Hi this feels a little weird talking to someone else about my problem.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for a few months now and we both have a high sex drive. I seem to cum far to quick when we have sex and I feel uncomfortable because I want to give my girlfriend something back. Like I want her to enjoy it more.
What advice would you give to make the experience more pleasurable for her and not just me.
Thank you for your email, there’s no need to feel uncomfortable and it’s great that you are asking this question and thinking about how to enhance your girlfriends enjoyment of your sex life.
Many men worry that they are climaxing too soon but this is not necessarily a problem. There are many other ways to ensure your girlfriend fully enjoys sex.
Generally speaking men tend to come more quickly and easily from penetrative sex than women. A study looking at 500 couples from five different countries found the average time between a man putting his penis into his partner’s vagina and ejaculation was around five-and-a-half minutes, whereas most women will take around 20 minutes to come, and many women will not come at all without clitoral stimulation. 70-80% of women have difficulty orgasming from penetration alone.
The easiest thing to do it to concentrate on lots of foreplay before sex. Ideally get your girlfriend to climax from oral or by using a vibrator or clitoral toy to stimulate her clitoris before sex, this will mean you don’t have to worry so much about cumming too quickly and may well be an easier way for your girlfriend to orgasm if that is a problem. If you’re not sure what kind of toy to choose or what kind of stimulation your girlfriend ask her about what kind of sensations she enjoys or to prompt you with what feels good during sex.
It’s also important to incorporate lubrication into all kind of sexual play.
With regards to slowing down how quickly you ejaculate, you could try a stop and start technique where you intersperse sex with other fun kinds of stimulation for your girlfriend. You could also try
masturbating an hour or so before sex or using thicker condoms to help reduce sensation (never use two condoms, it will make them more likely to break). If you take a deep breath when you feel like you are about to come it can inhibit your ejaculatory function and hold things off for a bit.
However, penetration is not the be all and end all of sex and there are many other ways for your to give back to your girlfriend.
As you’re looking for tips on how to enhance sex for your girlfriend it would be great if you could talk to your girlfriend about what she does and doesn’t enjoy, does she masturbate with toys? What does
she do to get herself off? This is a great starting point for working out what you can do to enhance her pleasure.
If you have any questions please send them to firstname.lastname@example.org, if you’d like advice from our sex and relationship expert Sarah Berry please include the subject line ‘Ask Sarah’.
Team Sh! xxx
All names are changed for the purposes of anonymity.