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My vagina is a penetration-free zone – here’s why…

Non-penetrative sex.

Yes, it exists. And it can be better than what you might think of as “normal” sex.

Your largest organ is your skin and that skin is packed with erogenous zones all over your body. From your armpit to your knee, arousal can be experienced through different types of stimulation, yet many of us grow up believing that getting busy centers around one action… We’re talking about penis in vagina sex, P-i-V.

The hetero-patriarchal society that typically grooms us has cultivated the belief that sex in its most basic sense involves penetration. Whether that be anal or vaginal, other forms of sexual activity are traditionally regarded as mere precursors to the grande finale. Like the Superhero blockbuster sequel you never asked for, this sequential narrative of a beginning, a middle and an end is anything but penetrating. We find it rather predictable.

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It’s not newsworthy that the majority of women struggle to orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, and without a toy. But who says that you have to have penetrative sex to seal the deal? Often, clitoral simulation provides a sure-fire way to reaching orgasmic peaks. This being the case as long as your mood, the ambiance in the room you’re in, and your overall state of relaxation are all cooperating.

There are many other ways to enjoy yourself once you drop these ideas of sex as a screenplay. Sexual activity is a whole playground of sensation that you can start, end or continue with at any lubed-up point you desire. Placing end goals on sex can do way more harm than good. It can prove exasperating for individuals who experience Vaginisimus or orgasmic/erectile difficulties, for example.

We like to call sexual activity “play” for a reason, and namely, that’s because it doesn’t need a lesson plan. “Play” doesn’t require an erect penis or a moist vaginal canal for it to be erotic and more-ish. “Play” is pleasure-focused and it doesn’t end just because someone had an orgasm – in fact,  sex lasts much longer because typically, everyone involved enjoys as many orgasms as they can handle.

For uterus owners – your vagina may be the most powerful thing you own, but don’t overlook your vulva. Your vulva is important. It deserves unwavering attention in the form of Caring, Loving, Intimate Tenderness (C-L-I-T).

Now, let’s be real. There is no better way to worship your clit than with a suction toy. In a new era of sexual pleasure, these toys are designed to simulate a sucking sensation. Add in a splash of lube and it’ll feel like someone’s lips are tending to your luscious front-garden. Whether you prefer the ultra deluxe Womanizer variety or the more affordable Satisfyer range, suction toys have the critics raving in a matter of minutes.

Zero penetration required.

A common myth we’ve noticed circulating is that penetrative sex is more intimate than other types of sex.

Who decided this?

How exactly did they measure it?

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Our sexperts have never personally whacked out measuring tapes to decipher this. Surely, someone who is keen and willing to smother your backdoor in smooches deserves some credit? A gold star, perhaps! Anything less and it’s surely a slap in the face?

But what is non-penetrative play and how do I do it with a partner?

Good question.

­Non-penetrative play can involve sensual massages, teasing touches and, of course, hours of oral play. You can spend days and days exploring each other’s bodies and getting to know what exactly makes your partner(s) tick. You can rub and grind on each other, kissing deeply, and don’t forget to go to town on breasts and nipples – those are awesome for playing with!

Turn it into a game with the help of one of ours, such as the Tease & Please Kinky Heart game. Take turns to pick out tasks that will leave you begging for more! Use your imagination and embrace exploration. Why not leave the bedroom and fool around in the bathroom, the kitchen, the hall? Buy an O Wand and you’ll forget penetration is even a thing!

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Plus, if you are a vagina-owner and you are self-conscious around the sheets when on your period, you can simply pop in a menstrual cup (see Mooncup or Fun Factory’s Fun Cup) and enjoy yourself stress-free. This is the perfect chance to introduce new, fun games into the mix. Focus your attentions on skin and sensitive areas, take turns to enact sexy activities on each other or role-play saucy fantasies. Invest in some handcuffs and restrain your partner to the bed or explore the art of rope-play…

Removing the pressure of putting one body part into another opens up a world of possibilities. It’s hot and erotic, and it’s likely to boost sexual satisfaction. Whether the reasons for saying ‘no, ta’  to penetration are long-term or short-term, there is only one thing to remember:

There are so many ways to explore your sexuality without ramming a plug in the socket.

Are You Ready for a Hot Valentine’s Weekend?

Are You Ready for a Hot Valentine’s Weekend?

With Fifty Shades Darker there is no better time to start gathering inspiration and start planning the hottest weekend to date. But before you start the prep, why not take a few minutes to read this excellent blog piece on smashing sexual boundaries, stepping out of comfort zones and upping the O-game for 2017. It’ll put you in good stead for what’s to come…

Dressing For the Occasion

This year, kink is all the rage and we have a fantastic selection of outfits and accessories that are guaranteed to get pupils dilating and pulses racing.

Our favourite, the beaded teddy with long sleeves and face mask, is outrageously kinky and demure all at once. Wear it under a suit, rolling the face mask down as a regular turtle neck, whilst the beads glide and rub deliciously between labia lips for stimulation that is likely to have you panting before you’ve arrived at your destination. When you are ready, slip off your outfit, pull up the mask and you’ll be ready for whatever the night might bring…

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For an even more jaw-dropping look, the fishnet bodystocking with O-ring cups and mask is a sure choice. It’s not discreet, it’s not demure – but it is hella sexy!

You Are Mine

Traditional Valentine’s Day cards usually come with a  romantic message of “will you be mine?”

Bah, is what we say to that.

For this V-Day, up the ante and let your inner Domme or Sub out to play!

Adding a BDSM collar can turn an already hot encounter into a blazing inferno. Placing a beautiful collar on a willing partner is incredibly sexy as it signifies ownership (even for a short, consensual while). What is more sexy than boldly stating “you are mine” whilst looking deeply into the eyes of a lover?

Whilst wearing the collar and handing themselves over to the capable hands of their Dom/me, the submissive partner sends out an equally powerful message: “I belong to you.”

MAZE Tassel Choker is a stunning collar disguised as a fashionable choker. The tassels hand seductively between the breasts, and can be used as a lead too… Made from faux leather, it’s ethical kink and 100% suitable for Vegans.

If you want to go a step further, we recommend this sexy MAZE Vegan H-shaped Bodyharness. It highlights the breasts, which can be encased in a favourite bra or decorated with sparkly nipple jewellery.

Wearing masks is a great way of stepping into a different persona for a little while. This stunning mask from Bijoux Indiscrets attaches to the face with tiny skin-friendly dots and adds the finishing touch to any outfit. Or lack of.  Because let’s face it – you may prefer to play completely naked…

Play With Me

We have a stunning selection of toys and accoutrements suitable for kinky play on any level. Here are our Top Three kinky must-haves:

Satin Ties with D-Rings are long, sensual ties that feel great against the skin. The ties are durable and can easily withstand playful struggles. Handing over control to a partner is relaxing and arousing – all you need to do is lie back and enjoy. Sounds perfect, doesn’t it?

Wax Play Candles with a low burn temperature for safety. Light the candle, let the wax start melting before dripping the meltlets on to your partners naked skin. Allow each pop of heat to subside before dripping again to give them a change to absorb the warm sensations. The candles are perfectly safe to use on nipples and genitalia, but go slow. Building up intensity is all part of the fun.

Wax Play Candles

Wartenburg Pin Wheel – the wheel may look sharp, but when applied to naked skin, all it does it wake up sleepy nerve-endings and ensure they are on full alert. Roll gently over arms, legs, backs or breasts – add more pressure only if your partner asks for it.

More!

Watching sexy clips and porn can be a great way of getting hot & wet together. Downloading some sexy feminist porn is probably the best way to start – faking actresses and men wearing socks doesn’t make anyone happy, so make sure to go ethical and you might find yourselves wrapped up in each other before long…

Watching porn together can offer up new things to try, new positions and ideas for pleasure that hadn’t previously been considered. And – the search for suitable clips is a whole lotta fun on its own!

Following our simple tips above, you’ll have a Valentine’s Weekend that’ll be remembered forever…

GWoV Talk

Talk & Book Signing: Jamie McCartney on The Great Wall of Vagina

Meet Jamie McCartney, the man behind The Great Wall of Vagina! Make the most of this rare appearance by asking him all your burning questions about women, vulvas and his wonderful art. Jamie will be at Sh!, talking about his epic sculptures and what – or rather who –  inspired him to create The Great Wall of Vagina. He will also sign copies of The Great Wall of Vagina Book – the official book of the project, complete with photographs. Copies of the book, along with other fun GWoV merchandise such as mugs and postcards will be available to purchase on the day.

Date: Saturday 2nd April 2016

Time: 12.30pm

Adress: Sh! 57 Hoxton Square, London N1 6PB

Tickets: FREE

Jamie McCartney, a revolutionary wih a bucket of plaster, cast 400 vulvas for his 5-year long project The Great Wall of Vagina. The volunteers included mothers & daughters, identical twins, trans women as well as pre-and post natal women, and a woman pre- and post labia plasty.

From 18 to 76, the women volunteered to have their labia immortalized by McCartney and the work has been exhibited all over the world. Select pieces from The Great Wall of Vagina can now be enjoyed at Sh! The exhbition is free, and open Monday – Sunday 12-8pm until the end of April.

It’s an amazing exploration of human variety.