Sex Shop Diary

Sex Shop Diaries – Spring Cleaning

Spring has arrived – hello sunshine! – and sex is high on the agenda again. Fruity couples are furtively squeezing each others’ buttocks when they think we can’t see them – hello CCTV! – and old sex toys are being dusted off. We recently recommended an annual spring clean of the toy drawer and it seems we have inspired a good clear out. As you’ll find, we have most definitely gone above and beyond standard customer service requirements with some of these!

One enthusiastic customer showed up with her entire vibrator collection in a bag one morning, suggesting they may all be faulty. Clearly beyond the 30-day guarantee, we still slipped on latex gloves and politely set about inserting batteries into each vibrator. We found that each toy was working perfectly. “Oh good“, she said, “I just wanted to make sure before I used them“.

Another customer posted back a near-empty bottle of lube, wanting us to exchange it for a full one. We decided it must be an elaborate April Fools’ joke and promptly popped the jiffy bag in the bin.

We got a call from a customer wanting advice on how to best deal with her “smelly dong”.  Turns out she’d brought a rubber dildo to a sex party, and managed to offend other guests with the smelly item. After she emailed us a photo of the dong, our suspicions were confirmed: a product sold by a competitor less concerned with body-safe materials. The only advice we could give was to throw it away. We offered a good discount on a Sh! silicone dildo instead, so next time she parties, she can proudly show off her non-smelly, body-safe plaything.  Lesson learned: if it smells fishy, it probably is…

Sh! Spring Dildos
Body-Safe Sh! Dildos

It’s your lucky day!

The customer beams at the shop assistant, who is looking a little confused. And maybe uncomfortable.

The customer hands over three full bags, with tail-ends of a couple of crops sticking out of one. This particular shop assistant is new to the job, and it’s clear she doesn’t quite know what to do. “You can have it – it’s great stuff!”  The shop assistant takes the bags and starts to look through them, tentatively. A fine collection of  BDSM gear is stuffed into the bags; paddles, cuffs, a leather thong…and a small teddy bear in a kinky outfit.

Unfortunately there is nothing we can do with used products, we can’t resell them. So instead, the bags are shipped off to our warehouse for disposal. It was a very kind thought, lovely customer, but we are unable to keep the used toys. However, for anyone reading this and wondering what to do with unwanted playthings; we have a good article on how to recycle sex toys here.

leather BDSM
Returned BDSM equipment

A gentleman comes in, leaning heavily on his crutch. He’s looking to buy a new dildo for his female partner, and we ask if he knows what style & size she might like. We discuss the various designs and he settles for a dildo of a not-unsubstantial size. We suggest adding a bottle of lube to make the experience more comfortable and he eagerly obliges. As he leaves, he is practically skipping out of the shop – leaving his crutch behind.

It is clear: sunshine & sex really does make everything better!






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