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My vagina is a penetration-free zone – here’s why…

Non-penetrative sex.

Yes, it exists. And it can be better than what you might think of as “normal” sex.

Your largest organ is your skin and that skin is packed with erogenous zones all over your body. From your armpit to your knee, arousal can be experienced through different types of stimulation, yet many of us grow up believing that getting busy centers around one action… We’re talking about penis in vagina sex, P-i-V.

The hetero-patriarchal society that typically grooms us has cultivated the belief that sex in its most basic sense involves penetration. Whether that be anal or vaginal, other forms of sexual activity are traditionally regarded as mere precursors to the grande finale. Like the Superhero blockbuster sequel you never asked for, this sequential narrative of a beginning, a middle and an end is anything but penetrating. We find it rather predictable.

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It’s not newsworthy that the majority of women struggle to orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, and without a toy. But who says that you have to have penetrative sex to seal the deal? Often, clitoral simulation provides a sure-fire way to reaching orgasmic peaks. This being the case as long as your mood, the ambiance in the room you’re in, and your overall state of relaxation are all cooperating.

There are many other ways to enjoy yourself once you drop these ideas of sex as a screenplay. Sexual activity is a whole playground of sensation that you can start, end or continue with at any lubed-up point you desire. Placing end goals on sex can do way more harm than good. It can prove exasperating for individuals who experience Vaginisimus or orgasmic/erectile difficulties, for example.

We like to call sexual activity “play” for a reason, and namely, that’s because it doesn’t need a lesson plan. “Play” doesn’t require an erect penis or a moist vaginal canal for it to be erotic and more-ish. “Play” is pleasure-focused and it doesn’t end just because someone had an orgasm – in fact,  sex lasts much longer because typically, everyone involved enjoys as many orgasms as they can handle.

For uterus owners – your vagina may be the most powerful thing you own, but don’t overlook your vulva. Your vulva is important. It deserves unwavering attention in the form of Caring, Loving, Intimate Tenderness (C-L-I-T).

Now, let’s be real. There is no better way to worship your clit than with a suction toy. In a new era of sexual pleasure, these toys are designed to simulate a sucking sensation. Add in a splash of lube and it’ll feel like someone’s lips are tending to your luscious front-garden. Whether you prefer the ultra deluxe Womanizer variety or the more affordable Satisfyer range, suction toys have the critics raving in a matter of minutes.

Zero penetration required.

A common myth we’ve noticed circulating is that penetrative sex is more intimate than other types of sex.

Who decided this?

How exactly did they measure it?

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Our sexperts have never personally whacked out measuring tapes to decipher this. Surely, someone who is keen and willing to smother your backdoor in smooches deserves some credit? A gold star, perhaps! Anything less and it’s surely a slap in the face?

But what is non-penetrative play and how do I do it with a partner?

Good question.

­Non-penetrative play can involve sensual massages, teasing touches and, of course, hours of oral play. You can spend days and days exploring each other’s bodies and getting to know what exactly makes your partner(s) tick. You can rub and grind on each other, kissing deeply, and don’t forget to go to town on breasts and nipples – those are awesome for playing with!

Turn it into a game with the help of one of ours, such as the Tease & Please Kinky Heart game. Take turns to pick out tasks that will leave you begging for more! Use your imagination and embrace exploration. Why not leave the bedroom and fool around in the bathroom, the kitchen, the hall? Buy an O Wand and you’ll forget penetration is even a thing!

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Plus, if you are a vagina-owner and you are self-conscious around the sheets when on your period, you can simply pop in a menstrual cup (see Mooncup or Fun Factory’s Fun Cup) and enjoy yourself stress-free. This is the perfect chance to introduce new, fun games into the mix. Focus your attentions on skin and sensitive areas, take turns to enact sexy activities on each other or role-play saucy fantasies. Invest in some handcuffs and restrain your partner to the bed or explore the art of rope-play…

Removing the pressure of putting one body part into another opens up a world of possibilities. It’s hot and erotic, and it’s likely to boost sexual satisfaction. Whether the reasons for saying ‘no, ta’  to penetration are long-term or short-term, there is only one thing to remember:

There are so many ways to explore your sexuality without ramming a plug in the socket.

Vaginismus Awareness Day

Vaginismus Awareness Day

Vaginismus, a complex psychosomatic condition affecting thousands of women, yet so few talk about it.

At least 2 in 1,000 women experience Vaginismus at some point in their lifetime – and probably many, many more who are too afraid or embarrassed to seek medical attention and help.

Many of these women go for years without seeking help, or even realising that help is available. Or, another common thread, is plucking up the courage to look for help, only to be told the pain is imagined.

Vaginismus Awareness Day

In order to raise awareness of this painful condition, we created Vaginismus Awareness Day on the 15th September 2016.

We’re dedicate this day (15th September 2017) to talking about Vaginismus and raising awareness of issues associated with it. Vaginismus isn’t ‘only’ about sex, it’s about life.

Penetrative sex is not the only thing its victims loose – let’s be honest, not everyone prioritise that – but a sense of intimacy or self-worth too.

Join the discussing by using #VaginismusAwarenessDay, #Vaginismus or #PainFeeSex on when Tweeting at us (@Shwomenstore), or leave a comment below – we’d love to hear first-hand experiences of Vaginismus.

What is Vaginismus?

Vaginismus is the term used to describe recurrent or persistent involuntary tightening of muscles around the vagina whenever penetration is attempted. Penetration, in this case, does not refer to penis-in-vagina sex only, it refers to any type of insertion into the vagina, including use of tampons and cervical smear tests.

This tightening of the vagina may make any kind of insertion not only difficult and painful, but impossible.

1. Body anticipates pain and tightens vaginal muscles.

Facts About Vaginismus

  • Approximately 10% of adult women have experienced painful intercourse in the last six months.
  • 2 out of every 1,000 women has at least moderate Vaginismus.
  • Approximately 20% of women who seek help from sexual clinics are experiencing Vaginismus.
  • 53% of clinical Vaginismus patients are married.
  • 53% of women with Vaginismus are between 25 and 35 years old, with 18% younger and 29% older.

Is Vaginismus Treatable?

Yes, it is! Because it’s a condition that involves the head and body, the best thing to do is see a psychotherapist who knows about Vaginismus. All the therapists on the COSRT website will have had specific training in this.

For more information and helpful advice on Vaginismus, visit our Vaginismus Awareness site.

Or, if you have been diagnosed and feel ready to start treatment, take a peek at a peek at our handmade, soft silicone dilating kit.

The existing plastic kits were described by women we talked to as too blunt and painful to use, which is why ours are made from silicone, ensuring the maximum level of comfort.

https://www.sh-womenstore.com/sh-vibrating-silicone-vaginismus-set.html
The thrilling buzz from the removable vibrating bullet helps to relax tense nerve endings and can make the process easier, the discomfort less and the pleasure involved better than with the standard plastic dilator sets.
With a 95% chance of treating the condition, it is time to talk about Vaginismus, shatter the isolation, and eliminate the pain.

By using code  DILATE0917 you will receive a 12% discount when you buy the Sh! Silicone Dilating Kit up until and including Friday 22nd September 2017.

 

 

 

 

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Loving with the Lights On: Sarah Adefehinti

Join Sarah Adefehinti on a journey of self-discovery, as we explore the importance of self-love.

Loving with the Lights On uses questions to help us open our mind and make the first steps towards creating more truthful, deeper connections. Every session starts with a short meditation to help us shift the focus back to ourselves.

In this session, you will be guided through a ‘self-love MOT’, create your own ‘self-care pyramid’ (filled with your self care essentials) and engage in a confidence building exercise to finish.

This particular workshop is only for people who identify as women and AFAB non-binary people. It’s suitable for anyone who’s willing to learn more about themselves, regardless of relationship status.
All language used will be gender neutral and inclusive of all sexual orientations.

Bring a notebook, bring a pen, bring your friends!

Sharing is optional in all activities – the focus is mostly on self-reflection, and respecting boundaries is the number 1 priority.

Date: Monday 3rd July, 6:30pm

Address: Sh! 57 Hoxton Square, London N1 6PB

Price: FREE

Book your space here: Eventbrite

Spaces are limited so we advise booking early to avid disappointment.

If you have any questions, please contact Sarah directly:
sarahadecoaching@gmail.com


About Sarah Adefehinti:

Sarah is a self-love & relationship coach. They see self-love as an essential prerequisite of loving others, as we can only give out love if it’s within ourselves first.

Sarah believes that great sex & relationships education can lead to better, more meaningful interactions in everyday life with more empathy, truth and better listening; all of which can contribute to a more peaceful world – therefore, they are committed to bringing this knowledge to others through thought-provoking workshops and 1 on 1 sessions.”