Lift-Your-Libido

Lift Your Libido! A Evening with Menopause Expert Becks Armstrong

What do you do when your libido is lacking? Join us at our upcoming event on Thursday 9th of May!

Mindfulness & menopause expert Becks Armstrong will be sharing her tips to help you get your groove back during peri-menopause, menopause and long after your pesky period has finished.

Menopause can play hormonal havoc, and while some of the debilitating symptoms are well documented no one seems to want to talk about what can happen to your libido and if it’s dipped how to find your way back – so let’s talk about sex, baby!

Becks will give you some ideas about why it happens; will give you some tips on ways to help yourself if you’re struggling and also the importance of pleasure as you age.

via GIPHY

Also bringing the heat – for entirely different reasons – will be our very own Renee Denyer, Store Manager & Sexpert right here at Sh! Having battled through her own peri-menopausal symptoms for years, Renee favours an approach that involves water-based lubricants, vibrating toys, and frank vagina talk. Renee will be on hand to offer advice on how to best handle dry vaginal membranes and how to choose fun toys to help keep the pelvic floor in shape and orgasms at peak ratio.


Join Us!

This event is for women only and places are limited.


Learn More About Becks Armstrong & Clarity

Becks-Armstrong-FinalBecks Armstrong is a degree educated women’s health specialist, with 20+ years of senior leadership experience within UK tech start-ups.

As a qualified acupuncturist, traditional Chinese herbalist and doula, Becks has harnessed her compassionate leadership style to operate women’s health clinics in Australia to high pressured Cheif Operating Officer roles with leading, fast-growth UK tech firms.

In 2017, Becks spotted a lack of real and substantive solutions for women going through peri-menopause and menopause. As a result, she created Clarity – a technology solution to improve women’s health through mindfulness, relaxation, and sleep.

The Clarity app features specific content and mindfulness practices for situations that may arise due to menopause like hot flushes, sleeplessness, night sweats and improving a low libido. Such exercises improve the quality of life for users – from better mental health, relationships to performance in the workplace.

Clarity-App-Final-Blog-Post

The Clarity app’s mission is to improve the lives of women – one calming breath at a time.

 

Guest Blog: Corner of Pleasure by Wisp

Guest Blog: Corner of Pleasure by Wisp

Corner of Pleasure for intimate lifestyle by Wisp (Anna & Wan)

 

Sextech is technology, and technology-driven ventures, designed to enhance, innovate and disrupt in every area of human sexuality and human sexual experience.
– Cindy Gallop

 

Corner of Pleasure is a show that celebrates a female intimate lifestyle. Two young sextech startups will showcase their product development progress: “Sensual Jewellery” by Wisp  and “LoveNuts” by TurnMeOn. Both products focus on key elements of female arousal: sensory stimulation and personal privacy.

Sensual Jewellery: the journey of sensation

Wisp’s “Sensual Jewellery” is a collection of purposely designed jewellery, emulating sensations of light grazes, firmer touches and gently blowing breath. They communicate with the body, reacting to physical signs of arousal and are tailored to each woman’s personal approach to excitement. The jewellery enables users (or wearers) to explore the full scale of their sexuality.

 

wisp-wan-tseng-royal-college-of-art-rca-graduate-2016-design-future-sexual-arousal-intercourse-orgasm-attitudes-changing-sexuality-_dezeen_936_4Initial user research with volunteers, that was designed to understand interactions between various objects and secondary erogenous zones, showed that women’s pursuit of intimacy is closely coupled with a desire for intimate connection.

Wisp focuses on personal exploration: we know that sensual experiences are key for women. Wisp brings an experience based on sensations and stimulation associated with a beautiful ‘foreplay’ atmosphere rather than purely focusing on the end goal of orgasm. They will by no means replace human interaction but act as a bridge to facilitate communication about female pleasure, a topic which still tends to be treated as a taboo.

LoveNuts: the private pleasure

LoveNuts is a quirky vibrator and flashlight that’s ready to help girls in any kind of emergency. The fully functioning flashlight serves as a disguise – your LoveNuts only becomes a vibrator when you switch it on via an app on your phone. Discretion and privacy stand in the center of LoveNuts’ design. Users can feel at ease with their intimate product as the team at TurnMeOn takes everyone’s desire for keeping private life private serious. You don’t need to worry that the secret will be disclosed.

 

lovenut

Even though people are more open minded than ever, still only 44% of women aged 18 to 60 make regular use of sex toys. TurnMeOn found out that 80% of these women strongly care about their privacy. So actually, the other 56% of women who are not playing with sex toys yet, may be willing to try it out if the scenario can be improved and all their desires being thought of.

Let’s talk about intimacy – workshops discover women’s attitudes

Wisp held several workshops to discover customers’ demand for sensual stimulation by inviting women from various age groups and different cultural backgrounds to share their experiences and desires of embracing their natural sexuality.

 

In the UK five women between the age of 25 and 35 shared their sexual insights with us, agreeing that being relaxed definitely helps them to get into a sexy mood. To enhance intimate experiences with a partner and stimulate mutual bodily exploration, the ambience is most important. Light and music are simple tools to create a romantic atmosphere (but be careful, music is powerful in setting the mood but can also be distracting if it reminds one of you of specific situations and people). Then it is extremely important to feel comfortable with yourself, with what you’re wearing and how physically well and fit you feel in order to have an all round good time. Women try increasingly experimental things to explore their bodies and sharing it with others comes naturally.

 

In Taiwan Wisp had the pleasure to talk to eight women between the age of 40 and 60, who were a bit more discreet in talking about intimacy.  From them we understood that slow and sensual  foreplay are vital for good sex. Other key elements include exchanging looks with your partner and forming a deep connection, praising him or her and feeling clean and healthy. In addition, being a little tipsy can enhance and intensify arousal.

 

In comparison to the Western participants Asians prefer gentler sex toys. The Taiwanese workshop participants expressed the wish for products that can guide and support their partners and that can help them being more confident during intimate moments.

 

Sextech will enhance your personal experiences

Design and context of sexual technology is very important. Intimacy for women is a very sensitive and complex topic and therefore it should be placed in a wider context of what it means being a women and feeling empowered in terms of your own pleasure and wellbeing.

 

Jewellery-like pleasure objects can discreetly spark conversations about sex, even for people who who feel shy to talk about it. It can be exciting to be asked about a curious-looking jewellery piece and then shake things up with and unexpectedly sexy answer. Eventually most women, no matter how timid, want to talk about sex or discuss their intimacy. It makes them feel less alone if they can share their experiences in a comfortable way. At the same time, jewellery appeals to a much wider audience and more women can relate to it rather than to a massive dildo.

As people seek to talk about their sexual desire  and connect over mutual experiences, as well as take charge over their own bodily pleasures, there is a big market for products that enhance intimacy and encourages as well as facilitates conversations about sex. The better you know yourself, the better you can share your longings with others and get your wishes fulfilled.

 

Wisp website : wisp.me.uk
Instrgam : wisp.me
FB: @wispme2016
Twitter: @wisp_me

 

Join Wisp and TurnMeOn for a conversation about your intimacy in the Corner of Pleasure: A show celebrating the female intimate lifestyle at Sh! in Hoxton from 13 – 27 February.

 

advice-painful-sex

Q&A: What has happened to my sex drive?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend a long time. To begin with my sex drive was higher than his, to the extent that it was something we fought about. After a while I stopped initiating sex so much and he also made some comments about my weight that knocked my confidence. Fast forward to now. We’ve recently moved, our lives have changed a lot, I’m very stressed at work and I’ve gained a little weight. So maybe it’s not surprising that my sex drive has decreased but it weirds me out that it seems to have just gone completely. 

I don’t masturbate at all. I’m not interested in having sex with anyone. The whole idea of having sex makes me feel gross. When we do have sex it’s not good for me. Not good meaning that I feel nervous, anxious, I feel like I want to cry. I can’t get wet, so I feel bad, which makes me more nervous, which makes sex uncomfortable because I’m not wet and… this is way too TMI, I’m sorry. I’m at a loss.

I still do find him attractive but… I just don’t feel anything else.

What is going on?! How do I fix it?

Hello there,

Many thanks for your email. We’re sorry to hear you’re experiencing such a tough time, it sounds as if it’s all a bit much at the moment.

It might be worth talking through some of these issues with a psychosexual therapist.

At the moment it sounds like your stress and anxiety over this is likely to be further demolishing your libido. It might be worth trying to not have penetrative sex at all for a while, it’s causing you pain and anxiety and only increasing your sense of frustration and concern. Many women struggle with changes in libido throughout their lives.

Does your partner know how you feel? Having a heart to heart may seem daunting, but could make a whole lot of difference.

Going back to basics is another way of connecting on a more romantic level.

Holding hands, cuddling and maybe some sneaky kisses behind the bike shed. Think back to the first few, heady months when you got together – enjoy date nights (this could mean cooking a meal at home or going to the cinema, for example).

You don’t mention any prescription medications – it is a well known fact that medication such as contraceptives and anti-depressants can have detrimental effects on our moods and how we feel about ourselves.

As well as making us gain extra weight around the middle. If this is the case, we recommend speaking to your GP about switching to a different brand.

It’s such a shame your partner took it upon himself to make negative comments about your weight instead of luxuriating in your new lush curves! If you feel a tad out of shape, you could try some sort of fun exercise (emphasis on fun!) like belly dancing or zumba. These are great ways of toning up without feeling like you are punishing yourself. Exercise is fantastic for stress busting and can really help improve confidence too.

funny-bondageAnd feeling better about yourself really is key here.

What do you enjoy doing? Do more of those things!

Book a facial or a massage, or treat yourself to a new haircut. A night out with the girls is usually a good way of raising spirits (as well as downing some!). Long walks in the fresh air is another great way of blowing away mental cobwebs or, our favourite, spending a day in the sunshine for an additional dose of vitamin D.

Masturbating is a good step towards feeling better about sex, and how you feel about your body. How about trying a fun vibrator to see if that helps kickstart the libido? Make sure you use plenty of lube, and for an additional zing in the muffkin area, you could try an enhancing product like ON Arousal Oil which helps increase the blood flow into the area. This in turn helps with arousal, which in turn helps you want more sex… Reading erotica can be very helpful, or downloading something sexy might also help float your boat.

 

If you have any questions please send them to advice@sh-womenstore.com, if you’d like advice from our sex and relationship expert Sarah Berry please include the subject line ‘Ask Sarah’.

We hope you feel better soon xx

Team Sh! xx

All names have been changed for the purposes of anonymity.

 

Low Libido & Lack of Desire

Q&A: Please help – My Libido is too Low!

All Names Have Been Changed for the Purposes of Anonymity

Hi,

I saw your tweet about advice and thought you might be able to help with a problem. I have quite a low sex drive. Most of the time I can’t be bothered with it, but just before my period when I’m flooded with hormones, I can’t get enough. This effects my relationships quite badly as my men types are very much of the anytime, anywhere ilk and I feel I can’t keep up with that. Are there ways to spread my general horn around a little bit more, so I’m much more interested for a much greater length of time than just a
couple of days?

 

Hi there,

So,  the first thing that springs to mind are a couple of questions to ask and rule out.

  1. Are you on libido-effecting drugs?

Medication can have a negative effect on libidos, and in many cases “the horn” may even be completely blocked. Antidepressants are the biggest culprit. The Pill, too can mess with your hormones and effect libido. If you’re taking any prescription drugs, have a chat with your doctor about other options available to you, such as a lower dose, a different brand or an alternative to pills all together.

2. Do you have children?

Children are notoriously bad for your sex life (although it is so much fun creating them!), as they’ll wear you out without thinking twice about it. If this is the case, we recommend getting a trusted babysitter for a weekend, so you and your partner can book into a hotel for a some sexy downtime…

3. How things generally? 

Are you tired , stressed-out, run down?  Are you grieving, even from a loss a long time ago ( grief, is a big libido-killer) 101 things can come together to have a massive effect on your mojo. Take a look at your life. If you’re not feeling 100% tickerty-boo, we’d recommend giving yourself a break! Rather than focusing on taking care of, or keeping up with your man, take care of yourself  and schedule in regular ‘me-time’.

4. How is sex when you do have it?

Does it satisfy you mind and body? Do you orgasm?  What is going on in our brain appears to effect women’s libido and desire, much more so than for men, requiring us to feel safe, confident and connected to really get off.  Without that flood of hormones that’s responsible for your unstoppable horniness around ovulation, it maybe that your own head is blocking your libido – Argh! How IS/ARE your relationship/s? Do you trust them and feel the necessary confidence and connection?

So, with all that out of the way, it could be that you just have a lower libido by nature and you are certainly not alone.

Lot’s of women ‘complain’ of  low sex drive, but as you write, this only becomes a problem your partner wants more sex than you do…

It may seem like everybody else is constantly hot-to-trot, Sex in the City style, but this simply isn’t the case. In one study, 43% of women claimed they have no sex drive.  There’s also a myth that dwindling libido affects mostly older women, but actually women in their 30s tend to be the ones who have their libido knocked sideways, due to stress, working, young families and lack of time.

Testosterone is the main horn-vamping hormone, so take a mooch around Google to see how you can boost it naturally, with certain foods or supplements such as  Gingsen, Ginkgo biloba and L’Arginine

Exercise also boost testosterone and other feel-good chemicals in the body, so get your blood pumping – a fast walk, 20 minutes on the treadmill or a bounce on the trampoline will all help you feel better, healthier and sexier.

‘Use it or lose it’, as the saying goes, and this is SO true for your libido

You may find that you desire more sex, just by having more sex. Getting jiggy actually boosts your testosterone levels, which, in turn, turns up the horn, which makes you have more sex! Switching off this cycle of desire clearly has the opposite effect.

If it’s not already part of your repertoire, add sensual massage to playtime with your partner/s, The repetitive strokes of skin-on-skin feels sensual, close and relaxing – perfect for when fast and furious hormone-induced sex is not on the cards for you. It’s also likely to feel arousing, but being less goal-orientated, there’s also less pressure to ‘perform’

Try getting it on at different times of the day (you may find you like it better at a certain time of the day), experiment with new places and new positions (we can sometimes get complacent and need a fresh perspective) and make sure you do things that you really enjoy.

Rabbit Ear Vibrator - Used purely for clitoral stimulation, where it thrills the sides of the clitoris..
Rabbit Ear Vibrator – Used purely for clitoral stimulation, where it thrills the sides of the clitoris..

Reading erotica is a great way to get your mind turned-on and where the mind leads, the body will often follow…(we like to read some saucy stuff discreetly on public transport – you can easily access the “good stuff” on your phone these days)

An enhancing gel can work wonders on arousal as it encourages blood-flow to your clitioris, making your mind focus on your body’s NO 1 pleasure-seeking hot-spot

And  teasing sensations a vibrator or other fun sex toy, whether together or alone and whether you are already turned-on or not yet, will help arouse your body into pleasure.

All of these can really help boost your desire for sex and turn your mind and body away from the negatives and frustration you feel about it.

There’s this idea that sex, desire and arousal should be effortless and come ‘naturally’ but it requires work sometimes and that’s no bad thing – we’re sure you’ll agree that the end result is soo worth it!

Good luck!

Team Sh! xx