Want to talk dirty but feel your mind go blank every time it comes down to it?
This particular skill doesn’t come naturally to all of us – especially those who aren’t reading off a script during a porno. Many people can feel a little shy or embarrassed when communicating their sexual desires to their partner in the moment – but it doesn’t need to be this way. Just because its name may insinuate something untoward, talking dirty isn’t anything to get squeamish over. It’s fun, hot and you definitely don’t need to be able to answer a round of the University Challenges’ questions to do it (meaning anyone can do it).
If, however, the thought of it does make you blush then don’t worry. Talking dirty is like anything, a few wobbly attempts and you will soon be spouting sex-talk magic like the Rokeby Venus you know you are.
In the meantime, here are some of our tried and tested dirty talking tips for beginners to get the ball rolling.
Reduce the Pressure
In the same way that it would be daunting to burst into an acapella song in front of a choir – when you are not necessarily a singer by trade – it’s really difficult to start talking dirty on command. This being true no matter if you have an audience of one, two, three or more.
In such an intimate situation you don’t need to add any extra pressure onto yourself by jumping off into the deep-end. If this is a new experience for you, then, why not start with the lights off so you don’t feel exposed or on show? You could be the Sia of your sex show and no one has to see your face. This is also a good time to mention that writing prompts on your wrist is not really an option in discussing the dirty…you don’t need to force anything.
Instead, start small. Talking like a porn star on your first attempt feels and sounds weird. Try not to alienate yourself. Why not begin with a few shorter phrases that you are comfortable with? Perhaps, it’s a compliment on a certain sexy body trait of your partner or maybe you love how they do a certain action? Play around with your language. Experiment with your tone of voice. Look up different, fun ways to say things beforehand. Think about what you like to happen during sex – maybe you like your muffkin ruffled in a certain direction or perhaps you want to tickle their member with your tongue. Direct your partner on how to arouse you and take it bit by bit. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Gradually build on short phrases or keywords that you and your partner find hot so you don’t feel so overwhelmed.
Soon enough, you’ll find that you’ve created a repertoire of vocab so varied and sexy, you’ll be writing a handbook out for your friends.
Play the Part
Not all of us like to dirty talk unless we get to take on a different persona when doing so. For example, it’s often much easier to pretend to be something obscure like a unicorn or a witch when you’re dressed up as one. Some people opt to roleplay when dirty talking – and why not!
If you consider yourself to be a bit of a novice at sex talk, introducing a character into your steamy sessions can make things a lot less intimidating. You can be whoever you want to be – a demanding dominatrix, a naïve naughty nurse, a subliminal servant…literally whoever, or whatever, tickles your pickle.
Maybe you have always had a thing for Jessica Rabbit? Or, perhaps, during your favourite fantasy you take on the role of Jamelia who lives around the corner. Be creative and have fun! Let your preferred personality take charge and begin practicing your newfound oral abilities with no stress or reflection on your individual self.
Get a Response
Dirty talk isn’t a burden that you and you alone must bear. Dirty talk is a fun, playful exchange between two or more people, designed to help get you both off. There’s no fun in talking at someone – encourage your partner to get involved in everything verbal that’s going on (if they’re not already). This will make things (again) less pressurized and awkward and more entertaining and intimate.
Lead them up your ladygarden’s path with erotic, probing questions… If they’re nervous too, start with ones that require them to answer with only one-word answers, for instance, “harder” or “faster”, “slower” or “softer”. This will start building their confidence up alongside yours so you will soon no longer feel like you have to fake it until you make it.
Alternatively, maybe your partner is the one who is currently dishing out the dirty demands – whilst you find yourself tongue-tied at every turn. There is no shame in being honest with them about it before your next romp and asking them to simplify their questions for you. This way, you can follow their lead and work your way up to the Queen’s English of verbal erotica.
Finally, whatever happens, make sure you are having fun and enjoying it. Breathe, relax and let your lips do the talking…