Q&A Your Sex-Questions Answered

Q&A: Best vibrator to buy for my wife?

Dear Sh!

I’d be very grateful for some advice about the best vibrator to buy for my wife. I have been looking at your website, and many others, and I’m afraid I am bewildered by the variety of bits and pieces on offer. So, any guidance would be most gratefully received.

Basically, my wife has trouble relaxing and achieving orgasm regularly with me. She can, and does, achieve them, but quite rarely, and only when she is very relaxed and not thinking about the kids, the house etc. Now, as a rule, she does not masturbate, and has told me that she has never brought herself to orgasm on her own. But I know that she can get off when stimulated properly, and so I am keen to help her achieve it as often as possible. She is keen for that too, and is interested in trying anything that will help!

I did buy her a Rabbit Vibe 4 or 5 years ago, but she never got on with it (or ‘off’ with it!) and it has since gone by the wayside. When she does get off with me it is generally by grinding herself down on my pubic bone when I am inside her, so stimulating her clitoris seems to work (although if I rub her in that area it seems to have little effect).

Some of the vibrators I have read about are not like a penis at all  and there was also one called ‘Je Joue’. I think one of these ‘non penis’ type ones might suit her best.

Thanks

 


Hi There,

There are a few things we can recommend and you’ve come to the right place for a ‘non penis’ type toy as we don’t do them! 😉

Je Joue Mini Vibrator £78
Je Joue Mini Vibrator £78

There is indeed a very good toy called Mimi  from Je Joue

Its a pebble-shaped so it sits discreetly and comfortably in hand, making a great toy to add thrills to lovemaking.  Seamless, soft silicone ( so you wife can grind as hard as  she likes without any possible ‘ouch’ moments) and 10 different settings so there’s lots of different vibe intensities and patterns for you to explore … and for her to discover!

We’d also recommend the Rock Chick mini  vibrator, which allows a

Rock Chick Mini £32
Rock Chick Mini £32

style of stimulation very similar to the one you describe – it’s got an internal stimulator for G-spot play. Soft and flexible it allows the user to press down against the vibrating clit stimulator with as much pressure as she enjoys.

Both these  vibrators would be good for your wife to explore what does, and doesn’t, work for her during solo sex.

Masturbation is certainly something we would urge her to make time for. It’s really common for women to find it tricky to switch their minds off (and their bodies on) especially when they are used to spending so much of their time focused on children. If you do buy her a vibrator, could we also suggest you take the kids out for the day so she can have a leisurely, interruption-free introduction to her new toy?

From what you describe, it sounds like your wife probably enjoys/needs quite intense clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm and there’s nothing unusual in this; some women need a delicate touch; others need it super-strong. The one commonality is that all women need the stimulation to be sustained long enough for them to orgasm (whether that’s a minute or an hour).

Women who take a long time to orgasm often worry that they are taking too long, which then makes their orgasm even more illusive. It’s a horrible vicious circle that is only broken once a woman knows and has confidence in how her body responds. Lots more practice, both alone and with you, should help her have more guaranteed orgasms.

Taking of sex with you, there are lots of toys that can be used during partner-sex to help women have more orgasms. Over 80% of women find it tricky or even impossible to get off during penetrative sex alone, so you are by no means alone! A simple vibe could provide your wife with the extra “umph” she requires.

Small clitoral vibes have the advantage that they can be combined with intercourse and give both partners a thrill.

Dual Bullet Vibrator £24
Dual Bullet Vibrator £24

 We’d suggest Dual Bullets vibe which has two bullets that offer multiple speeds and stimulation-styles, and can be enjoyed unobtrusively during intercourse.

We-Vibe Classic (£106)
We-Vibe Classic (£106)

The We Vibe  also is a great couples toy that’s designed to offer combined G-Spot and clitoral stimulation during penetrative sex with a partner.

You also mention that your wife has trouble relaxing – we can also suggest some massage oil for a sensual build up to sex? Massage is great for re-connecting with your partner and giving you both time to relax and enjoy yourselves.

Hope all this helps – please do give us a shout with any more questions.

Best wishes

Team Sh!

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