If you cannot orgasm or never had an orgasm you're not alone! Some advice for getting there...
Many, MANY women come into Sh! and tell us "I can't cum", "I've never had an orgasm", "I can't orgasm with my lover", and "I find it really difficult to climax" and if this is you, the first thing to understand is that this is actually really common for women to have problems orgasming and that you are not alone!
Although the Sh! Girlz believe that not every sexual experience needs to involve wall-to-wall orgasms to make it great, if you NEVER have an orgasm or find it frustratingly hard to cum, this is not great either! Being unable to orgasm is not something to just lie back and accept!
Orgasms are the cherries on the icing and they're worth learning how to do! But if we've learnt one thing throughout the years of chatting
to our customers, it’s that women have incredibly complex & individual sexual responses.
The upside of this, is that women have longer more intense orgasms than guys. A bit like going to Bali via Blackpool - it takes longer to get there but boy is it worth it!
Contrary to the myth that a quick cherry-flick will turn a innocent virgin into a hot siren, most women do have to learn to "let go" to achieve orgasm ... and some of us can take years to pass our degree!
What most of us need to orgasm is:
Guilt-free, non-stop, clitoral stimulation A well-charged Vibrator can certainly help deliver this. A vibrator is especially good if you find you are unable to "tip over the edge".
Whether with fingers or vibe, explore around the clitoris in circular motions rather than solely concentrating on the tip which can go from feeling good to over-sensitive in a millisecond.
Time It can take many of us a LONG TIME to orgasm which can be tiring and, if our head's get involved, can really put the brakes on any impending orgasm. Being unable to orgasm is like being unable to sleep; you know you have to relax and give into to it but that's easier said than done. Its worth setting aside some real "me-time", forget any goals and just enjoy the sensations.
Forget the Hype Over
70% of women say they're unlikely to climax through penetration alone. And yet the media sell us this contradicting version; a beach, rolling waves and some dreamboat pumping away somehow guarantees orgasms.
The overwhelming emphasis on vaginal penetration, as the only kind of sex which does help a non-orgasmic woman to become orgasmic, just adds to her sense of inadequacy and failure. Remember the figures - only 30% of women can orgasm this way. If you are part of the 70% you are in the majority!
Fantasize An empty mind can be an open door to the "I'm not going to cum" gremlins. Arousal is as much to do with the thoughts in our heads as the passion in our pants. Pushing all the 'right' buttons may do zilch if you feeling anxious for any reason - Do I look fat? Is that the kids back from school?! Oh! No! My fanny's making farting noises!.
Fill you head with hot thoughts and images and anxiety should take a back seat. If you need a fantasy kick-start, read a book of other womens' fantasies like My Secret Garden
Breath Rapid shallow breathing or even holding your breath as you reach orgasm is really common. The only thing is that it can stop the orgasm arriving.
If you feel like you got frustratingly close, take a few deep breaths and carry on. If you feel too sensitive, go back to your fantasies and start from there again.
Practice Expecting to have earth-shattering orgasms with a lover, without spending time taking matters into our own hands & exploring what feels good with our own bodies, is just not reasonable. Guys get a LOT of this kind of self-practice and women should, and need to, too.
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