Don’t Be Throwing Shade – It’s Pride!

It seems the recent heatwave has thrown everyone off their A-game, and crankiness is all around. Including right here at Sh! Towers.

We’ve got a bone to pick. (No, not a boner – your mind’s gone off in an entirely different direction!).

Not long ago, we found ourselves the midst of a group of newly-out, and not-yet-out women.

Rainbow Lips‘Out,’ if you’re not quite sure, is the term used when a LGBTQIA+ identified person has made their status known to family, friends, or colleagues – living openly, or partly openly as a gay, queer, pan, bi or trans person.

Also in the midst of this group happened to be a woman who has been out for a long time. Her lesbian identity is firmly established; her friends & family know about her sexual preferences, as do her boss and colleagues. She lives and works in a cosmopolitan city, surrounded by other LGBT-identifying people. One could argue that this makes her somewhat privileged – she is able to live her life in a way she feels is right for her.

Now, the woman in question had an excellent opportunity to be a source of information, sharing her knowledge of the hottest lez bars, cool communities and queer-friendly shops. She could have made a few new friends!

But this is not what she chose to do.

Instead, she chose to throw shade at the group of women, shaming them for being inexperienced newbies.

This upset us greatly.

Over the years, we have met many wonderful women who have come out in their later years, and it’s not unusual for these women to apologise for this.

Let’s ponder that for a moment – apologising for not having been an out & proud lesbian your whole life?  As if it is somehow shameful to discover or accept your true self once you’ve passed your 30’s….

As we evolve and grow, so do our desires.

rainbow rosesDesire can and does change – perhaps you’ve always been attracted to men, but one day another woman’s smile unexpectedly makes your heart skip a beat. Or the other way around – maybe you’ve been a proud carrier of a lesbian gold-card all your life, but suddenly a fit fella catches your eye and everything changes… It can happen. It does happen.

At Sh!, we know that sexuality is fluid and we celebrate all flavours of it.

Sometimes it is about the gender, sometimes it is about the individual.

Perhaps a person is not yet sure about their sexual status, perhaps they have only just started to come to terms with their sexuality or perhaps it is not safe for them to be openly gay. Any and all variations of those apply here – none of us have the right to judge and/or shame someone for not being as open, out and comfortable with it as we may be…

For Pride and beyond, don’t be throwing shade on the woman – or person – standing next to you. Instead, let’s celebrate all the shades and flavours that make each of us different and unique.


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