I was wondering if you could help.
I have never had a problem in reaching an orgasm through clitoral stimulation, but my legs have to be together and rigid
…this brings on a mind-blowing multiple orgasm (especially with the Pocket Rocket Vibrator), but when my partner either performs oral sex on me or stimulates my clitoris during sex, I never quite reach the same level, as my legs are apart.
I do however have a different type of orgasm through penetration, so my man does satisfy me, I know he wants to feel me coming whilst he is going down on me, but I’m too shy to tell him about my leg clamping thing and I don’t want to crush his head, are there any exercises I can do to make me orgasm the same way but in different positions?
Firstly we know what you mean about the Pocket Rocket Vibrator – it certainly is a great clitoral vibrator!
It seems that you have got into a bit of a corner with your orgasm.
We all fall into the trap of “allowing ourselves” certain (easier-to-achieve) orgasms, just because we know how to do them.
When you have your legs together you will be automatically (subconsciously) tightening your PC (pelvic floor) muscles. As your whole clitoral organ (internal as well as external – the hood) is “joined” to the labia (lips), your whole genital region pulses, tightens and relaxes during arousal and orgasm.
Often a key for those women who do not know how to/ have never achieved orgasm is to practice tightening/relaxing the PC muscles, as this mimics the type of “spasm” action of the muscles during orgasm. It also means that because you have toned the muscles, it is easier to control your “grip” (either on a male partner’s equipment or a dildo/ vibe).
Obviously in your case, you do not have any problems achieving orgasm, but the legs-together with a strong clitoral vibe is such a focused clitoral orgasm that you are having problems “replicating” this through penetration.
The G-spot (internal) orgasm is, as you say, a very different kind of feeling to the (often) mind-blowing fizz of the clitoral orgasm, and so you should always be aware that what you can achieve with a strong vibrator on the clitoral hood cannot be achieved, and will never be the same as through penetration.
HOWEVER, this is not to say that an equally mind-blowing orgasm cannot be achieved this way.
First of all we would recommend not allowing yourself your easier-quick-fix-do-it-yourself clitoral orgasm for a while, and forget trying to replicate anything like it through straight penetration by your partner.
Doing some pelvic floor exercises could certainly help in terms of you being able to control the squeezability of your lips (and therefore get something closer to how it feels with legs together). For help with PC exercising there are a few different “systems”. The new Ami Vaginal Balls is a PC toning System involving silicone balls of varying sizes that you learn to squeeze against.
If you have toned PC muscles you should be able to achieve (by tightening the muscles) the same kind of feeling around your labia/ clit that you get with legs together. But remember too there are psychological implications – maybe (whether consciously or subconsciously) your preferring legs together has something to do with the pleasure of anticipation (your body gets wildly excited through clitoral stimulation because it is preparing itself for the “entry”). When you get actual internal stimulation, some of that build-up excitement can be lost. Think about whether or not it is a purely physical thing.
Another thing to think about is the position you have sex in. If you use lots of lube (Lush Lube is our own-brand lube and regularly gets 5 star reviews) you could still get your lovely man’s member to slip inside you with your legs together (whether him on top or from behind).
Keeping your legs together can be a good fantasy position.
You can even get involved in ‘being taken advantage of‘ scenarios. Don’t worry too much about crushing him – a tighter squeeze can be all the more pleasurable for him too.
With oral sex, obviously head-in-clamp is not ideal. But again, with your legs together, he should be able to reach your clitoris just fine with his tongue.
You shouldn’t feel embarrassed about saying. Just tell him you fancy ‘trying it like this for a change‘ and let him know about the different sensations you feel legs together and apart. Usually men get pretty excited by women telling them what we like.
If you are finding that you really want/need more clitoral stimulation (than just fingers etc) to feel fulfilled with your orgasms, then you could try a little vibrating cock ring such as the Lurveheart – at under a tenner is a great one to start with. This could give you the clitoral stimulation you desire whilst taking advantage of everything your man has to offer.
If you’d like to ask anything else, don’t hesitate. It may be worth coming down to the shop and paying a visit, seeing the various products you could use in your hands etc. We are open every day, or are available on the phone (03333 444 005) if you’d like to speak to a us first.