Rude Veg

Penis vs Dildo: Can You Smell Them Apart?

An intrepid journo recently sent us a few questions about similarities between penises and dildos, and the likelihood of a person being about to tell the two apart.

We’re not all into penises (maybe we’re all into dildos but for the purposes of comparison, we needed someone who regularly handles the male pleasure package), so we asked our penile expert; a woman with several years active service in the field under her belt.

Here’s what she had to say:

Smell The Difference

A  penis does have a faint odor of Eau De Dick about it, just like a vagina has a distinctive scent. It’s a mix of musk and sweat, which is rather pleasant for a genuine cock-connoisseur.

Washing handsA freshly-washed peen will smell strongly of soap with a hint of male in the fleshy folds.

A clean silicone dildo is odourless, but a used one will smell of the lube used (raspberry can be rather refreshing) and also of lush lady-box (if that’s the orifice in which it was used).

A used dildo that’s been thrown under the bed after use will probably smell unpleasant – I’m not quite sure and I’d rather not find out.

A jelly dildo will have a noxious, toxic smell, especially if it’s brand new and straight out of the packaging. It will also feel rather “sweaty” to the touch and the pungent smell is offensive to most people.

A used jelly-dil  hasn’t graced my bedroom in the last 10 years so I can’t comment on the smell of that.

In conclusion: a person with some experience of peens should be able to smell the difference.

Look-A-Likey

Modern ‘realistic’ dildos are made from dense silicone with details like vein and head colour,  added by hand. The shaft may, from a distance and if you are squinting, be mistaken for the ‘real thing’ if it is poking out from the zip of someone’s jeans.

realistic vibrator

However, if you were to take a closer look at a realistic-looking dong, you’ll notice the following:

  1. The balls are not floppy and lack pubic hair/stubble
  2. It’s not attached to a living, breathing person (a particularly good hint)

A living, breathing dick has blood pumping through it and will twitch and bob around (a clever dick can do this on command).

A  penis can and will lose its erection every now and then. That’s just how they work and you shouldn’t be offended by this. A dildo has a constant hard-on which, in my opinion, can be very useful.

A penis leaves ‘evidence’ before, during and after sex, supposing a condom is not used.

PackersNote: a flaccid packing-dildo (often used by Trans Men) poking out of a pair of briefs can be harder to spot – up close, you might notice it is covered in corn flour to avoid stickiness though.

Packing dildos are not for having sex with, they are far too floppy for that. The purpose of a packer is to create a nice bulge in the groin area.

In conclusion: a person familiar with penises and/or dildos should be able to tell the two apart (especially if found in a box under the bed).

Heating System

A real-life dick has a built-in radiator (blood flow) and a dildo does not.

A dildo can be warmed up, for sure, but it lacks blood flow and therefore feels “dead” in your hand. It doesn’t react to handling like a peen does. Its glans does not grow just before popping its cork and whilst there are squirting dildos, most do not offer this action.

In conclusion: a dildo can be warmed up but not from the inside like  a penis.

To the untrained eye, it may be tricky to tell them apart from a distance but as a general rule, dildos do not look, smell or behave like homegrown peens.

And if it’s shoved at the back of the wardrobe, it’s definitely a dildo!

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