I’m so disappointed with my orgasms – they are nothing like the earth-shaking orgasms I keep reading about… Mine are merely little blips – nothing that would register on the Richter-scale. I want to come harder!
Many thanks for your email. This is something we hear regularly – women wanting better orgasms – stronger and longer. Here’s how to go about amping up the intensity of your orgasms:
For better orgasms, think BBC!
No, we’re not talking about the national treasure that is telly without the adverts, but Build-up; Breathing and Continuity.
Focusing on these 3 things should help you learn to take your orgasms from ‘little blips’ to ‘blimey O’Riley!’ but remember the key word here is ‘learn’ – there are no fast tracks and tackling the process with grim determination won’t do you any favours.
Learning about our body’s responses is a life long journey, as our bodies, our confidence, and responses to both, all change over time. For many women, responses can differ throughout the month, in relation to menstrual cycles; what works around your period, maybe a total turn-off mid-cycle, or visa versa!
Think of it as a journey or exploration and discovery, rather than being results-driven, and you won’t go far wrong…
Build Up to Orgasmic Bliss
Quickies can deliver instant gratification, just like a fast-food burger can quell hunger, but for a real feast you need courses!
The longer the build up, the better, stronger and more long-lasting the orgasm.
So, don’t just dive for your clitoris, with a vibrator on at high-power or your fingers in ‘this is how I do it’ mode.
Build arousal with fantasy and lots of warm-up play.
You could even start better-orgasm build-up by wearing loveballs during the day.
Breathing Life into Your Orgasm
You may not be conscious of it, but holding your breath or taking small, shallow breaths can really impede orgasm.
Concentrate on breathing deep-down into your body, as this will increase oxygen, blood-flow and lubrication which in turn increases sensations, receptiveness. relaxation and your ability to really ‘let go’.
As you inhale, really focus on taking your breath right down to your lady-garden and exhale the same way… This will naturally make you take long, deep breaths and have the added benefit of making you hone-in on the sensations there.
Continuity – Most of us need uninterrupted stimulation to have blockbuster orgasms.
This doesn’t just mean physical stimulation.
Recent MRI studies on the female brain have shown what women have known forever; that all the ‘right’ buttons can be pressed, but, if a worry or distraction pops up into our head ( Can the neighbors hear? Is that the kids back from school? Damn! I didn’t pay the gas bill! …) it can be a sudden off-switch to our orgasm.
Fill your head with sex, and there’s less room for worries or distractions…
Here’s where fantasy come’s in. Visual porn can arousing for many women ( and a great trigger for women who find orgasm really difficult or impossible) but finding the right sort of feel-good porn, isn’t that easy….
So we recommend reading erotica to really fire up your fantasies and help focus your brain on the sexy stuff.
You don’t need to actually read during solo sex ( one-handed sessions can be tricky to co-ordinate!) but a hot book or reading other women’s sexual fantasies can provide thrilling material to re-run in your head.
In terms of touch, whilst it’s great to play around with different sensations and positions during build-up..
Once into the home run, don’t deviate from the sensation that are really doing it for you.
Of course we’re all different, so this is not a hard and fast rule ( there’s NO hard and fast rules in pleasure!) but it seems to be something shared by a lot of women – a change of touch or intensity at the wrong moment, can be a hand-brake turn that breaks the spell.
Most of us need uninterrupted stimulation of our clitoris to orgasm and fingers can tire, especially, if like many women, you need a lot of stimulation, for a long time…
We have a couple of products, we’d recommend in any quest for a better orgasm, which have stamp of approval from the many women who have tried them.
Rabbit vibrators are famous for ‘blended orgasms’ – an orgasm that feels like it comes from both inside (vaginally) and out (clitorally) at the same time.
They deliver lots of different sensations so, so they can help free you from being stuck in an orgasm rut.
The Womanizer is totally different.
It’s a powerful clitoral toy that uses vacuum to amazing effect.
From all the women who’ve tried it, we’ve heard the same feedback – ‘WOW!’
It also seems to deliver a totally different kind of orgasm. Using strong suction to pull in the clitoris, it make her perky and super receptive to pleasure almost instantly and draws our a deep-feeling clitoral orgasm in no time
Both these toys are fabulous for giving women powerful orgasms.
Perhaps easier… but probably not longer as, the collective feedback is that they are super effective at their jobs!
No matter how wet you get naturally, lube is the best enhancement to pleasure you can buy, as whether with fingers, penis or toys, it increases glide, sensuality and intensity.
For added zing, there’s stimulating lube
Finally to explore all the different ways to orgasm, there’s The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm. Written by Mikaya Heart.
She’s also written a How to Have Stronger Orgasms in 10 Steps guide for us.