Q&A: How do I have a prostate orgasm?

Q&A: How do I have a prostate orgasm?


I know you’re female focused but I thought you might be able to help me. I’m interested in ‘exploring’ if that’s the right word, my prostate. It’s not something I’ve done before but the idea is growing on my I guess. I’d just like some advice on where to start and what to expect?


Hey J!

This week is Men’s Health Week so we’re really happy to be able to answer one for the boys.

You sound a bit hesitant but it’s great that you’re looking to explore new things and prostate play can add a new dimension to your sex life. It can make your orgasms more intense and some men can orgasm from prostate stimulation alone.

The prostate is sometimes compared to the male G-Spot and it does have quite a lot in common with the G-Spot. Like the G-Spot it swells and hardens as you become aroused which makes it easier to find.

It can be stimulated by inserting a finger or toy two or three inches inside the anus, it’s important to go slowly, use lots of lube and stop and warm up some more if you feel any pain. You should also try using a specialist anal lubricant which will be thicker and longer lasting than regular lube.

You should make sure you are already aroused before going for the prostate, and again, if it hurts you’re doing it wrong. Add more stimulation and lubrication.

It might take quite a lot of time and stimulation (and a lot of lube, remember the anus isn’t self lubricating) to get you there so be patient.

Here’s a handy guide to show you where to find your prostate:

His Prostate


It might be a good idea to try a specially designed prostate toys such as Rocks-Off Naughty Boy Prostate Massager. Which is slim, almost silent and perfect for beginners, it also stimulates your perineum for even more pleasure. If you’re playing with a partner you might want to try using latex gloves or finger guards, they can prevent nails from snagging and help if you’re worried about cleanliness.

Rocks Off Prostate Massager

If you’d like to find our more you might want to look at the Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, which is a veritable compendium of useful information.

If you have any questions please send them to advice@sh-womenstore.com, if you’d like advice from our sex and relationship expert Sarah Berry please include the subject line ‘Ask Sarah’.

Best Wishes,

Team Sh! xx

All names have been changed for the purposes of anonymity.


Q&A: How to Ass-Finger with Long Nails?

Dear Sh!

Whilst making love, my lover likes me to slip a finger in their ass but my nails are long and I’m worried I’ll hurt them – Have you got any advice or tips on how to satify my partner, without doing any harm?




Dear Tabby

Good question! And it’s really great that you’re thinking about this, rather than simply delving in, as ass-fingering with talons is tricky!

The anus is very delicate and easily torn so all nails (whether long or short) should be well groomed and smooth before going anywhere near a delicate tush.

We recommend using latex in all anal play as it adds a silky smooth touch as well as keeping things safe.

The anus is protected by only very fine skin and is easily scratched so ass-fingering is best done by latex-covered fingers.

We recommend you wear latex gloves for ass-fingering because you can squish cotton wool balls under long nails before covering them in latex, you’ll take the edge off your talons as well as protecting the glove from potential tears.

This will protect your lover’s anus but there are more reasons to rubber-up for ass fingering….

Latex Gloves - £4 for pack of 10 (5 pairs)
Latex Gloves – £4 for pack of 10 (5 pairs)

Lube is easier to apply and doesn’t get as easily absorbed when you wear latex glove for ass fingering.

Anal pleasure is  a long leisurely journey, not a speedy sprint, and ensuring everything stays nicely lubricated for the full duration is key it’s all pleasure and no pain.

-Latex-covered, your fingers will feel sleeker, so you can feel more and be more in tune with whats going on.
– They help to take care of any cleanliness issues – both your fingers and their anus…

– And just the sight and sound of you snapping on a latex glove will make your lover tingle with excitement and anticipation!


If you’d like to take anal exploration further than fingers, which are the best toys?

Sometimes it’s hard to reach round and give your lover the anal pleasuring they desire with just your fingers, so if you need extra reach or would like to try something other than fingers, take a look at our range of Butt Plugs and anal-safe Silicone Dildos.

Hope this info is helpful. If you’d like any more advice, just get in touch.

Best Wishes

Team Sh!

All names have been changed for anonymity 

Q&A Ask Sh!

Q&A: Best Toy for Anal Sex: Butt Plug or Dildo?

Dear Sh!

Please could you give me some advice on which is best toy for anal sex – a  butt plug or a dildo?

I’m kind of new to all this and would appreciate some advice.

Thanks in advance…



Hi Alex,

So, choosing the right kind of sex toy for anal play depends on how you want to use the toy and the kind of  pleasure you’d like to experience from it. But as a beginner it’s very difficult to know!

Probably the best way it to start your anal discovery with a finger, covered in a condom or latex glove, if you’d prefer….

Cover both your anus and finger with some lube and gently, with patience, start exploring.

Going in will essentially feel the same, but once up there, do you prefer simply the feeling of fullness of your finger staying put or do you prefer a sliding in and out motion?


Beginners Butt Plug £15
Beginners Butt Plug £15

Butt Plugs – Best For Feelings of Still Fullness…

If you more prefer a feeling of fullness, then a butt plug is a great anal sex toy for you as, after the initial insertion,  it’s not designed for much movement, beyond a slight wiggle or tilt.

The narrow neck at a butt plug’s base is what makes it stay in place – your sphincture muscle will naturally close around where it is narrowest – so, whilst there are no rules to how you must play with any sex toys and you can make small in-out movements with it,  it may feel jarring to try to slide a butt plug in-and-out once this muscle has tensed around the narrow neck portion.

A butt plug is a good toy to get a ‘feel’ of what it’s like simply to have something up your bum, which in itself can be very arousing.





Wirly Girly 2 - Our most popular anal dildo
Wirly Girly 2 – Our most popular anal dildo

Anal Dildos – Best for In-and-Out Strokes…

If you crave a feeling of stroking in-and-out, then a dildo is actually the best toy for this kind of anal pleasure, because they have regular shafts, with no pronounced narrowing.

Again, there’s NO rules and you can simply slide a dildo inside and hold it there with no movement. But, unlike a butt plug, you can’t really let go, as the anus’ natural instinct is to (ahem) ‘expel’ …so it will start to slide out.

Our dildos start from finger- size, like the Wirly Girly 1 Slim Dildo, so even if you are new to anal sex, you won’t be feel overwhelmed.

If you plan to  strap on a dildo for anal sex with your male or female lover, then you’ll need a longer dildo such as Wirly Girly 2 Slim Dildo  or, even Wirly Girly 3 Slim Dildo as some of the dildo’s length is lost once it’s worn in a harness.

Both these styles are super popular anal dildos; slim enough for unintimidating anal sex, with gently ribbed shafts for stimulating the responsive nerve-endings in the anal canal and the extra length allows for proper strokes, without the toy slipping out altogether which can be frustrating!

The bases of all Sh! dildos & butt plugs are all safe for anal play as they flare enough to prevent dildos from slipping inside and getting lost inside.

Remember, whenever you play – lubricant is your friend and absolutely key to pleasurable anal sex, so whichever toy you choose, treat it and yourself with a lovely coat of lube to ensure maximum glide and pleasure.

Hope this helps and do give us a shout if you need any more advice

Best Wishes

Team Sh!

All names have been changed for the purposes of anonymity


Strap On Sex for Straights

Strap On Sex for Straights

Strap Ons are no longer purely Lesbian Sex Toys. Straight couples are now getting in on the strap-on action.

Advice From Scarlet Magazine Article Jan 2005

Strap-on sex for straights – are two cocks better than one?

Strap-on dildos are no longer solely the domain of lesbians: a fifth of all strap-ons are now sold to straight couples and a further 30 percent of men say they’d consider being on the receiving end of one. But what’s all the fuss about?

It seems there are two schools of thought when it comes to anal sex: there’s the up-the-bum-no-harm-done gang who regard it as just another string to their sexual bow; and then there are those who shake their heads, look aghast and swear they wouldn’t do it even if you paid them. (Hang on though – how much?)

However, times are a-changing. Despite how ridiculous this statement seems, sex does appear to go through ‘fashionable’ phases. And right now strap-ons are hot. ;P

A few years ago 98 percent of our strap-ons were sold to lesbian couples, but in the past year straight couples are becoming a significant factor in the dildo/harness market and now clock up around a fifth of all sales.

Perhaps it’s growth of the internet driving our appetites for all things sexual? There have been big changes with women and the way that their sexuality is viewed. People feel more comfortable with more fluid gender roles and identities; most sexual activities have less stigma now. And what better way to play with the other side of your sexuality than switching up who penetrates who?

There’s good physical reason to penetrate your man too; along with all those nerve endings in the anal area, around an inch or so inside the man’s rectum is his prostate gland which can be stimulated by a finger or a dildo for an earth-shattering orgasm.

What’s it really like?

Scarlet’s feisty reviewer and her fearless fella give it a go.

She says: My main concern was that things might get messy – and not in a good way. But according to online advice, it seemed unlikely that we’d wind up with grubby sheets, but best to put down a dark towel just in case and get him to have a bit of a sluice beforehand.

We decided to look online for a dildo; something that wasn’t too big and wasn’t too small.

When it arrived, I secretly tried it on in the bathroom and felt incredibly stupid. I looked like a bondage pony ready to trot at the bum sex gymkhana. I called Sh! for advice, and luckily the latest in boy-girl pleasers had just arrived, a Super Strapless Dildo, which was made of soft silicone; it was a two-part strap-on – one piece went inside me and tilted against my G-spot and the other was my ‘cock’.

Sexually this was all about him. I felt separate from him, and way too concerned with getting it right. We took it easy initially; lots of lube, a finger, then two and then I tried to penetrate him. Not easy. It kept popping out of me, wildly bending away from him and eventually it just became desperately unsexy.

After tea (him) a bit of a cry (me) and a hug (both of us), we tried again with the conventional strap on and found it easier to achieve penetration.

The best position was him on his back with me propped on my elbows in front of him. I got to thrust well from that angle and watching the depth of his orgasm was incredible. His balls actually seemed to go concave he came so hard.

If I’m honest, it was a bit of a disappointment for me; I had to “slow down, be gentle, calm down” when all I wanted to do was fuck him really hard. And it was frustrating not getting it right first time. We’ll try it again and add a few more drinks to the equation. After all, I’ll be hard no matter how much booze I have.

He says:

When she told me she wanted to actually fuck me – properly, with a strap-on, half of me was excited and the other half wanted to run and hide. I let my more adventurous side take over, and in the name of research, I gave my ass up. We started with loads of lube and her fingers inside me. This was nice until I felt her sharp nails scratching me – I asked her to be gentle, but she was in full dominant mode and didn’t pay much attention. One of the things that turned me on was the power exchange, although I found myself wishing she would come out of character for a minute.

It was difficult to find the right position, and there were many failed attempts that only discouraged me and made me feel silly and a bit humiliated. Finally, we got into a position where she could fuck me while stroking my cock. This was amazingly hot and I came in minutes.

My orgasm was one of the most intense I ever experienced, and lasted for what seemed forever. Definitely worth the trouble. I felt bad that I had come so hard and she didn’t even get wet – I want to make sure next time that she’s getting off too.

There was a slight feeling of embarrassment and worry that there would be a mess all over the sheets, but it was surprisingly clean and the only thing that needed cleaning up was all the lubricant that we used.

My overall verdict is that it was worth it, but be ready for lots of trial and error until you find your groove. Best advice is to clip all your nails, get the right toys and add plenty of lube.

Six steps to (anal) heaven

1. “Choose a strap on harness that fits you well, the snugger and more secure the better,” says award-winning author and sex educator, Tristan Taormino (Pucker Up: Dirty Secrets for Maximum Pleasure). “You should definitely try them on in a sex toy store if possible to see which works best for you. For beginners, I would recommend a smaller dildo to start out, but of course, you should find what works best for you and your partner.”

2. Silicone is the best material for toys because it is completely non-porous and therefore very easy to clean and disinfect. It’s also very resilient and conducts body heat. Latex is less resilient and more difficult to clean.

3. Remember, the rectum is not self-lubricating. Always use a good thick anal lubricant.

4. Make sure that your toy is flexible enough to manoeuvre the curves of the rectum. Very hard, rigid things (like candles, metal or wooden objects) are not a good idea for your ass, and never put any sharp objects or anything with rough or jagged edges in the rectum.

5. Make sure that you clean your toys after each use with sex toy cleaner or antibacterial soap and lots of hot water.

6. Make sure dildos, plugs and vibrating toys for anal use all have flared bases to prevent them getting stuck and never put anything in a rectum that may be difficult to retrieve unless you want to find yourself in A&E discussing your sexual habits with a very amused GP.