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Rope Bondage 101 Erotic Class

Attending an erotic class can feel exciting and daunting at the same time: What happens? Who attends? How do I know if it’s for me?

The first thing to know is that our educators are all super-friendly, professional and keen on passing on tips & advice to ensure you have great fun both in class and once you get back home.

Our classes are designed to build confidence, give a solid understanding of safety and encourage creative thinking (slapping a pair of handcuffs on someone is the easy part. The harder part is working out what you’re going to do with your willing submissive once the cuffs are on!).

What to Expect at Our Rope Bondage Class

Before the class starts, we’ll offer fizz and French Fancies to help settle any nerves.  However, rope play is best enjoyed with a clear mind, so we’ll cut off the alcohol supply before anyone gets too merry!

Our rope bondage class is suitable for beginners, and our friendly team will start with safety (what kind of rope to use, safewords and positioning) before moving on to the planning of a scene.

After this, there’ll be a practical part, where guests will learn to tie basic knots. For this segment, guests will need to work in pairs: if you’re attending with a partner, you’ll practice on each other. If you’re attending on your own, we’ll pair you with another guest (female) or a member of our team (depending on availability).

This class doesn’t include a lot of bending or moving, and there won’t be any floor work.

There will, of course, be an opportunity to ask questions at the end of the class.

After the class ends, guests will be invited to make the most out of the whopping 20% discount that’ll be offered.

In case you are wondering – because many do – the class is fully dressed at all times, including during the practical.

Sounds like fun? Then book a ticket (or several, as we offer discounts for group bookings) for the Rope Bondage 101 Class here: Sh! Rope Class

Please note: this class is for women & couples only. If you are a lone male wanting to attend, we ask that you come along with a female friend.

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Explore-Domination-Blog-Post

How to encourage your partner to be more dominant in the bedroom

When it comes to sex fantasies, being dominated in the bedroom is probably one of the most common ones.

Whether you enjoy being tied up, gagged, spanked or just told what do in general, there are a number of ways that people get their kicks when it comes to being dominated by their partner. 

Dominance is a great way to explore sex in a more daring way, but what do you do when your partner isn’t on the same page and doesn’t feel as comfortable acting in a more sexually demanding way? 

Read on for our top tips on how to encourage your partner to be more dominant in the bedroom. 

Have an open conversation about what you want 

There’s definitely a time and a place to tell someone you want them to handcuff you to the bed, but being honest about what you want can reap massive rewards. Sitting down and talking things through is the best way to get what you want, although it can feel daunting to get the words out – especially if they’ve never mentioned fantasizing about kinky pay. 

Starting small is the way to go, so why not suggest investing in a blindfold and satin ties that are easy to use. If this is met with enthusiasm, you know you’re well on your way to submissive heaven! 

Act in a more submissive way 

If you don’t feel comfortable asking directly for your partner to be more dominant, why not alter your behaviour to suit your desires?

You can do this by getting into typically ‘submissive’ positions, such as on all fours. Your partner will likely get the hint and step up to the mark – or your bottom as the case may be… 

Ask for it

It’s amazing how far a little bit of dirty talking can go, and if you’re keen to experience more dominance, a few well-timed words of encouragement can give your partner the nudge that they need to get things going. Conversation is usually where new sexual experiences span from, so whispering what you want them to do while you’re already going at it is a good way to get what you really want between the sheets. 

Explain that you don’t feel disrespected 

A lot of people are reluctant to act in a dominant way because they feel as though they are disrespecting their partner. If this is how your other half feels, communication is key, so make sure that you let them know that you are getting turned on just thinking about being dominated. 

All kinky play – scratch that, all play – should be consensual and therefore it is a great idea to discuss what you want to experience beforehand. Want a firm hand slapping down on your bare butt cheek? Say it! Want your partner to grab on to your hair and not let go? Explain how hot it makes you feel when they do that and encourage them to have a go next time you play together.

Introduce some toys into the mix 

Any type of new sexual experience needs to be enjoyable, so why not invest in some kinky toys for you both to play with? We recommend giving Doxy No3 a go – few partners aren’t into watching their lover enjoying one orgasm after another, and this li’l baby delivers right on cue! 

padded-heart-spankerA paddle always come in handy and the Sh! Padded Heart Spanker looks non-threatening but delivers a satisfying “thwack”.

Handy tip: grade each spank between 1 (too gentle) – 10 (far too hard!) so your partner gets an idea of how soft or firm you like it, and make sure they take some time to rub your rosy bum cheeks inbetween each swat.

 

 

 

 

Hand Cuffs BW Blog Piece

How to introduce bondage into your bedroom

50 Shades-fans are excitedly waiting for the third and final instalment of the erotic romance Fifty Shades Trilogy by British author E. L. James, opening just before Valentine’s Day. No doubt, couples will feel inspired to try kinky play for the very first time, with spanking and bondage topping the list of sexy activities to try.

 

By definition, bondage is the act of consensually tying, binding, or restraining a partner for erotic, aesthetic, or somatosensory stimulation. Rope, cuffs, bondage tape and self-adhering bandage are all commonly used by more experienced players.

Bondage and kink can sound pretty daunting, especially if you’re not one to throw caution to the wind and jump into the unknown feet first.

To help you along, we have some useful tips and tricks that’ll help you get to grips with it.

Read on for our advice on the best way to introduce bondage into your bedroom.

Bringing up the subject with your partner

When it comes to sexual excitement, the element of surprise can often work wonders, but this isn’t always the case when it comes to bondage.

Being tied up can, for some people, result in panic, so it’s always better that you let your partner know that this is something that you want to do before you get started.

Have an open discussion where you talk through your desires with them, and ask them how they would feel about trying these things out with you.

Start with small steps

satin_blindfold_black_3There are so many fun items available for you to practice bondage, but it’s best to go slowly and build yourself up to the more advanced products in time.

For first-timers, we recommend keeping it simple with a beautiful satin blindfold, for example. This will introduce you to sensory play and helps to build excitement, which is likely to encourage you and your partner to continue on your adventurous journey.

Restricting someone’s vision causes all their other senses to be on high alert, and every touch, lick and kiss will be felt much more intensely.

Avoid knot ties

quickcuffs1_1Bondage rope and other items that tie into a knot are popular with seasoned kinksters, but aren’t necessarily a good choice for those just starting out.

Instead, why not try the Quick Cuffs, which are simple yet effective? These cuffs are super easy to slip on and off, but lets you experience the feeling of being restrained in a safe way. Quick Cuffs are made from body-friendly silicone and doesn’t require keys or faffing with locks.

Whatever your choice of wrist cuffs or other types of restraints, always make sure to have medical scissors within reach. Should the restrained partner panic unexpectedly (and this can happen), you want to be able to release them quick-sharp.

Important: never leave a restrained person alone in a room. It’s neither funny nor safe.

Continue to communicate with your partner

When it comes to sex, honesty is always the best policy, so if you feel uncomfortable about something, be sure to let your partner know.

Equally, if you really enjoy something, being vocal is a great way to heighten pleasure and excitement for both yourself and your partner. Remember, sex is meant to be enjoyable, so relax, let go and see where your adventure takes you.Print

Win! Sh! Satin Seduction Bondage Set

Win! Sh! Satin Seduction Bondage Set

Wedding season is just around the corner and we’re want to joining in by giving away this fab Satin Seduction Bondage Set in wedding white!

The Sh! Satin Seduction Bondage Set  is the perfect gift box containing three essentials for sensual bondage: Luxury satin blindfold for surprise, satin ties for sensual captivity and feather pom for teasing…

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The blindfold and ties are handmade with love right here in our studio in London.

The blindfold is made from luxury satin and the tiebacks are 30 inches long, easily fastened behind the head with a playful bow.

The satin blindfold not only feels and looks sensual to wear, it also envelopes the wearer in total darkness. This, in turn, works to enhance and heighten all other senses. Every lick, kiss and touch will be felt ten-fold, working nicely to amp up arousal.

  • A seductive trick: lean in close and whisper sweet nothings in their ear – then enjoy watching the goosebumps forming on their skin…

The satin ties are 39 inches long and 2 inches wide, and secures with strong D-rings.

There are two of these long, versatile ties in the gift box. Tie up your willing slave before teasing them to the point of no return.

  • A seductive trick: tie up your lover and make them watch your hands stroking yourself; making sure to touch all of their favourite body parts whilst they can only watch helplessly and wish it was their hands touching your soft skin…

Small feather poms are fantastic for teasing and tempting a tied-up, blindfolded lover; stroke slowly over all sensitive parts and watch them squirm…

  • A seductive trick: mix it up a little. Use a simple kitchen fork (clean, obv) and alternate softly stroking the firm fork prongs and soft feather pom over their warm skin…

 

Disclaimer: Your email address may be used by Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium for marketing purposes.

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Are You Having Fun Sex?

Are you having fun sex?

How would you answer that question? Maybe the answer would be a resounding ‘YES’ or maybe ‘sometimes’ or perhaps ‘no, definitely not’… Or maybe you’d stop and think about the question being asked: what is ‘fun sex’ anyway?

During a recent class, we used the term ‘fun sex’ as a way of describing the type of sex someone could be having. Fun sex is an umbrella term that can cover pretty much anything you want it to cover. Because fun sex isn’t any one type of activity – it is whatever sexual activity you feel is fun, exciting and satisfying. It could be something you’re doing regularly, or something you’d like to try – or something you suspect ‘other people’ are having more of than you.

A guest at the class raised her hand and said that she had issues with the term ‘fun sex’ being used as it implies some people aren’t having fun sex – that some people have sex that is more fun or better than the sex others are having.

Valentine's day Dream Date

This particular class was our Bedroom Bondage Erotic Class, an introductory workshop on bondage and creating sexy, safe scenes. It’s a beginners class and we talk about negotiation, consent and safewords before we spend an hour playing with wrist cuffs, blindfolds and a plethora of soft, sensual toys (and forks – just to switch it up a little).

During the introduction of this class, we talk about bondage being a staple activity in BDSM play but that many enjoy participating in BDSM activities without defining themselves as particularly kinky. For those unfamiliar with the acronym, BDSM stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, SadoMasochism – all words that can sound harsh and extremely painful to the uninitiated. Hence, for the purpose of the class we sometimes use ‘fun sex’ instead of BDSM as that is what the class is all about: bondage and light power play for fun.

I myself have been enjoying certain BDSM activities for the past 20-odd years, but I am loathe to put a ‘kinky’ label on myself as I personally find labels too restrictive and limiting. Just because I enjoy whips and chains on days ending with Y doesn’t mean I don’t also adore play that is soft and sensual and doesn’t involve accouterments of any kind. Life is like a box of chocolates – and I like chocolates!

There are many who feel safer and more themselves within groups of like-minded people, and there is nothing wrong with that. Maybe they have always felt like outsiders, different, and finding others just like them is freeing – they can finally be their true selves. Being able to speak openly without fear of judgement is powerful and liberating.

Others, like me, resent labels and boxes as we don’t neatly fit under one label or into only one box. For example: what if you have always identified as gay or lesbian, but suddenly find yourself falling in love with a person of the opposite sex. Does that make you bisexual? Or pansexual? Are you somehow not “true” to yourself? God forbid – are you letting the team down?? Or, and this is what I believe, does it just mean that you are recognizing your sexuality as becoming more fluid?

Depending on who you are and how you feel about yourself, you may feel better sticking a label on it – or maybe you want the freedom to choose and explore outside of the boundaries of boxes and labels.

Within the BDSM community, sex is often divided into ‘vanilla’ or ‘kinky’. I.e: if you’re not having kinky sex, you are having vanilla sex which is often deemed as conventional, less adventurous or down right boring. There is an issue with this –  sex is one area in which we should never compare ourselves to others.

Perhaps you enjoy sex in the missionary position, perhaps it’s the best damn position you have ever tried! Nothing wrong with that. That is your fun sex!

On the other hand, for those who are not remotely interested in kinky sex, BDSM can often be seen as damaging and abusive. This is incorrect and uninformed. Kinky folks are usually exceptionally good at negotiating activities long before any actual play takes place. Safewords and consent are sacred, and this is a relationship model we should all be onboard with.

But I digress. Let’s go back to the idea that saying ‘fun sex’ implies that there are people who aren’t having fun sex. Here’s what needs to be made very clear: there are lots of people who are not having fun sex. 

The assumption that everybody is having sex, and great sex at that, is damaging and untrue.

There are people who are not having sex at all. Maybe they choose to not have sex, or maybe they are waiting for the right person to have sex with.

There are people who are having painful sex. The number of women we meet with a diagnosis of Vaginismus is steadily rising for example. Endometriosis, infections, scarring, not enough lubrication – just a few of the reasons for experiencing pain during sex.

There are people who are having sex that isn’t fulfilling or to their taste. Maybe they are not compatible with their partners, maybe they’re doing it because it’s the “normal” thing to do, it’s expected. Maybe they’ve lost their mojo or maybe they are simply too tired to enjoy themselves.

There are people who are having sex in order to fulfill a desire to have children. Ovulation calendars, core body temp and obsessing over thickness of vaginal secretions… Not fun at all.

There are plenty of men who are unable to sustain an erection, or who ejaculate prematurely, or maybe they take “too long”…

And then there is non-consensual sex. Rape, sexual violence, abuse…

There are many reason why someone may not be having fun sex.

This is important to remember because feeling like everyone else is having amazing sex can increase the sense of isolation and discomfort in talking about problems amongst those who are not having ‘fun sex’.

It would be great if everyone who was having sex was having fun sex and we hope that we can work towards a world where that is the case, but that isn’t the world we live in now. So if you’re not having fun sex, you’re not alone and there are things that will help.

 

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Cafe V – Feeling Safe When Exploring Bondage Play

Before we start, we’d like to highlight that some readers may feel triggered by this article. If this is the case, please stop reading and practice self-care. Maybe have a cup of tea or phone a friend – or both! You can always come back to this page at a later point.

Many of the guests at Cafe V has told us they’d like to try bondage play, but feel worried it might be too scary or triggering. And this is completely understandable.

In this piece, we’ll talk about ways to create scenes that helps you stay in control and feel safer. The aim of this blog piece is to help you navigate your way around what can be tricky before it’s fun.

What Is Bondage?

sh-bondage-rope-10mBondage is the practice of (and this is the most important word in this whole blog piece) consensual restraining, tying or binding a partner for erotic or aesthetic pleasure. Bondage is part of BDSM, but you don’t have to be a BDSM practitioner or identify as a kinkster to enjoy bondage – it can just be a part of what we like to call “fun sex”!

Bondage can be done for many different reasons – for some it’s sexual, for some it’s purely aesthetic, or they like feeling tightly hugged with rope. It can involve a whole group of people, but for the purpose of this article, we’re going to assume it is a scene between two mutually consenting people.

A customer once said to us: “Wow, I thought BDSM had to be humiliating – I didn’t realize it could be fun!” This is a pivotal comment.

BDSM needs to involve trust, respect and negotiation long before any actual play happens. If humiliation is your thing, you and your play partner can absolutely enjoy humiliation play – as long as the both of you respect and trust each other, and have negotiated what kind of humiliation will be involved. Also, it’s important to note that most people don’t opt for humiliation play straight off – if anything, it has been a long, gradual journey to get there, stopping and reassessing along the way.

BDSM is not one size fits all. This article will help you think about what it is you’d like to try, which is a great starting point.

Trust, Respect, Negotiation & Communication

Trust and respect are essential when it comes to any play. If it isn’t, it really should be.

Opening a discussion on what will, and more importantly what won’t happen, is essential and must be done before cuffs, rope or tape are introduced.

You’ll need to make time to sit down together out of the bedroom for this conversation. Being dressed and sober will help you feel more in charge of your feelings surrounding the experience, and what’s being said and agreed upon.

Before negotiating with your partner, you need to have a discussion with yourself.

Think about what it is you want to achieve: do you want to try bondage for erotic reasons? Or because it looks beautiful? Do you like the idea of being tied up and taken care of? Or maybe you want to do the restraining and have your partner submit to you? You may gain pleasure from the feeling of the temporary transfer of control and power. Ask yourself what it is you desire.

Red Leather Wrist Cuffs £30

Think about what bondage equipment turns you on. Would you like to try bondage tape, or leather cuffs, or soft rope? Do you want wrist or ankles to be restrained? Or maybe you like the idea of soft bondage rope framing your breasts? Where do you want to the scene to take place? (Bear in mind that using a space familiar to you will often make you feel safer).

Talking about erotic desires out loud can feel tricky if you or your partner are feeling shy. If that’s the case, why not write down your bondage play wish-list and swap lists with your partner – find out what they fantasise about trying!

There may be a few things on each list that you both want to try – great! That makes this a whole lot easier.

However, it could be that there are things on your partner’s list that you don’t want to try. And that’s absolutely fine.

Don’t do anything you don’t want to – it’s consensual, remember?

But, if you say no because it’s new and you feel out of your depth, why not take some time to try visualising what it is your partner wants. It could be that once you think about it, you might find it becomes a turn on or you may be willing to try a different version of the same fantasy.

power-finger-rechargeable-1For example: your partner wants to try an insertable sex toy on you whilst you are restrained, but you don’t feel ready. Instead, how about trying a small finger vibe intended for clitoral play?  That way your partner gets to play with a sex toy and you can lie back, relax and enjoy the new sensations.

What If It Is a Trigger?

It is your responsibility to make your play partner aware of triggers. This doesn’t mean you have to tell them about past trauma –  but it isn’t is fair on a partner to cause a triggering situation that could have been avoided had they only known you dislike certain touches, words or positions. This goes for everyone practicing safe, consensual kink. Your play partner doesn’t need to know what happened to you – unless you choose to tell them  – but they need to know what to avoid.

Words – remember to include any triggering words in your no-no list. It’s easy to get carried away with language, so better safe than sorry.

If something on you partner’s list really is a no-no, you need to say so – but keep it polite. Just like they should be polite when declining something you’ve suggested if it isn’t for them. It always goes both ways.

Being assertive with your wants and want-not’s can be hard. This is something you can practice every day in a whole number of situations: “No thank you, I don’t want vinegar on my chips .” “Yes please, I definitely want an extra-strong injection before my tooth is pulled out .” The more you practice, the easier it gets!

Positions for Bondage

If certain positions are triggering, tell your partner that you don’t want to play in that position. Instead, suggest other positions that you feel comfortable with. Be creative! If you don’t want to lay face down, suggest standing up against the door post. If you don’t enjoy missionary position, suggest kneeling on a chair. Once you start thinking about it, you might find there are lots of different positions you’d like to try!

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It’s important to pay attention to how your body reacts to being restrained throughout a scene if you are the person being tied up or cuffed. If you feel that you’re getting pins&needles, it’s importation to let your partner know so they can untie/uncuff and re-position. Same goes for feeling too hot or too cold – keep communication open and honest. Although, saying that, the partner doing the restraining should be checking in with the person being restrained too: “Are you feeling comfortable?” “Are you enjoying this?” “Do you need a drink of something?” These are all questions to ask at regular intervals.

Equipment for Bondage

Think about what kind of bondage you’d like to try and then build up slowly.  This will ensure you stay in your “safe zone”.

Buy some party streamers or paper strings. Try wrapping loosely around your wrist and see how that feels. It may feel ok and quite fun – great! But if you don’t like it, all you need to do is unroll and you are free of the restraints.

Practicing by yourself is a good way of finding out how you feel about the equipment you are using, and also finding out how it works.

When you feel utterly at ease and comfortable in paper restraints, you could move up a step.

Quickie Cuffs are soft, safe and super-easy to use. You can easily slip in and slip out of these by yourself as there are no locks or keys. Try them out whilst relaxing in front of the TV with a cup of tea, for example. Keep it relaxed and don’t put pressure on yourself. At this point it is really just about feeling comfortable and safe.

Tape for bondage play is soft, stretchy and sticks to itself.  Try wrapping loosely around one wrist, and then see how easy it is to unroll again. The tape won’t stick to body hair or skin, so it won’t be painful. Make sure to keep a pair of medical scissors handy, just in case you want to get out of the bondage tape quickly. A couple of snips and you’re out!

Word of warning: don’t use duct tape or any other tape you may have laying around at home. Bondage tape has been made specifically for sexy play, whereas duct tape has not. Only use equipment that is safe and made for play. It is sometimes fun to improvise, but at this stage you want to make sure you stay feeling safe and relaxed.

Satin Ties are long, silky ties for sensual restraining. They feel beautiful against the skin. These ties come with D-rings for safe play, but again – keep medical scissors hand just in case.

Leather Bondage Cuffs Satin Ties: Hot Pink or Black– these are comfortable and safe. They can be used as they come, or you can attach chains or rope if you want to be able to tie someone to furniture.

Try putting a cuff on one  wrist only (so not both; you still have one hand free). Leave the cuff relatively loose so that you can wriggle your hand out if you want to. Get used to the feeling and the weight of the cuff before tightening a little bit. Always make sure you leave space for one or two fingers between the cuff and the skin. Blood flow is important, people!

Pottering around at home with the cuff on will help you get use to wearing it.

Always use safe wrist and ankle cuffs – i.e never use those very cheap metal ones you can buy in joke-shops. If you get stuck and can’t get out, you may have to call someone to come help cut you out of them…

Rope is another option for bondage play. Choose soft rope and make sure to have medical scissors handy. If it feels “too much”, you can just cut the rope and you are no longer restrained. Rope bondage doesn’t have to involve complicated knots and we recommend starting off with simple bondage that doesn’t need tying. There are many books available on the subject.

Safe Words

A safe word is a word that you wouldn’t normally use during sex. The words “stop” and “no” can often be part of the game and therefore are no good. For example: you might enjoy a spanking every now and again, and it’s very common to become very giggly as the brain start pumping out endorphins into the body. There may be delighted squealing and the word “stop!” may be used, but on this occasion the word “no” doesn’t mean “no” – it means “please don’t stop because I’m having a great time!

Using a word like “pineapple” will let your partner know you want the game to stop and on this occasion “pineapple” means “no”. Confusing? A little bit maybe, but once you start practicing it, it’ll make a lot of sense.

We are also big fans of “grading” – using a scale of 1-10 to check in with yourselves and each other.

1-4 is your green zone –  you’re having excellent fun!

5-7 is your amber/yellow zone – time to pull back or maybe take a break. 

8-10 is the red zone, which is not a zone you want to be in. If you enter the red zone, play must stop and care is needed.

These rules are easy to remember and gives you a tool to keep on top of where you are in yourself.

Safety

Bondage and kink can bring up feelings you thought you had worked through, or feelings you didn’t even know you had. It’s upsetting and unsettling when unwelcome thoughts and feelings sneak up on us. If this happens, immediately stop the scene by using your safe word, and then communicate the situation to your partner. It is not uncommon and it can happen to anyone. For this reason, always have a self care plan ready and remember to be gentle with yourself.

Aftercare

Aftercare is absolutely necessary. This is the time for the two of you to go back to status quo, especially if there has been an exchange of power. There might be stroking, or kissing, or just gentle cuddling.

Take time to work out what you think you might need. Might you be hungry after all that fun – maybe you’ll need a snack?  If so, make sure you have your favourite foods in the fridge. If you think you might like a long soak in the bath – stock up on lush products for a li’l pamper.

Your needs may be different from those of your partner, so find out what your partner thinks they might need too. Just like the play itself, aftercare needs to go both ways.

Maybe you’ll want a debrief – talk about what went well and what could have gone better or felt differently.

Don’t rush the aftercare. Take time to slowly and gently come back from the intense sensations you have just experienced.

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Experiencing Drop

Also be aware that one or both partners could experience “drop”. This is when you feel sad, empty or deflated after a scene. Drop isn’t unusual, but it can be a very lonely place to be. It will pass, but until it does, please be gentle with yourself and each other.

Drop can be very much like short term withdrawal, and in a sense, it is: much of Drop is an emotional experience due to hormone imbalance. An intense scene causes a spike in endorphins and adrenaline – it’s like the body’s own, natural high. And when we say ‘intense’, we don’t necessarily mean whips & chains. The intensity, for a survivor, is likely to lie within any sexual activity. Trusting someone to staying within the agreed parameters can be hard, trusting oneself to stay present for the experience can be hard, handing over power can be hard… Once the scene is over, your body experiences a drop (hence the name) in endorphins and adrenaline, and you may feel as if your balloon has been well and truly burst.

Severity of Drop and symptoms will vary between those that experience them. It could be that you find it difficult to concentrate, or you feel fatigued, or perhaps you become restless and irritated for no apparent reason. Symptoms could present as flu-like; headache, cramps and/or poorly tum.

Maybe you need to reach out to the person you played with, letting them know how you are feeling – or perhaps you have a good friend you can call. Other ways of combating Drop could be curling up on the sofa with a favorite blanket and some ice cream, relaxing in a quiet, calm atmosphere or going for a walk in the fresh air. Be aware that Drop can happen so you can prepare for it.

The Don’ts of Bondage Play

There are a few ‘don’ts’ you need to be aware of before you start exploring this new, fun way of experiencing pleasure.

  • Don’t drink and kink. Staying sober ensure you are awake and aware of feelings and sensations at all times.
  • Don’t play with anyone you don’t feel comfortable with.
  • Don’t ignore your gut instinct – it’s usually right.
  • Don’t go further than you feel comfortable with.
  • Don’t let anyone put pressure on you to do things that have not been explicitly negotiated in advance.
  • Don’t invite a complete stranger home for kinky play (or agree to go to their home).
  • Don’t let anyone tell you it’s uncool to change your mind mid-way through a scene. You have the absolute right to change your mind any time you want.

Over time, you may find your confidence and curiosity grows. You may want to try new things. Or, maybe you’ve tried them and you don’t want to do them again. Either of those are absolutely fine. This is perfectly normal and to be expected. All it means is that it’s time for re-negotiations.

 

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Bondage Safety Advice

Bondage can be hot stuff!

If you’re the one tied up,  you get to surrender to one-way attention. In bondage, you are totally free to enjoy your own pleasure without any pressure to ‘bat back’.

Or if you are the one doing the tying-up, you get to be totally in charge of your lover’s pleasure and to feast on the vision of them splayed out in front of you…

It can be hot stuff indeed.

When you think about it many erotic activities; massage; oral sex; hand-jobs – involve some sort of exchange of trust and power, with one partner performing and the other receiving.

Bondage is simply intensifying and ritualising this power dynamic by tying-up your lover and controlling the pace of their pleasure.

It can be sweet surrender all round.

Advice for Playing Safely with Bondage

•  Establish boundaries  before you start. Not just the physical boundaries, but also emotional ones.

• Establish & honour ‘safe words’ that instantly halt the game or ease up on the action should it become too intense.

• Study. There are some great guides about bondage  that will advice and inspire you. The net is also a great resource for bondage information and safety.

Bondage advice for the person doing the tying up…

Always be alert to, and immediately honor, your partner’s use of ‘safe words’ whether in physical or emotional scenes.

Many couples employ two words; one for, ‘lighten-up I’m finding this a bit difficult to take’ and one that means, ‘Stop Now’.

Having trusted safe-words established, means that, as the ‘Top’, you are free to throw yourself into a scene, tease mercilessly and get ‘em moaning, groaning and begging for more…
Always use wide, strong bondage cuffs.

Silk scarves may seem less scary or serious than leather wrist cuffs but actually, they can sneakily tighten to pinching point and even cause permanent nerve damage.
Your lover’s bliss is entirely in your your hands, but remember to keep them safe!

Check their fingers regularly for signs that blood hasn’t stopped flowing to the area (signified by numbness, coolness or blueness). If extremities turn this way untie immediately and rub the area until restored.

Physical Safety in Bondage Play

Never enclose both nose and mouth. 

  • If you gag your partner, they can’t clearly use their safe-words so find an alternative means of communication; a marble to drop that says ‘stop’ for instance.

• Never tie-up your lover face down on soft furnishing.
• Never leave your lover tied-up in bondage alone.

Bondage advice for the person being tied up

• Only allow yourself to be tied up by someone you know well and TRUST COMPLETELY.

•Never allow yourself to be talked into something you don’t want to do.

• Never think that using your safe-words makes you a wuss – they are there to give you FREEDOM, so feel free to throw yourself into an Oscar-worthy performance, secure in the knowledge that you can halt play instantly if you need/want/wish to
• Being helpless, you’re free to relax and relish every sensation. In these decision-overloaded times, you don’t have to think – just feel…so let performance anxieties take a back seat.

advice bondage

How to Play Safely with BDSM

BDSM stands for Bondage, Domination, Sadomasochism and Masochism.

It’s meant to be a little scary but never in a way that’s unsafe.

BDSM can involve as much, or as little bondage, domination, or submission as you like, ranging from a little light bondage to a full-on dungeon scene.

Leather Paddle
Leather Paddle

BDSM can be incredibly intense because it allows the submissive partner the freedom to give up power completely and the dominant partner to take full control.

If you would like to explore power-play, there are a few rules to follow to ensure both players physical and emotional safety.

Listen & Trust Your Instincts

This is our number one piece of advice.

You know how far you want to go. Never push your own or your lover’s limits in a BDSM scene.

Agree on Safe Words to use with the BDSM scene

Safe-words to control or stop a “scene” are an essential part of BDSM safety.

Agreeing on the safe-words, before you start playing and honouring them within the scene, is the only way to ensure the physical and emotional safety of the submissive player. Safe words shouldn’t be any words that you might use during your game.

Using words such as ‘stop’,  ‘no’ or ‘please’ are not recommended as BDSM safe words.

A common set of BDSM safe -words are: ‘YELLOW’ which means ‘Ease Up’ – I’m not ready to stop but am feeling a bit unsafe’ and ‘RED’ which means ‘Stop now’.

Good communication is crucial

Honesty is the best policy is good advice, and never truer than in a BDSM scene.

Any BDSM scene based on power can resurrect buried feelings, especially in someone who has been abused or raped.

It’s important to communicate any no-go areas and vital that boundaries are agreed upon before the a BDSM scene commences.

The emotional safety of both players is as important as the physical safety.

Physical Safety with BDSM Scenes

 Never restrict your submissive’s nose AND mouth within a BDSM scene. Never tie your submissive face down on soft furnishing.

Never leave your submissive tied-up alone. This is basic safety advice to ensure your submissive can breathe.

Rubber Wrist Cuffs
Rubber Wrist Cuffs £20

Check regularly throughout the BDSM scene that extremities such as toes and fingers are not numb or cold as these are signs that blood has stopped flowing to the area and its time to untie.

Use wide, strong bonds like these Wrist Cuffs and Ankle Cuffs. Silk scarves may seem less threatening but they can tighten in the throws of a BDSM game, without anyone noticing, and can cause pinched nerves, or even permanent nerve damage.

Get Informed & Inspired

There are plenty of great BDSM advice books that tell you how to keep your BDSM scene safe. The internet is also a great resource for BDSM advice and ideas to keep your BDSM play both hot AND safe.

Bondage Bow

Bondage Bow Review

When we received the brand new Bondage Bow from Rare Assembly – we really wanted to give people an idea of what it could do and how it could improve sex lives, so who better to turn to than our ever adventurous Facebook pair, Caroline and Chris, who have great experience of putting adult paraphernalia through it’s paces, so we caught up with them to see how they got on.

bondage bowCaroline: From the beginning we were excited about receiving the Bondage Bow as it was something we felt was different from other things we had tried in the past. A lot had been made about the presentation of the bow and along with Sh! own presentation style it lived up to the promise. The bow looked divine and rather sensual and in it’s clear packaging, really, very decorative and not unlike a corsage.

Chris: As an item of pleasure for a long time Bondage Tape has been a staple item in our collection and something I’ve recommended to others over the years and so were intrigued so see how it would compare.

How to use the Bondage Bow?

Caroline: First off, I was really impressed that it didn’t in anyway smell of latex, the smell we’ve become accustomed to these days with sex toys. We have put the Bow to good use a number of times as it is so versatile.

Chris: For clarity, Caroline has put the Bow to good use having been on the receiving end of it most of the time.

Caroline: Truly, very guilty – what can I say! At first we tried some

soft play as Chris bound my hands before exploring me. It kept my hands tightly together, I couldn’t struggle even if I had wanted to. What I really enjoyed was the softness of the bow mixed in with how tight it could hold me, the contrast between feelings played on me well.

Chris: Being the restrainer, I really liked that there was so much length to play around with, I could fully bind Caroline’s hands and still have enough left to attach something else, like the bed post.

Caroline: Restrainer? Is that a real thing? Anyway, pushing things further, as we like to do, the next time I allowed him to tie ankles to my hands whilst laying on my back which was rather divine and left me feeling naked and rather vulnerable which is a good thing, especially when you’re with someone you trust. The other great thing I noticed was that sometimes my skin is sensitive to the touch and can find handcuffs or rope a bit too heavy on my skin but the Bow provided the right touch.

Chris: It was quite easy to tie too and it had a little bit of give in it meaning you could stretch it a little to give you a good purchase on the knotting.

 

What else did you enjoy about the Bondage Bow?

Chris: There is so much you can do with this Bow! It really did have us thinking beyond our usual boundaries and using our imaginations from strange places we could attach each other to, to positions we could tie each in or even together.

Caroline: Like some kind game of kinky Twister. Plus then there was the other things you could do with it like the spankings that could be dished out.

 

Who can use the Bondage Bow?

Caroline: The Bondage Bow would be great for a number of people, initially and importantly anyone tentative but inquisitive about restraint or kink play as it would provide a great introduction to the ways of being able to enjoy it without getting into anything heavy, but also give them lots of room to explore other avenues such as using it as a whip, without having to pay out a great amount of money.

Chris: Of course anyone who enjoys soft bondage play is looking for an excuse to add this to their box of tricks right now. What I can say is that it does add something different, new sense of feeling between restraint and soft material but also versatility that many other ties don’t have.

bondage tape

How does The Bondage Bow compare to Bondage Tape?

Chris: On the face of it, there is a number of similarities including versatility but they are versatile in different ways for example the tape can stick to itself but the Bow is able to be used as a whip, which the tape can’t.

Caroline: It’s also very discreet, we love having the Tape hidden around the house for just when and where we need it but the Bow is even more discreet. You can literally leave it anywhere without raising any suspicions. Having a number of these hidden around your home for just the right occasion for spicing up a quickie, impromptu bondage session or planning something
knowing exactly where it is. My imagination is working overtime right now.

Chris: The other great thing with the Bow is that there less mess than the tape.

 

Any Downsides to the Bondage Bow?

Caroline: The only thing I would say is that if you enjoy the more kinkier side of restraint and bondage then you may want something harder such as the Sh! Satin Ties with D-Rings although I can definitely see everyone enjoying the idea of being able to use a restraint as a whip. As for the product itself Rare Assembly have done a fantastic job, including the overall design. However, the only thing I would like is it for to be a little wider.

 

Summary

Caroline: I would love to give this to someone attached to the top of a present as an alternative to the usual bows. Not only does it look the part but it’s also got a great use, a lover or friend, a cheeky topper on a Hen Night gift or even a wedding present, you’ll be in someone’s good books.

Chris: Value for money-wise, it’s a fantastic product and allows you to really use your imagination and push your fantasies. Whether you’re new to sex toys or an old hand, you’ll find this brings a fresh new twist to your sexual exploration, coupling it up with a blindfold could really ramp up the stakes. Meanwhile, if I ever get a go we’ll get back to you.

Caroline: We won’t be getting back to you.

 

Chris is a Sex and Relationship Mentor and along with Caroline they are well experience at reviewing sex toys and other such products over the years. You can catch up with Chris at his website which is due to launch soon which houses a number of sex positive and mentoring projects.

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