All in a day’s work, but sometimes world’s collide and things can become incredibly random and rather strange at Sh!… Here’s what happened in just one day in the (sometimes) weird, always wonderful life of our award-wining sex shop in London
Chinese women come in, giggling like mad when they realise what kind of shop it is. I can’t help but smile and turn on a small vibe for them to feel – they shriek with laughter, and if there were somewhere in the shop for them to hide, I’m sure they would..
Regular customer comes in looking for a whip. I offer her to test the purple 2-Tail on the pink throne, and to my delight she whips all the dust off it. I recommend to her to do the same at home; duvets, sofas – housework is so much more fun when you have a whip in your hand (and a hands-free vibe in your knickers)!
The Spanish woman, who once gave me a drawing of a woman with long hair and large breasts, comes in with her husband. He is very serious, but she’s not. I show her our Easter rabbit display. She’s so thrilled she starts stroking my cleavage. I’m rather taken aback and can’t think what to say, so just stand there wide-eyed, open-mouthed and frozen to the spot. She giggles and tells me ‘so nice’, whilst still stroking. Hubs is looking thrilled. Eventually they buy two pairs of nipple toys and leave…
Interesting-looking woman comes in; I compliment her on her fabulous shoes. On closer inspection I notice very bling earrings, very bling hairclips and very bling rings. On even closer inspection I realise she’s a gypsy/traveller. I feel a bit worried, as I don’t want to seem prejudiced. I offer her a coffee She asks me which vibe I use. We don’t answer personal questions so I deflect by launching into a monologue about clit toys, G-spot toys and double pleasure toys instead. She’s not impressed. She asks if we can watch some porn together. I turn her down on the grounds of me not having a TV in the shop.
She says I’m pretty. She’s beginning to feel a little intense, so I go to stand behind the counter, on account of the cleavage-stroking earlier in the day. She follows me, and asks to read my hand for ‘only’ £30. I decline, politely, saying I have no money with me (This is true. Having just come back from holiday, I have only Swedish currency in my purse) but I can see she doesn’t believe me. She tells me I look like my father (I don’t), that I’ll be going on a long journey soon (Walthamstow is quite far, I suppose…) and that I should wear blue next Wednesday (I don’t own any blue garments, so might have to go shopping). She hands me a red glass pebble and tells me to look after it. She hands me a little stone that looks like an old tooth, and I’m beginning to get very uncomfortable. I am wondering if I can ask her to leave, or if she’ll put a hex on me.
The door opens, and a vision in pink bounces in. It’s a tall, black guy, clad in hot pink from head to toe. He knows he has to be with a lady, so I’m not sure why he’s come in – maybe just to show off his fabulous ensemble? I get my camera out and take a picture for our FB page – I just have to share this!! In return for the picture, I offer him a pink t. He says his name is DV8, and I get all excited, thinking he’s a well-known DJ (I google him later and found that MC DV8 is a white fella, but never mind). My day is beginning to feel very surreal.
I end up buying a bottle of Bailey’s on the way home – it feels like I need a strong drink..!