Anal Sex Blog Post

A beginners’ guide to anal play

Anal play is one of those things that most people don’t talk about but have a quiet desire to try. It’s sort of taboo, which is a huge turn on, but it’s also something that many people love, making it curious for those who have never tried it. Is in not just painful and messy?

Well, it can be but it shouldn’t be, if that makes sense. Anal play, when done right, is intensely pleasurable and you can orgasm from it.

The trick is to take it slow and steady – it’s not a swimming pool. Don’t throw yourself into it.

Anal play requires preparation, time and lube. Lots of lube.

A common concern about anal sex is the potential for mess, so let’s start there.

The anus and rectum are designed to expel, so if you are going to play in the area, you and your partner need to be prepared for coming into contact with faeces. This is the reality of anal play.

However, there are a few ways of ensuring you get as few surprises as possible:

  • Make sure the person on the receiving end has been to the loo; this is essential and will allow you both to relax.
  • Showering together will start the erotic build-up. Soap up their bottom and rinse off – shower jets over the anus feel very sexy. Dry off gently, and kiss their buttocks.
  • Some people prefer to use douches to feel extra clean. Douches are bulbs that you fill with water and insert into the anus, before expelling the lukewarm water into your body. Using cold water will be painful, and using hot water will scald; body temperature is perfect. The water will flow out in its own time so if you are going to douche, make sure to do this a few hours before play begins.

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Lube for Anal Play

A silicone-based lube is great for skin-on-skin anal play. It’s long-lasting and won’t dry up, and typically doesn’t have any scent or taste. Add a drizzle to your fingers before stroking onto your partner’s butt.

If you’re planning on using silicone toys, or toys with a soft surface, you’ll need to stock up on water-based lube. Water-based lube will sink into the skin so you will need to re-apply, or add some saliva to reactivate lube that’s already been applied.

For extra hygiene, as well as safer sex with or without toys, you might want to get some condoms for anal sex too. If you have long or sharp nails, get some latex gloves to make them smoother – tushies are delicate and you don’t want to snag the thin membranes.

Warming Up

Just like a session at the gym, you need to warm up properly or you could do yourselves an injury.

Take the time to massage your partner’s buttocks, lower back, and upper thighs; the skin is one large erogenous zone, and kneading, touching and stroking will help get you both in the mood for more.

Using your thumbs, glide along the crease from the inner thigh to the outer side and repeat. Next, put your hands in a prayer position on your partner’s tailbone and glide up and down between the buttocks for a sensual and relaxing start to anal play.

Add a little lube to your fingertips and stroke gently around the anal rim. Explore the anal opening without penetrating it.

If you both feel comfortable with it, rimming is a fantastic way to get the anus ready and waiting. Licking, kissing and sucking on all the nerve-endings in the area may make your play partner feel like their brains are melting… Just saying.

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When your partner starts pushing back for more attention, it’s time to ramp it up a bit.

The Happy Hiney Anal Comfort Cream gently relaxes the area, which is perfect for first-timers. Containing no numbing agents, Happy Hiney delivers a tingling sensation, which helps relax tense, nervous muscles and reduce sensations of extra friction.

Note: We don’t recommend using numbing creams for any kind of sexual activity, especially not anal play. Pain is the body’s way of telling you that something is wrong, and overriding this function can have dire consequences. 

If you’re totally new to any type of anal adventure, it’s best to start small. Our Vibrating Silicone Anal Beads are an ideal beginner’s toy as the beads start off small and gradually increase in size, so you can go at your own pace and just enjoy the delicate vibrations.

A butt plug is a small toy that gets inserted for a sensual ‘full’ feeling. Leave the plug in place so they have something to squeeze against. You can wiggle it a little, or slowly move it in and out so the anus pops open and closes again; many peeps enjoy this sensation.
Butt Plugs

Any toy used for anal sex needs to be safe for this type of play; i.e. they must have a flared base or a handle. Using unsafe toys for anal play often ends badly and we don’t want this to happen to you.

This might be as far as you go on this first occasion, but it’s plenty. You want to leave the brain thinking of anal play as something pleasurable, as that’ll make it easier for it to relax the next time.

Many couples who are embarking on anal sex for the first time are keen on getting ‘stuck in’ as soon as possible, but this is often a mistake. Rushing it makes for an uncomfortable or painful experience.

If you’ve decided to go for full penetration, you’ll still need to start as above; building it up slowly helps the body relax and welcome the penis or dildo.

The inside of the anus is a lazy S-shape, so make sure you’re familiar with your partner’s internal curves before dipping in. Visualize their insides and move to accommodate this; this is especially important if you’re using a dildo as you won’t be able to feel resistance or any dry areas.

Keep checking in with your partner. Make sure they’re having a great time, and keep the bond going by kissing and touching.

We tend to recommend the receiving partner is on top when anal play is new for you both. This gives them the freedom to rock, wiggle or just sit still if that’s what feels best. You can get all adventurous and try out different positions later when you both feel more confident.

Prostate Play

The butts of male-bodied peeps have an additional part that enjoys gentle stimulation: the prostate.

The back-door area has long been shrouded in shame and denial, especially for straight men, but we’re delighted to say that the P-spot and its pleasure potential is finally out in the open (about bloomin’ time!).

The prostate has the ability to make its owner multi-orgasmic, and this is well worth exploring. The best book on the subject, in our opinion, is The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Play by Charlie Glickman & Aislinn Emirzian. It covers everything from hygiene to maintaining prostate health to illustrated tips and techniques about achieving supercharged orgasms.

The rules for stimulating a butt with a prostate are the same as the rules for stimulating a butt without a P-spot: Take your time, use lashings of lube, ensure your nails are short & smooth and make sure the person on the receiving end is having the time of their lives!

By following our advice, your bum-fun should be nothing but(t) a good time!

 

Advice Anal Play & Pleasure

Enhancing Anal Play and Pleasure

Before you get down to some really pleasurable anal play, there are a few things to think about, so here we’ll take you through what you may need to stock up on before heading in through the back door…

Lubricant is essential to ensure ALL your anal play is pleasurable

Lube is the most important thing when it comes to a pleasurable anal experience – a necessity.  The anal canal isn’t self-lubricating, meaning that the necessary moisture needs to be added – by you.

Many customers come to us, asking if anal play “has” to hurt, and we always give the same answer: anal play should not be painful at all. It should only be pleasurable.

When asking these customers, we usually find they all have one thing in common: they don’t use lube. (dry friction – no wonder it hurts, peeps!)

Lashings of lube will make all anal pleasure, with or without toys  so much more comfortable and sensual. It also ensures that everything stays nicely slidey, throughout the long, slow journey of anal arousal (if you’re going too fast, no wonder it hurts peeps!)

Here, we have two options for you:

Silicone Lube is slick and long-lasting for the slow pace of arousing anal play....
Silicone Lube is slick and long-lasting for the slow pace of arousing anal play….

Silicone lubricant for anal play

Silicone-based lube is great for skin-on-skin play; when you use fingers or a penis, or if you use sex toys made from glassplastic, or steel. It is slick and long-lasting, and a little goes a long, long way…

Silicone lube is also perfect for anal play in the bath or shower – which is a good place for beginners to anal sex to start their journey as many people are hesitant around ‘feeling clean’.  Water will wash away regular lube.

It’s worth noting that silicone-based lube could damage the surface of any silicone toys you may have, so we recommend covering these toys with condoms if you opt for silicone lube.

Sh! Pure Plus (£10) Paraben-Free Thick Anal Lubricant
Sh! Pure Plus (£10) Paraben-Free Thick Anal Lubricant

Water-based lubricant for anal play

Choose a thick, viscous water-based lube for anal play

The thicker, the better! It will coat fingers, penises and toys much better than runny versions.

Customers often ask how much lube they should add, and our reply is always this: Add as much as you think. Then add a bit more!

Water-based lubes are very body-friendly, and work well with any toys  you have. Water-based lube evaporates/sinks into the skin, so you’ll have to reapply, or reactivate your lube with a  couple of drops of water or saliva, which works just as well.


 

A word about anal enhancers and why you should never use anal numbing products…

Intimate Organics Anal Relaxant £18
Intimate Organics Anal Relaxant £18

Here at Sh!, we do not sell any products designed to numb the anal area.

We have many customers asking for these (it’s that old ‘anal sex always hurts’ myth again!) but we always explain why using anal numbing creams or sprays could actually be harmful.

The anal canal is very delicate and the skin there easily torn.  Pain is your body’s  way of staying ‘stop’ or ‘slow down’. If you have numbed your body (with a special numbing product, or with alcohol or drugs) you will be unaware of being hurt. Staying present and in-tune with your body’s sensations is the only way to safely enjoy anal sex.

What we offer instead, are anal enhancing sprays, which are naturally formulated to relax the anus for easy penetration, whilst still keeping the bottoming partner fully aware of all sensations in their tush.


 

Pasante Extra Condoms (£7)
Pasante Extra Condoms (£7)

Using Condoms for Anal Play

Using condoms is a great way to take care of any hygiene-worries you may have. Also, a necessity, for safer-sex. .

Because of the delicate skin in the bum,  anal sex with an uncovered penis is the easiest transmission route of many STI’s. Pasante Extra, are specially created for anal sex; extra lube for friction-free moves and extra thick latex for a strong barrier.

Whether for safer-sex purposes or not, using condoms for anal sex makes clean-up a doddle:  just whip the condom off and dispose of. Easy peasy!


 

 

Using Latex Gloves for Anal Play – Turns fingers into smooth operators…

Black Latex Gloves
Black Latex Gloves £4 for 10

Using latex gloves for anal sex (or non-latex gloves, if you are allergic) not only easy, but also very sexy.

Snapping on a glove and drizzling some lube over your gloved-up fingers can be a hot image, raising anticipation of things to come..

It  can also add frisson to kinky medical role-play…

They also make a sexy barrier, if you are a bit squeamish about probing your partner’s tush…

Gloves are essential if you have long nails (long nails and delicate tushies don’t go together), nails that aren’t smooth (ouch!) or if you are concerned about hygiene (easy to whip off and dispose of).

If you have long nails, it’s a really good idea to pop some cotton wool into each finger of the glove  before putting it on. This will protect your nails – and your partner’s bum!

If you’re not keen on wearing  whole glove, you could easily cut the latex fingers off, and cover your own fingers with them – finger cots!

 

Using Dental Dams for Anal Oral Sex (aka Analingus or Rimming)

Latex Dam (£2) for anal oral sex, aka 'rimming'
Latex Dam (£2) for anal oral sex, aka ‘rimming’

Dams are squares of latex (also available in non-latex, if you are allergic) that you place over your partners bits to perform oral sex through. They are a barrier, much like condoms and can be used for vaginal as well as anal pleasure – though always  use a new dam, each time.

The offical word for anal oral sex is analingus, but it’s more commonly called  ‘rimming’.

Rimming is when you pleasure your partners anus with your lips and tongue. It may sound shocking to some, but the anus has tons of nerve-endings, just begging to be licked, kissed and touched, and this can be intensely pleasurable.

Drizzle a touch of lube on to your partner’s side of the dam before placing it over their anus – this will make your licking feel moist and sexy – just like your tongue!

So there’s the run-down on the essentials (lube!), as well as additions to pleasurable anal play, but if you’d like any tailored advice or recommendations, please feel free to drop us a line at advice@sh-womenstore.com and we’ll answer you.

We may also share Q&A’s so others may benefit, but if we do it will always be anonymous, with nothing left in to identify you – promise!

best Dildo advice

Our Best Selling Silicone Dildos

Here are our best-selling dildos, not just from sales over the internet but also from our London store, where customers can browse our 40+ models, comparing size and shape…

Hand-poured in our London studio, using top-grade silicone, each dildo is priced on its weight, which is listed on each product page  – along with the dildo’s other vital statics of length & diameter to help you choose your perfect size.

Each dildo is available in a range of colours, including a signature marbled design for each style.

A marbled dildo will be unique – no-one else will own the exact same marbled dildo as you!

Each dildo is also available as a vibrating version, with a small pocket in the base that holds a Sh! Bullet Vibrator.

 

 

Cupid 3 Silicone Dildo (£40) - Our best-selling dildo, by a mile!
Cupid 3 Silicone Dildo (£40) –

 1. Cupid 3 Silicone Dildo

Our outstanding best-seller by a long way!

Cupid 3 appears to the perfect size and shape for lots and LOTS of you…

Both the regular and the vibrating version appear in our best-selling dildo list.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wirly Girly Silicone Dildo (£34)
Wirly Girly Silicone Dildo (£34)

2.  Wirly Girly 2 Silicone Dildo

Slim and ribbed, this is a favourite among women who prefer less girth.

It is also a super-popular size and shape for anal play and pegging.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cupid 6 Silicone Dildo £50
Cupid 6 Silicone Dildo £50

3.  Cupid 6 Silicone Dildo

With the same subtle curves of Cupid 3, this is a popular choice for those looking for a slightly larger dildo, with more girth.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cupid 2 Silicone Dildo £24
Cupid 2 Silicone Dildo £24

4.  Cupid 2 Silicone Dildo

The opposite end of the scale, Cupid 2 is a popular choice for those looking for a smaller dildo.

Popular for anal and pegging play too.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Duchess Silicone Dildo £41
Duchess Silicone Dildo £41

5. Duchess Silicone Dildo

About the same dimensions as Cupid 3.

With a smooth rounded head for G-Spot massage and subtly grooved shaft.


 

 

 

 

 

 

Wirly Girly 3 Silicone Dildo £37
Wirly Girly 3 Silicone Dildo £37

6.  Wirly Girly 3 Silicone Dildo

A longer, slightly wider version of Wirly Girly 2.  Slim and ribbed, for sensational penetration, that’s all about strokes.

The extra length is useful for strapping it on in a harness.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Twista 2 Silicone Dildo £61
Twista 2 Silicone Dildo £61

7. Twista 2 Silicone Dildo

The largest of our best-sellers, Twista 2 is a great choice for super-fulfilling penetration, with a gentle spiral down the shaft for feels all the way!


 

 

 

 

 

 

Dickie 2 Silicone Dildo £39
Dickie 2 Silicone Dildo £39

8. Dickie 2 Silicone Dildo 

Our beautifully stylized take on a realistic dildo.

Handsome good-looks, with a ridged head and a shaft that becomes increasingly fulfilling…


 

Anal Sex Toy Safety Tips

Anal Sex Toy Safety Tips

We want your tushie to stay safe so here are the 3 rules for anal sex toys to be safe to go near your delicate nether regions.

  • Anal toys must be smooth
  • With an anal-safe base
  • And be an anal-safe size.

All anal toys at Sh! meet this criteria (as we reject all that don’t) so  you can be confident of that. But we’ve all heard tales of emergency visits to A&E, so if you’re thinking of improvising ( please don’t!) or have any toys you’re unsure of, please check them against these 3 safety rules;

Anal sex toys MUST be absolutely smooth and seamless

Anal tissue is very delicate (much more so than the vaginal tissue) so always check toys for any rough edges that could scratch or cut the skin there.

Cheaper toys made with hard plastic can have a seam running through them where the 2 parts are joined together – check that yours doesn’t before letting it anywhere near your precious bottom.


You must be able to keep a firm grip on any anal toy

An anal toy must feature either a:

  • large or flared base
  • safety ring/ loop
  • very long handle.

This ensures that you can keep a a firm grip on the toy. These safety features prevent your anal toy from slipping all the way inside.

Unlike the vagina, sex toys lost up the ass really can stay lost and could cause damage ( as well as an embarrassing trip to the A&E dept!) so this is not advice to take lightly.

 

Sh! Vibrating Silicone Beads feature a a loop handle to keep a grip on...
Sh! Vibrating Silicone Beads feature a a loop handle to keep a grip on…
Sh! Silicone Butt Plug featuring a wide base to prevent it slipping inside
Sh! Silicone Butt Plug featuring a wide base to prevent it slipping inside

 


 

Crystal Flex Wand Vibrator features a long handle to keep a tight grip upon.
Crystal Flex Wand Vibrator features a long handle to keep a tight grip upon.

Anal sex toys 10cm (around 4 inches), or longer,  MUST be flexible

This ensures that they are able to  bend with the natural curves of the anal canal, which loops back, inside your body around 4 inches inside.


Other than this, only you can judge the best size of anal toy for you so experiment with fingers and don’t be afraid to think small!

If your just starting out, read our beginners guide to anal toys and rest assured that at Sh! we stock a wide selection of anal-safe sex toys and safe butt plugs, (the vast majority of them in silicone which is soft, sensual and easy to keep clean) so there is anal toy to suit everyone.

Beginners anal advice

Relaxing Anal Muscles – The Key to Pain-Free Anal Sex

Everybody says anal sex hurts right?  And yet if you watch pretty much any porn film, both gay and straight, you’ll see actors apparently happy to receive some eye-watering attention in that area.

Whilst in many a porn film, pleasure is often clearly ‘acted’, totally camouflaging pain is a much more difficult, near impossible, acting ability to achieve. The body will naturally flinch and flex away from pain and no amount of acting skill can over-ride this instinctive reaction to pain.

And yet, everybody says anal sex hurts! So, are porn stars simply a completely  different a breed, employed for their love of anal? Why do they apparently feel all pleasure and no pain, when for the rest of us sometimes/always do.

Only when you are relaxed, both physically AND psychologically, will anal sex be pain-free.

The thing to remember is that anal may not be for everybody. It’s not a tick-list but simply another part of your body that may give you pleasure.

Physiologically, there is still quite a taboo and fear around anal sex and if we’ve internalized these feeling, we’ll have done it through our bums! Ignorance around anal sex and how our body’s work and respond is another factor.

Even if our head says yes to anal sex, we’re enjoying anal play and feeling relaxed, our body can sometimes refuse to co-operate.

Physically, pleasurable anal play requires the muscles in your rectum to open up to receive whatever is going there, be it fingers, an anal sex toy or a penis.

anal sphincter muscles
anal sphincter muscles

Inside the bum the anal sphincter muscles are actually a double set of muscles that surround the anus.

The first set, called the external sphincter, is the anal muscle at the entrance – the one we are most aware of. This is the anal muscle we have the power to control and relax.

It’s the internal anal sphincter, about 2.5 – 4cm inside, that we have no conscious control over.

This is the muscle that controls continence and, apart from when we go to the loo, it’s always in a state of continuous maximal contraction, unless coaxed out of that state with lots of pleasurable attention.

Relaxing this muscle is key to enjoyable anal sex – If you feel pain, your body is telling you to stop.

But relaxing the internal spincture  is not a simple case of mind over matter. We have no conscious control over it and it’s this anal muscle that can involuntarily tense up and say no to anal sex.

It can do this even when we think we feel relaxed, turned-on and ready for more. If the internal anal sphincter muscle involuntary constricts, forcing the issue WILL result in pain.

Relaxing the internal sphincter will only happen by lavishing lots more time, patience and anal lubricant on your tense tushie.

In time, the anal muscles will usually relax and open up to pleasure again.

But, as we said earlier,  pleasurable anal play is as much about how you feel about it in your head as how you’re feeling in your body.

Physiologically, if you expect pain, your body will tense-up which will cause a viscous cycle. This is why it is never a good idea for you to ‘push through the pain’   Understanding how your body works; what you do and do not have control over is an important step to achieving pleasurable anal play.

lubricant advice

Lube for Anal Sex

The lowdown on the best lubes for anal play…

Using lube for anal sex is crucial as the anus doesn’t produce any natural lubrication of its own.

Lube protects anal tissues which are more delicate and easily torn than those of the vagina. Using lots of lube during every kinds of anal play is absolutely key to ensuring anal sex is ALL pleasure and NO pain.

Anal pleasure requires a slow pace and using lube ensures that everything feels slippery and sensual throughout the journey.

From the very beginning, through to the point where anal muscles relax enough to be receptive to penetration, and all through your anal sex session, you should ensure everything starts out coated, and remains coated in lube. Keep applying, as any ‘drag’ can cause tension and tension is the enemy of pleasurable anal sex!

Use lube is essential during all anal play - A water-based anal lube is thicker, more viscous and longer-lasting...
Use lube is essential during all anal play – A water-based anal lube is thicker, more viscous and longer-lasting…

Best Water Based Lube for Anal Sex

Standard water-based lube may dry up too quickly for the slow pace of anal sex so chose a thicker water-based lube such as  Sh! Pure PlusMaximus or Probe Classic Thick.

These lubes contain less water and so evaporate slower and have a thicker consistency than regular water-based lubes, which means they coat and cling to toys, fingers and condoms for longer…

Thick water-based lube can be used to enhance all sex-play, so it’s a great choice if you prefer to have just one lube-type by your bed – if you find it a little thick for other activities it can be simply watered down with a little purified water or even saliva.

 

Water-based lube is the best lube to choose if you are playing with any silicone anal toys, such as butt plugs and anal beads, or pegging  / performing anal sex with a silicone dildo.

 

 

 

 

 

Silicone Lube feels oily, like a light baby oil but is body and condom-safe...
Silicone Lube feels oily, like a light baby oil but is body and condom-safe…

Best Oil-Based Lube for Anal Sex

Some people prefer to use oil-based lube for anal sex as, without the evaporating qualities of water, it provides unsurpassed, super long-lasting and uber-slippy lubrication.

As the anus naturally flushes itself, it is less vulnerable to oil-induced infection than the vagina.

BUT oil-based lubes will rot a condom in seconds and will damage the surface of many anal toys, which is why we don’t stock oil-based anal lubes and caution against using mineral or vegetable oil-based products as lubricant.

The only oil-based lube we recommend, or offer, are silicone-based lube such as Eros Pjur Woman LubeSh! Silicone Lube or ID Millennium

These lubes deliver an oily-feeling AND keep anal pleasuring and non-silicone anal toys super-safe as well as super-slippery.

Q&A

Q&A: How to Ass-Finger with Long Nails?

Dear Sh!

Whilst making love, my lover likes me to slip a finger in their ass but my nails are long and I’m worried I’ll hurt them – Have you got any advice or tips on how to satify my partner, without doing any harm?

Thanks

Tabby


 

Dear Tabby

Good question! And it’s really great that you’re thinking about this, rather than simply delving in, as ass-fingering with talons is tricky!

The anus is very delicate and easily torn so all nails (whether long or short) should be well groomed and smooth before going anywhere near a delicate tush.

We recommend using latex in all anal play as it adds a silky smooth touch as well as keeping things safe.

The anus is protected by only very fine skin and is easily scratched so ass-fingering is best done by latex-covered fingers.

We recommend you wear latex gloves for ass-fingering because you can squish cotton wool balls under long nails before covering them in latex, you’ll take the edge off your talons as well as protecting the glove from potential tears.

This will protect your lover’s anus but there are more reasons to rubber-up for ass fingering….

Latex Gloves - £4 for pack of 10 (5 pairs)
Latex Gloves – £4 for pack of 10 (5 pairs)

Lube is easier to apply and doesn’t get as easily absorbed when you wear latex glove for ass fingering.

Anal pleasure is  a long leisurely journey, not a speedy sprint, and ensuring everything stays nicely lubricated for the full duration is key it’s all pleasure and no pain.

-Latex-covered, your fingers will feel sleeker, so you can feel more and be more in tune with whats going on.
– They help to take care of any cleanliness issues – both your fingers and their anus…

– And just the sight and sound of you snapping on a latex glove will make your lover tingle with excitement and anticipation!

 

If you’d like to take anal exploration further than fingers, which are the best toys?

Sometimes it’s hard to reach round and give your lover the anal pleasuring they desire with just your fingers, so if you need extra reach or would like to try something other than fingers, take a look at our range of Butt Plugs and anal-safe Silicone Dildos.

Hope this info is helpful. If you’d like any more advice, just get in touch.

Best Wishes

Team Sh!

All names have been changed for anonymity 

Beginners anal advice

Q&A: Does Anal Sex Hurt?

Dear Sh!

Both me and my partner are curious to try anal sex and the idea of it really turns me on but also I’m really scared it’s going to hurt.  It seems like a common  acceptance/joke that anal is always painful and yet lots of people also seem to be doing it, so I’m really confused – do they just grit their teeth or is there really pleasure ( as in my  fantasies) to be had?

Maybe it’s a pain/pleasure thing? If so, I’d really like to know before I get any deeper ( so to speak!) as pain really isn’t my thing!

I’d be grateful for any advice you can give.

Thanks

Sandra

Hi Sandra,

You’re right, from jokes and sitcoms to more highbrow knowledge imparting there’s an accepted ‘truth’ that anytime anything goes up  the bum is going to hurt like hell!  And yet, from porn films to colonic irrigation, there’s plenty to suggest that anal can be pleasurable and completely pain-free.

The key to the difference is relaxation. Lets take this away from the sex for a minute and think about this in terms of colonic irrigation (where the practitioner puts a a pipe up your bum and washes you out from the inside) No one is going to pay good money to have this done if it’s painful, are they? The practioner knows you must be relaxed and creates an environment to ensure you are. She explains what will happen, so you are fully informed – no sudden movements or nasty surprises! She’ll use lube and patience and most crucially, you will be in charge.

So, take all and transfer it over to anal sex and you’ll see there are 3 elements to ensure it is pain-free;

Without all three, anal sex will hurt. The biggest barrier for first-timers is the anxiety that it WILL hurt, which, of course tenses everything up and ensures it does – a viscous cycle if ever there was one!

The pain comes from the internal anal sphincter muscle which must be very relaxed for pain-free anal sexPain is your body’s warning system to stop or slow down.

The problem is that the receptive partner doesn’t actually have any conscious control over relaxing this muscle. If it constricts  involuntarily, forcing anal sex will hurt. This is why you must try to be really in-tune with what your body is telling you and able to communicate it to your partner.

It’s crucial that the receptive partner of anal sex controls the pace…

At the beginning it may feel really alien to your body to have something going up your bum and we’d suggest that before you try with a penis or dildo, you experiment first with a finger, a small, slim butt plug or anal vibrator.

A vibrating anal toy is a great way to explore your derriére desires for the first time as vibration is excellent for relaxing those extra sensitive anal nerve endings as well sending pleasurable thrills throughout the whole pelvic area.

We also think it’s better for newbies to explore the sensations on your own, rather than with a partner, as this removes any pressure or impatience to ‘get on with in’ because, when you’re aroused, you may feel ready to involve your partner before you actually are. Playing solo ensures you can concentrate wholly on yourself and the sensations you’re feeling…

Anal lube is simply extra thick and/or super slippery so toys, fingers or penises stay coated for longer. The key is to ensure everything glides and never drags; gliding is the physical equivalent of relaxing, whilst dragging is the equivalent of tensing ( remember, tensing = possible pain) which is why using lube, and LOTS of it, frequently re-applied, is essential.

It can take a long time for your body to become accustomed to, and really relax into the sensations of anal play, so never think of it as a race, but more like a meander…

Once you feel ready to involve your partner, communication needs to be added to the mix. We know that talking about sex can be hard but it is key to ensuring anal sex  is a positive experience for both partners and one you’d like to try again and again…

You could start off giving them a one woman performance on your newfound anal confidence with your toys or fingers. This will show your partner the kind of pace and depth you find most arousing. Before inviting them to become involved in a more ‘hands on’ (or penis/dildo in!) capacity, talk and agree together that you are in control of the action and pace. If you need to slow down or stop altogether, it’s much better to do so.  Gritting teeth or soldering on is totally counter-productive because that’s likely to be the very  last time you ever want to try anal sex!

In terms of positions, ‘doggy-style’ maybe the anal position that springs first to mind, but actually this isn’t the best, especially for newcomers.  Being on top, where you can lower yourself onto your lover or toys is another way for you to feel and be in control of pace and depth.

We hope this has helped give you the confidence to go ahead and explore turning your fantasies into pleasurable anal reality!

Have fun

Sh!

All names are changed for the purposes of anonymity.

 

Q&A Ask Sh!

Q&A: Best Toy for Anal Sex: Butt Plug or Dildo?

Dear Sh!

Please could you give me some advice on which is best toy for anal sex – a  butt plug or a dildo?

I’m kind of new to all this and would appreciate some advice.

Thanks in advance…

Alex

 

Hi Alex,

So, choosing the right kind of sex toy for anal play depends on how you want to use the toy and the kind of  pleasure you’d like to experience from it. But as a beginner it’s very difficult to know!

Probably the best way it to start your anal discovery with a finger, covered in a condom or latex glove, if you’d prefer….

Cover both your anus and finger with some lube and gently, with patience, start exploring.

Going in will essentially feel the same, but once up there, do you prefer simply the feeling of fullness of your finger staying put or do you prefer a sliding in and out motion?

 

Beginners Butt Plug £15
Beginners Butt Plug £15

Butt Plugs – Best For Feelings of Still Fullness…

If you more prefer a feeling of fullness, then a butt plug is a great anal sex toy for you as, after the initial insertion,  it’s not designed for much movement, beyond a slight wiggle or tilt.

The narrow neck at a butt plug’s base is what makes it stay in place – your sphincture muscle will naturally close around where it is narrowest – so, whilst there are no rules to how you must play with any sex toys and you can make small in-out movements with it,  it may feel jarring to try to slide a butt plug in-and-out once this muscle has tensed around the narrow neck portion.

A butt plug is a good toy to get a ‘feel’ of what it’s like simply to have something up your bum, which in itself can be very arousing.

 

 

 

 

Wirly Girly 2 - Our most popular anal dildo
Wirly Girly 2 – Our most popular anal dildo

Anal Dildos – Best for In-and-Out Strokes…

If you crave a feeling of stroking in-and-out, then a dildo is actually the best toy for this kind of anal pleasure, because they have regular shafts, with no pronounced narrowing.

Again, there’s NO rules and you can simply slide a dildo inside and hold it there with no movement. But, unlike a butt plug, you can’t really let go, as the anus’ natural instinct is to (ahem) ‘expel’ …so it will start to slide out.

Our dildos start from finger- size, like the Wirly Girly 1 Slim Dildo, so even if you are new to anal sex, you won’t be feel overwhelmed.

If you plan to  strap on a dildo for anal sex with your male or female lover, then you’ll need a longer dildo such as Wirly Girly 2 Slim Dildo  or, even Wirly Girly 3 Slim Dildo as some of the dildo’s length is lost once it’s worn in a harness.

Both these styles are super popular anal dildos; slim enough for unintimidating anal sex, with gently ribbed shafts for stimulating the responsive nerve-endings in the anal canal and the extra length allows for proper strokes, without the toy slipping out altogether which can be frustrating!

The bases of all Sh! dildos & butt plugs are all safe for anal play as they flare enough to prevent dildos from slipping inside and getting lost inside.

Remember, whenever you play – lubricant is your friend and absolutely key to pleasurable anal sex, so whichever toy you choose, treat it and yourself with a lovely coat of lube to ensure maximum glide and pleasure.

Hope this helps and do give us a shout if you need any more advice

Best Wishes

Team Sh!

All names have been changed for the purposes of anonymity

 

Beginners anal advice

Positions for Anal Sex

There are no ‘best’ or ‘ultimate’ positions, just the best positions for you.

All vaginal sex positions can be adapted into comfortable anal sex positions.

Here are a few old favourites sex postions, re-invented for anal sex:

Recommended for anal sex beginners – Hop on Top

Receptive partner on top, which allow her/him to set the pace for anal sex and take as much depth as he/she is comfortable with.

This position is great for eye contact, communication and stroking. Also try the reverse cowgirl/cowboy position ( receptive partner on top but facing away) – visually very hot for your partner!

Lie back and enjoy anal sex – The Missionary Position

The receptive partner lies on his/her back with knees bent up – the insertive partner on top.

Perhaps try a pillow under the bum for ease and comfort and, if you’re nimble enough, legs over shoulders for a better angle…

This position is best if you are experienced in anal sex and have trust and communication between you.

The receptive partner doesn’t have much control of pace, depth or moves, but she/he does have the advantage of comfort and the positions to simply lie back, relax and concentrate on the sensations.

Probably the most famous of all anal sex positions – From Behind.

Try lowering your head and shoulders as this creates the perfect position for G-Spot/prostate stimulation.

f you are using a sex toy with a curved upward angle to it – in the doggy position you should turn the toy so it points downwards – this will make it the “right angle” to hit the pleasure spots.