Kinky-Books

There’s a New Munch in Town!

Are you into kink? Do you want to learn more about BDSM? Are you looking to meet like-minded peeps without having to take your clothes off?

If you tick those four boxes, you’re in luck: there’s a new munch in town and you are invited! (For those new to the lingo, a “munch” is a casual, social gathering for peeps who are into kinky stuff.)

Hosted by Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and Terence Scott, the group will meet every 2 months, for 2 hours, and we’re delighted to share that their munch will be held right here at Sh!

Who is it for?

This group is for you if you are in a Master/slave, Dominant/submissive, Owner/property relationship or seeking to create a relationship of this type and wish to learn more about how to create and maintain these relationships.

All genders, sexualities, races, religions, and cultures are invited to join.

What happens at the Munch?

Each time the group meets, there will be a topic presentation and discussion for the first half of the group and the second half will be devoted to questions, answers, and discussions. Topics will be primarily focused on power exchange/ authority transfer based relationship and elements of the relationship. There will sometimes be demonstrations of types of play and techniques.

Book your place!
Meet the Hosts

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and Terence Scott has been involved in a power exchange (Master/slave) relationship for 10 years and been married for 4 ½ years. They both identify as part of the leather community.


Lori Beth & Terence

Lori Beth has been a slave or submissive part-time in relationships since 1978, surrendering in four long term relationships each lasting more than 2 years. Terence has been a dominant in a variety of relationships since his early 20’s.

Lori Beth regularly presents at conferences and seminars on relationships, relationship styles, sex, sexuality, and BDSM. They have presented as a couple on creating a human drum circle and creating ritual in power exchange relationships.

Lori Beth is a polyamorous cisgendered queer leather woman masochistic slave whose pronouns are she, her. Terence is a polyamorous cisgendered bisexual leather man sadistic dominant whose pronouns are he, him.

Please note: Despite the munch taking place at Sh!, one of Europe’s most long-standing erotic emporiums, this is not an open invitation to get your kit off and get the party started; this is a social occasion and guests are expected to remain clothed.

Surrender-Blog-Post

Surrendering – a Workshop with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey

Does the idea of surrendering to a partner sexually, emotionally, or in a 24/7 relationship appeal to you?

Have you been submissive in relationships but found surrendering difficult?

Do you find letting go of control in other areas of life hard to do?

Surrender is extremely satisfying and is an essential ingredient in a power exchange relationship. It is often very difficult to do.

In this interactive workshop, we will explore surrender as a part of power exchange relationships. We will examine the different levels and depths of surrender. We will practice being present with a dominant partner. We will examine fears about being vulnerable, shame and learn methods of getting rid of these so that we can surrender more fully. We will cover in depth consent, surrender in a spiritual sense (surrender to a higher power, the divine). We will look at the role of trust in surrender. We will return to sexual surrender and do sensual exercises to deepen surrender.

Exercises will not involve sexual contact or any nudity.


TICKETS

All genders & sexualites welcome.


Dr Lori Beth Bisbey

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is a psychologist, sex & intimacy coach with over 30 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups helping them to create and maintain their ideal intimate relationships. She has special expertise in working with the aftermath of trauma, working in the areas of gender and sexual diversity, and is kink and polyamory knowledgeable.

Dr-Lori-Beth-Bisbey-with-Roses

Lori Beth hosts a weekly podcast (the A to Z of Sex) and a weekly radio show: The A to Z of Sex ® with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey on the Sexy Lifestyle Network, one vlog on YouTube, has two blogs and writes for a variety of websites and media.

Lori Beth speaks regularly in the UK and USA on topics relating to relationships with sex. She can be found on http://drloribethbisbey.com where both her podcast and radio show can be accessed. She has consulting rooms in central London and sees clients from all over the world via Zoom.

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is a polyamorous CIS gendered queer leather woman, married and in a 24/7 power exchange relationship with her husband. She can be emailed at loribeth@drloribethbisbey.com

Pronouns: She, Her

More workshops with Dr Lori Beth
Dr-Lori-Beth-Bisbey-with-Roses

Being Present During Sex: a workshop with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey

Join me, Dr Lori Beth Bisbey for a workshop on how to stay fully present during sex.

Mindfulness is the term often used to refer to being present. I prefer being present. The practice is spoken about in Buddhism and the term used is Sati.

Sati in plain speak means remembrance or recollection. However, when used in relation to meditation, it refers to an ‘a mental state in which one/recollects/remembers the activity that one is engaged in, in the present moment’ as John Peacock says.

For me, mindfulness is about staying fully present in the moment. When I say fully, I am speaking of thought, feeling, body, spirit. All awareness in the moment. In this way, to talk about being mindful doesn’t really sit well as the word seems to forgo emotion, physical sensation, and spirit.

I prefer to speak of staying fully present or becoming fully present. For many people, staying present is incredibly difficult. The mind wanders off or is triggered into some memory or other. The emotions are triggered and you begin to think/feel the past or think/feel about the future.

When mindfulness is first taught, people are often taught to focus on breath. Though many teachers find this the easiest access point, I do not. I prefer to have my clients learn to observe using their senses first. I prefer to talk about becoming grounded into the present.

In this workshop, we will practice a variety of methods of becoming and staying present in relationships, during conflict or difficult discussions and during sex.


Book Your Ticket For ‘Being Present During Sex’ Here

All genders & sexualities welcome

Ticket price includes Prosecco & cake


Who is Dr Lori Beth Bisbey?

Dr-Lori-Beth-Bisbey-Blog-PostDr Lori Beth Bisbey is a psychologist, sex & intimacy coach with over 30 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups helping them to create and maintain their ideal intimate relationships. She has special expertise in working with the aftermath of trauma, working in the areas of gender and sexual diversity, and is kink and polyamory knowledgeable.

Lori Beth hosts a weekly podcast (the A to Z of Sex) and a weekly radio show: The A to Z of Sex ® with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey on the Sexy Lifestyle Network, one vlog on YouTube, has two blogs and writes for a variety of websites and media.

Lori Beth speaks regularly in the UK and USA on topics relating to relationships with sex. She can be found on http://drloribethbisbey.com where both her podcast and radio show can be accessed. She has consulting rooms in central London and sees clients from all over the world via Zoom.

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is a polyamorous CIS gendered queer leather woman, married and in a 24/7 power exchange relationship with her husband. She can be emailed at loribeth@drloribethbisbey.com

Pronouns: She, Her

DS-in-BDSM-Blog-Post

The DS in BDSM: Power Exchange/Authority Transfer Class with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey

The DS in BDSM: Power Exchange/Authority Transfer Power exchange dynamics/ Authority Transfer-based relationships are ones in which one party is in charge (dominant) and the other party submits or surrenders to the person in charge (submissive). There are many names for this type of relationship: Dominant/submissive, Master/slave, Owner/property, Top/bottom.

Does the idea of surrendering control to a partner turn you on? Have you wondered what it would be like to have a partner rush to fulfill your every desire or bow to your will?

Does an ‘old fashioned’ relationship where you obey your partner and your partner takes responsibility for looking after you turn you on? Do you find sex dull when it is soft, gentle and both of you are sharing equally? Do you crave rough intense sexual exchanges?

Wrist-Cuffs

If the idea of power exchange in your relationship is one that intrigues you, excites you, or if you have tried to create a dominant/submissive dynamic in a relationship but it was not successful or what you had dreamed it would be, then this talk by Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is for you.

During this talk, Dr Lori Beth Bisbey will cover the following:
  • How this type of relationship works
  • Why a person would want to be in this type of relationship
  • The sexy and exciting bits of authority transfer in and out of the bedroom
  • Taking control of another person – the overview
  • Surrendering control to another person – the overview
  • A brief primer on consent and negotiation

Join us!

All genders & sexualities welcome


More about Dr Lori Beth Bisbey

Dr-Lori-Beth-Bisbey-Blog-PostDr Lori Beth Bisbey is a psychologist, sex & intimacy coach with over 30 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups helping them to create and maintain their ideal intimate relationships. She has special expertise in working with the aftermath of trauma, working in the areas of gender and sexual diversity, and is kink and polyamory knowledgeable.

Lori Beth hosts a weekly podcast (the A to Z of Sex) and a weekly radio show: The A to Z of Sex ® with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey on the Sexy Lifestyle Network, one vlog on YouTube, has two blogs and writes for a variety of websites and media.

Lori Beth speaks regularly in the UK and USA on topics relating to relationships with sex. She can be found on http://drloribethbisbey.com where both her podcast and radio show can be accessed. She has consulting rooms in central London and sees clients from all over the world via Zoom.

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is a polyamorous CIS gendered queer leather woman, married and in a 24/7 power exchange relationship with her husband. She can be emailed at loribeth@drloribethbisbey.com

Pronouns: She, Her

Poly-Fancies-for-Blog

Guest Blog: Polyamory 101 by The Intimacy Coach

We are super-chuffed to have the Intimacy Coach aka the lovely Dr Lori Beth Bisbey with us today, sharing her expertise on polyamory: what it is, who it’s for and what to look out for. Read on!


Polyamory has become a very popular topic over the last 10 years. Everywhere you look at the moment, people are talking about polyamory and other kinds of non-monogamy.  It is trendy to have an open relationship.  People talk about how hard it is for one person to meet all/most of your needs and how much healthier it is to have a variety of places to get your needs met.  It’s the responsible way of managing varied and disparate needs.  After all, they are your needs.  Why should a partner be responsible for them?

In the past 30 years, I have worked with polyamorous couples, groups and singles as well as monogamous ones.  The differences are not found in the relationship style, they are found in the ways in which the people involved approach issues, conflict and the resolution of problems, commitment and the relationships themselves.  With all of this, your mileage may vary.  There are many different definitions used to talk about non-monogamy and each individual, couple or poly group create their own rules for their relationships.

Polyamory is ethical non-monogamy where people have more than one love and sexual relationship at the same time.   There are other forms of ethical non-monogamy that don’t involve having multiple romantic relationships but just involve multiple sexual relationships.  For example, swingers often meet at clubs or private parties and confine their escapades to these clubs or parties.  They may form friendships with some of the people they have sex with but they don’t usually form lasting love relationships or commitments.

Polyamorous relationships take many forms.  Some are hierarchical.  In these, there is a primary couple bond and other relationships are seen as secondary.   Some find this terminology harsh and prefer to see all relationships as egalitarian and to work together to give equal time, energy and priority to all relationship partners.  Others acknowledge that when people make a commitment to live together, share finances, raise children together and look after each other during times of illness and difficulty, these relationships take the most time and energy and often have priority.

Some people choose to live alone and have a variety of committed polyamorous relationships.  Some people form a polyamorous group that is faithful to each other.  Polygamous (one husband many wives) and polyandrous (one wife many husbands) marriages often fall into this category.   Some poly groups that are faithful are made up of a few couples or a triad (three people) or quad (four people).    Some people form a vee structure where the person in the middle is closer to the other two people than they are to each other.  They may not even be involved with each other.

However people choose to structure their relationships, two things are essential in polyamory: honesty and informed consent. In all polyamorous relationships, everyone involved is honest about their other partners.  All people who join these relationships give informed consent.  They discuss the structure of relationships and any rules and agree to take part and keep to any of the agreed upon rules.

What are the joys of polyamory?

Well, there is the obvious – multiple sexual partners who are interested in seeing your needs are met. For many people, even more important is multiple people who are emotionally available, supportive and interested in seeing your needs are met.

Compersion is the feeling of joy a person has when experiencing another person’s joy.  Imagine a toddler laughing with glee at petting a puppy.  Most people will find themselves feeling joy in response. Compersion is experienced on a spectrum from appreciation of your partner’s pleasure at more of a distance to intense sexual excitement because of your partner’s sexual excitement.

For example: Arla feels happy when Jethro is happy.  When he goes out on a date, she experiences contentment when Jethro is enjoying himself.  She does not want to know the details of his date nor does she want to be told all about the person he is dating.  Jethro wants all the details of Arla’s experiences. When Arla is excited, Jethro is guaranteed to get an erection. Compersion is one of the reasons why polyamorous relationships work well. Feeling compersion increases emotional intimacy, the bond and attachment that partners have to each other and to their partner’s other partners.  Compersion is seen as the opposite of jealousy.

Not all polyamorous people experience compersion and some monogamous people experience compersion.  It is something you can learn to experience by expanding your emotional repertoire.

Polyamory is interesting.  More relationships bring more variety of experience into your lives.   This can range from being part of raising children if you have not had your own biological children through to new cultural experiences through to hobbies that you may well have never discovered and explored.    Sexually, people who are polyamorous tend to be more flexible and happier to explore more new things in the bedroom.

There is almost always someone there to help with any given problem.  If you have partners a local area, then this includes physical help.  If your partners are long distance, this may usually be limited to emotional support (though sometimes financial support is there as well).  However, advance planning can mean that physical support is there as well.  A partner can visit to help out after you have surgery, for example. Partners can work together to sustain a household when a parent is ill.

What are the challenges of polyamory?

Time is a limited resource and juggling multiple relationships can be extremely challenging.  Problems with time and prioritising relationships are one of the most common issues that brings polyamorous people to me for help.

Excellent communication is essential for relationships to run smoothly and with minimum drama.  People who do best find that they are able to talk about their emotions, take responsibility for their own feelings, communicate with a minimum of blame and apologise effectively.  All of these are skills that can be learned and practiced until a person becomes an expert communicator.

Jealousy can be a challenge.  Most of the time, jealousy arises from feelings of insecurity or from a perception of favouritism.  If Jack is home without a date when Maria is out at a coveted party, he may feel jealous whereas if he is also out on a date, he may not feel jealous.  When jealousy is as a result of insecurity, it is often more difficult to deal with.  Sometimes a person simply insecure and others it is insecurity in the relationship that is the problem.  It is important for people to learn to own their jealousy and do what is necessary to manage their feelings without asking their partner to change behaviour in most cases.  Sometimes people need to re-negotiate the rules of their polyamory so that jealousy happens less often.

For example, Jane finds it difficult when Margaret tells her all the details of her escapades.  She finds herself jealous each time she has lots of details.  She asks Margaret not to share details and then she finds her jealousy decreases.  This type of negotiation can work well but only when the person understands that it is their jealousy, not something their partner is doing wrong.

Is polyamory for you?

Do you love emotionally intimate relationships and find yourself falling for more than one person at a time?  This is a good indication that polyamory might work well for you.

Are you emotionally literate and do you enjoy sharing your emotions with others?  If so, this bodes well for any relationship you get involved in and works especially well if decide to be polyamorous.

Do you have a high sex drive?  Polyamory is one way to make sure that your sexual needs get met.  In monogamy, differences in sex drive can cause big strains on a relationship.  Sex can become a battleground with one person feeling their needs are never met and the other feeling constantly pressured.  Having relationships with multiple partners means no pressure anymore as you know you can get your needs met within the network of partners.

Do you find people of multiple genders attractive and find it hard when you are in a monogamous relationship because of what you are giving up?  If so, polyamory is a relationship style choice that can give you the option to have all the relationships you want and take away that FOMO feeling.

If this has whet your appetite or if you have further questions, contact me about next steps at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com.


Lori Beth BisbeyDr Lori Beth is a sex & intimacy coach and psychologist who works with individuals, couples and polyamorous groups to help them explore sexuality, explore kink and BDSM, recreate a healthy sexual identity after trauma as well as deepen their awareness and understanding about intimate relationships. Her mission is to take sex and conversations about sex from shadow to light. She hosts two podcasts: The A to Z of SexÒ and Sex Spoken Here every week. Book a discovery session to see how she can help you create a lasting sizzling authentic sexual life.