delicate anal area and slow pace of anal pleasure…

Lube is essential for all anal sex, including toys.

The anus doesn’t self-lubricate and naturally resists if stimulation doesn’t feel smooth and ‘resistance-free’.

Adding lube ensures that everything is kept super-sensual and deliciously slippery.

Anal lubricant is thicker and lasts longer than regular lube, which is why it is recommended for the gentle art of sensual anal pleasuring.

Remember, whichever toy you go for, put a generous dollop of lubricant on the tip of your toy and the anal area before you play, wiping any excess off  handle/base to ensure it’s not too slippery to keep a firm hold on.


 

Anal douching is not at all necessary but may help you feel more relaxed and so more receptive to anal pleasure...
Anal douching is not at all necessary but may help you feel more relaxed and so more receptive to anal pleasure…

Sensual, pain-free anal sex is all about being super-relaxed.

If worrying about ‘you-know-what’ ( yes- we’re talking poo)  will just make you tense, then starting your anal adventure in the shower is a good place to ensure you feel fresh and relaxed.

And whilst it’s by no way essential and is not an anal sex toy in the true sense (though it can feel very pleasurable) a douche will give you extra confidence about being super-clean for your anal play.


 

Latex gloves turn fingers into sleek anal pleasure-providers.
Latex gloves turn fingers into sleek anal pleasure-providers.

Latex gloves turn hands and fingers into smooth operators.

Snaggy or long nails might hurt your lovers delicate anal area? A cut on your hands or bitten-down fingernails,  which may make manual anal play unsafe? Or maybe you just feel a little squeamish about using hands or fingers for anal play?

A latex glove has the problem covered!

Plus, they sound sexy when snapped on suggestively and are perfect for medical fantasy role-play.


 

 

Analingus or ‘rimming’ is using your tongue to pleasure the anal area.

Latex Dam (£2) for anal oral sex, aka 'rimming'
Latex Dam (£2) for anal oral sex, aka ‘rimming’

A dam can be used to cover the anal area so you can  probe and lick away without a care in the world.

Both participants can worry about not always being fresh as a daisy ‘down there’.

This is understandable,  given the hang-ups and insecurities many of us have been given around this subject,

But worrying isn’t conducive to hot sex, just as rushing off to shower isn’t conducive to spontaneous sex.  A dam is simply a cheap, easy and tasty (they come in different flavours) way to enjoy relaxed impulsive rimming.

 

We hope you enjoy all your anal adventures!

 

couples advice

Pegging: The Erotic Discovery for Straight Couples

Pegging is mighty popular!

Traditionally viewed as lesbian sex toys, nowadays over 40% of strap-on dildos that we manufacture at Sh! are bought by female/male couples.

The ProstateThe turnaround came in the noughties when men finally lost their hang-ups and discovered the pleasures of the male G-Spotaka he prostate gland.

‘Pegging’ as a term, was born from a sex advice column competition in 2001 to name the act with no name.

Back then, male sexuality was at least prescriptive as female sexuality, if not more so – men had to be the “do-ers” – the ones on top. God help a man if he enjoyed anything more than the missionary position after a few pints and a curry on a Friday night!

And if he enjoyed something up his bum, he had to start questioning his sexuality as “real men” didn’t!

For us the first whiff of change came when FHM journalist Grub Smith (and girlfriend) came to Sh!, as the manufacturer of the finest strap-ons in the land.

Best Pegging Dildo Set
Best Pegging Dildo Set £78

His girlfriend needed to be kitted out with a strap on for a blow-by-blow article he was writing about loosing his anal cherry.

We’re hazy on dates, but it was probably late 90’s, the height of the lads-mags reign.

We were expecting a “Yeah Mate. Tried it. Didn’t like it” article, but what Grub gave the world, and all the lads in it, was a pretty sensitive piece, with all his anxiety – and pleasure – faithfully recorded.

Grub’s article also smashed the widely held view that when a woman pleasures her man this way, there must be role-reversal or submission/domination involved.

Sure, some women do like to get all mistress-like when pegging, and some men enjoying playing the opposite role.

But our experience of selling 1,000 of strap-ons as a straight couples sex toy, tells us that most are simply exploring the sensual pleasures of pegging, not role-play.

Whether a toy for a lesbian sex or straight sex, if you are going to wear a dildo in a harness, as a strap-on, we always advise opting for a slightly longer dildo than you may initially think.

This extra length is essential on the out-stroke to prevent the dildo slipping out of her lover altogether.

The other pegging essential is lube. Never scrimp on your personal lubricant during any kind of anal sex as it’s vital to keeping your moves smooth and anal sex sensual and pain free.