Q&A: Get that ocean back in motion – how to combat vaginal dryness


I am in my mid-50s, out of a sexual relationship for over 5 years, and experiencing serious vaginal dryness (PAP smear exams are excruciating.) I am also a sex toy newbie, so I would appreciate advice on what vibrator to use. I don’t have any issues with orgasm — very easy — but I have read that vaginal stimulation/penetration will keep things alive. Your recommendations are welcome!
Many thanks,


Hello there,

Thanks for getting in touch! This question is very common and we’ll share our best tips for moistness.

Dry and brittle vaginal membranes are most often associated with the menopause, but dryness can affect women of any age for a multitude of reasons. Common causes are levels of estrogen dropping following menstruation or childbirth, certain medications and bacterial imbalance in your once lush lady parts.

Vaginal dryness at any age is simply no fun, especially when it comes to being intimate. It might feel that your body is shutting up shop without your permission, but there are a few things that you can do to help things along and combat vaginal dryness.



Who doesn’t love a warm bath or steamy shower for two before some hot lovin’? Of course, we all want to be squeaky clean, but bathing just before getting intimate can dry out the vagina and remove any moisture before we’ve even started. Aim to get soapy an hour or two before, as this gives your body time to restore lost moisture to your pleasure palace.

Ditch that Douche!

For some bizarre reason, vaginal douches have made their way over the water from the States and are becoming more popular with women here in the UK. They promise unrivaled cleanliness and vaginal health, but in reality, offer anything but…

Douches can seriously mess around with the delicate bacterial makeup of your lady parts and lead to inflammation and dryness – so send that douche to the bin!


Moisturise, Moisturise, Moisturise

We have been slightly skeptical about ‘vaginal moisturisers’ but this all changed when we came across YES Vaginal Moisturiser, an organic and hypo-allergenic gel that works to alleviate dryness and atrophy.
A 5ml application of the iso-topic formula to the delicate inner tissue typically provides a moist, comfortable vagina for up to 3 days – it cleverly releases moisture as and when the vagina needs it.
The gel is completely without fragrance, colour, taste or residue, and contains no parabens, hormones, glycerine or known skin irritants.

Sensual Massage

The more aroused you are, the more likely your body is to respond with silky smooth natural lubricant.

Sensual massage is a great way of stimulating your erogenous zones and helps to form a closer bond with your partner. Opting for a high-quality massage oil will certainly start to get things moving in the right direction! We love the Orgie Sensual Massage Oil which is packed with high-quality ingredients and gorgeous essential oils like Sweet Almond Oil, Grape Seed Oil, Sunflower Oil, and Argan Oil.

A word of warning here: Oil-based products aren’t suitable as vaginal lubricants, so however sensual and sweet-smelling the massage oil is, keep it away from your sensitive foof.

Oil-based products have a terrible habit of clinging to the walls of the vagina, where they trap and harbor bacteria. The bacteria grows, of course, and before you know it, you have an unpleasant itch in your ditch…


Love that Lube!

Lube should be your number one weapon against vaginal dryness, but it’s essential that you choose the right one. Steer clear of flavoured or heavily scented lubes that can upset your vagina and cause itchiness; choose a water-based, paraben-free lube instead.

The lube we recommend for very dry membranes is Sh! Pure Plus, a viscous water-based lube without parabens. As this lube is extra thick, it creates a lovely “padded” layer between the delicate membranes and the finger/penis/toy pleasuring it, minimising the risk of abrasions.

Use It or Lose It

The old saying couldn’t be truer in this case – keeping the vaginal juices flowing makes for a happy & healthy vagina.

Arousal and orgasm are excellent ways of keeping a steady flow of blood to the genital area and by using internal toys, you’ll keep the stretchiness of the vaginal canal in good shape too.

At the Sh! shop in East London, we measure sex toys for internal use in ‘fingers’, i.e “how many fingers feel just right?” This will help gauge which size toy would work best for you, in terms of girth.


We’d recommend starting off with a size you know you are comfortable with; choosing a slightly smaller size is more helpful than choosing a girthier toy that could end up being painful to use. Over time, you could introduce a bigger toy if you find yourself lusting for more.

Top 3 Small-Size Internal Vibrators

Remember to add a generous amount of lube to your toy as well as your vagina before insertion – this will make play so much more comfortable.

We hope these tips will help bring back both moisture and comfort! 


Team Sh! xx






Q&A: I don’t orgasm during penetration – what can I do?

Hi Sh!
I would like some advice if you can.
I do not have orgasm by penetration, but I  do by clitoral stimulation. The strength and pleasure of the orgasm is vastly increased by penetration. Is there anything I can do to improve vaginal sex? Can you help me?
Hello there,
Many thanks for your email – and we’ll certainly try! 🙂
This is one of the most common questions we get asked, and the good news is that there are several ways to increase pleasure and orgasm-potential during penetrative sex.
Around 75% of women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. This means most of us need our magic beans rubbed in just the right way, or the climax won’t happen.
Having orgasms during penetration is absolutely possible, but takes a bit of work. It makes sense that your orgasms are more intense when the vagina has something to clench around – this is often the case.


Try positions that offer more clitoral contact. This could be the woman-on-top position, which lets your bump and grind in ways that feel good for you.


Another great position for this is the CAT-aligned, which is sensual and sexy. Your partner positions themselves on top (missionary position) but lifts themselves a bit higher on your body, making sure that they pubic bone grinds against your clitoris. Instead of thrusting, they then go on to treat you to a grinding, rubbing rollercoaster of pleasure, and you might find this takes you all the way to orgasm.


A small, non-intrusive vibrator can make all the difference.  A small bullet or finger tip vibe can be a fun addition, but if you prefer something hands-free, we recommend giving Satisfyer Partner a go.


This clever vibe has been designed to fit against the G-spot and the clitoris, whilst still allowing space for a penis or dildo to slip in too. It’s a bestseller in our shop, and we can see why: Satisfyer Partnet won the Red Dot Design Award last year!
At only £45, it won’t break the bank and as it’s fully waterproof, you can enjoy it in the bath or shower too.
Satisfyer Pro Partner

Pelvic Floor

A strong pelvic floor helps increase both the number and intensity of orgasms so make sure to practice your kegel exercises regularly.  If (like us) you find kegels too boring or you forget to do them, we have a great idea for making it more fun: do them whilst you masturbate!
Doing your squeezes whilst playing with your clit at the same time will likely result in an orgasm (win!) and a stronger pelvic floor too (double win!).
Using a pair of love balls adds to your exercise regime as well as adding pleasure for your G-spot. Which brings us neatly to…

G-spot Stimulation

The G-spot often plays a big part for those who enjoy vaginal orgasms. Located at the front wall of the inside of the vagina, it’s a rough-feeling area that grows in tandem with arousal.


By stimulating the clitoris and the G-spot simultaneously, you can go on to enjoy what is known as ‘blended orgasms’.  Rabbit vibrators do this job marvellously, but you can use fingers too. Or fingers on the clitoris, and a penis or dildo internally – there are many variations, so pick whichever suits you best.


Over time, you cut down on the clitoral stimulation, a couple of seconds at a time.  As you are about to climax, you stop stimulating the clitoris earlier and earlier but still carry on stimulating the G-spot firmly. Over time, you’ll learn how to have G-spot orgasms, or vaginal orgasms this way.


Enjoy your ‘homework’! 😉


Best Wishes,
Team Sh! xx


Q&A Ask Sh!

Q&A: Sex & Arthritis

Over the last 4 years, I have had issues with my joints. Despite this,
until last year I was still able to enjoy sex and masturbation. Last year, after developing pain in my hip, I was diagnosed with arthritis in my right hip and knee. Since this, I have been unable to orgasm. I want to, I try too, using all the usual methods I would. But I get put off by pain in my joints. I’m currently not in a relationship and the few times I have tried to have sex since this, I have had to stop for the same reason. This is really getting me down – I’m only 35 and have always had a healthy attitude to sex. I don’t feel ready to not have a sex life. Any suggestions as to how I can get past this? Thanks in advance.

Hey there,

Thanks for getting in touch.

We’re so sorry to hear how arthritis is affecting your ability to enjoy pleasure and sexual activity, but we have a few suggestions that we hope you’ll find helpful.

Planning Ahead For Sexual Pleasure

Planning sex may sound like a passion-killer for those who love nothing better than spontaneous encounters in random places, but when it comes to pain-free, pleasurable sex planning ahead is your best bet.

First of all – when is your pain least intense? If it’s in the morning, then this is the best time for you. Or if the evening is generally kinder to aching joints, opt for play sessions later in the day.

The Spanish tradition of an afternoon siesta is a great practice for storing vital energy before sex. Napping is activity that shouldn’t be frowned at – we could all do with a li’l rest every now and again.  🙂

We are guessing you are taking medication for the pain? Taking pain killers 30 minutes before sex will make sure the pain level is at its lowest and most manageable.

Having a warm bath or shower a short while before your play session will help keep your body and joints feeling warm, relaxed and more supple. If you choose to relax in the bath, you could use the time wisely by bringing a sexy book with you as reading erotica will help get you in the mood. The brain is really our biggest sex organ, and this should definitely be utilized!

Rethinking Sex

It may be that you’ve enjoyed a certain type of sex in the past, but the time has come to rethink what sex means to you. It could be that some positions are now out of the question, and that’s ok. Discovering new ways to play can really enhance intimacy and sex, and there’s potential for undiscovered pleasures!

Sex can be all manner of activities – kissing, touching, rubbing bodies together, mutual masturbation, masturbating each other… Great pleasure can be had from having something inside to squeeze against, for sure, but if bodily movements are too painful to contemplate it’s time to look at something different.

Massage and erotic touching are incredibly sexy ways of enjoying each other. For this, we’d recommend using massage candles. The wax melts into a lush, warm oil that can be drizzled directly onto skin, with the added benefit of keeping you warm.

Propping up yourself with pillows will help take some pressure off parts of the body that might  find sex extra stressful.

Pacing yourself: slow sex is very erotic, so forget about sweaty sprints and go for the long haul instead.

We have a couple of excellent toys for solo pleasure too:

Ruby Glowrocks-off-ruby-glow-ride-on-vibrator1 is a ride-on toy, and as such needn’t be held in place. This is a fantastic option if your hands get tired easily. Placing the flat base of Ruby Glow on a chair, bed or directly on the floor means you can watch or read something sexy at the same time… Perfect for anyone with mobility issues, Ruby Glow doesn’t require much in terms of hand or leg movement.

Womanizer Plus and Satisfyer Pro 2 clitoral toys are exceptionally reliable when it comes to orgasms. They belong to the very latest generation of sex toys – they ‘suck’ at the clitoris and with 8000 nerve-endings at its very tip, this goes down a treat!

We recommend looking into Wand vibrators too. The vibrations are deep and rumbly, and tends to wake up sleepy nerve-endings in next to no time. The Wands are usually of a longer size, so should be easy to hold and maneuver. A cordless wand means you ‘re not tethered to a wall socket and can position yourself in ways that works for you.

We hope this helps!

Love, Team Sh! xx

If you’d like any tailored advice or recommendations, please feel free to drop us a line at and we’ll answer you privately.

We may also share Q&A’s so others may benefit, but if we do it will always be anonymous, with nothing left in to identify you – promise!



Silicone dildos vs rubber dildos advice

Q&A: Why Can’t I Orgasm?

I’m looking for a new sex toy. I have the Fun Factory Stronic Bi Fusion and although it worked for me at first,  it’s now not doing the job. I now have a partner who’s happy to use sex toys so that’s not a problem but I’m finding it impossible to have an orgasm. I’m 58 and wondering if that’s the problem although I think I have strong vaginal walls etc. I would be grateful if you could give me some ideas.

Hi there,

Many thanks for your email!

The Stronic Bi Fusion is a toy that offers deep vibrations and pulsing, thrusting sensations, so we’re guessing that this is the kind of intensity that works best for you.

Wand vibrators are super-popular with women who find it difficult to reach orgasm and we think this could be a good option for you. Sexologists like Betty Dodson often recommend this type of sex toys.

The vibrations are exceptionally deep and reverberates through the body, most often with joyous results!

The Sh! Magic Wand massager offers 10 different settings, all designed to knock socks (or panties) off.


The Wand is rather big, but surprisingly light to hold and maneuver. Place it on or near the lower part of your stomach before moving it closer to your clitoris – it’s important to build up desire before attempting an explosive climax.

The strength of you vaginal walls should be  a positive – the stronger the PC muscle, the stronger your orgasms usually are. Your age should not be a problem either – orgasms are ageless!

What could play in is your general health – are you taking any medication that could effect libido, for example? If so, it could be an idea to discuss this with your doctor. There might be other, more suitable options.

Best of luck!

Love, Team Sh xx

anal lubricant advice

Q&A: Is Coconut Oil Good For Sex?

My partner and I have been together for 4 years and have been enjoying a busy sexual life until last night, when I couldn’t penetrate her when we moved through to the bedroom. Before that she was fine, well lubed and happy, but when she was on the bed she said it felt like I was stretching her and that it felt like it was burning and dry.

We use coconut oil as lube and have done for 3 years and we both had a sexual health check when we started going out.

Thank you

Hi there,

Sorry to hear your wife is experiencing pain during sex – those are never fun moments.

We’d suggest your wife gets herself checked out – it could be that her wonderous vagina has had its pH balance disrupted by the coconut oil (or something else, like washing powder or bath oils).

Coconut oil is fast becoming a popular substitute for lubricant and we have had many customers asking us whether they should ditch sex shop lube and just head over to the nearest supermarket for something edible instead.

Let’s look a little bit closer at some of the non-lube products often used for sex.

Coconut Oil

Coconut oil is antibacterial and antifungal, and isn’t necessarily the best option for delicate vaginal membranes. This ability to kill bacteria and viruses is one of the reasons it has no business in a lady garden. Vaginas are sensitive little souls with both good and bad bacteria constantly battling it out for top position. Coconut oil leaves an oily, clingy residue inside the vagina, likely upsetting the natural balance and allowing infections to take hold.

Generally considered to be comedogenic, coconut oil can also clog pores which in turn causes irritation. Add to that its latex-incompatibility and negative effect on soft-surface sex toys, and you’ll  understand why we’d recommend leaving the coconut oil for cooking and opting for a muff-friendly water-based lubricant for sex instead.

Olive Oil

olive-oilOlive oil is very weak acid. Like coconut oil, it is not soluble in water and therefor not a great option for sexcapades. Leaving residues clinging to insides will no doubt help the olive oil go rancid, and you can image what’ll happen then…

Whilst edible, it has not been recommended for sex-use by FDA.

Olive oil breaks down latex condoms.

Baby Oil

Using baby oil may seem like an obvious choice – if it’s gentle enough to use on a baby, it’s gentle enough to use on me, right?


It’s that pesky oil again – it harbors germs and other harmful bacteria inside the body and happily creates one unpleasant bout of Bacterial Vaginosis after another. It can also cause Desquamative Vaginitis – more uncommon – which is the equivalent of skin peeling after a sunburn. (Ouch!)

Baby oil breaks down latex in seconds, leaving lovers at risk of STI’s and unwanted pregnancies, and it ruins sex toys.

If you enjoy the slippery feeling of baby oil, we recommend switching to a silicone-based lube instead. Just remember silicone-based lube isn’t compatible with soft-surface toys.

Vaseline / Petroleum Jelly

We know many couples opt for Vaseline/petroleum jelly as lubricant for penetrative sex. Petroleum jelly is a mixture of natural waxes & mineral oils that together lock moisture in skin and initially it may seem like a good idea, but we’ll explain why this product should be used for chapped lips and dry hands only.

Vaseline creates a thick layer of gloop inside the vaginal canal, creating a fantastic environment for trapping and growing nasty bacteria. It is not water-soluable, so no amount of water will rinse it off/out – and we sincerely hope you’re not planning on soaping up your insides as that will make an already bad situation much, much worse…

Vaseline breaks down latex – STI warning! – and ruins beautiful silicone sex toys.

Put down the Vaseline and pick up a lube with great staying power instead.

Vicks VapoRub

Vicks VapoRub ointment may seem like a fun substitute for a cooling and enhancing gel – but really, no.  Don’t do it. A mentholated topical gel, it is intended for use on chest and back for cold/cough suppression. Applied to sensitive nethers, the gel will burn in a way that brings tears to eyes…

Instead, choose a gentle, condom-friendly lube lube like ID Pleasure if you’re looking for extra thrills.

Shampoo, Sun Screen & Shaving Gel

All of these are unsuitable products for sex use. Chemicals and fragrances will irritate genital membranes and increase the risk of unwanted infections. A sore foof is no fun at all. And chances are they’ll burn through a condom in mere seconds – it really is not worth it, people. Protect your vag (or peen) by using only suitable products


Despite being wet (duh!), water is drying and not suitable for bringing additional moisture to frictional activities such as sex (or smear tests – we were horrified when a nurse had run out of gel and suggesting using *water* instead. Not the same thing, lady!). Using water as lube may result in chafing and friction burns.


Using spit as lube is an oft-used visual part in porn flicks – this doesn’t mean it is good practice. Of course, human saliva is better than nothing, and needs must and all that, but a mouth is full of bacteria (espesh if it’s been a few hours since teeth were last brushed). Saliva is 99.5% water but also contains electrolytes, mucus, antibacterial compounds and various enzymes.

There are so many excellent lubes available on the market these days, there really is no excuse for not having a bottle of slippy wonder-stuff ready for play time!

Lube Shelf

If you’d like any tailored advice or recommendations, please feel free to drop us a line at and we’ll answer you privately.

We may also share Q&A’s so others may benefit, but if we do it will always be anonymous, with nothing left in to identify you – promise!



Q&A: The Truth About Hymens & Sex

Q&A: The Truth About Hymens & Sex

Hi Sh! Team!

I’m from Indonesia. I am very interested in women empowerment, especially in sexual empowerment. I’d been brainwashed by my family’s custom and religion; leaving me sexually devastated cause I haven’t found a husband to channel everything yet. I actually had a boyfriend (whom I broke up with last August) that was interested in the same stuff I was. Anyway, we did some heavy petting and fingering. And I think my hymen was kinda torn? It’s not fully gone but I’m pretty sure the (used to be) small hole had gotten bigger. If only the tip of the penis and two fingers (index and middle ones) had entered the lobby (?) of my vagina, can I still be considered as a virgin?

Thank you so much.

Patiently waiting for your input (ha),
Moderately religious girl.

Hello there, 

Many thanks for your question – it’s an interesting one. 

A virgin is someone who has never had sex, but this is quite a tricky concept as people define “sex” differently.

There is no one definition of what sex is or isn’t. For some people, sex is penis-in-the-vagina. For others, it’s oral sex, or anal sex, or kinky sex… A woman who has satisfying sexual activity on a regular basis, but chooses to not have anything inserted into her vagina, is she a virgin? She probably wouldn’t label herself a virgin as she is having the kind of sex that she wants to have, instead of the kind of sex she doesn’t want (penis/toys/fingers inserted into her vagina).

There are others who believe that it depends on consent, i.e wanting and agreeing to have sex. This means that women who have been forced to have sex can still be virgins, and will remain so until they choose to have consensual sex.

And yet another version: a woman who has never had penis-in-vagina sex, but regularly masturbates with an insertable vibrator or dildo. She may have had the toy inside, but for her, this may have no bearing on whether she defines herself to be a virgin or not…

Is virginity a state of mind?

The hymen is a membrane that surrounds or partially covers the outside of the vaginal canal. The hymen can be thin and stretchy, or thick and somewhat rigid; or it may also be completely absent. The hymen can stretch or tear as a result of a range of activities such as gymnastics, horseback riding or inserting fingers.

It is quite possible that your play has stretched your hymen, but it is equally possible that it has been “broken” by other activities – and it is just as possible that it is still intact. 

With all this in mind, if we were to ask you if consider yourself to be a virgin, what would your answer be?


We understand that your background may require you to (seemingly) remain a virgin until you marry, but in our opinion, it is up to each individual to make a choice about having or not having sex and defining their virginity.

A woman’s body should always be her own, and it is not shameful to find sexual play intriguing and pleasurable. Quite the opposite – it is something to be celebrated! 

This YouTube clip is both funny and informative, and sheds light on what the hymen really is.

We hope this helps!

Love, Team Sh! xx

If you’d like any tailored advice or recommendations, please feel free to drop us a line at and we’ll answer you privately.

We may also share Q&A’s so others may benefit, but if we do it will always be anonymous, with nothing left in to identify you – promise!


Q&A: Illustrated Books?

Q&A: Illustrated Books?

Hello. I just found your website today. I would like to buy a book that’s more about the illustrations/ pictures than the words. You have so many books, do you have any like this…maybe a graphic novel?

I also want to buy a vibrator. Something soft and maybe not so much vibrating as pulsing. I think. I’ve only ever owned one when I was a teenager and I hated it. I’m thinking the we-pulse or the rabbit ears. I wish I was closer to London so I could visit your shop. I can probably read more of your info about vibrators, but if you could point me towards a book, that’d be helpful.

Hey there,

Many thanks for your email.

We have a couple of graphic novels that might be just what you’re looking for: Kristina – Queen of Vampires and 4 Girlfriends.

Rabbit Ear Vibrator - Used purely for clitoral stimulation, where it thrills the sides of the clitoris..

Many vibrators come with several settings and a good pulsing mode can be fantastic for orgasmic pleasures. The Cute Rabbit Ears Massager has a strong pulse option, and as it is both waterproof and rechargeable, it’s a winner in our eyes. This particular vibe has an ergonomic design and is easy to hold and use with one hand only.

We-Vibe Tango comes with excellent reviews and is a great choice for someone who prefers intense stimulation. It’s a discreet lipstick-style vibe with 8 amazing settings, giving you plenty to explore. USB rechargeable and fully waterproof, We-Vibe Tango is designed to deliver pin-point pleasure.

Love, Team Sh! xx

If you’d like any tailored advice or recommendations, please feel free to drop us a line at and we’ll answer you privately.

We may also share Q&A’s so others may benefit, but if we do it will always be anonymous, with nothing left in to identify you – promise!




Q&A: Which Lube is Best for Me?

I am a disabled woman and am entering the menopause. Vaginal dryness is a problem and annoyingly I have an allergy to the crèmes recommended by the Drs. which have oestrogen in them so cannot lubricate for sex this way. I have been experimenting with a variety of over the counter non hormone lubricants to get over this problem during penetrative sex. Normal lube (Like Boots own brand and Durex Play) are no good, I’ve tried ones containing silicone (ID silk natural feel) which was much better. However, I leak a little water during sex and it washes the lube away! Is there anything which is a little more resilient. Fed up of feeling like I have a chaffed area at the entrance.

Hope you can help, my Dr recommended I get in touch, as she said she wasn’t an expert but you might have some ideas of brands??? Looking through your site there seems to be Eros Pjur lubricant. Is this a good one or can you recommend something better.

Hope you can help (Feel a bit exposed mailing you but last ditch attempt…)

Hello there,

Many thanks for your email. We’re sorry to hear you’re experiencing such a frustrating time and we hope we can help.

There are many different types of lubrication out on the market and it can be really tricky to navigate the various options on offer.

Eros Pjur is a good silicone-based lubricant. Silicone-based means slicker and longer lasting. The lube will keep doing its thing until washed off with soap & water.

Use lube when playing with a waterproof as water will wash away your natural wetness...

A really thick lube can also work well as it’ll last for longer. Our own-brand Lush Pure Plus lube is the one we’d recommend when dryness is a real issue. It’s paraben-free and water-based, which means exceptionally body-friendly. We usually recommend this particular lube for menopausal women as the viscous formula is longer-lasting and makes play more comfortable.

A water-based lube is water soluble, meaning you can rinse it of with water only – no need for soap.

Silicone-based lubes can cause vaginal irritation in women who are very sensitive, so we’d recommend trying the thicker, water-based lube first.

You mention that there is leaking during sex – do you know why this might be? If it’s to do with a weak pelvic floor muscle, this can be strengthened by regular kegel exercise or with the help of love-balls.

These weighted balls are worn internally and help tone up the PC muscle, which in turn may take care of the leakage. There is a very helpful blog piece on how to use love balls here.

It might be worth discussing this with your Doctor?

Best of luck!

Love, Team Sh! xx


If you’d like any tailored advice or recommendations, please feel free to drop us a line at and we’ll answer you privately.

We may also share Q&A’s so others may benefit, but if we do it will always be anonymous, with nothing left in to identify you – promise!


Q&A Ask Sh!

Q&A: I have No Interest in Sex

I’ve suffered from lichen sclerosis for several years (I am now 55) and have finally had successful treatment via the gynaecology team at the Royal Free, who recommended you.

I have been using vaginal dilators to help improve elasticity, but the
largest one is still uncomfortable to use and penetration by my husband is impossible.  Can you recommend a product that would help improve the situation?

Please note that my libido has tailed off in recent years and now that I’m post-menopausal I have little or no interest in sex, which is causing problems with my husband, who has been very understanding to date, but I know he is extremely frustrated both mentally and physically.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.  Thanks.

Kind regards


Dear C

Many thanks for your email.

You mention using dilators: are these the NHS plastic variety? They are hard and blunt, and we’d be surprised if any vagina would welcome them inside, let alone one that has experienced pain.

Our set of soft silicone, vibrating dilators is a much better option. Along with the dilators, you get a small bullet vibrator that can make all the difference. The bullet can be used for thrilling sensations around neck, nipples and clitoris before going anywhere near the entrance to the vagina. When you feel ready – and only then – pop the bullet into the base of the chosen dilator, and use for insertion.


Also note that the dilators can be purchased individually, as you may not need the smaller sizes.

Make sure to use a nice, extra-thick lube for play. We know many doctors and therapists recommend Yes Organic Lube and whilst Yes is a great lube, it is also very thin and absorbs into the vaginal tissue too quickly. Instead we’d recommend using Sh! Pure Plus which is a paraben-free, viscous lube that creates a lovely padded layer between skin and dilator/finger/penis. This makes the process of penetration more comfortable.

Working on arousal would also be beneficial for you – we’re guessing you haven’t been feeling particularly sexy or sexual for awhile, and it may take a while to get your mojo back. Erotic books can be helpful, as well as doing things that make you feel great: having a massage, or treating yourself to a new hair cut/colour, or investing in well-cut lingerie… Think back to things/treats you used to enjoy, and schedule in some me-time for them.  🙂

Body Wands look a bit scary, but they work absolute wonders when it comes to orgasmic reliability. The deep, rumbly vibrations can awaken nervendings that have been hibernating for a long time. Wands are not for insertion; instead they feel wonderful when used all over the body including near or on the genitals.

There are plenty of sensual activities you can enjoy together with your husband, without penetration.  Massage candles are great for reconnecting and getting used to touching each other again.

Tenga Egg (£10) make fun, cool gifts for men

Tenga Eggs, we feel, would be a fantastic way forward for the two of you too. Tenga Eggs are soft stretchy tops with textured insides. Drizzling lube into the Egg turns it into an incredible sex toy for men, and it’s a great option if your husband is missing the sensation of being inside you.


Lube up the Egg, pop it on top of his penis and masturbate him to your hearts content – we think you’ll both have lots of fun!

Good luck!

Love, Team Sh! xx


If you’d like any tailored advice or recommendations, please feel free to drop us a line at and we’ll answer you privately.

We may also share Q&A’s so others may benefit, but if we do it will always be anonymous, with nothing left in to identify you – promise!


How to use a g-Spot Vibrator

Q&A: How Do I Use a G-spot Vibrator?

So I bought a g spot vibrator but umm I don’t know how to use it, how far inside should it go, because it can not go inside… like less than a quarter of if can, and it hurts, so I give up and uhg, i really want to use it but its painful and hence i think im using it wrong. thank you and i’m sorry for this REALLY awkward question, wait i haven’t asked my question, sorry, how do you use a g spot vibrator?

Hello there,

Many thanks for your email.

We are a little concerned about the vaginal pain – we’d recommend getting that seen to, first of all. It might not be anything serious at all – perhaps a little tear in the delicate membranes – but any and all muff-pain should always be checked out by a professional.

A little bit of knowledge on the G-spot itself is a good place to start.

G-Spot picture

The G-spot is located close to the entrance of the vagina, about half a finger in and up on the front wall. Have a feel with a lubed-up finger – the ridged area is the G-spot.

Always use a good lube for all sex play, including when experimenting with using G-spot vibrators. Add lube to fingers, toy and muffkin – you might find this makes a huge difference.

Are you comfortable with other kinds of penetration, i.e with fingers and/or penises? It is possible that the girth of the toy is wrong for you – a toy that is too big will be uncomfortable. An intact hymen could also make things a little painful.

It’s important to be fully aroused before going G-spotting. The G-spot grows with arousal, making it easier to find and stimulate. Inserting a toy into a body that isn’t yet ready for it can make the experience uncomfortable and painful – not good.

demona-wave-vibratorA toy designed for G-spot pleasure doesn’t have to go very far in to be able to stimulate the right area. The important part of the design is that the toy has a bump or an upwards curve on the tip  – this bump or curve is the part that can work magic. A G-spot orgasm takes time but is worth the extra effort. 😉

We recommend “juicing the G-spot” – firm, circular motions on the area. Make sure you’ve emptied the bladder beforehand so you can just relax and enjoy the sensations.

Good luck!

Love, Team Sh! xx

If you’d like any tailored advice or recommendations, please feel free to drop us a line at and we’ll answer you privately.

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