Guest blog by Effi Mai
You know you’re a sex goddess. You’ve read Fifty Shades of Grey, you’ve imagined yourself in that dungeon being pleasured with a variety of objects, you’ve even thought about buying that whip you’ve seen in the shop window so you too can feel like Anastasia. But something stops you. It’s that ugly little woman that lives inside you probably wearing a beige cardigan and complaining that your knickers are uncomfortable. And that woman’s name, is Mrs Prude.
For women, sex is no longer something we all deny we’re doing before faking an orgasm in the dark. And now that women are finding new ways to hit their spot, to nudge the G into ecstacy and everything else that’s sugar and spice and all things nice we’ve become a lot more experimental. But we all have some sort of inner prude inside us that holds us back from doing all these things. There are a few things you can do to stop it from rising it’s annoying head.
Dirty talk can be a way of sharing what you want the other person to do. Be prepared though. If this catches you off guard you can find yourself mumbling ‘I’m going to umm put my umm fingers, my fingers inside your, umm, your ooh what do I call it, a, sorry, your vagina?’ or even worse, just shouting the word ‘penis’ over and over again because you don’t know what else to do.
If it’s too embarrassing for you to say certain things or you feel stupid then come up with your own names for things. If your partner does something that you really like it then label it your favourite, or ask them to ‘do that thing’ because that could mean anything from touching you to covering you in pancake batter and licking it off. Don’t say ‘the usual’ though because that sounds like your ordering a pint with a side of oral sex.
If you’re not big on the whole face to face talking then sending dirty txs can be fun and entertaining for everyone involved. If you’re at work casually throwing things at your coworker’s head it can be quite exciting to get a tx. Naturally it might distract you a little if all your partner is telling you is that they want to staple their tongue to your clit for seven hours. Dirty txs or emails can be all kinds of filth from what you want to do to what you plan on pouring on them later. And snapchat. Got to love the filthy, yet epic genius who came up with snapchat. Everyone loves a bit of a naked boobage snapchat.
Beating your inner prude just means starting small. If you don’t think you could pull off a strip tease because you think you’ll probably get your hair caught in the zip or get twisted in your bra strap then try a simple pyjama strip. Unicorn onesies work well here too; it’s all off in one. If you’re inner prude tells you you shouldn’t be using sex toys, try something tiny like a bullet that can make your scream like an excited whale but isn’t something huge that you’ll struggle to hide in your knicker drawer.
Even just talking about sex with friends can be a way to feel normal, and that what you want or what you might fantasize about doesn’t make you any different. Educate yourself, find out information, and trade some top tips. It will be like a career talk for your vagina. Sex is an amazing wonderful thing, and it shouldn’t be swept away into the closet of Shame and left to get ruined by Mrs Prude.