Certain things are just ‘de rigour’ when it comes to sex - like a positive attitude to personal hygiene, for example! But what else?
We posed the question on Twitter and what came back was a guide to good sexual manners...
Sexual Etiquette of Sex Toys
There's two different sexual etiquettes surrounding sex toys and it all depends on the kinds of relationships you have.
- If you are serially monogamous (i.e. have one relationship at a time, which tends to last for a while) then sharing the toys you enjoyed with a previous lover can be insensitive to your new beau. Sex toys can have very personal memories attached to them. Toys are, by their nature, very intimate and can stir up feelings of insecurity or even jealousy...
- However, if you are more 'sexually festive' - have more than one lover or tend towards shorter affairs - then it's not always necessary to invest in new toys every time you have a new partner, as that can get pretty expensive! So, it's probably okay to open up your well-stocked toy box during more casual relationships...
- With the exception of anal toys - sharing old butt plugs with new lovers seem to be taking it a step too far.
- Let your new partner know if you are a gusher.
Many are massively turned on by female ejaculation, but some people may be unaware that it can happen so will be taken by surprise by generous amounts of bodily fluids flowing onto the bed. Bringing it up by whispering “it’s likely to get really wet when I come” is often all that’s needed. And a couple of towels within easy reach.
- Having an STI doesn't have to put a stop to sexy adventures, but mentioning it to a new partner before a sexual situation occurs is vital.
That way you can both prepare by stocking up on condoms, dams and lube, and enjoy play without worries. Safer sex is hotter sex, after all.
Other Sexual Good Manners
- Giving guidance = communication, which is a good thing. Criticising a new lover less so, and it could have negative consequences for your future sex life with this person.
- Pointing out that you have metal in hidden places (say, a pierced clit for example) could save a cracked tooth, and letting your lover know that you’re on your period is also good manners.
- Enjoy having sex in the great outdoors? Great! But please choose your spot carefully as most won't want to catch you at it, especially if they have accompanying children.
- Anal play isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, so never slip in by ‘mistake’. It’s really not acceptable and you’re unlikely to get invited back.
- Don’t ejaculate on someone’s face unless you've been given express permission. The same goes for any kind of kinky play. Don't impose your exhibitionist side on anybody else, unless they want to be the voyeur. Consent and communication are key.
- Opening up your relationship may be the right thing to do, but really needs to be discussed and negotiated with your partner beforehand. If you neglect this essential step, you are in cheating-territory which you partner may object to...
- One thing most of these points have in common is the importance of communication. Always make sure your partner has all the information they need and check in to make sure they are enjoying things as much as you are.
Saying Thank You Is Good Etiquette
Sending a 'Thank You' letter after a fantastic encounter may be over the top, but a text message saying you had a great time is always appreciated - and will start building anticipation for next time.
And talking of 'Thank You's' - we'd like to say Thank You to our Twitter friends who took part in the #Sexual #Etiquette discussion – your input is, as always, valued and much appreciated!
If you have just read this and want to share your thoughts on the topic of Sexual Etiquette, just head over to Twitter where you’ll find us @ShWomenstore We'd love to hear if you think we've left anything off the list.