Bedroom-Blog-Post

Understanding Sexless Relationships And Strategies To End The Dry Spell

Most relationships start hot and steamy with plenty of pleasure and intimacy, but as time goes by these often reduce in frequency and intensity and sometimes they come to a halt.

Is it possible that your relationship is just going through a temporary ‘dry’ spell or season or is this how it will remain forever? What can you do to change things for the better?

leah-SpasovaFind the answers to these questions and many more during this evening hosted by Leah Spasova of the Lifesexperts

A Social Psychologist, Situational Ethicist, and Sex & Relationships Educator, Leah focuses her work on helping individuals to improve their social skills, confidence, self-esteem, resilience, ability to deal with difficulties, maintain good physical and mental health and more.

The evening starts at 7.30pm with a unique panel discussion featuring 4 professionals working in the field of life, sex and relationships improvement. Make the most of this opportunity to ask them questions related to their expertise and work with individuals and couples who experience relationship and sexual struggles. After the panel we will move onto our talk for the night, exploring and learning more about Sexless Relationships.

The Panel

  • Leah Spasova – Social Psychologist and Sex and Relationships Educator – LIFESEXPERTS
  • Lori Beth Bisbey – Psychologist, Sex and Intimacy Coach, Author – Wolf’s Fire
  • Jacqueline Chan – Life Coach and Yoga & Meditation Practitioner – Energy Before Matter
  • Glen Wiseman, Panel Moderator – Sex and Relationships Educator – Brook and The Mix Charity
After the panel discussion, Leah will explore the topic of sexless relationships in 2 parts:

1. How relationships enter a dry season – from a psychological: personal and interpersonal perspective?


2. How to navigate better and get ourselves back on track to a more connected, intimate and pleasure filled relationship?

*Understanding sexless relationships

This talk will help you gain insight into the reasons why sex reduces and stops in relationships from a psychological and sexual perspective. Although we shall briefly explore some of the social aspects that affect us, our relationships and sexual life; such as having stressful jobs, having children and else – we will concentrate more on the personal and interpersonal aspects of what causes individuals to end up in sexless relationships. We shall explore what kills passion, desire, and connection between individuals and how our emotional and psychological needs are often unrecognised and unmet and thus we lose interest, we stop yearning, feel pushed away or neglected.   

*Ways to reconnect and end the dry season

Continuing with the psychological: a personal and interpersonal perspective which is rarely shared and spoken about yet it is so very important for us as individuals and partners – we explore how to end the dry season. We shall offer you invaluable strategies to reignite passion and desire, increase the connection and intimacy between you.


Book Your Space:

All genders & sexualities welcome.

Attendees will receive a workbook to help them jot down notes and make the best out of the content this event has to deliver.


Who Are the Lifesexperts?

We provide high quality and unique Life Relevant Education for Adults!

Our content covers over 40 topics on all things related to sexuality, intimacy, relationships, mental health and well-being, interpersonal skills and more!

Our events are sex-positive, inclusive and welcoming to all human beings irrespective of sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, physical ability, relationship status, etc. Put simply, if you’re a human being open to learning and growing – you are welcomed.

Lifesexperts

Seema-Anand-Grapes

The Secret Teachings of the Kama Sutra – an evening with Seema Anand

Did you know that the famous “positions” were based on classifications of genitals sizes – how to make them more compatible to ensure true pleasure.

Did you know the whole book of Kama Sutra is based on the textures of vulvas – how to arouse women with different textures, what kind of pressure to apply, what food they like, even the perfect environment for their sexual pleasure? According to the Kama Sutra with every changing phase of the moon, the erogenous zones shift around the body. An accomplished lover was one who understood where the erogenous spot rested every night and how it should be stimulated for maximum arousal.

Written in the 4th cen AD the Kama Sutra was the first book to acknowledge the idea of women’s pleasure – their capacity to feel pleasure and their right to experience it – separate to and independent of a man’s pleasure. With great perception, it explained the difference: Men’s desire is like fire, beginning in the groin and flaring upwards, it is easy to ignite and easier still to douse. Women’s pleasure, on the other hand, is like water – starting at the head it flows downwards, taking forever to come to the boil and equally long to cool down.

A woman’s pleasure is complex and fragile, it was a skill that had to be learnt – (the Kama Sutra was written to teach men how to pleasure a woman) – what stories to tell before sex to arouse her, what conversation to have after sex to make her come back to your bed more readily the next time, with what kind of kisses to drive her distracted but not satisfy, with what kind of kisses to finally quench the desire. It even includes an entire Ayurvedic study on the different combinations of fingers that should be used to pleasure oneself. Each finger holds the energy of a specific element and each combination provides its own sensations.

Join Seema in an evening of decoding the secret teachings of the Kama Sutra on sensuality, pleasure and seduction.
Seema Anand

Seema Anand is a mythologist and storyteller specialising in women’s narratives. She is an acknowledged authority on the ancient erotic literature of the East. Ancient India believed that sexual pleasure was not just instinct but an art, the correct practice of which contributed to the wellbeing of all five senses and the development of the mind and the soul. It was essential for both the physical and mental wellbeing but could only be effective if understood properly.


“I believe that the erotic literature of ancient
India was written by a woman – it is the only thing that explains the detail, the elegance and the beauty with which the subject is handled, where pleasure becomes an art and sex a poetic experience…”


The Seema Sutra – on Pleasures of a Woman

Follow Seema on Facebook and Instagram

Surrender-Blog-Post

Surrendering – a Workshop with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey

Does the idea of surrendering to a partner sexually, emotionally, or in a 24/7 relationship appeal to you?

Have you been submissive in relationships but found surrendering difficult?

Do you find letting go of control in other areas of life hard to do?

Surrender is extremely satisfying and is an essential ingredient in a power exchange relationship. It is often very difficult to do.

In this interactive workshop, we will explore surrender as a part of power exchange relationships. We will examine the different levels and depths of surrender. We will practice being present with a dominant partner. We will examine fears about being vulnerable, shame and learn methods of getting rid of these so that we can surrender more fully. We will cover in depth consent, surrender in a spiritual sense (surrender to a higher power, the divine). We will look at the role of trust in surrender. We will return to sexual surrender and do sensual exercises to deepen surrender.

Exercises will not involve sexual contact or any nudity.


TICKETS

All genders & sexualites welcome.


Dr Lori Beth Bisbey

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is a psychologist, sex & intimacy coach with over 30 years experience working with individuals, couples, and groups helping them to create and maintain their ideal intimate relationships. She has special expertise in working with the aftermath of trauma, working in the areas of gender and sexual diversity, and is kink and polyamory knowledgeable.

Dr-Lori-Beth-Bisbey-with-Roses

Lori Beth hosts a weekly podcast (the A to Z of Sex) and a weekly radio show: The A to Z of Sex ® with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey on the Sexy Lifestyle Network, one vlog on YouTube, has two blogs and writes for a variety of websites and media.

Lori Beth speaks regularly in the UK and USA on topics relating to relationships with sex. She can be found on http://drloribethbisbey.com where both her podcast and radio show can be accessed. She has consulting rooms in central London and sees clients from all over the world via Zoom.

Dr Lori Beth Bisbey is a polyamorous CIS gendered queer leather woman, married and in a 24/7 power exchange relationship with her husband. She can be emailed at loribeth@drloribethbisbey.com

Pronouns: She, Her

More workshops with Dr Lori Beth
Relight that Fire

Relight that Fire

People of Sh!: the most wonderful time of the year is now upon us. Just in case you haven’t already heard us mention it; May is the month of masturbation.

In a period of #selfcare, now is the time to brandish those hashtags and jump fearlessly onboard. Many of you are already out there, in the field, rubbing one out time and time again in the name of sexual liberation.

But, what if you just don’t fancy getting down and dirty with your pleasure powerhouse? Is the only lubricant you’ve come close to recently the one that slid masturbation slowly down your priority list? What if you and your partner just aren’t in sync with each other sexually – but you feel guilty in pleasuring yourself without them?

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Allowing yourself to explore your sexuality either alone or with a partner requires a positive mindset. It’s not a selfish or indulgent act: it’s a bare minimum that can be a really empowering, rewarding action. However, if you’re not “feeling” sex much at the minute and you’re not sure why, then evaluating your mood and stress levels is always a good starting point. Take the other person out of the equation and think about what’s going on with you. Is something causing you stress? Perhaps you can try little strategies here and there to fix at least the smallest of your concerns.

Masturbation should never be a chore – it’s a bloody delight. The language you use determines how you think and vice versa. If you find yourself speaking about your body or sex negatively then perhaps you can try and consciously implement more positive language when talking about such topics. Saying this, there is no need to force anything if it really doesn’t feel natural.

Be kind to yourself by allowing space and time for your attitudes or context to change.

Otherwise, buy yourself a ticket to that pilates class you’ve been putting off. Lather up in your favourite moisturiser. Get those kids to their friend Jenny’s for dinner and chill out in the bath with a nice glass of whatever you fancy. If you’re feeling REALLY outlandish, read up on your favourite fantasies via a sweet slice of erotica. Soon enough you’ll find yourself raring to go, so dust off that trusty vibe of yours and get back on your rocking horse.

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On the other hand, you may be rolling an eye or two at this masturbation month malarkey thinking that there’s no reason to do that when you have a partner already. Relying on that one person for all sexual satisfaction is a lot of pressure, no? What would you do if they went on holiday?

Not only is masturbating a practical solution for staying in tune with your body and satisfying your own needs, but it can be really sexy to do with a partner and allow them the role of voyeur.

Face each other head-on as you individually touch yourselves together or in turn. You could even tie them up so that they are just out of reach of you (guaranteed they will be squirming in delight). Not only will this make you feel super sexy and confident but they are also essentially having a lesson in the sure fire way to get you off– which brings us to our next point.

Does your partner need a map around your hot spots but you’re not really sure which directions to give them? Masturbation is the perfect tour guide, enabling you to pass on your pearls of wisdom. Exploring your own body is a never-ending adventure in our eyes and letting someone else in on this journey is even more exciting.

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This tactic is especially great if your partner needs a little guidance in the way of your sexual pleasure and words are not your forté. If this is you and, to quote Ronan Keating, “you say it best, when you say nothing at all”; give your partner a V.I.P view and show them how you like it.

If you would like to make them feel like they have a bit more power than this, why not invest in a remote controlled vibe? This way, everyone’s involved. We-Vibe is a luxury brand that specialise in couples toys. They are so invested in ensuring that no one is feeling left out of masturbation by launching their latest toys that include vibes controlled by the smartphone apps on Android and iOS systems. They run in the background of your phone whilst you’re living your best life on Facetime. It’s music to our ears.

From whichever way you look at it, May only happens once a year. It’s the perfect excuse to make some time for your inner sex spirit. Let them out and enjoy!

Woman-Gold-Glitter

My vagina is a penetration-free zone – here’s why…

Non-penetrative sex.

Yes, it exists. And it can be better than what you might think of as “normal” sex.

Your largest organ is your skin and that skin is packed with erogenous zones all over your body. From your armpit to your knee, arousal can be experienced through different types of stimulation, yet many of us grow up believing that getting busy centers around one action… We’re talking about penis in vagina sex, P-i-V.

The hetero-patriarchal society that typically grooms us has cultivated the belief that sex in its most basic sense involves penetration. Whether that be anal or vaginal, other forms of sexual activity are traditionally regarded as mere precursors to the grande finale. Like the Superhero blockbuster sequel you never asked for, this sequential narrative of a beginning, a middle and an end is anything but penetrating. We find it rather predictable.

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It’s not newsworthy that the majority of women struggle to orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, and without a toy. But who says that you have to have penetrative sex to seal the deal? Often, clitoral simulation provides a sure-fire way to reaching orgasmic peaks. This being the case as long as your mood, the ambiance in the room you’re in, and your overall state of relaxation are all cooperating.

There are many other ways to enjoy yourself once you drop these ideas of sex as a screenplay. Sexual activity is a whole playground of sensation that you can start, end or continue with at any lubed-up point you desire. Placing end goals on sex can do way more harm than good. It can prove exasperating for individuals who experience Vaginisimus or orgasmic/erectile difficulties, for example.

We like to call sexual activity “play” for a reason, and namely, that’s because it doesn’t need a lesson plan. “Play” doesn’t require an erect penis or a moist vaginal canal for it to be erotic and more-ish. “Play” is pleasure-focused and it doesn’t end just because someone had an orgasm – in fact,  sex lasts much longer because typically, everyone involved enjoys as many orgasms as they can handle.

For uterus owners – your vagina may be the most powerful thing you own, but don’t overlook your vulva. Your vulva is important. It deserves unwavering attention in the form of Caring, Loving, Intimate Tenderness (C-L-I-T).

Now, let’s be real. There is no better way to worship your clit than with a suction toy. In a new era of sexual pleasure, these toys are designed to simulate a sucking sensation. Add in a splash of lube and it’ll feel like someone’s lips are tending to your luscious front-garden. Whether you prefer the ultra deluxe Womanizer variety or the more affordable Satisfyer range, suction toys have the critics raving in a matter of minutes.

Zero penetration required.

A common myth we’ve noticed circulating is that penetrative sex is more intimate than other types of sex.

Who decided this?

How exactly did they measure it?

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Our sexperts have never personally whacked out measuring tapes to decipher this. Surely, someone who is keen and willing to smother your backdoor in smooches deserves some credit? A gold star, perhaps! Anything less and it’s surely a slap in the face?

But what is non-penetrative play and how do I do it with a partner?

Good question.

­Non-penetrative play can involve sensual massages, teasing touches and, of course, hours of oral play. You can spend days and days exploring each other’s bodies and getting to know what exactly makes your partner(s) tick. You can rub and grind on each other, kissing deeply, and don’t forget to go to town on breasts and nipples – those are awesome for playing with!

Turn it into a game with the help of one of ours, such as the Tease & Please Kinky Heart game. Take turns to pick out tasks that will leave you begging for more! Use your imagination and embrace exploration. Why not leave the bedroom and fool around in the bathroom, the kitchen, the hall? Buy an O Wand and you’ll forget penetration is even a thing!

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Plus, if you are a vagina-owner and you are self-conscious around the sheets when on your period, you can simply pop in a menstrual cup (see Mooncup or Fun Factory’s Fun Cup) and enjoy yourself stress-free. This is the perfect chance to introduce new, fun games into the mix. Focus your attentions on skin and sensitive areas, take turns to enact sexy activities on each other or role-play saucy fantasies. Invest in some handcuffs and restrain your partner to the bed or explore the art of rope-play…

Removing the pressure of putting one body part into another opens up a world of possibilities. It’s hot and erotic, and it’s likely to boost sexual satisfaction. Whether the reasons for saying ‘no, ta’  to penetration are long-term or short-term, there is only one thing to remember:

There are so many ways to explore your sexuality without ramming a plug in the socket.

Naked-Woman-Blog-Post

Winter may finally be coming but that doesn’t mean you can’t be too

We’re already in November and seeing the days get colder and darker, many of us are experiencing lower intakes of vitamin D. This lack of sunlight causes lower levels of serotonin in our brain and increases our production of melatonin – meaning we are more depressed and more tired. Is it any wonder that our libido can do a disappearing trick around this time of the year?

Stop. Right. There.

What is the one thing we learned in P.E. or from the daily preaches by annoyingly smiley, toned and shiny Instagram influencers? Exercise releases endorphins and these make us happy. This can mean a game of netball in a blizzard or a hazardous jog on an icy morning… or, you can try having an orgasm. Whether through masturbation or sex with a partner (multiple if you’re lucky), this is an exercise designed to get you feeling the freshest. Not only will you have your trusty endorphins but you can also enjoy that calm, fuzzy and above all, warm, feeling of oxytocin. In other words, Storm Brian may have just hit us but that isn’t half as hard as your orgasm is about to if you follow any of these tips.

Get Cosy

It goes without saying but if you’re going to take your pants off you need to be warm and what’s more inviting than a hot bath? Maybe you’re exhausted after work but this is a great way to practise self-love. Light some candles, grab an erotic novel and go heavy on the Badedas bubble bath (not too heavy if you’re prone to thrush). Luckily for you, we offer a range of waterproof goodies that vibrate, thrust and tickle. Simply keep one tactically within an arms-length reach away and soon enough your clit will be dancing and prancing more than a fictional, festive reindeer. If you have a partner around then why not invite them in? They could watch you in action or take control of your toy. You could even offer them a hot and heavy massage afterward.

Build Up A Sweat

If you’re diving straight into a bed of cold sheets then practice shock tactics. Have a quick slip out of any extra layers and warm each other up whilst your body temperatures fall and rise together. This type of sensory play using heat stimulates blood flow and adrenaline and ultimately, arousal. Soon enough, you will be shivering in all the right ways.

classic_erotica_body_boudoir_pheromoan_massage_candle_forbidden_fruit (1)If you want to take this one step further, then be my guest. Blindfold a consensual partner, building their anticipation, and if they like playing submissive then tie them to the bed. Light a body safe candle and drip onto their skin (ensure you use a specialised sensual candle rather than a shop-bought, non-labeled as the latter can be 50f higher and can cause damage or burns to the skin). The closer your candle is to their body – the hotter the wax will be. Trickle cautiously and tease the wax around their erogenous zones. The sweep of an armpit is a great (and potentially unexpected) one, so you could start here and move down their torso, from their nipples to their pubic bone.

Introduce a body-warming toy

Another ingenious invention comes in the shape of a sex toy that adapts to your body temperature. Whether riding solo or in a team, using a glass or metal dildo can give your southerly regions a good warming up – particularly if you leave your toy in a bowl of not-too-hot water beforehand. Again, directly applying heat to one area of the body like this stimulates blood flow in the area. Plus, glass and metal toys are really pretty. Whether you want one curved, ribbed, straight, or even one with a flower inside it, we have you covered. Just make sure you lube up beforehand to get your G-spot nice and ready for stimulation.

Now, hopefully, you can get your sex drive in check because it’s going to be a long, cold winter without it.

 

 

 

Lips-Blog-Post

How to dirty talk when the only thing hotter than your cheeks is your kettle

Want to talk dirty but feel your mind go blank every time it comes down to it?

This particular skill doesn’t come naturally to all of us – especially those who aren’t reading off a script during a porno. Many people can feel a little shy or embarrassed when communicating their sexual desires to their partner in the moment – but it doesn’t need to be this way. Just because its name may insinuate something untoward, talking dirty isn’t anything to get squeamish over. It’s fun, hot and you definitely don’t need to be able to answer a round of the University Challenges’ questions to do it (meaning anyone can do it).

If, however, the thought of it does make you blush then don’t worry.  Talking dirty is like anything, a few wobbly attempts and you will soon be spouting sex-talk magic like the Rokeby Venus you know you are.

In the meantime, here are some of our tried and tested dirty talking tips for beginners to get the ball rolling.

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Reduce the Pressure

In the same way that it would be daunting to burst into an acapella song in front of a choir – when you are not necessarily a singer by trade – it’s really difficult to start talking dirty on command. This being true no matter if you have an audience of one, two, three or more.

In such an intimate situation you don’t need to add any extra pressure onto yourself by jumping off into the deep-end. If this is a new experience for you, then, why not start with the lights off so you don’t feel exposed or on show? You could be the Sia of your sex show and no one has to see your face. This is also a good time to mention that writing prompts on your wrist is not really an option in discussing the dirty…you don’t need to force anything.

Instead, start small. Talking like a porn star on your first attempt feels and sounds weird. Try not to alienate yourself. Why not begin with a few shorter phrases that you are comfortable with? Perhaps, it’s a compliment on a certain sexy body trait of your partner or maybe you love how they do a certain action? Play around with your language. Experiment with your tone of voice. Look up different, fun ways to say things beforehand. Think about what you like to happen during sex – maybe you like your muffkin ruffled in a certain direction or perhaps you want to tickle their member with your tongue. Direct your partner on how to arouse you and take it bit by bit. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Gradually build on short phrases or keywords that you and your partner find hot so you don’t feel so overwhelmed.

Soon enough, you’ll find that you’ve created a repertoire of vocab so varied and sexy, you’ll be writing a handbook out for your friends.

Play the Part

Not all of us like to dirty talk unless we get to take on a different persona when doing so. For example, it’s often much easier to pretend to be something obscure like a unicorn or a witch when you’re dressed up as one.  Some people opt to roleplay when dirty talking – and why not!

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If you consider yourself to be a bit of a novice at sex talk, introducing a character into your steamy sessions can make things a lot less intimidating. You can be whoever you want to be – a demanding dominatrix, a naïve naughty nurse, a subliminal servant…literally whoever, or whatever, tickles your pickle.

Maybe you have always had a thing for Jessica Rabbit? Or, perhaps, during your favourite fantasy you take on the role of Jamelia who lives around the corner. Be creative and have fun! Let your preferred personality take charge and begin practicing your newfound oral abilities with no stress or reflection on your individual self.

Get a Response

Dirty talk isn’t a burden that you and you alone must bear. Dirty talk is a fun, playful exchange between two or more people, designed to help get you both off. There’s no fun in talking at someone – encourage your partner to get involved in everything verbal that’s going on (if they’re not already). This will make things (again) less pressurized and awkward and more entertaining and intimate.

Lead them up your ladygarden’s path with erotic, probing questions… If they’re nervous too, start with ones that require them to answer with only one-word answers, for instance, “harder” or “faster”, “slower” or “softer”. This will start building their confidence up alongside yours so you will soon no longer feel like you have to fake it until you make it.

Alternatively, maybe your partner is the one who is currently dishing out the dirty demands – whilst you find yourself tongue-tied at every turn. There is no shame in being honest with them about it before your next romp and asking them to simplify their questions for you. This way, you can follow their lead and work your way up to the Queen’s English of verbal erotica.

Finally, whatever happens, make sure you are having fun and enjoying it. Breathe, relax and let your lips do the talking…

 

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What does it mean to be asexual?

What does it mean to be asexual?

Just like heterosexuality and homosexuality, asexuality is a sexual orientation. It’s where individuals do not experience any form of sexual attraction. In short, that’s really all there is to it! A person is not asexual because they choose to be celibate or abstinent, and not ‘because they haven’t found the right person’.  It’s not because they have a hormonal imbalance, or because their parts ‘don’t work’ – a persons’ sexual orientation is not a choice. Males, females and anyone in between can identify as being asexual, and those who are asexual come from all ethnicities, religions, body types and all walks of life!

It’s believed that 1% of the world’s population identifies with being asexual, and with billions of people living around the globe, it’s really not as uncommon as you might think. Asexuals often refer to themselves as ‘Aces’ for short, and have thriving communities online that offer friendship and support, while working to increase asexuality’s visability within the LGBT+ spectrum.

There’s no one way to be an Ace – Asexuality itself is an umbrella term with a broad variety of definitions within it. With so much fluidity, its easy to see why some may get confused or misinformed when it comes to the subject of asexuality. In this article, we’re going to smash two common myths associated with asexuality and talk about what it means to be an asexual individual.

Myth number 1: Asexual’s never have sex

Wrong! Although asexuals don’t experience any type of attraction, it doesn’t mean that they don’t experience intimacy. In fact, some asexuals are married with children of their own. Going on dates, having sex, falling in love and even orgasming are not opponents of asexuality. There are many reasons why an asexual might engage in these things, without any of them requiring sexual attraction to be present. It might be confusing to understand at first, but sexual attraction is not a necessity for pleasing a partner, being in a relationship or even experiencing physical arousal.

The spectrum of asexuality is as varied as that of heterosexuality or homosexuality, with some having intercourse, some masturbating and others that don’t. Some asexuals might use sex toys with their partner (who might not identify as asexual!), others feel the biggest sense of intimacy from sharing a nice cuddle and a slice of cake (cake is an enduring symbol in the asexual community because its ‘better than sex!’). As you can see, it’s a common but big misconception to say that every asexual has never experienced any form of sexual intimacy. ‘Some do, some don’t’ is a key term to remember when learning about asexuality.

Myth number 2: Asexual’s don’t have romantic relationships

Again, this is a massive misconception about asexuals. Many Ace people experience romantic attraction or an affectional orientation to others, and have fantastic relationships with their partners.

Like we mentioned before, because we normally associate romantic attraction with physical attraction, it can be a little difficult for some people to understand how someone can feel romantically attracted to someone without feeling the urge to jump into bed with them – but for many asexuals, this is the case.

Many asexuals also identify with other labels within the asexuality umbrella. These often help define how the individual responds to romantic relationships, and a sexual identity within the orientation of asexuality. Basically – a person can be asexual and still identify as straight (‘heteroromantic’) or gay (‘homoromantic’) or even ‘aromantic’ – this is a lack of romantic attraction towards anyone.

As well as this, people can also identify as ‘gray-A’ – meaning they see themselves as somewhere in the ‘gray area’ between being aromantic and non-aromantic, or between a-sexuality and sexual attraction.

There are a many more definitive terms within the asexuality umbrella. Essentially, a lot of the definition comes down to the individual themselves. It can be as simple or complex as one wants. Some find it important, others do not – all are valid and acceptable.

So, how would you know if you were asexual? As the asexual spectrum is so broad, knowing if this is your sexual orientation can be tricky. Plus – add into the mix that some periods of asexuality can be long-term or transient – this can make it even more difficult to work out!

Here are some of the more common feelings that asexual individuals have to help guide your thoughts:

  • Do you feel disinterest in sex most of the time?
  • Is your interest in sex more emotional than physical?
  • Do you ever feel left out of the conversation when friends are talking about sex and feel you have nothing to contribute?
  • If you’ve had sex, did you find the experience boring and not the amazing act it was made out to be?
  • Have you ever pretended to be attracted to someone because you thought it was the ‘normal’ thing to do?
  • Do you feel inadequate or abnormal because you don’t experience sexual desire while your friends do?

If you’ve answered yes to the questions above, then there’s a chance that you could be asexual and that’s perfectly normal and ok. Know that you’re not alone – try reaching out to an online community where you’ll quickly meet others like yourself. Enjoy that cake!

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What is edging and why should I try it?

Our customers are always looking for fun ways of increasing both the quota and the intensity of their orgasms (aren’t we all!) and a brilliant way of doing this is ‘edging’.

Edging has been around for ages and has, until now, been particularly popular with the kink community. The practice of withholding orgasms, as well as forcing play partners or submissives to have one orgasm after another is a lot of fun and can add several degrees of heat to your play.

We’ve noticed an increasing amount of customers mentioning edging recently and it seems more and more people are tapping into the intense pleasure that a little self-denial can bring.

So, if you want to find out more about what edging is and why we think you should try it, then read on!

What exactly is edging?

Edging is the practice of delaying an orgasm for as long as possible to increase the intensity once you do finally let go and give into that wave of pure ecstasy.

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It does take a little restraint and practice at first, but many enjoy the delayed satisfaction that the final release gives during play times.

It also helps build stamina and prolongs intimate encounters for much longer, so that all parties can enjoy the experience.

Here are a few beginner tips on edging to help you get started.

Stop and start

The basics behind edging are taking short breaks between masturbation or penetration when you feel the heat in your nethers beginning to inch towards boiling point.

To start off with, you might want to practice during masturbation so you get used to the sensations of an orgasm building, and then holding back. It’ll take a few goes to get your timing right, especially of your orgasm sneaks up on you like a tipsy relative at a family gathering.

The secret to successful edging play is learning when to stop an orgasm from erupting, but at just the right moment so it doesn’t ruin that orgasm altogether…

Tricky?

Yes, a little bit.

If you want to delay your orgasm but not just stop dead, keep stimulating other parts of your body that love attention, like nipples or labia lips. Keep the excitement bubbling, but at a slightly lower heat.

When you feel the building orgasm fade a little, start stimulation of your clit or dick again. Build it up, but before the orgasm takes over, stop again.

Carry on for as long you can stand it, stopping and starting. There’ll come a point when the orgasm won’t be held back any longer and this is when you let go!

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If you are playing with a partner and want to give edging them a go, ask them to tell you when their orgasm begins to build. Slow down stimulation, and give them a 60-second massage or tease them with some hot french kissing for a while. When you feel they are ready, start your stimulation again. And then stop. Before long, they’ll be begging to climax!

Breathing

If you feel things starting to build up, take some deep breaths with your eyes closed to keep your orgasm at bay for a little longer.

Breathe from the bottom of your stomach and hold your breath for a few seconds until you feel the sensation retreating – once you’ve felt the sensation subside, you’re free to jump straight back in! Try altering your stimulation a little, variety adds spice. If you normally rub, try tapping or vice versa. If you stroke, try pumping instead…

Work your pelvic floor muscles

Building some strong pelvic floor muscles can really help when it comes to edging, and they’re also great for more intense orgasms if you work hard enough too!

These simple exercises can be done anywhere and work by using your pubococcygeus muscles (the muscles you use to stop urination) to delay orgasm and give you an intense rush when the moment finally comes.

To get started, sit somewhere comfortable for a few minutes and practice contracting the muscles that you’d normally use to stop urination mid-flow.

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Once you can isolate the pc muscle, it’s time to get serious with your pelvic floor exercising.

Start off with a 2-second squeeze-and-release before working your way up to 5-second squeezes. Once you’ve mastered that, try doing quick flicks.

All of these exercises will help you gain better control of your pelvic floor, which will in turn help bring on – or stave off – intensive orgasms.

Clench your pc muscle in time with your masturbation until you feel ready to orgasm, at which point you stop the stroking, rubbing and squeezing until you feel in control again. And then start again…

Enjoy!

 

 

Erotic Blog POst

The pleasure points you might not know about

We all know about the power of the clitoris when it comes to sexual pleasure for female-bodied peeps and the fact that most penis-owners get all tingly when you fondle with their balls, but what about the pleasure points that some of us are still in the dark about?

The human body is full of nerve endings, so naturally there are a lot of spots that respond well to touch.

Want to learn more about some of the pleasure points that you might not know about? Read on.

The Ears

Ever experienced someone nibbling on your ear and thought, that actually felt really good? That’s because the ears are crammed full of nerve endings, making them super sensitive to touch.

If you’re keen to get your partner off with some ear action, try kissing, licking and nibbling. You could even whisper some hot words into their ear and tell them what you’re planning to do to them later, trust us, they’ll appreciate this one!

The Mouth and Lips

We all know how important kissing is during the early stages of a relationship. Locking lips with your partner can help you to develop feelings of mutual trust and it doesn’t hurt that the lips are also a really sensitive part of the body for all genders.

To enhance the experience for both of you, get inventive and try sucking, licking and gently biting. Varying the pressure and feeling is a great way to build excitement, making it a great form of foreplay guaranteed to get you both in the mood.

The Neck

Fan of both giving and receiving love bites? If the answer’s yes, you’ll be glad to learn that the neck is one of the sexiest erogenous zones for most people, and any type of touching here tends to elicit positive responses.

Kissing the neck during sex is a great way to heighten intimacy, especially for women.

ostrich-featherIf you fancy upping the ante and getting a bit more inventive, invest in one of these Ostrich Feathers, which can help to increase excitement and feeling. Try tickling and stroking your partner’s neck with the feather and slowly make your way down the length of their body. End at the feet, which are also known to be extremely sensitive when it comes to touch…