Dr-Lori-Beth-Bisbey-with-Roses

Being Present During Sex: a workshop with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey

Join me, Dr Lori Beth Bisbey for a workshop on how to stay fully present during sex.

Mindfulness is the term often used to refer to being present. I prefer being present. The practice is spoken about in Buddhism and the term used is Sati.

Sati in plain speak means remembrance or recollection. However, when used in relation to meditation, it refers to an ‘a mental state in which one/recollects/remembers the activity that one is engaged in, in the present moment’ as John Peacock says.

For me, mindfulness is about staying fully present in the moment. When I say fully, I am speaking of thought, feeling, body, spirit. All awareness in the moment. In this way, to talk about being mindful doesn’t really sit well as the word seems to forgo emotion, physical sensation, and spirit.

I prefer to speak of staying fully present or becoming fully present. For many people, staying present is incredibly difficult. The mind wanders off or is triggered into some memory or other. The emotions are triggered and you begin to think/feel the past or think/feel about the future.

When mindfulness is first taught, people are often taught to focus on breath. Though many teachers find this the easiest access point, I do not. I prefer to have my clients learn to observe using their senses first. I prefer to talk about becoming grounded into the present.

In this workshop, we will practice a variety of methods of becoming and staying present in relationships, during conflict or difficult discussions and during sex.


Book Your Ticket For ‘Being Present During Sex’ Here

All genders & sexualities welcome

Ticket price includes Prosecco & cake


Who is Dr Lori Beth Bisbey?

Dr-Lori-Beth-Bisbey-Blog-PostDr Lori Beth Bisbey is a psychologist, sex & intimacy coach with over 30 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups helping them to create and maintain their ideal intimate relationships. She has special expertise in working with the aftermath of trauma, working in the areas of gender and sexual diversity, and is kink and polyamory knowledgeable.

Lori Beth hosts a weekly podcast (the A to Z of Sex) and a weekly radio show: The A to Z of Sex ® with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey on the Sexy Lifestyle Network, one vlog on YouTube, has two blogs and writes for a variety of websites and media.

Lori Beth speaks regularly in the UK and USA on topics relating to relationships with sex. She can be found on http://drloribethbisbey.com where both her podcast and radio show can be accessed. She has consulting rooms in central London and sees clients from all over the world via Zoom.

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is a polyamorous CIS gendered queer leather woman, married and in a 24/7 power exchange relationship with her husband. She can be emailed at loribeth@drloribethbisbey.com

Pronouns: She, Her

DS-in-BDSM-Blog-Post

The DS in BDSM: Power Exchange/Authority Transfer Class with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey

The DS in BDSM: Power Exchange/Authority Transfer Power exchange dynamics/ Authority Transfer-based relationships are ones in which one party is in charge (dominant) and the other party submits or surrenders to the person in charge (submissive). There are many names for this type of relationship: Dominant/submissive, Master/slave, Owner/property, Top/bottom.

Does the idea of surrendering control to a partner turn you on? Have you wondered what it would be like to have a partner rush to fulfill your every desire or bow to your will?

Does an ‘old fashioned’ relationship where you obey your partner and your partner takes responsibility for looking after you turn you on? Do you find sex dull when it is soft, gentle and both of you are sharing equally? Do you crave rough intense sexual exchanges?

Wrist-Cuffs

If the idea of power exchange in your relationship is one that intrigues you, excites you, or if you have tried to create a dominant/submissive dynamic in a relationship but it was not successful or what you had dreamed it would be, then this talk by Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is for you.

During this talk, Dr Lori Beth Bisbey will cover the following:
  • How this type of relationship works
  • Why a person would want to be in this type of relationship
  • The sexy and exciting bits of authority transfer in and out of the bedroom
  • Taking control of another person – the overview
  • Surrendering control to another person – the overview
  • A brief primer on consent and negotiation

Join us!

All genders & sexualities welcome


More about Dr Lori Beth Bisbey

Dr-Lori-Beth-Bisbey-Blog-PostDr Lori Beth Bisbey is a psychologist, sex & intimacy coach with over 30 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups helping them to create and maintain their ideal intimate relationships. She has special expertise in working with the aftermath of trauma, working in the areas of gender and sexual diversity, and is kink and polyamory knowledgeable.

Lori Beth hosts a weekly podcast (the A to Z of Sex) and a weekly radio show: The A to Z of Sex ® with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey on the Sexy Lifestyle Network, one vlog on YouTube, has two blogs and writes for a variety of websites and media.

Lori Beth speaks regularly in the UK and USA on topics relating to relationships with sex. She can be found on http://drloribethbisbey.com where both her podcast and radio show can be accessed. She has consulting rooms in central London and sees clients from all over the world via Zoom.

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is a polyamorous CIS gendered queer leather woman, married and in a 24/7 power exchange relationship with her husband. She can be emailed at loribeth@drloribethbisbey.com

Pronouns: She, Her

FemDom-Class-Finished

FemDom Class with Lola Jean

 You’re probably already Domming….and you didn’t even know it.

Someone who knows a little (a lot, actually!) about Domming is Lola Jean, a professional Pro Domme, Wrestler & Writer from the US. On a mission to share her sexpertise with the world, we are BEYOND thrilled to tell you Lola Jean will be joining us for an evening of Domming at Sh! on March 1st!

New to Female Domination and not sure where to start? You may think it’s all leather and whips but that’s only a very, very small portion of how domination can manifest. There is no single right way within FemDom. Every Domme has their own style, and every sub requires a different approach. Will you rule with the promise of reward? Or the threat of punishment?

Learn how to use your powers for good with the right intent and calculation. If anything, use this class to not only learn how to Dom/me but what good and ethical Domming looks like versus the opposite.

In this class, we will go back to the basics. Use building blocks like Honorifics and exercises to develop your Domme persona or their sub-persona.

Learn how to determine pain thresholds, reading your sub, aftercare and more…

Refine your skills, gain new inspiration, methods, and embrace your inner Domme.

Learn how to seduce your partner into playing submissively – after all, who doesn’t love a bit of worship?

Bringing your partner to sub space requires an immense amount of trust. Learn the lingo and gain all the tools to prepare you for the fun and exciting world of FemDom. You’re going to like it here.

Barbie-Dommes-Final

More About Goddess Lola Jean

American Lola Jean is Sex Educator, Mental Health Professional, Wrestler, Domme, Writer, and self-proclaimed Olympian Squirter. And with a sex-CV like that, it’s no wonder women of all ages flock to her classes, keen on learning from the best!

Lola-Jean-Squirting-Queen

Through both personal and professional experience, Lola brings a refreshing understanding to sex and kink to push individuals past what they think they are capable of.

Lola’s background in the mental health field gives her a deep understanding to the mental blocks many individuals may face. A sex geek to the core, Lola continues to develop her teachings and avenues where she can spread her sexpertise to the world.

As featured in The New York Times, Elite Daily and Men’s Health, Lola offers a variety of FemDom, Wrestling, Squirting, and Masturbation classes and frequently makes appearances performing at House of Yes and The Box.

 Book Your Ticket Here!


Make the most of Lola Jean’s visit to London by booking a ticket to her Unlock Your Squirting Sexcess class on Tuesday 1st of March  2019 too!

Janet-W-Hardy-Blog-POst

Janet W Hardy Talks Kink at Sh! in October

Exciting news, kinksters!

Janet W Hardy, Author, Speaker & Teacher is coming to town and she’ll be hosting a talk at Sh!

Here’s the class blurb: Mommy’s hard palm, Daddy’s big belt, Coach’s paddle, Mistress’s cane: few BDSM activities are as erotically and emotionally charged as spanking. Whether you’re a jaded aficionado or a nervous-but-excited novice, there’s always more to learn about the craft and art of butt-whacking. Come discover how to negotiate the scene you want, play the roles that excite you, pace a spanking for maximum pain and/or pleasure, understand your partner’s anatomy and physiology, surf the pain so you can accept the sensations you crave, choose implements for sensation and drama, select positions appropriate to your goals, and much more.

We are so excited our butt cheeks are practically quivering!

We’re expecting this talk to sell out quickly, so best be booking your ticket now:

Where: Sh! 31-35 Pitfield Street, London N1 6HB

When: Friday 5th October | 6:30pm

Price: £15 per person

Book your ticket here: Warm Hand, Warm Heart


For those of you new to or unfamiliar with sluthood or ethical kink, here’s what you need to know about Janet:

Janet-W-Hardy-Doing-Up-TieJanet W. Hardy is the author or coauthor of twelve groundbreaking books about relationships and sexuality, including The Ethical Slut (more than 200,000 copies sold to date, including the third edition published in 2017 by Ten Speed Press).

Janet has traveled the world as a speaker and teacher on topics ranging from ethical multipartner relationships to erotic spanking and beyond. She has appeared in documentary films (Slut, Beyond Vanilla, Vice and Consent, BDSM: It’s Not What You Think), television shows (SexTV, The Dr. Susan Block Show), and more radio shows than she can count.

Janet’s writing has appeared in publications as various as The Sondheim Review, Clamor and EIDOS. Her book Girlfag: A Life Told In Sex and Musicals was a finalst for both the Lambda Literary Award and the Bisexual Book Award, and her essay “Ex” was a finalist in the Event and New Letters creative nonfiction contests. “The Portal,” a very personal essay about vaginas and their relationship to gender (which is not necessarily what one might think), appeared in Best Sex Writing 2010 (Cleis Press, 2009), and “The Old Folks At Home,” an essay about aging in an ambiguously gendered relationship, appeared in Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation (Seal Press, 2010).

Janet serves as Editorial Director for Greenery Press, the firm she founded in 1992, as well as for Down There Press. She also runs The Active Voice, which offers editorial, event and promotional consulting.

She often fantasizes about being handcuffed to Stephen Sondheim’s piano.


With no less than 12 must-read books about relationships and sexuality written or co-written by Janet, it can be tricky to know where to start. Here are our top four picks:

Topping

Bottoming

The Sexually Dominant Woman

The Ethical Slut

Kink-101-Erotic-Class

NEW: Kink 101 Erotic Class

Got kink on your mind?

Join experienced psychotherapist Deborah Fields of Greymatters Psychotherapy for an evening of delving deep into the psychology of kink: Why does it feel so good – or bad?

Debs, a qualified and experienced psychotherapist as well as an established workshop teacher on the kink scene, will share her extensive knowledge of the topic and she’ll probably have you giggling too!

This brand new workshop is for everyone who loves and or hates that word. More so for those curious. Take some first steps into the real 50 Shades and realise it’s an awesome rainbow versus grey. Let’s look at what you could want from sex and kink. This will explore the basics from a personal and professional perspective.

 

Debs-Kink-101An established workshop teacher, Debs is a therapist and supervisor with a successful private practice, who also happens to be human and a mum.

She is also known for running multiple workshops on the fetish scene and at therapy conferences.

Follow Debs on Twitter.

 

Sign up for some laughter with a woman with her own experience of life, sex, and kink, personal and professional.


Are you a psychology professional?

If so, attending this class will get you a CPD certificate!

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Spanking – Why do people really like it?

Spanking – Why do people really like it?

There is a fine line between pleasure and pain and for many that line is blurred entirely when it comes to spanking.

Whether performed as simply a playful pat on the behind, to pep up another sexual act or as a BDSM scene, there is no denying that some people just can’t get enough of spanking and / or being spanked!

So, just what is it about spanking that’s so irresistible?

It feels really good!

Lets start with the with the obvious; Spanking feels really good! The buttock area is a fairly well-protected muscular region and also home to fair few nerve endings, so it’s no surprise most of us respond with pleasure when our partner slaps our rear during a sex-sesh.

Although they may seem jiggly, our buttocks are actually where we hold a lot of tension.  Spanking, as the slap or paddle vibrates through the muscle, is actually just another form of buttock massage and a great way of releasing tension.

Considering we often sit on them all day, the bum-cheeks are actually very sensitive and responsive to a whole range of sensations; from the lightest tickle, through to warming smacks and onto teeth-clenching whacks… Contrasting sensations really builds-up arousal and is a sure-fire way to have your partner begging you for more.

Body Feather Pom Tickler £6
Body Feather Pom Tickler £6

Add even more sensation to your spanking session by bringing this Body Feather Tickler Pom into the mix and gently caressing their butocks and inner thighs between smacks.

And finally, whilst we’re on the physical feel-good factor of spanking, there are the Endorphins that are released as the body reacts to  the ‘pain’ and sends in the natural pain-killers to help ( the name “endorphin” comes from “endogenous morphine”)

Spanking allows us to relinquish control …. or gain it.

For those in high-powered or taxing jobs, where it’s wall-to-wall decisions and/or stress all day, the chance to relinquish  control, bend over and be on the receiving end  of a good, old spanking is an opportunity to cease the usual top-dog position  or stressed-out situation and give into the commands and actions of somebody else.

Similarly, those who perhaps feel that they don’t have much control over circumstances in day to day life may relish in the opportunity to ask their beau’s to bend-over.

Getting down with some hanky-spanky  allows players to perform in a way they may not get the chance to, in everyday life, and this switching or exploring of new roles can be huge turn on.

Soft Spanking Paddle £30
Soft Spanking Paddle £30

Want to explore the physiological pleasures of spanking without any real physical pain? This buttock-shaped Leather Heart Spanking Paddle with contrasting sides of silky leather and soft-fur is ideal for delivering a perfectly soft spanking, along with that all-important ‘thwack’-sound!

Spanking can increase intimacy

Whether light and playful or more impactful on the body and mind, negotiating a spanking session is all about communication and good communication increases intimacy.

One study revealed that couples who engage in power-play together will experience an increase in relationship closeness and a reduction in physiological stress.

Even if it’s just a playful bout, consent should always be sought and it’s easy enough to do. Simply ask the question ‘Do you like that?’

For more intense playtime, it’s time to talk about safe-words. The bottom is well-padded and so long as you stay clear away from bony areas like hip joints or base of the spine and your spanking implement is traditional paddle-shaped ( ie wide and flat) then you can’t do lasting physical damage. But it can still hurt, so the spankee  needs a safe word to ensure they are in full control of the intensity they receive.

To ramp things up this Fifty Shades of Grey Spanking Paddle is  delivers firm

Fifty Shades of Grey Spanking Paddle £30
Fifty Shades of Grey Spanking Paddle £30

It feels naughty!

Madonna’s ‘Hanky Spanky’,  movie moments – elements of popular culture have meant that spanking has gained traction and is more acceptable as quite a commonplace sexual behaviour, but there’s still something about a spanking session that feels ever so naughty….

Spanking is synonymous with chastisement, which comes from the old French word ‘chastiier‘ meaning “to warn, advise, instruct, admonish, punish dominate or tame’

There’s something incredibly hot about performing an act that you feel departs from the ordinary and perhaps even better when there is a hint of play-acting about it.

A crop, with it’s bendy stem and equestrian connotations is perfect for posturing and threatening to ‘tame’ a partner, but it’s a toy to use cautiously as the hard, narrow stem doesn’t diffuse sensation like a flat, wide paddle.

For anyone other than experienced BDSMers, the leather tip on the end of the crop is the place to focus your aim with.   Flicked quickly, rhythmically, across the buttocks and between thighs  the tip can provide a sensational chastisement that is light but effective.

 

Slap & Tickle Crop & Feather Kit £22
Slap & Tickle Crop & Feather Kit £22

 

Slap & Tickle Crop and Feather Kit couples a crop with a long ostrich feather for a double whammy of contrasting sensation sticks that can be used to deliver alternating sensations to send nerve-endings into over-drive.

 

There’s no denying that spanking is really enjoyable, and that’s really all any sex act should be. To keep it this way, make sure that you discuss your boundaries with your partner and are both clear about what you want to gain from the experience.

 

To learn more about the fine art of spanking, how to introduce it or how to perfect it,  come to our next Spanking Erotic Class and get the low-down on spank-down!

Hand Cuffs BW Blog Piece

How to introduce bondage into your bedroom

50 Shades-fans are excitedly waiting for the third and final instalment of the erotic romance Fifty Shades Trilogy by British author E. L. James, opening just before Valentine’s Day. No doubt, couples will feel inspired to try kinky play for the very first time, with spanking and bondage topping the list of sexy activities to try.

 

By definition, bondage is the act of consensually tying, binding, or restraining a partner for erotic, aesthetic, or somatosensory stimulation. Rope, cuffs, bondage tape and self-adhering bandage are all commonly used by more experienced players.

Bondage and kink can sound pretty daunting, especially if you’re not one to throw caution to the wind and jump into the unknown feet first.

To help you along, we have some useful tips and tricks that’ll help you get to grips with it.

Read on for our advice on the best way to introduce bondage into your bedroom.

Bringing up the subject with your partner

When it comes to sexual excitement, the element of surprise can often work wonders, but this isn’t always the case when it comes to bondage.

Being tied up can, for some people, result in panic, so it’s always better that you let your partner know that this is something that you want to do before you get started.

Have an open discussion where you talk through your desires with them, and ask them how they would feel about trying these things out with you.

Start with small steps

satin_blindfold_black_3There are so many fun items available for you to practice bondage, but it’s best to go slowly and build yourself up to the more advanced products in time.

For first-timers, we recommend keeping it simple with a beautiful satin blindfold, for example. This will introduce you to sensory play and helps to build excitement, which is likely to encourage you and your partner to continue on your adventurous journey.

Restricting someone’s vision causes all their other senses to be on high alert, and every touch, lick and kiss will be felt much more intensely.

Avoid knot ties

quickcuffs1_1Bondage rope and other items that tie into a knot are popular with seasoned kinksters, but aren’t necessarily a good choice for those just starting out.

Instead, why not try the Quick Cuffs, which are simple yet effective? These cuffs are super easy to slip on and off, but lets you experience the feeling of being restrained in a safe way. Quick Cuffs are made from body-friendly silicone and doesn’t require keys or faffing with locks.

Whatever your choice of wrist cuffs or other types of restraints, always make sure to have medical scissors within reach. Should the restrained partner panic unexpectedly (and this can happen), you want to be able to release them quick-sharp.

Important: never leave a restrained person alone in a room. It’s neither funny nor safe.

Continue to communicate with your partner

When it comes to sex, honesty is always the best policy, so if you feel uncomfortable about something, be sure to let your partner know.

Equally, if you really enjoy something, being vocal is a great way to heighten pleasure and excitement for both yourself and your partner. Remember, sex is meant to be enjoyable, so relax, let go and see where your adventure takes you.Print

Creative Juices: And Eddie Still Makes Three

Creative Juices: And Eddie Still Makes Three

Hey there, thanks for joining us!

Today we’re excited to have Zak Jane Keir with us, sharing a teaser from her story And Eddie Still Makes Three from Rule 34, a brand new collection of weird & wonderful fetish erotica.

The book contains ten very different stories of uncommon desires and strange, lustful obsessions. Some are delicious, some will unsettle you, some might even make you cry…

Rule 34: if it exists, someone’s kinky for it.

Enjoy!


AND EDDIE STILL MAKES THREE (extract) by Zak Jane Keir

It took over a year of occasional meetings – Jonathan was studying mediaeval literature, so he was never likely to encounter Noel in a tutorial or seminar. There were parties, though, and the student discos that set out to cater to those who wanted something other than rave or Britpop. Every so often, they’d run into one another, and there came a time where they really began to talk more. One or the other of them would bring up a news story featuring the Paris catacombs, or Kensal Green Cemetery’s open day, or some more subtle and sensitive horror film they had both seen but few other people had even heard of. Usually, though, any such conversations would be cut short by someone else – frequently one of the pretty Goth girls who Noel appeared to find so easy to get on with – and Jonathan would end up going back to his own room and lying awake, stroking himself, thinking of things he could barely describe to himself, let alone anyone else.

Much later, Noel would tease Jonathan about the night they got together, and about his previous assumptions that photographers and painters never read enough books. “Took you long enough to bring it up,” he would say. “We’d have had at least six more months of fucking each other stupid if you’d only mentioned the bloody book at the start.” Jonathan always countered with the perfectly reasonable point that Noel could have just as easily initiated that particular topic, but there came a time when it was far too painful to be funny. That was when they fully understood how little time they were going to have, and the idea of having wasted any in the past became unbearable.

They were sitting on the same sofa, at yet another party, and they’d discovered that both of them took their Gothic identities as far as loving some of the original Gothic literature, and were well away on The Mysteries of Udolpho: specifically, the idea of the skeleton behind the black veil.

“Bet they were all having a wank over it, though,” was the passing remark made by the girl climbing over them in search of more beer. “Wouldn’t surprise me. Weirdos.” Neither of them knew her, and neither of them ever bothered seeking her out afterwards, but they both remembered the comment because of what happened next.

“Well, I would, definitely,” Noel said, and the look in his eyes made it utterly unavoidable: Jonathan leaned forward and kissed him, full on the mouth. He drew back almost instantly, terrified of what he had done, expecting a punch in the face or, at the very least, for Noel to jump up and abandon him. But Noel simply said. “Finally. Shall we get the fuck out of here?”

They fled the party, giggling, holding hands, but it wasn’t going to be quite that easy.  Jonathan shared a room with a quiet but good-natured law postgrad, who he would have felt guilty about disturbing and Noel had a nosy landlady who didn’t allow overnight visitors. Still, it was early May and reasonably warm.

There was a little churchyard, apparently just a couple of streets away from the party, which had a reputation both of them had heard plenty about. Naturally, it was allegedly popular with various illicit couples, though no one ever admitted to going there for sex or even knowing anyone who had done in terms other than “My mate’s girlfriend’s ex did it on top of one of the tombs”.

When they got there, though, after a meandering stroll with pauses for kissing in shop doorways, there turned out to be locked gates and a high stone wall.  They looked at each other and Jonathan felt a terrible pang of loss and frustration, but Noel laughed, and pulled him close for another kiss. “See that nice dark alley down the side? Let’s go down there.”


Want to know what happens next? Buy a copy of Rule 34 and you’ll find out…

Feeling inspired to pen your own sex fantasy? If you’d like to submit a story to be published on the Sh! blog, please hop on over to this page for more info on Creative Juices.

7 Common Misconceptions About BDSM

7 Common Misconceptions About BDSM

With Fifty Shades Darker playing in cinemas all over the world, we are finding ourselves in conversations with customers and journalists about what it means for love lives – is the level of kink about to hike right up? Or are we over it?

In reality, a lot of people who enjoy what is commonly known as kinky activities (like spanking and wrist restraining) without considering themselves to be particularly kinky. It’s just a bit of fun – different from the usual.

BDSM clubs and parties were mostly underground, secret societies, until FSOG exploded onto the scene in 2012 and brought proudly perverted practices out into bright daylight. Many disapproved; the kinksters disliked the newbies for muscling in on their scene and non-kinksters believed that all D/s relationships are based on abuse.

fifty-shades-darker-mask

Darker will no doubt highlight the very same issues and we thought it was about time the most common myths about BDSM are debunked.

1. BDSM is Abuse

This is probably the biggest and most damaging misconception of all, often spouted by those who do not understand the meticulous negotiations that goes into BDSM relationships.

BDSM, when practised between consenting adults, is not abuse.

BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism & Masochism and functions as a framework for numerous activities that are practised and enjoyed by said consenting adults.

As long as consent and safewords are strictly adhered to, BDSM is, in it’s truest sense, not abusive. However, if one or more parties steps out of the pre-agreed boundaries, activities takes a sinister turn and becomes abuse.

Confusing? A little bit. But in short – it’s all about consent.

2. Consent is Just a Word

Well, no. It is the be all, end all of all sex play, kinky or not. If consent is not given, or is withdrawn, sex play becomes abuse.

Before a scene, kinksters will usually negotiate activities they’re happy to part-take in during the upcoming play session. (If they refuse to negotiate with you, you refuse to play with them. It really is that simple.) They may enjoy a firm spank with a hand, but not with a paddle – that sort of thing. Each activity and the degree of its severeness should be discussed in detail. This ensures only consensual play takes place.

Christian Grey, in the FSOG trilogy and the subsequent films, gets this all wrong: he may be a successful business man, but his negotiating skills out of the boardroom falls painfully short. He assumes that his way is the only way when, when in reality, Ana should be allowed time to consider her options and work out what it is she feels comfortable with. She should be allowed her say about what, how and when.

3. BDSM is About Pain

Pain can be a delicious element of BDSM play, but kinky play is just as much about pleasure. Many kinksters don’t enjoy pain at all – giving or receiving.

Pain, when carefully dished out, can create immense pleasure. It’s what we call “a natural high”. The brain pumps out endorphins, and the person experience the pain/pleasure can find themselves in a never-ending circle of wanting additional pain in in order to experience heightened pleasure…

spanking

 

4. Safewords are for the Weak

Safewords are used to ensure everybody involved in a scene (be that two or more participants) are feeling safe and happy. Using a safeword does not mean a person is “weak” – it means they are in tune with their minds and bodies, and require attention. Maybe they are tied up and are beginning to experience pins & needles – time for re-positioning. Maybe they are unexpectedly triggered by an action or a word, and need a cuddle and reassurance, or maybe they just need to go for a pee…

Using safewords is a quick way of checking in with each other – knowing where the other person is within a scene is just as important as knowing what is going on with oneself.

Whilst we don’t like the term ‘vanilla’, we feel that non-kinky couples could do well to incorporate negotiation and safewords into their sex lives too. Example: Hands up if you’ve ever had a partner trying to sneak into your back entrance without explicit permission, or tried to coerce you into doing something you don’t feel entirely onboard with? It happens all the time.

By taking the time to sit down and talk about likes & dislikes, fears & desires, lines of communication open up and greater intimacy is acheived.

5. Kinky Folks Are Damaged

Kinky folks can be damaged. As can folks who are not into kink. More often than not, kinky folks are just as happy and healthy as anybody else who do not share their particular peccadilloes.

It would be inherently wrong to squeeze all kinksters into a box labeled ‘DAMAGED’ just because their sexual desires and appetites do not match your own. Each to their own, people!

Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Ok.

Important.

The character of Christian Grey may be damaged by traumatic childhood events, but this doesn’t mean everybody who enjoys BDSM games are.

6. A Slave or Submissive Belongs To Anyone & Everyone

It is commonly believed that anyone wearing a collar is there for the taking – much like a help-yourself buffet on a cruise ship.

No, no, no.

Weather the person is wearing a collar or not is not relevant in this instance. You have no more right to touch a slave or submissive without consent than you are to touch a stranger walking past you on the street.

The collar may signify their sub status, or maybe it shows that they belong to a proud Daddy, Dom or Master – or maybe it is purely a fashion statement.

A submissive may be naked, tied to a cross and whipped until she screams with pleasure  – still does not give you right to touch unless consent has been given.

advice-kink

7. Contracts Are Forever

Contracts are sometimes drawn up to ensure that each member of the kinky pairing/group/household is fully aware of responsibilities and agreements within that particular kinky relationship.

Not everyone uses contracts. Not every contract is the same. And whilst the contracts are honoured and taken as legal documents between the parties, BDSM contracts will not stand up in a court of law.

A contract can be drawn up to cover a set period of time, or it could be ongoing. The contracts may be reviewed regularly,  or only when one or more parties feel they’d like an amendment.

We hope this has cleared up some of the more common misconceptions. And if you feel intrigued, why not check out our erotic classes where you can learn more about spanking and bondage?

 

Are You Ready for a Hot Valentine’s Weekend?

Are You Ready for a Hot Valentine’s Weekend?

With Fifty Shades Darker there is no better time to start gathering inspiration and start planning the hottest weekend to date. But before you start the prep, why not take a few minutes to read this excellent blog piece on smashing sexual boundaries, stepping out of comfort zones and upping the O-game for 2017. It’ll put you in good stead for what’s to come…

Dressing For the Occasion

This year, kink is all the rage and we have a fantastic selection of outfits and accessories that are guaranteed to get pupils dilating and pulses racing.

Our favourite, the beaded teddy with long sleeves and face mask, is outrageously kinky and demure all at once. Wear it under a suit, rolling the face mask down as a regular turtle neck, whilst the beads glide and rub deliciously between labia lips for stimulation that is likely to have you panting before you’ve arrived at your destination. When you are ready, slip off your outfit, pull up the mask and you’ll be ready for whatever the night might bring…

leg-avenue-kink-masked-teddy-with-bead-g-string-front

For an even more jaw-dropping look, the fishnet bodystocking with O-ring cups and mask is a sure choice. It’s not discreet, it’s not demure – but it is hella sexy!

You Are Mine

Traditional Valentine’s Day cards usually come with a  romantic message of “will you be mine?”

Bah, is what we say to that.

For this V-Day, up the ante and let your inner Domme or Sub out to play!

Adding a BDSM collar can turn an already hot encounter into a blazing inferno. Placing a beautiful collar on a willing partner is incredibly sexy as it signifies ownership (even for a short, consensual while). What is more sexy than boldly stating “you are mine” whilst looking deeply into the eyes of a lover?

Whilst wearing the collar and handing themselves over to the capable hands of their Dom/me, the submissive partner sends out an equally powerful message: “I belong to you.”

MAZE Tassel Choker is a stunning collar disguised as a fashionable choker. The tassels hand seductively between the breasts, and can be used as a lead too… Made from faux leather, it’s ethical kink and 100% suitable for Vegans.

If you want to go a step further, we recommend this sexy MAZE Vegan H-shaped Bodyharness. It highlights the breasts, which can be encased in a favourite bra or decorated with sparkly nipple jewellery.

Wearing masks is a great way of stepping into a different persona for a little while. This stunning mask from Bijoux Indiscrets attaches to the face with tiny skin-friendly dots and adds the finishing touch to any outfit. Or lack of.  Because let’s face it – you may prefer to play completely naked…

Play With Me

We have a stunning selection of toys and accoutrements suitable for kinky play on any level. Here are our Top Three kinky must-haves:

Satin Ties with D-Rings are long, sensual ties that feel great against the skin. The ties are durable and can easily withstand playful struggles. Handing over control to a partner is relaxing and arousing – all you need to do is lie back and enjoy. Sounds perfect, doesn’t it?

Wax Play Candles with a low burn temperature for safety. Light the candle, let the wax start melting before dripping the meltlets on to your partners naked skin. Allow each pop of heat to subside before dripping again to give them a change to absorb the warm sensations. The candles are perfectly safe to use on nipples and genitalia, but go slow. Building up intensity is all part of the fun.

Wax Play Candles

Wartenburg Pin Wheel – the wheel may look sharp, but when applied to naked skin, all it does it wake up sleepy nerve-endings and ensure they are on full alert. Roll gently over arms, legs, backs or breasts – add more pressure only if your partner asks for it.

More!

Watching sexy clips and porn can be a great way of getting hot & wet together. Downloading some sexy feminist porn is probably the best way to start – faking actresses and men wearing socks doesn’t make anyone happy, so make sure to go ethical and you might find yourselves wrapped up in each other before long…

Watching porn together can offer up new things to try, new positions and ideas for pleasure that hadn’t previously been considered. And – the search for suitable clips is a whole lotta fun on its own!

Following our simple tips above, you’ll have a Valentine’s Weekend that’ll be remembered forever…