How to encourage your partner to be more dominant in the bedroom

When it comes to sex fantasies, being dominated in the bedroom is probably one of the most common ones.

Whether you enjoy being tied up, gagged, spanked or just told what do in general, there are a number of ways that people get their kicks when it comes to being dominated by their partner. 

Dominance is a great way to explore sex in a more daring way, but what do you do when your partner isn’t on the same page and doesn’t feel as comfortable acting in a more sexually demanding way? 

Read on for our top tips on how to encourage your partner to be more dominant in the bedroom. 

Have an open conversation about what you want 

There’s definitely a time and a place to tell someone you want them to handcuff you to the bed, but being honest about what you want can reap massive rewards. Sitting down and talking things through is the best way to get what you want, although it can feel daunting to get the words out – especially if they’ve never mentioned fantasizing about kinky pay. 

Starting small is the way to go, so why not suggest investing in a blindfold and satin ties that are easy to use. If this is met with enthusiasm, you know you’re well on your way to submissive heaven! 

Act in a more submissive way 

If you don’t feel comfortable asking directly for your partner to be more dominant, why not alter your behaviour to suit your desires?

You can do this by getting into typically ‘submissive’ positions, such as on all fours. Your partner will likely get the hint and step up to the mark – or your bottom as the case may be… 

Ask for it

It’s amazing how far a little bit of dirty talking can go, and if you’re keen to experience more dominance, a few well-timed words of encouragement can give your partner the nudge that they need to get things going. Conversation is usually where new sexual experiences span from, so whispering what you want them to do while you’re already going at it is a good way to get what you really want between the sheets. 

Explain that you don’t feel disrespected 

A lot of people are reluctant to act in a dominant way because they feel as though they are disrespecting their partner. If this is how your other half feels, communication is key, so make sure that you let them know that you are getting turned on just thinking about being dominated. 

All kinky play – scratch that, all play – should be consensual and therefore it is a great idea to discuss what you want to experience beforehand. Want a firm hand slapping down on your bare butt cheek? Say it! Want your partner to grab on to your hair and not let go? Explain how hot it makes you feel when they do that and encourage them to have a go next time you play together.

Introduce some toys into the mix 

Any type of new sexual experience needs to be enjoyable, so why not invest in some kinky toys for you both to play with? We recommend giving Doxy No3 a go – few partners aren’t into watching their lover enjoying one orgasm after another, and this li’l baby delivers right on cue! 

padded-heart-spankerA paddle always come in handy and the Sh! Padded Heart Spanker looks non-threatening but delivers a satisfying “thwack”.

Handy tip: grade each spank between 1 (too gentle) – 10 (far too hard!) so your partner gets an idea of how soft or firm you like it, and make sure they take some time to rub your rosy bum cheeks inbetween each swat.