The A – U of Orgasms; A-Spots, U-Spots, G-Spots and more…

The A – U of Orgasms; A-Spots, U-Spots, G-Spots and more…

So it’s not quite a full alphabet but this is your complete guide to everything from your A-Spot to your U-Spot, taking in the clitoris, G-Spot and Nipple Orgasms on the way…

The A-Spot

What is it?

The A-Spot (aka ‘anterior fornix erogenous zone’/ ‘AFE zone ‘ ) is a located at the deepest point of the vagina on the upper  wall, above your cervix, where the vagina begins to curve upwards.  That’s where the name comes from it’s your ‘anterior erogenous zone’. It’s been described as the ‘female degenerated prostate’ whatever exactly that means, but just think of it as a fun spot to explore. So basically it is right at the back of your vagina, beyond the G-Spt and above the cervix entrance. To explore, draw your legs in all the way and feel around a little, when you touch this spot you may feel an instant increase in lubrication along with possible  intense pleasure and contractions.

What do I do with it?

When touched the A-Spot can generate instant wetness, a session of A-Spot play can produce an orgasm that’s very similar to a G-Spot orgasm. If you have any problems with vaginal dryness this might be one to cultivate, as repeated stimulation is said to increase your levels of natural lubrication.

Toy of choice:

Because of where it’s situated the A-Spot can be a little hard to reach, unless you have long fingers. So we’d recommend using a long toy like this Swell vibrator (recently and enthusiastically reviewed by the lovely Emmeline Peaches). Try sitting with your legs pulled up against your body for maximum reach and full pleasure.

 swell-vibrator

The Clitoris

What is it?

Well we hope you know what your clitoris is but if you’re not quite sure here’s a quick catch up. The clitoris is your most sensitive erogenous zone, it sits underneath your clitoral hood at the top of the labia, but the clitoris is a bit like an iceberg, it also extends below the surface. The clitoris is made up of erectile tissue so it will swell when you’re aroused.

What do I do with it?

Whatever you like! You can stimulate your clit with your fingers, a vibrator or a willing partner. If you’re new to clitoral stimulation we’d suggest exploring with a finger and some lubricant to gauge what you enjoy. Some people prefer direct stimulation, whilst others find that off-putting or even de-sensitising  and prefer stimulation to the sides of the clit. Everyone will have different preferences and that will affect which toy is right for you.

Toy of Choice

Vibrators can be one of the easiest ways to achieve a clitoral orgasm and, in general, vibrators with a ”higher pitched” vibration make for better clitoral toys and those with a lower, heavier, deeper vibration are better for penetration.

If you’re not keen on direct stimulation, a rabbit vibrator that stimulates the sides of your clit and has a range of vibrations to explore could be a good choice. If you have difficulty achieving clitoral orgasms you might want to try a wand massager; a study in 2008 found that over 93% of a group of 500 women who struggled to orgasm achieved The Big O with a Wand and the Betty Dodson Method.

wand-massager-purple

 

The G-Spot

What is it?

Your G-Spot is probably the second most well known erogenous zone. It’s located a couple of inches inside your vagina on the anterior wall, so towards the front. If you feel around with a lubricated finger you should be able to locate a small patch that feels different in texture, slightly rougher than the smooth walls around it. It doesn’t feel like much now but once it’s swollen with arousal the G-Spot can deliver powerful orgasms.

What do I do with it?

We’d recommend being thoroughly aroused before you go near your G-Spot. Take as much time as you need to make sure you are thoroughly warmed up, you might also want to take a bathroom break before you settle down for some G-Spot exploration.

The same nerves that sends G-Spot sensations to the brain also sends messages from the bladder. For many women a G-Spot orgasm is accompanied by a pleasurable gush of liquid; sometimes enough to hit walls and soak the bed! This is called female ejaculation or ‘squirting’ and is not the same as urinating so don’t worry. But for peace of mind you might want to put a towel down and nip to the loo beforehand.

The G-Spot responds best to firm pressure, you can try applying pressure with two fingers or a toy. If you’re using your fingers try a firm ‘come here’ motion, you might want to try squatting or all fours, play around until you find a comfortable position. As always, remember to use lots of lube.

The G-Spot can also be a source of multiple orgasms, keep stimulating the G-Spot through your orgasm, then take a short, 20 second break, and resume stimulation. However, G-Spot orgasms can be hard work so, patience is key.

Toy of choice:

There are plenty of toys designed to stimulate your G-Spot, like a G-Spot Vibrator or to provide G-Spot and clitoral stimulation for the best of both worlds and maybe a ‘blended orgasm’. Something firm like a glass dildo can also work very well for the steady stimulation needed to achieve a G-Spot orgasm.

sh_-purple-glass-double-dildo_1

Nipple Orgasms

What are they?

Apparently Nipple orgasms are the most common type of orgasm after clitoral, which might come (no pun intended) as a surprise, considering that the G-Spot orgasm is more widely known. Your nipples are jam packed with nerve endings, even if you don’t experience nipple orgasms this is another erogenous zone you can explore and enjoy.

What do I do with them?

This is another one that’s wide open. It’s up to you! Do what feels good is the mantra of today (and every day, especially National Orgasm Day).

A good way to demonstrate what kind of stimulation you enjoy can be to try it out on a partner, squeezing, stroking, nibbling or licking can all feel good. Oral stimulation might be the best way to experiment with your nipples orgasmic capabilities, starting with a light touch and moving up to firm sucking. Other than that, play, explore, enjoy!

Toy of Choice

It’s  not all nipple clamps, there are all kinds of teasing sensations to savor. If you would like to explore nipple clamps you could try a vibrating option with just a soft pinch, enough to awaken never endings and start building sensations.

You could also try nipple suckers for some gentle but exciting stimulation. Cups softly attach around the nipple and areolas for a subtle sucking sensation.

dual-masseuse-nipple-suckers

The U-Spot

What is it?

This is another erogenous zone that you might not know much about. The U-Spot is located at the opening of the Urethra, that’s where the name comes from. Your urethra is where your pee comes out of. It’s located between your vaginal opening and the clitoris, towards the top. As always, get out some lube and have a feel around, this little spot fills with blood when you become aroused making it very sensitive to stimulation. It’s connected to a group of glands ‘Skene’s Glands’ that are thought to be similar to the male prostate and might be the source of ‘female ejaculation’, but more research is needed before we can say for sure.

What do I do with it?

Try exploring the area around your urethra with a lubed finger or a wet tongue. Stick to slow, delicate touches and find what feels good.

Toy of choice:

Here the best toy is a willing partner! The U-Spot responds best to a warm wet tongue although feel free to experiment with the content of your toy box and let us know the results!

unable to orgasm advice

Unable to Orgasm?

Being unable to orgasm is given the scary medical term of Anorgasmia, but we prefer to use “pre-orgasmic” instead – a  more proper definition and much more positive!  Anorgasmia may sound like something our of a Woody Allen film, but the inability (or seeming inability) to orgasm effects millions of women.

Anorgasmia, is then broken into two categories; primary (never had an orgasm at all)  or secondary (can’t orgasm, after being able to before) .

Becoming Orgasmic
Becoming Orgasmic £9.99

The most important thing is to know you are not alone. From magazines and movies, it may seem like everyone else is multi-orgasmic and having super-easy, wall to wall orgasms, but this honestly isn’t the case.

There’s all sorts of statistics bandied. 10% of women say they’ve never had an orgasm, from any kind of stimulation. We’d probably put this higher.

Around 70-80% of women don’t orgasm through intercourse alone.

The second thing to note is that whilst we have a word for it, it’s actually really difficult to describe what an orgasm feels like and it is certainly not a universal shared sensation- far from it! We’re all unique and that goes for the kind of stimulation we like and how our body responds to it.  Orgasm can vary from little peaks to crashing crescendos to a warm envelopment of satisfaction.

Satisfaction is the key word here.

However hard it maybe, it is best to take the focus off orgasm and put it onto pleasure, because pursuing orgasm as if it is the Holy Grail actually creates further problems, as disappointment is followed by frustration, lack of self esteem, lack of enthusiasm for sex and tension.

All these feelings that won’t help you to feel aroused and in that ready-to-orgasm state of relaxation in the first place!

The reality is that however much you may feel like you cannot reach climax, for the vast majority of women, learning to orgasm will be possible. But how?

Every year we advise 100’s of women who’ve told us they’ve never had an orgasm…

(And often they’ve come back to the store, beaming or written to us to tell us they now have!)

Masturbation is the key, because the full definition of Anorgasmia is the ‘inability to orgasm without adequate stimulation

We will always recommend pre-orgasmic women to get a vibrator. The intense stimulation that a vibrator delivers has helped thousands of women “get off” for the first time. We will talk through the different options and discuss how to choose a vibrator that suits them.

It can take a long time to get the ‘adequate’ stimulation to orgasm. and again every women is different. The average is said to be somewhere between 15-40 minutes – a wide window that’s only an an average, which means a lots of women take a lot longer!

Hands can tire (and minds can wander…) which is why the sustained stimulation of a vibrator can help.

Stressing about ‘taking too long’  is one of the most common barriers to orgasm. Over stimulation, where your clitoris either becomes  too sensitive to be touched or actually feels numb is another.

As most women’s orgasms are clitoral, this is the area to concentrate on first,  so we will primarily advise on choosing a clitoral vibrator and how to use it for clitoral pleasure.

Physical/practical pre-orgasmic questions to ask yourself:

  • Do I know where my erogenous zones like the clitoris and my G-Spot are?  Do I know which bits of myself do I most like being stimulated, which what kind of intensity and for how long…?
  • Am I worried about letting go in case I pee? Many women stop themselves orgasming because of this. As you become aroused , but it could be the onset of female ejaculation.
  • Have I ever tried exercising my PC Muscle? Learning to rhythmically squeeze this muscle can help women learn to orgasm
  • Do I tense up when near orgasm? – Many women do, but learning to breath deeply, rather than taking shallow breaths can help.
  • What would make me feel more relaxed when I’m masturbating or having sex?

We will also recommend a bottle of lube. 9/10 women say lube makes sex better. Making everything super wet downstairs feels incredibly sensual, as well as heightening sensations and ensuring it stays that way for as long as you need…

Along with lots of unpressured ‘me-time’ with their lube and vibrator ( ensuring no chance of interruptions and with the shower or music on, if worried about neighbours or family hearing…) the other thing we’ll recommend is to fantasise.

Learning to ‘be in the moment’ is key to female orgasm and fantasising is a great way making your mind be on sex ( rather than worries or distractions) which can help tip you over the edge.

My Secret Garden is a ground-breaking collection of women’s fantasies and we’ll often recommend this book also because it covers every kind of fantasy your could ever thing of, plus a lot more, so it’s a great resource for fantasy-material.

Reading other women’s deepest desires and wild imaginings can also be incredibly liberating.

Note:  If you’ve suffered any sexual assault. it does contain fantasies that could be triggers. In this instance, we’d always urge women to get help by contacting rape support.

In a world that teaches women to be the ‘givers’ rather than the ‘receivers’, that has been ignorant of female pleasure and anatomy for so long  and where the taboo of female masturbation is still rife, our focus and expertise is on the physicality of learning to orgasm.

And physically giving yourself a break from a single-minded quest for orgasm, whilst putting yourself on a dedicated journey of self-pleasure is the best first step, which has worked for the many many women we’ve advised…

But there  could also be environmental, psychological or medical factors that play a part, so…

Other questions to explore if you’re unable to orgasm;

  • Do I feel guilty about sex or have any negative feelings or attitudes towards sex?
  • Do I have a problem with my relationship – unresolved issues or dissatisfaction? Do I like the kind of sex I’m having with my partner? Do I feel embarrassed or nervous about what I’d like in case of rejection?
  • Have I got unresolved issues stemming from abuse or trauma?
  • Am I taking medication,  using recreational drugs or perhaps drinking too much? These may make lubrication more difficult or may interfere with arousal and ability to orgasm.
  • Have I been affected by any surgery, trauma or illness that may have altered my physical responses?
  • Am I the sort of person who always needs to be in control? Am I afraid of losing control?

 

If you think any of these issues maybe at the core of being unable to orgasm,  it maybe time to consult your doctor or get professional counseling.

Check out Net Doctor: Who to Contact for Sex Therapy.

Another good post from Net Doctor is: Are You Having Trouble Reaching Orgasm; A Guide for Women

 

 

clitoris advice

How to Use a Clitoral Vibrator

Many clitoral vibrators are shaped to mirror the shape of your lips (labia), so they can be rested, externally long-ways to stimulate the whole vulval area –  an often overlooked region, that is, in fact, highly sensitive.

Learning all about your clitoris and how to pleasure it is key to getting the best from your vibrator, because much of the clitoris is hidden beneath the surface.

We’ve written about how what to consider, when choosing a vibrator for your clitoris, so here we’re going to give you  some tips on how to use it to get the maximum pleasure.

How to Stimulate Your Clitoris with a Vibrator

Sh! Easy Egg Vibrator
Sh! Easy Egg Vibrator – Egg or bullet-shaped vibe are great to stimulate your whole vulva…

 

Rather than just diving directly for your clitorial tip ( the ultra sensitive pea-shaped button at the top of your inner lips, that we all know as ‘The Clitoris’ ) , start by using your vibrator to stimulate around the whole outer region.

Beneath here, there is lots of erectile tissue so stimulation will cause blood to pump into the area, making  you very aroused , wet and swollen.

 

 

For most women the best place to stimulate the clitoris is not directly on the clitoral tip itself as this can sometimes feel far too intense to be pleasurable.

 

Clitoral Pleasure Vibe - Shaped to stimulate the sides of the clitoris...
Clitoral Pleasure Vibe – Shaped to stimulate the sides of the clitoris…

 

Try slightly off to one side – image your clitoris as clockface and explore the areas around then 11 ‘ clock or 1 O’clock – many women say these times feel really good for them…

 

 

How to Use a Rabbit Vibe
How to Use a Rabbit Vibe

One of the main reasons Rabbit Vibrators are popular is because the split bunny ear of the clitoral simulator deliver tingles to the super-sensitive sides..

 

Everyone feels things differently, but if you are trying a clitoral vibrator for the first time, try “approaching” your clitoris from the side, starting with your vibrator on a lower setting.

Explore the whole area, focusing on where feels really good before working up to high powered, mind-blowing crescendo…

 


 

 

The Pros & Cons of Strong Clitoral Vibes

Sh! Secret Vibrator (£35) Small Vibrating Silicone Clitoral Egg: 20 Powerful Settings
Sh! Secret Vibrator (£35) Small Vibrating Silicone Clitoral Egg: 20 Powerful Settings

 

Clitoral vibrators are often really powerful which many women find great for clitoral stimulation, especially if they have difficulty achieving orgasm.

 

 

 

But strong vibrators, can sometimes de-senstitize the your clitoris …

Wand Massagers are the strongest clitoral vibrators know to woman...
Wand Massagers are the strongest clitoral vibrators know to woman…

They can also give you numb fingers if you handle the vibrating element too much. If this happens, just nestle the vibrator between your lady-lips, lie back and explore the wide variety of vibrations and sensations on offer.

To tone-down too-strong vibrations, cup the vibrator in the palm of your hand and enjoy subtle vibrations through your fingertips.

If you find the vibrations too strong for your clitoris to enjoy, you can  wrap your vibrator in some fabric or a towel, which will tone down the intensity.

 


 

How to take care of your clit vibe

Aphrodisia Dual Vibe
When cleaning or handling, be careful not to water inside or, if it has a separate batter pack, not to loosen the connections…

Make sure you clean your clitoral vibe after every outing. Unless you have chosen a waterproof vibrator, be careful not to get any water inside the battery area or where the connecting wire (if your vibe has one) attaches to the toy.

Vibrators with separate battery packs may seem clumsy or a bit ‘old school’ but actually they are great for being able to lie back, close your eyes and control sensations from your hand, rather than having to fumble for the faster/slower buttons between your legs. For some women, this can help with the ‘switching the mind off’ that’s essential to orgasm.

They also make handling the controls over to your partner easier.

If your clitoral vibrator does have a separate battery pack,  it’s important not to put pressure on the connection. If a vibrator is constantly dangled by the wire, the connection will weaken over time and you may find it delivers a frustratingly intermittent buzz or even stops working all together.