A guide to seduction and erotic play

As too many films and depictions of how sex ought to be would lead us to believe, no sexual encounter is complete without an erect body part going into an orifice. (Bah!)

Foreplay, touching, and teasing is all good and well, but it’s the penetration that matters, right?

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

There are so many ways that you and your partner can play together without any kind of penetration.

Whether you are in a committed relationship or are just keen to spice up your frequent and varied sex life, find out how you can seduce and be seduced without slipping a D into the V (or B).

Don’t forget to touch

With busy schedules and working lives to contend with, many of us rush sexy-time and forget about the fundamental act that is taking place. Any type of intimate scenario is all about two bodies coming together and enjoying one another, so why the rush? Let’s slow it down a bit…

Instead of having humpin’, bumpin’ sex, go back to basics and learn just how erotic touch can be. Using your mouth, start at the top and work your way down. If you want to add even more sizzle, try placing an ice cube in your mouth. This will increase sensation for your partner and ensure that they tune in and turn on.

Try massage

Massaging is a really intimate act because it involves one person paying close attention to another’s body. Include some of this Sensuous Massage Oil into the mix and you’ve got yourself a truly tantalising experience.

Before you get started, why not set the mood with the use of candles and music? It might also be a good idea to ask your partner where they’d most like to be massaged, as you don’t want to end up touching them somewhere that they’re not comfortable with.

The power of words

It’s amazing how much sexy talking is overlooked in the bedroom, especially given the fact that for many of us, it’s a massive turn on. It is also a great way to find out more about your partner and what they like.

Try laying down on the bed next to each other, but don’t touch. Instead, simply talk about what you would like to happen the next time you play. You could even reminisce about past sexual experiences that you’ve shared. Either way, talking about sex is a sure fire way to get both of your hearts racing!


Q&A: My partner wants rough sex

Q&A: My partner wants rough sex

I’m in a long distance and my partner recently expressed an interest in me being ‘rougher’ when we next meet up. Like slap her ass hard and talk dirty and throw her around. She also asked for more foreplay.  For me when I’m rough I feel like I’m hurting her and it’s kind of a turn off. Also I always start with foreplay but I feel like it gets repetitive so I jump into going down on her or playing with her clit with my fingers. What are some tips on spicing things up by being rough as well as extending foreplay or even new things to do for foreplay? Thanks

Hey there,

Many thanks for your email.

We have lots of exciting tips & tricks for you to try out next time out meet up with your partner.

More Foreplay Please!

Foreplay – although we like to call it more-play as there should always be more of it. The word foreplay suggests it’s what comes before something else (penis-in-vagina-sex, usually) but trust us, it can be an exciting act in itself!

A lot of peeps hone in on the clitoris as it’s the bit that seems to work best. But, and here is the most valuable piece of sex info you’ll ever get – leave the clitoris til last. The clit has 8000 nerve-endings sitting on top of it, and it can be quite painful to have it touched or licked before being warmed up (and by ‘warmed up’ we mean ‘begging for it’).

Start off by kissing her deeply, kissing her neck, the nape of her neck, stroking her back, playing with her nipples, sucking her fingers, licking the back of her knees, sucking her toes, spanking her butt lightly… Whatever it is she likes, do more of it. Whisper filthy nothings, tell her how sexy she is, how hot she is making you, how badly you want to do sexy stuff to her…

leather-blindfiold-allUsing a small finger vibrator to trace the curve of her spine and the roundness of her buttocks is a winning move, so make sure to incorporate that into your sensation-fest. You could try using a blindfold for this. Removing visual references ensures that she’ll feel  everything more intensely, every stroke, kiss and lick becomes amplified.

When, and only then, she begs you to touch her muffkin, lube up your fingers and slowly trace the outer lips, the inner lips, tease the opening a little…. Make it last. The longer you spend teasing her, the more she’ll enjoy her orgasm when it comes.

Unfortunately sex ed in schools doesn’t cover the ins & outs of the clitoris, but we have a great page that’ll help you understand how the clit works and how you can help her get the most out of it.

She Comes First is one of our favourite books ever, and it makes a great read for anyone… *Hint*

Does Rough Sex Hurt?

It’s understandable that you feel a little apprehensive about rougher sex if it isn’t something that you’ve tried before.

It’s worth taking some time to really think about what it is she wants you to do. You could pull her hair lightly (make a pony tail at the base of her neck, using your fist as a hair grip) – this is a very dominating move and those who enjoy a little bit of submissive play can find it exiting and enjoyable.

Spanking her butt – again, it seems as if she’d like you to be a bit more forceful with her. It isn’t necessarily about pain as such – even gentle taps on the roundness of her bum could feel thrilling for her. Spanking, when done right, releases endorphins which are the body’s natural painkillers. It’s very common for people to enjoy a rousing bout of bum-smacking as a way of releasing stress after a long day. You may find that she becomes very giggly – and this is a good sign!

You could “order” her to tell you if she wants to be spanked harder or if she’s had enough. Communication is essential when it comes to any kind of kinky play. This ensure you know you won’t go too far.

It;s a good idea to decide on a safeword – a word that either one of you can use if you want to slow down or stop play altogether. It’s best to pick a word that you wouldn’t normally use during sex as you’ll both pay more attention when it’s said out loud.

Good luck!

Love, Team Sh! xx


If you’d like any tailored advice or recommendations, please feel free to drop us a line at and we’ll answer you privately.

We may also share Q&A’s so others may benefit, but if we do it will always be anonymous, with nothing left in to identify you – promise!




Read our Top Facts for National Kissing Day

Read our Top Facts for National Kissing Day

Did you know that July 6th is National kissing day?

Well now you do, and that is just the start of the kissing related knowledge we’re about to hit you with. Prepare to be astonished and amazed by some kissing facts and also this very cute gif of Milo attacking us with his love.


What’s in a name?

The study of kissing is better known as philematology, someone who studies kissing wears the title of osculologist – sexy.

There’s also a great German word Nachküssen which means “a kiss to make up for those that have not occurred”.

And what do the French call French kissing? Soul-kissing! There are a few cultures that think kissing can let your souls mingle, in some parts of Sudan they believe the mouth is the window to the soul, but also aren’t into kissing as they believe your soul can be stolen through your mouth.

When kisses are banned

There are a few cases of kissing being banned, in some parts of the world, such as Saudi Arabia you can still be arrested for kissing in public. Alledgedly in 1910 the French banned kissing at train stations because it was holding up commuters, although we’re not 100% sure that’s legit. However, Warrington Bank Quay Station did put up no kissing signs in 2009, the signs were removed three weeks later and auctioned off for Comic Relief.

Henry VI really did ban kissing in England in 1439. It was in response to an outbreak of Plague. The ban wasn’t really aimed at lovers but at kissing as a greeting, which the King worried was increasing the infections rates.


Not everyone kisses

90% of the world’s population kiss but there are still some cultures in which kissing isn’t the go to expression of affection. We talked about soul stealing but there are other cultures where kissing is not common or it was only introduced by Europeans. In 1929, anthropologist Bronislaw Malinowski visited the Trobriand Islands. He found that lovers went through several phases of sucking and biting that culminated in biting off each other’s eyelashes.

Kissing Contracts

Kissing is how we seal marriage vows but kissing to seal a contract goes back a long way. Apparently ‘XOXO’ comes from when those who were illiterate would sign a contract with an X and then add a kiss as a sign of sincerity. Even further back the Romans might exchange a kiss to signify the completion of a contract.

Kisses are good for you

Kisses are good for your teeth, the anticipation gets your saliva flowing. Men who receive a goodbye kiss from their partner in the morning are more likely to live longer (no word on women?) and those who kiss more report more relationship satisfaction. It can also help build your immunity to certain infections.

And sometimes bad for you

A 10 second kiss can transmit a mind boggling 80 million bacteria, most of them will be harmless but there are diseases that you can catch through smooching. The most well known being mononucleosis, but also thinks like herpes, flu and polio.

lipstick_1 (1)
Kissing got you in the mood? Try this lipstick vibrator!

In one weird case a woman in China lost some of her hearing after a particularly passionate kiss burst her eardrum. The reduced pressure in her mouth was enough to rupture it, but we’re pretty confident that’s not a common issue.
So go find someone to kiss, make the most of this special day!